I’ve been fighting for the wrong battles. Chasing the wrong thing. Looking for family in all the wrong places.
My family is here. My brother and sister—they’re the ones who hug me and tell me they love me. Both of them put their arms around me, holding me close until my sobs quiet down. Even Sawyer’s eyes are misty when he pulls away, and he shakes his head.
“I told you you were being naive,” he says, a sad smile stretching his lips.
“I didn’t want to listen.” I sniffle, wiping my nose on my sleeve. “Now Benji hates me.”
Sawyer lets out a sigh, squeezing my shoulder.
He doesn’t say anything to comfort me. Sawyer knows Benji, and he knows it’s most likely over between us. I broke his trust by leaving. There’s no coming back from that.
Straightening myself up, I look at my siblings. “I’m going to resign from the board, and I’ll insist that Mom and Dad take the house back. It’s only been a couple of days, I’m sure I can work something out.”
Lucy give me a soft smile, nodding. “Cut them out of your life, just like they cut us out of theirs. You don’t need them anymore.”
The thought stings. Even though I tried my best, I still don’t want to give up on the idea of family. But when I think about losing Benji, and I look at my brother and sister, I know I need my siblings so much more than I need my parents.
Sawyer’s right. I have to choose my family—and I choose Sawyer and Lucy. The people who love me for me. The ones who forgive and accept. The ones who are here beside me, not in some luxurious mansion in Italy.
How long will I chase my parents’ approval? How long will I try to mend my broken family, when neither side wants to come together?
It’s too much to carry on my own shoulders. Too heavy. Too impossible.
For once, I need to make a decision for me. Truly for me. For what will make me happier in the long run. I have to choose to support the people who truly care about me and cut out those who drag me down.
Letting go of my Brady-Bunch dreams isn’t easy, but it has to be done. I’ve already lost enough. I don’t want to lose any more.
So, straightening my shoulders, I give my siblings a nod. “I’ll draft a letter of resignation. I might have to go back down to Houston to speak to the board in person and tie up some details with the house. But I’m coming back. Permanently.”
“And you’ll be free.” Sawyer smiles, his eyes shining. “Take it from someone who knows, breaking that chain around your neck is the best feeling in the world.”
I take a deep breath, wanting to believe his words. It hurts to let go of my dreams of a happy family, but it feels good to think about being free. To think about coming back to Woodvale and starting my life.
Really starting it—for me.
31
Benji
The past two weeks have been torture.
How is it possible for one woman to be so beautiful? So tender? So wrong?
She looks at me with those eyes, and I see a future in them—but then I remember what she did. What she chose. What she’ll choose again, given the chance.
Money.
Always money.
You can call it stability. You can call it providing for her family, but the truth of the matter is, she’s so worried about the balance in her bank account, that she was willing to walk right over me to boost it up.
As much as my body groans for her, I know it’ll only end in heartache.
I’m not that much of a masochist. I won’t willingly pulverize my own heart to be with her, when I know she’ll just do it again.
Didn’t she accept her parents’ house? Didn’t she take the spot on the board of directors?
She’s not living in Woodvale. Not really. Rae has a backup plan and a safety net deployed, ready to catch her if things here don’t work out.
She’s not the same as Sawyer, who gave everything up to live on his own. She’s not the same as Lucy, who’s doing her best to better herself.
Rae won’t cut the apron strings, and I know they’ll always take precedence over me.
But two weeks after Sarah’s party, on the following Monday, I head into the garage for work, and I glance at the office.
The lights are off.
I work all morning, trying my best to ignore the sinking feeling in my stomach that tells me she’s gone.
Isn’t this what I knew would happen? I knew she’d run back down to Houston to do Mommy and Daddy’s bidding. She could sell a thousand Aston Martins and it wouldn’t mean a thing, because she’s still taking a paycheck from them. She wasn’t sacrificing anything before. It was all an act.
Thoughts swirl in my head, growing more and more bitter. My heart hardens, and I try to forget how it felt to have her in my arms.
After lunch, Sawyer arrives at work.
“Where have you been?” I ask. “Bit late, no?”
“Had to drop Rae off at the airport,” he explains. His face is open. Relaxed. Free from anger.
My throat tightens, and I nod. “Oh. Going back to Houston?”
“Yeah,” Sawyer says, staring at me.
I nod.
We stand ten feet apart, with gray, oil-stained concrete between us. I wipe my hands on a rag as Sawyer studies my face, and he finally lets out a sigh.
“She’s not a bad person, Benji.”
“What do you mean?”
“She’s been cut up about missing Sarah’s party. I’ve never seen her like this.”
“You hadn’t seen her at all in three and a half years.” My tone is razor-sharp, and Sawyer flinches. I drop my shoulders. “Sorry.”
Sawyer nods, walking to the car behind me. “What are we working on?”
I know he’s changing the subject, but I’m not ready to move on.
“How can you forgive her that easily? She’s doing exactly what you thought she did three years ago.” I cross my arms. “She’s the person you thought she was, Sawyer. Whether or not she supported Lucy in the meantime.”
My best friend frowns, finally shaking his head. “You’re wrong, Benji. Let’s work on this car.”
My gut twists. Dread creeps into my heart, and I wonder if this is the end of my friendship with Sawyer. How does he not see who Rae really is? How can he think I’m the one who’s wrong? Rae showed her true colors by taking the spot on the board.
She showed all of us what she prioritizes.
All I can do is clamp my mouth shut and get to work, though, because Sawyer’s face is closed. He shuts me out, and I feel like I’m losing him, too.
After work, I head to Sarah’s house. There’s no reason for me to go there, but I can’t stop myself. I park outside my sister’s house and let my eyes drift over to the home next door.
Is she really gone?
I spent two weeks wishing she’d leave. Hating her presence. Wanting her to remove herself from my life and never come back.
But now?
I feel her absence like a hole in my chest. Trudging up to my sister’s door, I ring the doorbell and wait for it to open. My nephew, Bradley, opens the door and gives me an ear-splitting smile.
“Uncle Benji!”
“Hi, Bradley,” I say, ruffling his hair. Stepping inside, I see my sister and my father sharing a bottle of wine in the front room. My eyebrows jump up.
Has everyone let their loyalty to me dissolve? I know Sarah wants a relationship with our father, but is he really going to become a fixture at the house?
Sarah offers me a glass, but I shake my head. My eyes bounce from her to my father, and I finally clear my throat.
“Did you hear Rae went back to Houston?” I scoff. “Didn’t I say she’d slink back there?”
Sarah tilts her head, frowning. “She went back to resign from the board,” my sister says. “Lucy told me. I’m pretty sure she’s transferring the house back to her parents’ name, if they’ll accept it. Lucy said it might be a few weeks to sort it all out, but after that, she’ll be back in Woodvale for good.�
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I stare at my sister, not understanding. “She’s getting rid of the house?”
“Mm-hmm,” Sarah says, pouring me a glass of wine, even though I refused. “Apparently, she’s going to try to get her parents to take it back, but there’s something about owning property while they’re living abroad. Some sort of complication. She has to talk to the lawyer.”
I accept it, frowning. “So, she didn’t leave for a board meeting, or something? She didn’t go down there for work?”
Sarah shakes her head, staring at me. “She’s moving here, Benji. Permanently. So, if I may make a suggestion”—she arches an eyebrow—“perhaps you should wipe that scowl off your face and make nice with her. She’s going to be my next door neighbor for the foreseeable future, and I don’t exactly feel like dealing with a family feud.”
I stare at the wine glass in my hand. “I have to go,” I grunt, putting the glass down and turning around.
I’m halfway to my car when my father’s voice stops me.
“Benji!” he calls out.
I turn around as my heart thumps erratically. My father jogs across the front yard toward me, coming to a stop with a deep breath.
“That girl,” he says.
“What about her?”
“You care about her.”
I pinch my lips together. “I don’t know how I feel.”
“Son,” he says, and I stiffen. I’m still not used to thinking of him as my father. But the older man’s eyes soften, and I see some of myself in him. He takes a deep breath, raking his fingers through his hair.
“I loved your mother, and I loved you, but I couldn’t handle the chaos. Our relationship fell apart, and I walked away. I’ll never forgive myself for that.”
I don’t answer.
My father sighs, shaking his head. “It wasn’t until I met Gail that I realized how much I’d been pushing people away.” He arches his brows, taking a step toward me. “If you care about her, don’t let your pride get in the way.”
I should be mad at his audacity. I should be angry that he feels he has the right to come into my life and tell me how to live it. He left, didn’t he?
But his eyes are earnest. His face is soft. He’s not the evil, heartless, money-hungry man I thought he was. He cares about Sarah and the kids. As he stares at me, I realize he cares about me, too.
“I know what you’re going through, Benji, and I know there’s not much I can say to change your mind. You’re as stubborn as I was at your age—but I missed out on decades with you and Sarah. I missed out on everything that happened when you grew up. I regret it every day.” He sucks in a breath, and I think he might cry.
My heart stutters.
I feel like I’m looking at the world through a kaleidoscope. Nothing makes sense. It’s all upside down, twisting around me in a million different colors.
My father cares about me. My sister is grown. Sawyer thinks I’m wrong to push Rae away. Rae is leaving her old life to come up here forever.
And me?
I’m stewing in my own sense of superiority. I’m clinging onto my anger like a life raft, letting it take me out onto a stormy sea.
My father stands before me, and all of a sudden, I’m sick of fighting. I’m sick of being angry. I’m sick of pushing people away, when I know it’s only hurting me more.
Dropping my head to my chest, I try to contain a sob that threatens to erupt out of me.
I’ve been patching my walls with crumbling, old mortar, and it’s all starting to fall apart. It takes so much fucking energy to stay mad at everyone.
Am I supposed to be mad at Sarah for talking to our dad? Am I supposed to be mad at Sawyer for thinking his sister is a good person?
My father’s arms wrap around me, and I collapse in his arms. I’m done fighting. He pulls me close, hugging me to his chest as my whole identity starts to shatter.
My father pulls back, keeping his hands on my upper arms. “Go to her, Benji,” he whispers. “Tell her how you feel. Trust me. It’s worth fighting for.”
That’s three people who have told me that. Harold, Sarah, and now my father. Even Sawyer told me I was wrong about Rae.
How many people do I have to ignore for the sake of my pride? Will I really throw out the only relationship I’ve really cared about to save my own ego?
It’s not about the party. It’s not about money. It’s not about anything except my own fear of being left behind. Everyone I’ve loved has left me at some point, and I don’t want it to happen with Rae.
But she’s not leaving. She’s cutting her ties to her old life to come back here, even though she thinks I’ll never forgive her. My heart compresses and I inhale, squeezing my eyes shut.
“Go to her,” my father repeats. “Please, Benji. Learn from my mistakes.”
I lift my gaze to meet his eyes, and for the first time since I was a child, I see my father as a person. A real person, and not an evil incarnation. He has flaws. Strengths. Likes and dislikes.
Just like Sarah. And me. And Rae.
“I have to go,” I say, reaching out to squeeze my father’s shoulder. I dip my chin in a slight nod, and my father’s shoulders relax.
In that moment, on my sister’s front lawn, my whole life changes.
I choose forgiveness. I choose to let go.
I take all my anger toward my father, and I let it float away like a helium-filled balloon. I open my heart up to the possibility of love.
Then, I get in my car and speed toward my house, knowing I’ll be getting on the next flight to Houston.
32
Rae
My parents don’t take my resignation very well. They refuse it first, and I have to sit down with the lawyer for four full hours to sort through the paperwork. Still, at the end of it all, they won’t take the house back. Something about paying tax and owning property while living overseas. I don’t understand it completely.
So, they don’t take the house back, but they do let me quit the board. After long hours negotiating with the lawyer, I finally give in. Anything to get me out of here.
As I sit in his office, surrounded by leather-bound tomes and diplomas hanging on every available wall, I feel very small.
This is all that’s left of my relationship with my parents. A hostile lawyer’s office and a mound of paperwork.
The ache inside me feels a lot like grief. Loss. A final goodbye.
And my parents aren’t even here.
But as I sign the final paper and leave the office—with not so much as a phone call from my parents, mind you—I feel lighter.
Sawyer was right when he said I was naive. He was right to tell me to cut this part of my life away. He was right to tell me to come back to Woodvale and start fresh. I get to choose who my family is and surround myself with people who care. I get to pursue my dreams and start my own business. I don’t have to stay tied down to this place, or to people who will never truly care about me.
There’s still a bigger loss in my life, though. The thought of going back there without being with Benji makes my heart ache. Will it change anything, that I’ve quit the board? Will he ever see past the wealth I came from?
I’m not sure.
I wasn’t even able to transfer the house back to my parents. He’ll probably take one look at that and dismiss me with the wave of a hand.
But it’s worth a try, isn’t it?
It’s strange to come to the end of this whole endeavor. I’ve tried so hard to bring my family back together. Failed and succeeded. Even though I know I’m better off with Sawyer and Lucy, it still feels wrong to give up on my parents.
Naive? Maybe. But true.
Family is what propelled me forward for the past three and a half years. Family has always been at the forefront of my mind.
The only time I wasn’t thinking about it was when I was with Benji. Then, I dared to think about myself—and where did that get me?
Right smack in the middle of Heartbreak City.
I
take a taxi back to the mansion that my parents won’t take back, heading through the wrought-iron gates and around the fountain in the front. I pay the taxi driver and take a deep breath, looking up at the massive building that housed all my childhood memories.
Hot, humid air sits heavy all around me, and I realize this place was never home.
Home was where Lucy and Sawyer were. Home was in Lucy’s tiny, grimy apartment with Roman bouncing on her knee.
Home was Woodvale, once Sawyer forgave me. Home was Benji’s arms.
This place? It’s empty.
As my taxi drives through the open gates, I hear another car pull up outside. A second cab moves slowly up the long drive and my heart starts to thump.
I see a man in the back seat, but I’m not sure it’s really him. I won’t let myself believe it. Hope hurts too much when it’s dashed at your feet. My mind is playing tricks on me.
Benji hates me. He wouldn’t be here. He doesn’t want to have anything to do with me.
Every second that goes by makes my heart beat harder and my mouth turn dry. I stand at the foot of the grand entrance of my childhood home, staring as the car approaches.
It’s not until the driver stops and Benji slides out of the back seat that I really let myself see it’s him. My eyes widen, and words are stolen from my lips.
He’s here.
Here, here, here.
Benji stands up, his broad, strong body calling out to me across the distance. The driver rolls down his window, calling out to Benji. Benji’s head snaps to the man, and he pulls out a couple of bills to pay for the ride. The cab drives away, and I can finally speak.
“Your bags?”
“Don’t have any,” he replies, and his voice feels like warm honey. It coats me in all the sweetness I’ve been missing, and I feel like I can take a full breath for the first time.
He takes a step toward me, and all I want to do is run into his arms. He’s here—that means he forgives me, right? He wants to be with me?
But something holds me back. The house behind me dwarfs us, looming overhead like a bad omen. It represents everything I’ve been trying to get away from. Everything Benji despises. Everything that has been bad in my life.
Won't Miss You: A Brother's Best Friend Romance (We Shouldn't Book 4) Page 20