I looked at him like he'd lost his mind. "Of course…I mean, I hope we are."
Derek nodded. "Agreed. Is this, or is this not, our first Christmas together?"
I wanted to slap him in the head. "Yes, Derek, dammit," I agreed, exasperation evident in my tone.
"Then, logically, wouldn't it be obvious to anyone who was observing from the outside, I'd prefer to spend our first Christmas as a couple with the man who I regard as my partner? I mean, I've spent thirty Christmases with my family so I believe I'm entitled to have one with the man I love. I think we can have a very good time together over the holidays, just you and me.
“I can see a romantic dinner with champagne on Christmas Eve, and then we can go to a nice hotel for brunch on Christmas Day. We could even go to church if you'd like. I always like the Christmas services."
I could tell he was baiting me, but my stupid mouth upended my ass. "Dammit, Derek! Your mother would have a shit fit if you didn't show for Christmas, and you know it," I snapped.
He pulled the lights out of the cardboard confinement and turned to me with a smile. "I'm well aware of the temper of Addy Valentine. That's why I said if you're not going, you can call and give her both of our regrets. I'm not going without you. It's up to you," he replied in a sing-song voice, the ass. I should have known I was done before I ever started.
Addy cocked an eyebrow at me, so I decided not to take her on. I'd just do to her what Derek had done to me. "That's fine, Miss Addy. I'll sleep on the couch or even go to a motel if that’s what you’d prefer, and we can all pretend I'm just a buddy of Derek’s from Houston who had nowhere else to go for the holidays. You let Derek know that's how you want to handle it."
I got up and went to the bathroom to keep her from responding further. I damn well wasn't getting between her and Derek. If she wanted to pretend there was a nice girl in her son’s future for marriage and whatever else, it was up to her to sell it to her the man. I wasn’t going to get in the middle of it for all the spiced cider in Maine.
##
I saw Derek turn into the driveway, returning from his trip to the airport to pick up Cara, so I hurried downstairs and out the front door to greet her. I was happy to see her because I felt like I had an ally when she was around…two if Marisol was there. Cara, however, looked horrible. Her face was drawn; her clothes weren't her usual designer duds; and she appeared to have been crying. Derek didn't look too much better.
I wasn't surprised she’d come alone because as we’d last heard, she and the gigantic asshole who impregnated her weren't even speaking. She'd requested a transfer to another area of the firm, and because they valued her as an employee, they agreed to a transfer without question. That was the good news.
The bad news appeared to be the end of her relationship with that dickhead, Grant Keyes, had taken its toll on her emotionally and physically, based on her appearance. In my opinion, he wasn’t worth a tinker’s damn, but I wasn’t the one who cared about him and I wasn’t carrying his baby, so I wasn’t exactly fit to judge the situation.
I walked down the porch stairs and enveloped her in my arms. When she began sobbing, I looked up at Derek for answers. "Grant and his wife have reconciled for the sake of their children. He's taken a leave of absence from the firm, and he's denied the relationship he had with Cara as her imagination getting the better of her and her desire to trump up a father for her unborn child. He told it to the partnership at the firm," Derek explained as I turned Cara to guide her into the house. I was sure she was more humiliated than anything.
Before we got to the stairs, I stopped her and looked at Derek. "You need to go talk to your mother because she doesn't want us to let the family know we're a couple. I can only imagine how this news will go over," I judged. He looked pissed, immediately. I hadn’t meant to stir the pot…really…but Cara's situation was a lot more disconcerting than anything going on with Derek and me.
After he left us to deal with his mother, I turned to Cara and kissed her forehead. "How's the baby?" I guided her into the house and up the stairs to her room, not seeing or hearing any sign of Derek or Addy.
She sat down on the bed and looked up at me with a guilty look. "I'm going to terminate the pregnancy after Christmas. I have so many plans for my future, and having a baby alone just doesn't fit. I've given it thought, Gray, and I wouldn't be doing a child any favors if I was to carry it to term.
“I'm close to finishing school and beginning a career I've dreamed of for years. I'm not ready for the responsibilities associated with raising a child on my own, so I think the kindest thing to do would be to terminate the pregnancy. If I had the baby, I couldn’t ever give it away, so that’s the only option…abortion," she explained quietly.
I looked at her and could tell she was still uncertain, so I plowed forward with my half-assed idea. "Cara, I get how you’re feeling, but it doesn’t have to be that way. I’ll make you a proposition. If you'll carry the baby to term, I'm sure Derek would agree for the two of us to take it and raise it until you get established, and then you can decide what you really want out of life," I offered, trying to maintain my cool.
The thoughts of her terminating the pregnancy had me worried. It wasn’t because I didn’t believe in a woman’s right to choose, and God knew, I had no business weighing in on what Cara chose to do with her own body, but I wanted her to know there were options. Derek and I were an option.
She smiled and stroked my cheek with sisterly love, I was sure. "You're such a sweet, compassionate person, Gray. It’s one of your most endearing traits. It’s no wonder my brother believes he fell in love with you at first sight. You’re just the type of person who would spark love at first sight in a man of Derek’s age.
“You're also nineteen with a big life ahead of you. I'm sure you believe you and Derek will be together forever, but honey, you don't know what next year might bring. You might meet someone closer to your own age or Derek might decide he needs someone closer to his. Right now, this is great, but Derek is your first boyfriend, Gray. Adding a baby into that mix? That would be relationship suicide."
Maybe she was right, but I couldn't see it…didn't want to see it. In my heart, I believed Derek and I were meant to be together forever, but I was young and naïve, so maybe he'd want someone more experienced. I was pretty sure I was set to love him for the rest of my life.
With regard to Derek's choices in the future? Maybe she was right and I wasn’t his choice of a partner for life. Maybe his future was meant to be spent with someone else? It would break my heart if that was true, but I’d let him go and wish him well…on knees from which I’d never rise.
Fourteen
Derek
"Can you believe that motherfucker went back to his wife after he told me I’d seduced him into cheating on her? I have it on good authority, after the fact, of course, he's fucked at least three paralegals and a few interns over the years. This is just the first time he’s been caught," Cara explained heatedly as I drove us to Mom and Dad's.
I took a deep breath and asked, "Again, why did you not use protection?" I really didn't want the answer, but the question seemed logical.
She snarled. "The fucker said he had a vasectomy and he'd been tested. Do you and Gray use condoms?"
"Nooo…not your business. We don't have a pregnancy risk," I responded.
"AHA! So, you think the two of you are serious enough you've been tested and taken the relationship to the next level?" Cara asked, an odd tone in her voice.
I sighed before I chuckled at her. "God, you're a nosy brat. Yes, we have taken the tests and are condom free, just as I’d expect any serious couple would do. Don’t be like Mom. Gray’s very important to me, Cara."
"Does that mean you believe you’re going to be together for the rest of your life? Do you think the two of you will get married?" she asked.
I glanced at her, trying to figure out her angle before I responded. She was studying to be a lawyer, after all. The age difference between Gray
and myself still hung in the back of my mind, and while I knew for sure he was the only man I’d ever consider marrying, I couldn’t speak for how Gray might feel on the matter.
We’d barely addressed our future, and I wouldn’t push him because my fucking sister wanted to know our plans. "Look, Cara, straight people marry and don’t last forever, so I think for you to hold us to a higher standard is premature. I realize gay marriage is legal in Texas as well as the rest of the country, but I don’t see couples outside of Austin runnin’ to the courthouse.
“We know if the Texas legislature can figure out how to ban same-sex marriage, they’ll do it in a goddamn heartbeat. Gray and me? We’re damn serious, but I can’t say marriage is in the immediate future,” I answered, trying not to show my worry regarding whether Gray and I were the kind of couple who could make it for the long haul.
Cara tsked me, which was a new thing. "So, you're with Mr. Right-Now, holding out for someone else for the long haul then? Gray's your young piece of ass, for now, is he? Hey, maybe he'll find some young stud to scratch the itch himself. He's too young to get serious with you, Derek."
I damn near slammed on the brakes in order to chew her out about how wrong she was, but I held my temper as best I could. "Cara Lee, I'm not going to dignify that with a response," I snapped as we pulled into the driveway and up to the house.
Gray walked outside, and I took him in, not for the first time. I did love the guy with everything inside me, but maybe she was right? Maybe I was just his starter relationship? I was the practice relationship, which is likely why he didn't want to go to my parents' house for Christmas in the first place. Thinking about him leaving me for someone else? It made my heart ache and my stomach flip.
After he laid the news on me about my mother insisting we pretend we weren’t a couple, he took Cara inside as I pondered he was likely mistaken, having misunderstood something my mother had said.
I carried Cara's bag into the house, placing it on the steps to carry upstairs later. I walked into the kitchen to see Adsila Snow Valentine busily chopping pecans. "Hey, Momma. What’re those for?" I asked. As far as I remembered, none of us liked pecans on anything.
"Your Uncle Blue and Aunt Sara are coming for the first time in years. He loves pecan pie, so I'm making him one. Where's Gray?" she asked.
"Upstairs with Cara," I answered as I went to the fridge to get a beer.
"Good. There are two things we're not going to discuss on Christmas when all the family’s around: Your sexual preference and Cara's pregnancy. Gray's a good friend…maybe of Cara's…and if she gets sick, she's just hungover," Mom suggested.
Oh my fucking God! Not this shit again. I can't take this any longer. Why can't this woman get it through her fucking thick skull? I love men. I fuck men, and since I’ve met Gray, I get fucked by men. Women are friends or family, and they’re definitely a pain in the ass…and not the good way.
I took a deep breath and proceeded to take her to task for the last time. "Okay, if that's the way you want to play it, Mom. I'm not sure how you'll explain the blow job I plan to give Gray on Christmas Eve in front of the tree, but whatever you want," I stated, not hiding the anger in my tone.
Mom slapped my shoulder, likely aiming for my head, but she couldn't reach it. "How dare you…" she began.
I turned to her, ready to state it once and for all. "No, Momma, how dare you. Gray is the man I love, and for you to attempt to force me to deny him or my sexuality by saying it's a preference? I won't do it. I've looked too long and too hard for a man like him, and if you think I'm going to allow people we only see once every few years to demean the relationship I have with Gray? Then you don't know me very well, Adsila."
I walked upstairs and heard Gray’s voice in Cara's room. The door was closed, but it wasn't the best door in the world and I could hear them clearly through it. I stopped outside before I knocked.
“You're also nineteen with a big life ahead of you. I'm sure you believe you and Derek will be together forever, but honey, you don't know what next year might bring. You might meet someone closer to your own age or Derek might decide he needs someone closer to his. Right now, this is great, but Derek is your first boyfriend, Gray. Adding a baby into that mix? That would be relationship suicide." I froze in place, waiting for his response.
Why was everyone in my family trying to fuck up my shit? What about Gray and me was such a problem they all felt compelled to voice a fucking opinion? Hell, my parents were the same years apart as Gray and me. Why couldn't they all just love us and wish us the best?
I heard Gray clear his throat. "Look, Cara, I realize you're in a bad place right now with all of the shit I’m sure you’re suffering through with your indecision about your pregnancy and the shit Grant is trying to pull. If you want to terminate your pregnancy, then I won't try to talk you out of it, but I'd really rather not have you offering scenarios where your brother would leave me or I'd leave him.
"You're right. I don't know what's gonna happen next year, but I also know I'm committed to Derek. I love him, and I'm not the type of person to go out looking for someone else. I have everything in your brother I ever thought I'd want or need, so I have no reason to question it, and I wish you wouldn’t either.
"I get you're a little disillusioned right now, but don't push that on me and Derek. We love each other," Gray told her.
I heard Cara blow her nose. "God, you're so sweet. He's going to rip your heart out, and you're not strong enough to…"
I opened the door without knocking. "Stop right there," I demanded of her.
I walked over to Gray and took his hand. "I think we should go home for Christmas. I happen to know Craig isn't doing anything for the holidays, and Beth and Tim haven't left for L.A. yet, right? What do you say? You up for a private first Christmas together with people who love us and are supportive?"
Gray looked up with tears in his eyes. "If that's what you really want to do, then I'm fine with it. I left your gifts at home anyway so we could exchange in private," he teased with a teary-eyed wink. I pulled him into my arms and kissed him tenderly.
When we broke the kiss, I looked to see Cara crying. Her crocodile tears weren’t going to get her off the hook with me. "Look, I'm sorry you got yourself in a mess, but if you ever try to put doubts in Gray's mind based on the fucked-up shit you've done to yourself by dating a married man and getting pregnant, I'll never speak to you again, Cara Lee. Just because you've made your life shit right now, it doesn't mean you have the right to…" I began.
Gray turned my face to his and gave me an imploring look, worried eyebrows and all. "Stop, honey. She's considering getting an abortion. She’s undecided about what to do right now, Derek. Myself, I think she'll regret it, but it’s not our call to make. You should take a really big, deep breath before you start disowning people, Derek. This is your family."
Tears began to pour down his face as he continued. "I love you so much, but I'll remind you the only person I ever felt love from before you was my brother…my dead brother. All I have is you and your family. I know they're not perfect, but Derek, nobody is. Can't we stay?" he asked with compassion written all over his beautiful face. As I was about to respond, my cell chimed. I pulled it from my pocket to see it was a text from Quinn.
I think I saw your car earlier. Mari's in labor, and we're at Providence. If you've got time to come by, I'd appreciate it. Things aren't going well. Q
I looked at my Gray and grinned. "Marisol's in labor. Let's go to the hospital," I suggested.
He smiled and left the room, leaving me with my sister who I stared at, not sure about her current state of mind. "Whatever fucked up your life? Get over it. It's not my problem, nor is it my place to fix it. I love you, Cara, but don't try to fuck with my life because yours is turning out to be a disappointment." Without waiting for an answer, I left her room and went to find Gray in my old bedroom, changing into a sweatshirt.
"Cold?" I asked.
"Not yet, but hospitals a
re usually very hot or very cold. I'm dressing in layers so I’ve covered my bases,” he replied, winking at me. God, he’s so cute. Please let me keep him.
I cleared my throat, trying to push down the emotions I was experiencing at the thought he might leave me some day. "Ready?" I asked.
"Not yet," he quickly stated. He went to my sister's room and spoke to her for a minute. When they came out, she was dressed in one of my old sweatshirts and wiping her face with a tissue.
Gray led her downstairs, calling me to follow. When we hit the main floor, Mom walked into the living room. "Where are you going?"
"Mari's in labor. We're going to the hospital to be with them," I stated bluntly.
Without waiting for an answer, we left and hopped into the car, Cara in front with me. I wasn't sure why he was bringing her along, but he was a lot smarter than me so I just drove. I prayed there would be a great outcome because of everyone I knew, Quinn and Marisol were two people who deserved happiness and healthy children.
Fifteen
Derek
I stood at the nursery window waiting for Quinn to finish giving the tiny, little girls their first baths. They seemed so fragile and helpless, I was in awe. If one didn’t believe in a higher power, all they had to do was look at a newborn baby. If they didn’t see it in those tiny features, then they obviously had no soul.
Marisol’s labor had been very short and apparently, quite painful because there wasn't time for an epidural. It only lasted three hours, and the girls were born eight minutes apart. The oldest was to be named Christina and the younger to be named Anita. If they looked anything like their mother, they'd be beautiful.
I heard noise and turned to see Cara behind me as Gray stepped beside me, taking my hand and offering a squeeze of support. "Does it always happen that fast?" Cara asked as she moved between us, pushing Gray to the left and taking both of our hands.
The rest of the family moved closer to where we stood, and Miriam laughed. "God, no. With QJ, she was in labor for thirty hours. Heavens, I was in labor with Quinn for fifteen."
A Valentine's Quest (The Valentine's Trilogy) Page 11