“Can’t Mastiff get someone else?” I heard the worried note in his voice, but Roland could see my face.
“He told me to get you on it right away.” He pulled Beau’s arm as two tears landed on my cheeks.
“I’ll be right back,” Beau said to me. “I’ve got news.”
One last gentle touch on my shoulder and he was gone. I tried to find control as misery shredded my chest. Teeny had followed me and now handed me a cloth.
“Did Guy hurt you?” she whispered. I glanced at her blue eyes and saw fear in them. I turned the soft white handkerchief around and saw a tiny blue E. I nodded and handed it back to her.
“What are you going to do?” she asked.
I shrugged and then tried another smile. “What I always said I’d do.”
Then I turned and started back toward my dressing room. I didn’t need to practice. I’d done enough, and I knew all the numbers by heart anyway.
Gavin’s voice in the wings made me stop. He was just inside the dark curtains, speaking to someone in a low voice. I stepped to the side and listened.
“She’s up and moving around again,” he said. “Missing a few nights here or there won’t make a difference.”
“We need an understudy,” Fiona said. “If he starts this again, she could leave at any moment.”
“Stop worrying and let me handle it.”
“It’s going to be just like Molly,” Fiona said. “Run off and disappear. Leave us high and dry.”
She stopped speaking abruptly, and I hastened back to the stage as Gavin emerged from the wings. Roland was walking back toward me, and for a moment I panicked. They both stopped in front of me at the piano.
Gavin cleared his throat and looked down. “Better today?” His tone was gentle but I was unable to fight my response. Pure rage.
Roland read my face and jumped in. “We’re just about to go over a few songs. Did you need us?”
Gavin shook his head. “Just passing by. Wanted to check on Hale.”
I looked away as he tried to catch my eye. I couldn’t forgive him that he would let this happen to anyone. That he would harbor such a monster.
“Well, on with the show,” he said and turned to leave. Roland stood and came around to me.
“I know how you’re feeling. Like you want to lash out at everyone. But you can work through it.”
I looked up at him.
“Remember tonight and Freddie and leaving this place.”
I knew he was right, but there was one thing I couldn’t let myself think about. Not yet.
Chapter 20
There was just enough time before the night’s performance to slip back to Rosa’s room. The brief conversation I’d heard between Fiona and Gavin was on my mind, and I had to know what it meant. I found her sitting at her table staring at the bowl of sugar cubes.
“Taking your drink early?” I asked as I slipped through the door. She looked up at me, and for a moment I thought I saw regret.
“Perhaps,” she said, picking up the silver spoon and turning it in her hand. “I don’t have the stomach for this place anymore.”
Her words were meaningless to me. I knew she had nowhere to go and wouldn’t leave even if she did. Roland told me long ago that she stayed for Gavin.
“Would you tell me something?” I asked.
She looked up at me and frowned. “What?”
“I heard Fiona saying something to Gavin about Molly.”
The faintest flicker danced across her eyes before she glanced away again. “I don’t know any Molly.”
She stood and grabbed the green bottle. I watched as she poured an inch of the liquid into the small glass. Then she walked to the shelves where her spoons were arranged.
“You have to,” I said. “Fiona came here after you did. I remember you telling me about her first night.”
Rosa glanced at me before she picked up a spoon and then turned away. “What did she say again?” She tried to sound as if she hadn’t understood me the first time, but I knew better than that.
“She said Gavin needed to hire an understudy. She said something about me running off the way Molly did.”
My old caretaker placed the spoon across the top of the glass and positioned a sugar cube in its slot. Then she lifted the pitcher of ice water and began to pour. I crossed the room to stand beside her.
“Who’s Molly?” I insisted.
She stopped pouring when the cube was gone and removed the spoon, lifted the glass, and took a long sip. I continued to watch her until, finally, she spoke.
“Your mother came here with her,” she said. Then she carried the glass to her couch and sat. I followed her.
“Is she related to me?”
“No.” She took another drink. “Molly was a singer, a very good singer, but she was not like your mother.”
I frowned. “What does that mean?” From what I’d been told, my mother wasn’t particularly good at singing or dancing. But she was beautiful and Gavin loved her.
“Molly was very pure,” Rosa said, leaning back and closing her eyes.
Anger rose swiftly in my voice. “What are you saying?”
“Your mother was not pure. She was an ungrateful thief, and she never married your father.” I watched as she crossed herself, and my teeth clenched.
“You hated her because you were in love with Gavin. He was the only reason you ever helped me. It was never for her. And now look at you. Wasted.”
I stood and crossed the room, jerking her door open and running down the passage back to mine. Tears stung my eyes as I approached, but it all came crashing down when I opened my door. Beau stood and crossed the room to embrace me.
“I’ve been waiting for you,” he said, smiling. “I hoped we could talk.”
“Beau,” I gasped, struggling out of his arms and turning to hide my face.
“I’ve found a place for us to live,” he continued, still holding my hand. “It’s out a bit, but we could easily walk here.”
I shook my head. “What are you saying?”
“Mastiff sent me uptown the other night. And when I was coming back, there was this house for sale. It’s small, but bigger than my loft. We can get married, and—”
“Oh, god…” I pulled my hand away. I couldn’t hear any more. I couldn’t think about him choosing a house for us or making plans. “I have to tell you… we’re leaving.”
The room was completely still for a moment.
“What?” he asked, his smile fading.
“Freddie’s coming back. His sister has offered us her house in Paris.”
“Your old plan?”
My stomach was in knots and my fingers trembled as I slid the gold band off and held it out. “I have to give this back to you now. Thank you for offering it, but I have to say no.”
Again it was silent. Then movement as I heard him step toward me.
“You’re going to Paris?” The pain in his voice had me on the brink of collapse, but I focused on Roland’s face, his dark eyes telling me what I had to do.
“Yes. I’m taking Teeny and we’re leaving.”
“When?”
“As soon as Freddie returns.”
“Do you love him?”
I couldn’t answer, and I could feel the tension in the room as heavy as a lead weight pressing down on us both. After a few moments, I let out a breath.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It does matter. You said you loved me.”
A flash of pain. I reached for the dressing table and placed my palm flat on the glass to steady myself.
“I know why you’re doing this,” he said. “I know you think it won’t work here. But I know it will.”
I was still holding his ring in my hand, and I looked down at it. “I can’t wait anymore. I can’t stay here, and I can’t refuse Freddie’s offer.”
Silence. Then a whisper as he slid his hand over mine on the glass.
“I won’t let you go.” His voice broke, and my heart did
the same.
I moved my hand out from under his and cleared my throat. “You don’t have a choice. Now please go. I need to change.”
I walked to the back of my dressing room and went behind the screen. A few moments later, I heard the click of my door closing behind him. I sat down on the small stool and leaned forward, clutching my knees to my stomach. The gold band was still in my hand, and I lifted it to my lips as my body shook with sobs.
* * *
By the finale climb, I was weak and exhausted from acting. I didn’t feel happy or sad. I didn’t feel anything. But in the show I had to be ecstatic, so I threw up my arms and smiled as hard as I could while the spotlight flashed off the crystals in my costumes, in my hair, and in the glitter on my skin.
At the top of the ladder, Beau didn’t approach me. He stayed away with one hand on the rope as I walked to the bench and sat. I didn’t look at him, but rather fixed my eyes out on the dark crowd. It was the first time we hadn’t spoken or touched before my performance since he’d arrived, but I told myself it was how it had to be. He didn’t know the tiny band was back on my finger under my glove.
As I descended I glanced back out of habit and caught his eye. He lifted one hand to his lips and then extended it to me. I felt my grip loosen on the ropes and thought for a moment about letting go, about falling and letting my body be smashed on the stage floor below.
The end.
But I held on and opened my mouth as the smile and the song poured out with no soul attached to them.
Onstage, I pranced and swirled as my voice rang out. I was the dazzling blue peacock, fine and proud, and Frank was the poor, besotted cat who followed me around as I sang, trying to catch me, to hold onto me. I flew away from him, then to him again, pressing my back to his chest as our legs rose together in perfect unison. When I snapped around to face him, Frank’s eyes sparkled, and the corner of his mouth curled up in a smile. He never broke character as the devastated lover who would soon take his life, but I knew him well. He was loving our performance tonight. Finally, after all his instruction, on our last dance together, I was doing it perfectly. My movements rivaled my voice; it was my best performance of the season.
The final V, the swirl of musty velvet curtains, and the crowd roared—a standing ovation. I walked slowly back to my dressing room, and when I opened the door, a bouquet of roses greeted me. Instantly I was back onstage.
“Darling!” Freddie’s voice was euphoric, and I almost didn’t have time to recover before he grasped my hand and dragged my entire body to his chest. His mouth covered mine, and it took all my strength not to pull away.
“Freddie,” I breathed, fighting to seem happy. “Careful, your shirt.” I stepped back and pretended to dust makeup off his shirtfront.
“I couldn’t care less. You were incredible tonight! I’ve never seen you so stunning. I take it you’re well? Did you get my letter?”
“I did. And it made me so happy.”
Relief passed over his face in a wave, and again he caught me by the shoulders. His grey eyes were warm as he pulled me to his chest, kissing me longer this time. I inhaled his rich scent and tried not to think of fresh air and peppermint.
“I couldn’t be apart from you another day,” he said. “But I only came to fetch you, darling. And with the time it takes to get back, well, I’m afraid we must leave by tomorrow afternoon.”
My eyebrows rose, and he quickly added. “If that gives you enough time to prepare, of course.”
I nodded and forced anticipation. “The sooner the better.”
He breathed a laugh and stepped past me into my small room, squeezing my hand as he did. One last thing…
“But Freddie, dear, with it all being so sudden, I just have one request. It’s something… it’s something that’s very important to me.”
He turned, still smiling. “Anything, my dear.”
“My cousin…” I hesitated, studying his face, but his smile never wavered.
“The one I met in the square?”
“Yes.” I looked down at my gloved hands. “She has nowhere to go if I leave, and I was wondering, if it didn’t make you unhappy…”
He lifted my chin. “You want to bring her with us?” His eyes were so full of warmth, again I wondered how I’d never managed to fall in love with him.
“If you don’t mind.”
“Of course! That’s a small request. Anything else?”
A tinge of relief tickled at my heart. Gratitude was an emotion I could work with. I focused on that and took his arm. “I’ve never traveled—”
“And you need a trunk?”
“How did you know?”
He grinned and touched my nose. “I simply guessed.”
I watched as he pulled out a think leather wallet and produced two twenty dollar bills. My breath caught at the sight of them.
“Buy whatever you need. And don’t come back with anything left, so if you see a dress or two or a little cake, anything else you like…”
I stepped forward into his arms and hugged him tightly. He chuckled and hugged me back. “You make me very happy, mon chou. I hope I do the same?”
His eyebrows were arched as I looked up at his face. Then I nodded.
He leaned forward and touched my lips again with his, then pulled me back into an embrace. “God, I’m so happy to see you. It felt like I was gone an eternity. And starting tomorrow, we’ll never be apart again.”
He released me and replaced his top hat before turning to go. “Get some rest now, and I’ll pick you up in the afternoon, yes? Where’s the place?”
“Here. I’ll be here saying goodbye.”
“Of course,” he smiled. “And I’ll be counting the minutes.”
Then with one last kiss, he bid me adieu.
The door closed, and I collapsed into my chair. I leaned forward on my dressing table as tears filled my eyes, and quickly, I slipped off my glove, pressing the small gold band to my cheek.
“Oh, Beau,” I whispered, eyes closed. “Forgive me.”
I longed to see him again, but I knew I couldn’t. I had to let him go and try to make the most of this new life. I lifted my head slowly and stood, but in that moment I heard a voice in the passage.
“Just a quick visit,” Guy was saying to someone.
Chills flew over my body followed by cold sweat. I quickly searched for anything I could use as a weapon. My face cream? No. A shoe? No. My door was still unlocked. I ran across the small room, but I was too late. He shoved it open and me back with it, standing tall in the doorway.
“There you are.” His gleaming green eyes surveyed my body. “None the worse for wear, it seems, and I trust you’ve been dreaming of me.”
The scream was out of my mouth before I could stop it, but he lunged forward and caught my arm. “Come now, let’s have a little kiss. We can get cozy right here. I see no pantalets tonight.”
He slid his other hand down the back of my costume, drawing me tight against him, and my knees buckled. But just then I heard a loud thump. Guy’s grip went slack, and his expression changed. His eyes rolled, and as I jumped aside, he dropped like a stone onto my dressing room floor.
Before I understood what had happened, Roland stepped over his body and tossed a wooden stage pin onto my bed.
“I saw him in the hall and got here as quickly as I could.” He spun me around and hastily untied the laces of my costume. “Change. Fast.”
My peacock feathers slid to the floor, and Roland went to my closet. I heard him quickly pushing garments aside as he searched for an outfit for me to wear.
I stood there shaking, staring at my attacker lying momentarily powerless before me. The pressure of his fingers still echoed on my skin, on my hips. I looked at the hand nearest me, at the golden pinky ring.
He strangled me with that hand. Images of the white lights that had flashed across my eyes filled my brain. I stepped over his leg and picked up the wooden pin from my bed. I held it a moment, testing its weight
as I stared at Guy’s unconscious body.
It wasn’t enough just to knock him out.
“You can wear this,” I heard Roland saying, his back still to me. “We haven’t a moment to lose.”
Just then Guy’s head moved. He made a sound, and faster than I could think, I raised the pin over my head and slammed it down hard as I could against his skull. My eyes grew hot and damp, and a strange roaring was in my ears. I raised the pin and hit him again, then I hit him again, harder. I could barely breathe, but I kept hitting him.
I hit him for coming here and hurting Teeny. I hit him for throwing me against the wall and raping me. I hit him for ruining my life and ending my chance of happiness with Beau. I hit him for beating my mother and for hurting Roland. I hit him for all the used-up dancer-whores he wanted to die in the streets. His head bounced slightly off the floor, so I hit him again for being born.
It was then I realized something was slipping, fumbling to catch my forearms. I heard myself screaming and stopped. Bright-red blood covered my hands and was rushing out onto my dressing room floor. I’d created a black hole in the side of Guy’s skull, and a sick feeling of satisfaction filled my stomach. I almost smiled.
That was enough.
“Oh, god.” Roland now held the bloody pin. “Oh, god, Hale.”
He jumped across the body, dropped the weapon and ripped the sheet from my bed, doubling it then folding it again before wrapping it fast around Guy’s head. He wrapped it around several times, covering the bleeding hole like a turban then he stood back and stared at it.
“He’s dead.” His hands shook as he poured water into my basin. “Clean yourself. You’ve got to get out of here.”
For a moment I didn’t move. I waited for the fear to come, the guilt. But all I felt was glad.
“Don’t stand there staring, clean up! Get dressed!”
I walked to the basin and washed my arms, then I pulled on the long, dark skirt and waistcoat he’d picked out for me.
Once I was dressed, Roland took my hand and led me over Guy’s dead body to the doorway.
“The sheet will hold him for now, but you can’t stay here. I’ll hide Teeny and then come back and dispose of the body. You’ve got to stay with Beau tonight.”
Rouge (#1 in the Cheveux Roux series) Page 21