by Susan Meier
“Making chicken?”
“My dad had this recipe for chicken that melted in your mouth. People from three counties raved about it.”
“Do you have everything you need?”
She winced. “There’s no chicken in the freezer.”
He downed his coffee. “Okay. So I need chicken and sprinkles.”
“Sprinkles will be in the baking aisle.”
“Got it.”
When Clark returned an hour later, he had chicken and sprinkles. He also had potatoes, frozen vegetables, milk, cereal, gumdrops, candy canes, bread and enough groceries for a week.
With Clara Bell dancing around them, he and the kids put away the groceries while Althea picked through the bags, looking for the things she needed to make dinner.
“That was a smart trip,” she said, smiling at him over the top of the bag.
“Yeah, I figured that since I was in town I’d get the things we’d need for a week.”
“You’d forgotten you needed to shop, didn’t you?”
He winced. “Yes.”
She patted his shoulder as she walked by. “Don’t worry. You’re actually doing very well for a guy who’s accustomed to having a housekeeper.”
“Yeah, Dad. You are.”
At Jack’s praise, his gaze met Althea’s over the shopping bag he was emptying. She smiled her approval and everything inside him sprang to life. She liked him. He liked her. They worked like a team. Something he’d never done with his wife. She’d had her skills and jobs. He’d had his. Their life was more like a relay. When she had the kids, he worked. When he had the kids, she worked.
With Althea everything was homey, comfortable. What he remembered a family should be. But she thought she didn’t belong.
Pulling chicken from a bag, Althea said, “So, Jack, what’s your favorite memory of your mom?”
Teagan crawled up on one of the island stools, put her elbows on the marble top and her little chin on her fists.
Jack shrugged. “She liked watching movies.”
Clark stopped pulling cans from the bag. “She did.” Good memories came tripping back, surprising him. “She’d rent every kids’ movie when it came out on DVD and on Saturday nights, we’d watch them.”
He’d forgotten that. How had he forgotten the one night of the week she gave exclusively to them?
The ice around his heart melted a bit. He’d hated Carol for so long he’d forgotten how much he’d once loved her.
“Oh, that’s so nice! So many days I wished my family would rent a movie.”
His head snapped up, his gaze flying to Althea. Just as he was growing comfortable talking about his deceased wife, she was growing comfortable talking about her family.
“My dad usually came home from the diner late, though.” She met his gaze and he knew what she was telling him. She wouldn’t say he came home from work drunk because of the kids. She shrugged. “So we never did anything like that.”
Anything like a family. She didn’t have to say the words. He got what she was saying. But he also saw something else. The mere fact that she could speak of her family so calmly proved she was getting comfortable with them—her memories—her life.
After the groceries were on the shelves, he sneaked out of the kitchen, grabbed his coat and drove back to town. He didn’t like being in town. Though no one gave him crazy looks anymore, he didn’t want to risk the possibility of running into someone who would. But on his second trip to Worthington that day, his muscles relaxed. He walked into the video store and inspected the selection of movies as if coming to town was a regular occurrence. He found two he knew the kids would like, bought some popcorn at the counter when he paid for the movies and drove home. He hid the movies and the popcorn in the den and went up the back stairway to his office.
At his desk, he closed his eyes. She’d talked about her family. He’d gone to town twice in the same day. They were changing each other.
After a chicken dinner that really did melt in your mouth, Clark led them all to the den. He walked to the desk, opened the drawer and pulled out the two movies he’d rented.
Teagan clapped her hands. Jack said, “All right!” And Althea laughed. “Wow. Those are great. Thanks.”
“Oh, you haven’t seen the best part.” He pulled out the containers of microwaveable popcorn.
“But we just ate.”
“I thought we’d get Teagan in pj’s and let Jack get his shower for bed then we’d watch.”
She scooped Teagan off the floor. “Sounds like a plan.”
They ate popcorn and watched the two animated movies about talking fish and dancing penguins. Teagan curled up in his lap and fell asleep. Jack cuddled in with Althea. With the four of them huddled together on the sofa, they looked and acted like a real family. Though part of Clark was happy he could give that experience to Althea, another part held back.
He knew what was happening. He was falling for her. And he couldn’t. He shouldn’t. For as much as he and the kids looked like a happy little unit now, there was trouble in their lives. Big trouble. Problems she shouldn’t have to bear. Even though she thought she was the one who didn’t deserve to be part of this family, he knew better. He didn’t deserve her.
He carried Teagan to her bed, said good-night to Jack at his bedroom door and returned to the den with a heaviness in his chest.
When he opened the door, he found Althea cleaning up the popcorn bowls. “That’s okay. I’ll do that.”
“You’ve done enough for one day.” Her eyes actually sparkled with happiness. “The decorating was fun. And you talked about the kids’ mom again, which makes Jack so happy, but also seems to thrill Teagan.” She picked up the second bowl. “Going for sprinkles won Teagan’s undying love, but they flipped for the movies. It was a night they’ll probably never forget.”
She’d gotten all the bowls, so he busied himself picking up kernels of popcorn that had fallen to the couch, not wanting to meet her gaze. He didn’t know whether it was good or bad that he so desperately wanted to make her happy. But the joy that shot through him was filled with male pride and that was wrong. He couldn’t have her, and doing things for her might only hurt her when it was time for her to leave.
“Why don’t you go on to bed?”
“In a minute.” She sighed. “The night was nice for me, too. Fun.” She sucked in another breath. “But I didn’t mean to make you feel like you had to do nice things for me when I said I wanted to enjoy being part of a family for Christmas.”
“I did it for all of us.”
The grateful expression on her face nearly did him in. He wanted to walk across the room, take her chin in his hand, stare into her eyes and tell her she was beautiful, that she deserved someone to treat her with respect and make her a part of things. But the “things” of his family weren’t simple like dinner or popcorn or decorating. They were big, difficult problems he and his kids would face. Maybe soon, if he sent Jack to school in town.
She deserved a man who would put her on a pedestal, not drag her down with even more problems.
She walked over to him. “You’re a sweet man, Clark Beaumont.”
He winced. “No man wants to be called sweet.”
She laughed. A light, airy wonderful laugh that filled him with the same warmth he’d had that morning while decorating.
Her hand automatically went to his forearm and he realized how much she touched him, touched Jack, held Teagan. It was as if she was reaching for contact, begging for contact.
“You can be sweet and still be manly.”
He laughed, but she didn’t take her hand off his forearm and the skin beneath it radiated with warmth.
He looked into her big blue eyes. He wanted so badly to kiss her. To really kiss her. He wanted so badly to love her. To bring her in
to his home, share his life.
He knew he was two steps away from falling in love with her. But he also knew she deserved better...more. Someone who could love her totally and completely. He could not. Even if he didn’t have problems, Carol had scarred him. He seriously wondered if he would ever trust a woman again.
He shifted her hand away. “Don’t.”
“Don’t?”
“You might be too innocent to know what’s going on here but I see it.”
She gaped at him. “Innocent?”
“You are innocent. You had a terrible childhood so you hid from life.”
“Clark, I’m also twenty-eight. I’ve had boyfriends.”
He shook his head. “I’m sure you have, but I’m equally sure you never let yourself fall in love.”
She grimaced. “That transparent, huh?”
“People with problems recognize other people with problems.”
“Your problems are resolving themselves.”
He shook his head, paced away from her. “You would think.”
“Clark, I don’t think. I know. Jack is totally different than when I came. Teagan is coming out of her shell. Before you know it she’s going to talk. Out loud.”
He sniffed a laugh.
“What? Are you still worried about the gossip in town?”
“Actually, I finally see that it’s time to face the gossip in town. To let Jack hear the truth, if it comes out, and process it with him. So he can heal.”
“But...”
He sucked in a breath, not wanting to say what she was leading him to but knowing that if he didn’t tell her, she’d never understand why he had to stay away from her.
“But the problems with Teagan aren’t so simple.”
“You’ll handle it the same way you’re handling Jack. If and when she hears a rumor, you’ll explain.”
He walked to the desk. Ran his fingers along the shiny top.
“Clark, that’s the only way to handle it. Honestly.”
He met her gaze.
“What?”
“I can’t be honest.”
She stared at him. He could almost see the wheels turning in her head as she tried to understand that answer. Finally, she said, “You have to be honest.”
“Sure. It’ll be easy to tell her she’s not my daughter.”
She gasped. Her eyes widened and she gaped at him. “Why would you tell her that?” She stopped, her mouth formed an O of understanding. “Oh, my God. This isn’t about gossips. This is about you. You don’t think she’s yours?”
“No. I don’t.”
She fell to the arm of the sofa. “Oh, Clark! You can’t believe the gossip!”
He fiddled with a pen that sat on the desk. “My wife and I tried to have another child from the time Jack was two.” He glanced over at her. “We couldn’t.”
“That means nothing! You’d already produced Jack. You weren’t sterile.”
“We barely slept together.”
She squeezed her eyes shut.
“For the first year after Carol died, I waited for Brice to figure it out. To come to my house demanding to see Teagan or demanding a DNA test. He never did.”
“So that’s good!”
He shook his head. “No. He was preoccupied. He left his job working for me and had to find another—while he mourned the woman he considered the love of his life.”
“You identified.”
“I understood.” He paced away from the desk. “About two years after Carol died, he got married. I thought he’d think of it then, but he never did.” He glanced over again. “He has kids of his own now.”
“You’re saying you think he doesn’t want her?”
“I’m saying I don’t know what he’s thinking, but I do know that if he ever figures it out, he’ll come after her.”
CHAPTER EIGHT
SYMPATHY FOR HIM created a tight band around Althea’s chest. “You can’t torture yourself with this.”
“Of course, I can. Not just out of fear for myself, but fear for Teagan. Even if he never comes after her, she deserves to know the truth.”
“But you don’t really know the truth. You said you and your wife had made love a time or two.”
He sighed. “A time...or two.”
“So you could be Teagan’s dad.”
“The odds are slim.”
“So get a DNA test yourself.”
He strolled away, back to the desk Jack used to study and Teagan used for coloring. “Then I’ll know.”
“Exactly.”
Anger brightened his whiskey-colored eyes. “Don’t you see? I don’t want to know! Once I know, I might have to face the fact that she’s not mine. As long as there’s doubt, she could still be my little girl.”
“As long as there’s doubt you’ll worry.”
“Better to worry than to know.”
“But what if she’s yours?”
“Did I tell you how small of a chance there is?”
“If she’s yours, you won’t ever have to worry about whether or not you should tell Teagan. You won’t have to tell her anything.”
“And if I find out she’s not mine? What about then?”
“You’ll figure it out.”
He shook his head. “As long as I don’t know then I don’t have to face the fact that I might be keeping Teagan from her real father. Once I know I have to make some very difficult choices.”
“Look, at some point you’re going to have to tell her. Why not have the truth?”
“Haven’t you been listening? The truth is the one thing I’m trying to avoid.”
“Oh, yeah? How about imagining how you’ll feel if you discover she’s yours.”
“So relieved I’ll dance on this desk.”
“Which is exactly why you should do it. You can’t run from this. You can’t spend your life worried that some guy from your past will waltz in and ruin your future.”
“The night I came home from Carol’s wake and was bathing Teagan for bed, I about exploded from fear. So I told myself to just get through the next few days and prepare myself to lose her. But Brice never came. And I never sought him out because I love Teagan. I’d watched her birth, walked the floor with her. She’d been my little girl for six months by then. I didn’t want to give her up. I don’t want to give her up now.”
She walked over to him. “You said he moved on, but from the way you stay out of town, I’m guessing he still lives in Worthington.”
“He does.”
“And you live on a mountain so removed from everybody else that if it weren’t for your job, you’d be a hermit. It’s not good for you. Not good for the kids. You have to face this.”
He ran his hands down his face. “I don’t want to.”
But even he heard the waning conviction in his voice. He’d held back from doing the right thing out of fear. Yet that same fear kept him hostage. Kept his kids prisoners. They couldn’t go on like this anymore. “I’ll look for a lab online.”
* * *
When Althea strolled into the kitchen on Sunday morning, the room was as quiet as the first day she’d arrived. Jack and Teagan stared into their cereal bowls. Unshaven, in pajamas and a robe, no computer in front of him, Clark stared straight ahead.
She set the coffeemaker in motion and faced the center island. “So, why’s everybody so gloomy today?”
Jack shrugged. Hugging her bear, Teagan gave her a pleading look. Clark’s gaze met hers slowly. The pain in his eyes melted her heart. Knowing he had to face the truth about Teagan was killing him and she suspected the kids were reacting to his mood.
And who could blame them? Their daddy was sad.
Holding her now finished mug of cof
fee with both hands, she strolled to the center island. “You know, the mall in Hagerstown is open for shopping today.”
Jack’s head jerked up. “You wanna go shopping?”
“I have to buy gifts for my sister and her kids. Maybe even something for Wyatt. I could use your help.”
Clark rose from his stool by the island. “That’s a great idea. You and the kids go shopping.”
Teagan grinned, crawled down from her stool and hugged Althea’s legs. Warmth filled her, along with a determination to make sure Clark didn’t undo all the good he’d done the day before by being so solemn today. If it took getting the kids out of the house, away from him, that’s what she’d do.
“I’ll take Teagan upstairs and get her dressed.”
Jack hooted and hollered. Clara Bell danced around and followed him up the stairs. In Teagan’s bedroom, she found a warm sweater and jeans for the little girl and brushed her hair. The fine dark strands fell into place, but her bangs were too long to go without something to hold them out of her eyes. “You wait here one minute. I’m going to get you a clip for your hair.”
She raced down the stairs, but when she reached the kitchen and saw Clark still sitting on his stool staring straight ahead, she stopped short. It wouldn’t do him any good to stay home, either. Not if he spent the day moping. He needed to get out. Needed to get his mind off possibly losing Teagan.
“You should come with us.”
He snorted a laugh. “Frankly, I want some time to think.”
“Thinking is over. Decision is made. You’re getting the test. So now you have a choice. Make everybody so miserable that you’ll regret it if the results come back in your favor. Or make everybody so miserable that Jack will realize something is up and all the good you’ve done over the past few days will go down the tubes.”
He sighed.
She walked over, put her hand on his shoulder. “You’re not spoiling my first ever real family Christmas.”
He sniffed a laugh.
“I’m serious. If this is your last Christmas with Teagan, you’ll regret it if you don’t make it wonderful.”
He looked down at the center island, then back at her. “I may tell her when she’s old enough to hear, but even if she’s not mine I won’t let her go. I’ll fight for her tooth and nail. She’s been with me for three years. He’s never even thought to get a DNA test. And if he does, and he comes after her, I’ll fight him.”