by A. E. Rayne
Eadmund looked sideways at this father, readying a smart retort but his head was so addled that he couldn’t come up with anything at all. He sighed, feeling the itching in his throat; he really did want that ale now. ‘Well, I can’t deny that. You probably could.’
Eirik looked at his son and felt a twinge of sorrow. Finally, something other than anger was stirring inside him, it seemed. He wished he could reach into Eadmund and fix everything that was wrong but he couldn’t; that, he decided was the curse of being a parent. ‘And what about Jael then, how do you think she will do? She seems to be disappearing to train with Thorgils often enough. She must be taking it seriously?’ Eirik suggested.
‘Jael?’ Eadmund looked even lower then. ‘I’m not sure. You’d have to ask her. We haven’t spoken in a while.’
Eirik frowned and stopped, grabbing Eadmund’s arm. ‘She is your wife now,’ he said firmly. ‘I’ve had three wives and loved two. Truly loved. And I recommend it, very highly indeed. A bloody death awaits us all, my son, so we have to hold onto those few things that give us happiness. Otherwise, what is the point of any of it? To just be miserable and alone until we die?’ He sighed, sensing that Eadmund wasn’t even listening. ‘They are both gone now, but I don’t regret that I loved them. After your mother died, I didn’t imagine ever finding happiness again. But then I saw Rada. It would have been easy for me to stay sad and alone, to wallow in that place, without your mother, but the gods offered me another chance. I didn’t want to take it at first. I remembered how it was when your mother died,’ he said quietly. ‘But I did, in the end, I took the risk, and I found another six years of happiness I hadn’t expected. So, now I’m here, all alone, without Eskild or Rada, but with you and Eydis and a head full of memories. And I don’t regret any of it. If I’d let those chances slip away, then I’d be like you now. Still broken. In pieces. Trying to drink enough ale so that I didn’t feel any of it.’ Eadmund looked away, uncomfortable, and Eirik grabbed his arm harder. ‘But Jael is here. Your chance for happiness is here. Now.’ Eirik shook his head. ‘This isn’t about heirs or legacies, or being king. You’re my son, Eadmund! Find a way out of this. Be happy. You have a chance to be happy.... take it.’
Eirik blinked the tears out of his eyes. He could feel more coming, so he ducked his head, not wanting to say anymore. The despair of all these years, watching his son drift away from him, was just too much. His helplessness and Eadmund’s hopelessness overwhelmed him, and he walked away, not looking back.
Eadmund felt the tears stinging his own eyes. It was a hard thing to see his father like that. He felt shame and embarrassment burn his cheeks. He wanted to sink to his knees, into the freezing snow, and just scream away all the memories, all the pain that he couldn’t escape, no matter how much he wanted to be free of it, no matter how tired of it he was. His father was right, of course he was. He had a wife, and he had felt things, seen in her eyes that she had felt things, but now he wasn’t sure of any of it. He would never know the truth, though, if he didn’t try to find out what could be.
Sharp pains attacked the base of his neck, and Eadmund’s stomach growled impatiently again. He really did want some food, he thought, as he looked around. He was just across the street from Jael’s house, he noticed with a wry smile. There was smoke twisting its way out of the hole in the roof. He imagined Biddy stirring a stew in her cauldron, his chair by the fire, the puppies lying at his feet. Jael and Thorgils would probably still be training, so he had time. He took a deep breath and made the decision to try.
He stopped himself before he’d even begun, watching as Jael and Ivaar walked towards the house with the horses. His house. His horse. Ivaar was patting the white horse, smiling at Jael. Eadmund slunk backwards, hiding amongst the shadows, not wishing to be seen but still, wishing to see.
Jael’s face was flushed from riding, he could tell. Her cheeks and nose were bright red, and her teeth were showing as she laughed with Ivaar. She seemed comfortable with him, he noted; very comfortable. And Ivaar couldn’t stop looking at her. Eadmund clenched his jaw, ignoring the urgent call of his stomach. He wanted to see what was about to happen, what he feared was happening all over again.
34
Amma sat sobbing on one side of Axl; his mother sniffed morosely on the other. Axl didn’t know who to try and comfort first. He wished Edela were here; she always seemed to know what to say. ‘It is no easy thing being a woman,’ he tried awkwardly.
‘Well, it was a lot easier when your father was here,’ Gisila muttered crossly. ‘He would never have married Jael off, especially not to an Islander. And if he were here, then I wouldn’t be marrying Lothar.’ She glanced quickly at Amma.
‘It’s alright, Gisila,’ Amma mumbled, wiping her running nose on a cloth Axl had found for her. ‘Say what you like about my father. I’ve seen the truth of it now, with my own eyes, and it’s an ugly truth, that is certain. I had thought Osbert was simply a freak, my mother being so gentle natured, but I see now where Osbert’s character truly comes from.’
‘Amma,’ Axl said quietly, leaning towards her. ‘You will only make things worse for yourself if someone hears you talking like that. As angry as you feel, you must find a way to keep control of your thoughts. Keep them off your face.’
‘Well, isn’t that what everyone has been saying to you?’ Gisila scolded him. ‘And have you listened?’
Axl sighed; it was true, of course. Perhaps it was just easier to see a way to help someone else? He hadn’t cared about the danger his behaviour could have brought to his own door, but he should have thought more about what it could mean for his family. He felt the vulnerability in Amma and his mother and with it a responsibility to care for them. He’d been treading a dangerous path listening to his friends, and as desperate as he was to reclaim the throne meant for him, it would feel a hollow victory if he lost everyone he cared about in the process.
‘There must be something we can do, Axl?’ Amma wondered hopefully. ‘Some way to stop all of this happening, to stop my father and Osbert?’
Axl felt his mother’s eyes turn towards him. He was frozen, wondering what his father would do, what Jael would do. But he was not like either of them; he knew that, of course he did. Why had his father thought to make him his heir? How could he look after a kingdom of people when he was struggling to think of a way to protect two women?
‘We can stay safe,’ Gisila said calmly, sensing the panic in Axl’s eyes. ‘And wait. Pray to the gods and don’t do anything foolish. Something will turn in our favour, I am certain of it.’
Jael was starving, wishing that Ivaar would hurry up and leave so that she could go inside and eat. It would have been polite to invite him in to join her but he had a wife and children; he could eat with them, and besides, she was not overly interested in being polite anyway. She wanted to stick her toes by the flames, sip on some ale, eat a large bowl of something tasty, and talk to Biddy about everything Ivaar had revealed on their ride. But first, she had to get rid of him.
Jael handed Tig’s reins to Askel, the stable hand, who was waiting to rub the horses down and turned to Ivaar, ready to send him on his way.
‘Perhaps we could ride together again?’ Ivaar murmured, sensing that she was ready to go but not wishing their conversation to end just yet.
‘I’m sure we can, although I’ll be training with Thorgils tomorrow.’
‘Oh, perhaps another day?’ He looked disappointed, then smiled. ‘I’m looking forward to seeing what you can do with a sword. I’ve heard all about your fight with Thorgils.’
‘Ha! That. Well, who knows, I might fall on my arse in the first round and spend the rest of the day watching everyone else.’
‘I doubt that, but you never know, it might rain.’
‘Well, if Tarak is praying to the gods it will,’ Jael said sarcastically.
‘You really don’t like him, do you?’
‘No, I really don’t.’
‘You’re a brave woman to play with a
man like that,’ Ivaar frowned in warning. ‘Eirik won’t protect you against him. He’s too valuable to Oss, and he knows it. He isn’t someone to make an enemy of.’
‘Ahhh, so that’s your plan? Make friends with the big, scary ones?’ Jael smiled.
‘Of course! Better than having them creep up behind you to slit your throat in the night, don’t you think?’
‘Perhaps, but I have good hearing,’ Jael said smartly, ‘so, I’ll take my chances with Tarak.’
Ivaar looked doubtful. ‘Well, I’ve warned you at least. I’m sure you can take care of yourself, as you say. I’d better go and find my father. He wants to talk to me about Oss, Eadmund, everything it seems.’
‘I look forward to hearing all about that, if I live long enough,’ she grinned. ‘Who knows, Tarak might sneak up on me tonight?’
‘I hope not, Jael,’ Ivaar smiled as he walked away. ‘Who would I go riding with then?’
She kept her smile fixed until he had walked across the street, then turned around and quickly let it fall as she wandered towards the house, desperate for some warmth, thinking about that chair by the fire; Eadmund’s chair. She smiled sadly as she opened the door, hoping Thorgils had found him.
‘You’re back then,’ Thorgils growled, as he got out of Eadmund’s chair. ‘It sounds as though you and Ivaar had a lovely time together.’
Eadmund lost his footing and clattered against the side of a cottage. The noise turned Ivaar’s head in his direction, and he came stalking towards his brother.
‘Are you alright, Eadmund?’ Ivaar wondered sarcastically. He checked behind himself to make sure Jael had gone inside; there was no sign of her. ‘You look as though you need a hand back to bed.’
‘I don’t think so,’ Eadmund muttered furiously as he straightened himself up. ‘My legs work just fine.’ He moved to step past his brother, but Ivaar blocked his way.
‘Were you spying on us from over here? Eavesdropping?’ He looked at Eadmund with one eyebrow raised, a condescending smile on his unsympathetic face.
Eadmund frowned. ‘Spying on what? I was on my way to Ketil’s.’ His stomach rumbled to support his argument. He tried to step around his brother, but again Ivaar moved to stop him.
‘You cannot blame her, you know.’
Eadmund’s shoulders sagged. He wanted to get away from Ivaar; he didn’t want to play the game. It was an old game he remembered well from their childhood. Ivaar would dangle a tasty morsel to torment him, Eadmund would eventually rise to take the bait, and Ivaar would have him trapped and torture him mercilessly. ‘You are welcome to talk to anyone, Ivaar. I don’t care. As I said to you in the hall, do what you wish with Jael. She means nothing to me. I didn’t choose her, and I don’t want her. I believe you will discover the feeling is mutual.’
Ivaar studied his brother, his swaying, stinking, bloated brother. He looked truly pathetic. There was nothing about him that resembled the man he remembered. But he felt no pity or sympathy, just a growing sense of pleasure to think that his brother suffered so badly; there was some justice after all. ‘Hmmm, there are many things I had forgotten after all these years. So many things. We were apart for such a long time, but I’ve just remembered what a bad liar you are,’ he laughed. ‘Perhaps you’re even lying to yourself, and you don’t know it? In this state, I doubt you know anything at all,’ he sneered. ‘But I will tell you one thing, Little Brother, you love your wife,’ he laughed. ‘It’s in your eyes. It’s all over you. You forget I’ve seen you in love before. I know the look, I recognise the signs. And you have it all again. And there’s nothing you can do to stop it.’
Eadmund blinked rapidly, clenching his fists at his sides. He wanted to kill his brother, more than he had wanted anything in his whole life. Ivaar was shorter than him, just, but he stood on a higher piece of ground, towering threateningly over him. Eadmund felt like a small nothing, standing in the shadow of Ivaar’s scorn. He had wasted his strength over the years; his body had no fight left in it, and he knew that. As angry as he was, as he was about to get, he also knew that the only outcome he could expect if he fought Ivaar, was humiliation and pain. The pain he wouldn’t have minded, but he couldn’t stand any more of his brother’s gloating. There was only one way out of this if he was to cling to any self-respect and it had to be with his head held high. ‘Well then, I wish you luck,’ Eadmund said quietly, his lips tight, his body pulsing with barely contained fury. ‘My wife is a strong woman. You will need all the luck you can get if you are going to play with her.’ And he stepped past Ivaar as quickly as he could.
Ivaar let him go, disappointed that Eadmund had not taken his bait. But there would be plenty of time to hook him; he was sure of that.
‘Lovely time?’ Jael asked irritably as she sniffed around Biddy’s cauldron. Hot, good smelling things were bubbling away inside, and she was desperate for a taste. ‘Well, lovelier than you, by the look on your face.’ She handed Biddy her cloak and sat on a stool to remove her wet boots.
Thorgils stayed standing and frowning. ‘I thought we would train today. We were supposed to train today!’
‘It’s only one day. We won’t miss it, not really. Don’t forget, we have a plan. I could hardly say no when he asked to come along with me. Besides, it was well worth it. He did a lot of talking.’ Jael placed her wet boots next to the fire to dry, and her feet by them. She was frozen solid, desperate for the heat from the flames.
‘About what?’ Thorgils wondered crossly.
Jael patted the stool next to her. ‘Well, I’m not going to yell it up to you. If you want to hear the story, sit your hairy arse down here.’
Thorgils harrumphed and reluctantly plonked himself down. ‘Go ahead, then. My arse is ready.’
Jael shot him a sideways look. ‘I thought you’d be happy, me leading Ivaar away like that. I thought you’d be able to talk to Isaura, alone.’
Thorgils looked away from her, towards the flames. ‘She didn’t want to talk to me.’
‘Oh.’
‘She was worried it would cause problems for me. The truth is that it would cause problems for her too, so I left.’
‘That’s a shame. I’m sorry.’
Thorgils shook away all thoughts of Isaura for now; he was too cross with Jael to think about anyone else. He hated the thought of her befriending his worst enemy. ‘So, what did he say that was so interesting?’
‘Well... he explained how it was, with Melaena.’ Jael moved her feet away from the flames, which, having rapidly thawed them, were now scorching her socks. ‘He said that she’d loved him, not Eadmund. That she had wanted him but her father made her choose Eadmund, as he was Eirik’s heir.’
‘Ha! Of course he thinks that’s how it was. Are you surprised?’
‘He didn’t appear to be lying.’
‘And you can tell a liar from an honest man, can you?’ Thorgils raised an eyebrow and peered at her. ‘You’ve probably never heard Ivaar tell the truth, which is why you can’t see the lies in his eyes, nor hear them on his lips. But believe me, everything he says is his version of events. He is so in love with himself that he never sees his own fault in anything.’
Jael frowned. She had believed Ivaar. Nothing he did or said had led her to think he was lying; she was certain of it. ‘He told me he didn’t kill Melaena.’
Thorgils laughed loudly, startling Biddy, who was standing next to him, ladling stew into a bowl. ‘And let me guess, you believed him about that too?’ He got up, his irritability overwhelming him. ‘What has happened to you, Jael? I thought we were on the same side? But now you seem to be flying Ivaar’s banner. What about Eadmund? What we were trying to do?’
Jael stood up, looking just as cross. ‘Lower your voice,’ she hissed. ‘Tiras is probably sliding around out there.’ She shook her head as Biddy offered her a bowl; her need to make Thorgils listen to her was stronger than her hunger pains.
‘He did kill her, and you need to realise that,’ Thorgils growled deeply. ‘And she
did love Eadmund. She chose Eadmund. Whatever Ivaar is telling you, believe the opposite, otherwise you’ll find yourself in a real tangle. It’s his game, what he’s doing to you, what he’s always done. Isaura told me to warn you that Ivaar had started to play with you. He does that. He watches and sees what Eadmund loves and then he goes and takes it for his own. He’s always done that. He wants to hurt Eadmund, always. It’s how he feels good about himself.’
Jael shook her head, feeling suddenly very odd. ‘What? Eadmund doesn’t love me. Why would Ivaar think that?’ She could feel a burst of warmth on her cheeks, and it wasn’t coming from the fire.
Thorgils glared at her. ‘Listen to me. Hear my words, please Jael. We cannot keep going with this plan of yours if you forget what the plan is... if you get lost with Ivaar.’ He ran a hand through his wild hair. ‘Ivaar is a handsome man...’
‘What?’ Jael looked insulted. ‘What does that mean?’
Thorgils sighed uncomfortably. ‘I’m just saying that perhaps you’re getting distracted. You have been on this island a while now. You must be lonely, and you have a husband who spends much of his time in a... bad way.’
Jael was tired, hungry, and mad. She couldn’t believe Thorgils was so full of doubt over her intentions and her character. She glared at him. ‘Yes, you’re right, I have been on this cold, fucking island for a long time now, and if I’m lonely for anything, it’s for a real friend. Someone who knows I’m not a dim-witted idiot, about to be fooled by a man because of the way he looks, or how careful he is at crafting a lie!’ she huffed impatiently, shooing away Vella who had started chewing on her sock. ‘A real friend, someone who knows me, knows they could trust me to find the truth without getting lost along the way.’ She turned around and took her bowl from Biddy who was still standing there, holding it out, watching the bickering friends with troubled eyes.
‘Right then, well I will leave you to your meal,’ Thorgils said quickly. He was hurt and angry and both emotions fused together into a bright red face and a burst of fire inside his belly. ‘I wish you luck in the contest, Jael. Not that you’ll need it, of course.’ He adjusted his cloak, nodded to Biddy, and headed out the door in a rush.