I looked sophisticated, expensive, stylish. I looked like someone else.
‘You like?’ said Antonio again, sounding peeved.
‘Oh yes, I love it. Thank you,’ I gushed.
He preened and smiled for the first time. ‘I am the best,’ he said.
‘You look fantastic,’ said Cal. ‘Really great. Can you just smile into the mirror for a couple more minutes? Make sure Matt’s got all we need?’
I grinned at myself. No problem. I couldn’t wait to show Charlotte. There was no doubt I looked younger. In fact, I couldn’t wait to open the door to Daniel on Sunday morning. I’d been dreading facing the slimeball after last time, when he’d dropped his little bombshell about remarrying, but now I loved the idea of him seeing me like this. I could just imagine his double take.
We spent the next ten minutes getting various extra shots – me nodding and smiling at Antonio, him nodding at me, me looking as though I were listening intently while Antonio explained how to dry my hair and then spike it up with a pot of putty stuff that smelled of apples, and me gazing at myself in the mirror and lovingly twiddling those spikes. I felt fantastic – I felt like a star.
Russ nodded approvingly as he started packing away his mikes. ‘It’s cool,’ he said.
Even Tanya smiled and nodded – she was really quite pretty when she stopped scowling – and then she yawned. ‘OK, we’re done for today then?’
I looked at my watch. It was nearly seven o clock. My stomach had gone into a cramp from lack of food. Everyone else looked quite relaxed – perhaps they’d all gone off stuffing lunch while I was having my hair done. Though by the look of Tanya she ate about as much as Daniel’s Twiglet did. She was at this moment opening a can of Diet Coke. ‘Want one?’ she said.
‘Er no thanks.’ I drank the last of my cold coffee, hoping it would settle my internal rumblings. Wouldn’t mind a proper bloody drink though, and double fish and chips to go with it.
‘Oh, I’m sorry Laura.’ Cal seemed to read my mind. ‘You must be starving. This all took longer than I thought and I totally forgot – Gabriel was supposed to go out for some sandwiches but he wasn’t feeling well and I sent him home. I’m so sorry.’
I smiled. ‘No problem – I’m fine,’ I assured him, hoping he hadn’t heard the noise my stomach had just made.
‘There’s a wine bar round the corner,’ he was saying. ‘We can get some food round there. And I want to get a few shots of you relaxing with a glass in your hand. We’ll go as soon as we’re packed up. ‘
I read a text from Charlotte saying everything was fine and whizzed off a reply sending Stanley my love and saying I’d call him before he went to bed, then spent another five minutes gazing lovingly at my hair while Cal stood talking to Russ and Matt, who were putting their stuff away. Leanne had long gone. Tanya sat in one of the chairs, reading a magazine and talking on her mobile.
After a bit, Cal came over. ‘Come on.’
The wine bar was literally round the corner. Cal and I walked there with Tanya lagging behind, still talking on the phone. We went down to the basement – dark with wooden floors and candles on the tables. ‘What would you like?’ said Cal.
‘Some sort of dry white wine?’ I looked at the blackboard behind the bar. ‘Pinot Grigio?’
He smiled one of his delicious smiles. ‘What would Sally-Ann say?’
I gave a mock shudder. ‘Save me from that.’
He got himself a bottled beer and Tanya a Diet Coke and carried them over to a table in the corner. ‘You OK here for a few minutes? I’ve just got to speak to the manager – remind him what we’re doing.’
I looked at my phone – there was no signal down here, and I’d have to go back up to the pavement to phone Stanley. Presumably that was why Tanya was still outside. Matt and Russ appeared with their gear and spent a lot of time setting it up around the table. Just as we appeared ready to start, Matt shook his head. ‘We’re going to need a couple of blondes in here.’
Cal nodded. And then laughed at my raised eyebrows. ‘Extra lights,’ he said. ‘Want another glass of wine?’
I wanted food, really – I’d already had a surreptitious look at the menu on the table and was gearing up for the homemade burger with chunky chips or the chicken fajitas with guacamole and sour cream. I could probably have happily devoured both. But I nodded. Might as well have another drink while I was waiting. Perhaps I’d better have a glass of water too …
Tanya came in and sat opposite me with her Diet Coke. A few more people had come downstairs. I saw them looking curiously at the camera. After what seemed like ages, by which time the second glass had definitely gone to my head and Tanya hadn’t said more than two words to me, the chaps all came back and set up the new lights.
At last everyone was in position and Cal sat one side of me while Russ perched the other holding a furry black microphone.
‘How did you feel about being 40, Laura?’
‘It was a bit of a shock, really.’
‘Great. Could you say that again?’
‘It was a bit of a shock, really.’
‘Again?’
Really – it was a bit of a shock.’
I shared my amazement and disbelief several more times and did endless nodding, smiling, listening, and being shocked all over again, until I felt like one of those nodding dogs in the backs of cars and my brain was swimming. Someone had brought me another glass of wine but if I didn’t get some food soon I was going to have to gnaw the table leg.
A small knot of young people had gathered behind the table and were listening – clearly wondering who I was and if they should recognise me.
‘Is she famous then?’ a girl of about 18 asked suspiciously, as Russ and Matt began to pack up.
‘She will be soon,’ said Cal, giving her one of his smiles. The girl gazed at him longingly.
At last, Russ and Matt were gone and it was just the three of us. Finally, Cal picked up the menus. My stomach felt as though it had given up on me and started gnawing itself.
Tanya yawned. ‘I’m a bit past the point now. I’ll just have another Coke.’
I stared at her in disbelief and Cal turned to me apologetically. ‘I’m not really that hungry myself just yet, but hey, Laura, we’ll get you something – what would you like?’ My heart sank.
‘Oh well, if you two aren’t …’
‘No, I’ll have a salad,’ said Cal kindly, obviously seeing the desperation on my face. ‘Keep you company.’
I looked at these two thin, stylish young people and felt like a block of lard. ‘That’ll be fine for me too,’ I said, hoping the disappointment didn’t show.
‘You’ve got to be starting your diet anyway, haven’t you?’ put in Tanya.
I felt my eyebrows rise. Cheeky cow – was she saying I was fat? I looked from her to Cal but he was looking at the menu.
‘Goats’ cheese and walnut?’ he asked. ‘That sounds good, doesn’t it?’
‘Fine,’ I said, not liking to admit that I hated walnuts and wasn’t over-struck on goats’ cheese either. ‘Unless they’ve got tuna?’ I said, adding ironically, ‘I’m not supposed to have dairy.’
‘I think goats’ cheese is all right, actually,’ said Cal seriously. He looked at the menu again. ‘No, sorry, no tuna.’
‘OK, cheese it is then,’ I said brightly, trusting it would come with a huge crusty roll I could get down my throat before I fell over.
‘No carbs is the best way to shed pounds quickly,’ continued Tanya, ‘so that’s perfect. Just keep eating protein and salad and it will fall off.’
It was the longest sentence she’d managed all day. I stared at her, speechless at her rudeness. What was it with these skeletal types that they thought they could get off on advising everyone else on their nutrition? I looked at Cal again – he was frowning at her.
‘Tanya’s not meaning to be rude,’ he said hastily. ‘You’re fabulous as you are – you don’t need to lose weight. It’s just that, actually
’ he fingered the bottle of beer in front of him as if feeling awkward ‘ we wondered whether you would give Sally-Ann’s regime a try?’ He looked at me appealingly. ‘You don’t have to go the whole hog.’
‘No pun intended,’ chipped in Tanya, grinning.
Cal shot her another look. ‘I meant – if you could just cut out some of those foods she mentioned from your diet? Eat other things?’
I laughed sourly. ‘There isn’t much left.’ The wine had really got to me now – my lips had that funny tingling feeling.
Cal laughed too. ‘Just do your best. You know we’ve organised you a gym membership and we thought we could do some filming there. There’s no need to kill yourself, but I thought if you don’t mind having a go at the health and fitness angle … It’s all part of the inner beauty thing – that being fab at 40 is about being well and taking care of yourself.’
I was saved answering by the arrival of the waitress. The salad was tiny – an artfully arranged little stack of leaves and cheese lumps drizzled with balsamic vinegar, which I could have devoured in one mouthful. The only thing there in any quantity was the loathsome walnuts. I made a pile of them at the side of the plate. ‘I’ve got a nut allergy,’ I informed Tanya untruthfully.
‘Really?’ she said, bored. I chewed on my final leaf and looked at my watch. It was 9.30. I still hadn’t phoned Stanley. As I hit the air on the pavement upstairs I realised I was really quite drunk and seriously needed either chips or a lie down.
‘You sound like you’re having a good time,’ said Charlotte dryly, after telling me that Stanley was already asleep.
‘Give him my love in the morning?’ I slurred guiltily. ‘It all went on a bit.’
I got a glass of water as soon as I was back inside and drank it straight down. Cal was telling me about next time. I tried to focus.
‘So we’ll be coming down to you next. We’ll cover the gym and maybe get some local shots. We’ll want to film the assessment and them giving you your programme. And maybe you starting to exercise. Then we’ve got some other appointments lined up – we’ve tried to keep it in your area so you don’t have to come to London too much but I will probably need you to …’
He really did have the most amazing eyelashes for a bloke and a lovely face. The way he talked was a disarming mixture of boyishness and assured macho confidence, I thought idly, noting the enthusiasm that lit his eyes, the way his hands moved when he talked.
He could be a male model, really. I could imagine him posing in a pair of Calvin Klein’s, hair forward across his eyes as he gazed moodily into the camera, muscles lightly oiled …
Tanya suddenly yawned loudly, bringing me back with a jolt. ‘Is that OK?’ Cal was saying.
‘Oh yes, fine,’ I mumbled, looking at my watch, startled to see it was already 10.30 p.m. – where had that last hour gone?
‘I’d better get to the station,’ I said.
Tanya nodded vigorously. ‘Or you’ll be stuck here all night,’ she said. She yawned again. ‘I want to go home too,’ she said to Cal.
He looked at me. ‘You haven’t missed the train, have you?’ he asked concerned.
‘No.’ I felt as though I might fall asleep any minute myself. ‘The last one is at midnight, I think.’
‘Perhaps I should have organised a car.’
‘No really – the train’s fine. They sent me a return ticket.’ And I can get something to eat at the station …
‘I’ll come with you to get a cab.’
We gathered our coats and left. It was cold outside. As the three of us walked up to the corner of Sloane Square, I wished I could just close my eyes and be instantly transported back to my bed at home. Instead, I’d have to sit on a train for the best part of two hours with all the old drunks – not a prospect I relished, even if I was one of them.
Cal had managed to conjure up a cab already. ‘Victoria station,’ he said to the driver. ‘Have you got cash?’ he said to me. ‘Keep all your receipts.’
I nodded, just wanting to slump in the back of the cab. But he had his hand on my arm. ‘I’ll be in touch,’ he said. ‘Let you know when we’re coming down.’ He opened the door and kissed me on both cheeks. ‘You’ve been terrific today – absolutely fantastic.’
‘Bye,’ said Tanya. She looked as exhausted as I felt, her eyes huge and black in her white face.
Cal waved as the cab moved off. ‘I’ll call you.’
It was almost 1 a.m. when I was woken up in Ramsgate. I remembered cramming the huge egg and bacon baguette I’d managed to grab before throwing myself on to the 23.07, but the rest of the journey was a blank. I must have fallen asleep almost immediately.
Now, damn it, I had missed my station and by the amused looks I was getting from the grinning bloke opposite had probably spent the journey dribbling or snoring or both. I gave a small start as I saw myself reflected in the dark window of the train – it wasn’t just the smudged eye-make-up, it was the alien hair. I‘d totally forgotten I now looked like that.
I stumbled up the steps at the station, praying there’d be some taxis on the rank. The one I got smelled of beer but at least it got me home. It was after two by the time I’d wandered about the house in a daze, drunk two pints of water, got my clothes off, and was staring at myself in the bathroom mirror. Not only had the eye make-up spread itself but my whole face had that blowsy, saggy, been-on-the tiles look. Only my hair was holding up.
Could I be arsed to take my make-up off ? Usually in this state, no. But remembering that I was supposed to be being fab at 40, and recalling the state of my face in the mornings when I didn’t, I reluctantly pulled my forever-young foaming exfoliating cleanser toward me.
As I finally clambered into bed at 2.40 a.m., putting my mobile on the table beside me, I noticed the text from Charlotte. Hope u great time. Forgot say got go bloody work after all. Will drop S off on way at 8 get coffee on xx
I set my alarm for 7.30 a.m. and collapsed into the pillows. I dreamt about Cal.
Chapter Twenty
Beeb de beep de beep … Ugh. Yuck. Go away. Shut up!
I groped around for the snooze button for the second time, groaning as the clock showed it was 7.40 a.m. and Charlotte would be arriving with Stanley in 20 minutes.
Despite being so tired when I’d got into bed, I’d woken at 4.30 a.m. and 5.30 a.m., mainly to sit up and look at my hair in the dressing table mirror or stare at the ceiling unbelievingly as I relived my day as TV star. It felt exciting when I looked back on it but deeply unreal.
I’d finally relaxed and got warm and snuggly and ready to sleep for ever at about 6.30 a.m. and had one glorious hour of deepest slumber until I’d been rudely awakened. I dragged myself from under the duvet and staggered toward the bathroom.
I cleaned my teeth and spent ten minutes re-spiking my hair with the putty stuff, until it was pretty much as good as when Antonio had done it.
‘Tra-la !’ I said, opening the door in my dressing gown and giving Charlotte a twirl. ‘What do you think?’
‘Very nice, love,’ said Charlotte.
Stanley’s eyes widened. ‘Oh – my – God,’ he intoned flatly. I kissed him.
‘Don’t tell me you’re embarrassed by having a thoroughly cool and funky mother,’ I said triumphantly.
Charlotte nudged him. ‘Make her wear a balaclava when she picks you up from school.
‘I’d have left Stanley in bed snoring away like the others and you could have got him later,’ she said to me. ‘But he said he needed to come back to do something with you. Though you look like you should have stayed in bed yourself,’ she finished, looking me up and down.
‘No, that’s fine,’ I said, yawning, and remembering that I’d promised Stanley we’d go to see a film or something to make up for my disappearing act. ‘We’ll have a nice long day together now.’
‘He hasn’t had any breakfast,’ Charlotte informed me. ‘I did offer but he said it was too early.’
‘That’s OK. I’ll get him
some in a minute. Go and put your stuff upstairs, darling. I’ll make you a coffee,’ I said, turning back to Charlotte as Stanley trudged off with his rucksack.
‘A quick one, then.’
‘Are you OK?’ I said to her as I poured water into the cafetière. ‘You seem a bit distracted.’
‘I’ll tell you later. Blimey, that looks strong.’
‘I’m going to need it to be to stay awake.’
‘Good time?’
‘It was fantastic. First we went to see this mad American woman …’
I began to prattle away but I soon got the feeling Charlotte wasn’t really listening. ‘Is everything all right?’ I asked her eventually.
She looked at her fingernails. ‘I don’t know,’ she said thoughtfully.
I felt a frisson of alarm. ‘What’s wrong with you?’
She looked up and met my eyes. ‘Nothing’s wrong with me. But I’m rather wondering what Roger’s up to.’
‘What do you mean?’ My stomach was now fluttering anxiously in a way that had nothing to do with my hangover. Was she looking at me particularly hard? ‘What’s he done?’
‘He’s just behaving oddly.’ Charlotte frowned. ‘Becky was waiting for him to take her round to Lauren’s for the night and his phone was on the kitchen table and a text came in. Becky picked it up – and when he came into the kitchen and she said, “You’ve got a text, Dad,” he went mad. Grabbed it from her and really told her off – said she should leave people’s things alone, that you didn’t go reading other people’s messages. He was really over the top.’
‘Well,’ I said carefully, feeling sure the alarm was now showing on my face, ‘I suppose that’s fair enough. I mean, I get cross when Stanley plays about with my phone – especially when he starts changing the ring tone. Last week, he …’
‘I know all that,’ interrupted Charlotte impatiently. ‘We’ve brought the kids up to respect each other’s things and not read diaries or letters etc. Of course we have – but this was different. She’s often told one of us a text is there – she reads mine out to me sometimes. Why shouldn’t she? I haven’t got anything to hide.’ She was still looking at me. ‘Have you noticed anything different about him?’
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