I got an answer to that question before I left the party. Vanessa and Emily cornered me when I came out of the bathroom. “We’re telling Brynn,” said Vanessa.
I didn’t have to ask what she meant. “Why would you do that?” I asked.
Emily made this weird, high-pitched sound. “Brynn deserves to know that Sophie is going after Billy.”
“Don’t you think that’s going to upset her?” I asked.
Emily rolled her eyes. “Obviously.”
“Sophie should have thought of that before she kissed Billy,” added Vanessa.
I didn’t know what else to say to Vanessa or Emily. Sophie kissed Billy, but he didn’t exactly not kiss her back. They know as well as I do that Billy isn’t going out with Brynn anymore. He’s free to kiss whomever he wants.
I felt sick as I thought about what Brynn will do when she finds out. I wanted to ask when they were planning to tell her and suggest that a good time would be after we graduate. But I knew it would be a whole lot sooner than that.
When the party started to die down, I told Leo good-bye, and Sophie and I left. As we were walking home, Sophie linked her arm through mine. “I like Billy,” she said. There it was—a delayed response to the question I’d asked at May’s game. She looked so happy. And oblivious.
I didn’t want to upset her, but she had to know what happened with Vanessa and Emily outside the bathroom. As I told her, her smile disappeared. “It’s no one’s business if I like Billy. If Emily and Vanessa get involved, it’s just stupid, small-town gossip.”
It was the first time I’d ever heard Sophie say anything negative about Faraway. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I had to tell you.” I paused. “I don’t know what Brynn will do.”
I could see Sophie’s frown, even in the dark. “Brynn doesn’t own Billy,” she said. “It’s a free country. He can like whoever he wants.”
“True,” I said. “Billy can do what he wants.”
I didn’t say this, but so can Brynn.
New Year’s Day
Disaster strikes
Dad closed the Love Doctor Diner today and had a brunch there for my extended family, which should have been great because Dad makes the best brunch. Ham, bacon, cheese grits, scrambled eggs, biscuits, and homemade cinnamon rolls.
Unfortunately, Mom decided (without asking me) to include Billy’s and Brynn’s families. “Mom, how could you do that?” I asked. I put my empty juice glass down on the kitchen counter. Granted, Mom didn’t know what happened last night at the party, but she’s aware that Brynn and I aren’t speaking to each other. “I don’t see how you could invite the Stephenses. It’s going to be so uncomfortable.”
“They have been family friends for a long time,” said Mom.
“That’s not a reason to invite them, especially without asking me.”
“April, it’s a new year,” said Mom. “You and Brynn should both be able to put aside whatever is happening between you and get along for a few hours.”
I knew the matter was closed. Mom couldn’t uninvite them. But as I got dressed to go to the diner, I felt the orange juice I’d drunk churning in my stomach. I didn’t know if Vanessa and Emily had told Brynn yet about what happened, but I literally felt sick thinking about it.
The bad feeling I had about how the day would turn out grew as my extended family filtered in. By the time Sophie and her mom arrived, and then Billy and his family, I had a sinking feeling about what was going to happen. Unfortunately, it turns out my intuition was spot on.
I saw Brynn’s face as she walked into the diner, and I knew she’d heard what happened at the party. She went straight up to Sophie. She hugged her and whispered something in her ear. I could tell from the way Sophie recoiled that whatever Brynn had said to her wasn’t as sweet a greeting as it seemed.
Brynn looked at Billy, but she didn’t say anything to him. Then she walked toward me and gave me the same hug she’d just given Sophie. “I hate you,” she whispered in my ear. Her words sounded more like a threat than a statement.
My eyes found Billy’s. We’ve been friends for so long I think he understood that there was a problem. He walked over to where Brynn and I were standing and looped his arms around both of us. To everyone else, I’m sure it looked like a friendly gesture. He steered us outside and motioned for Sophie to follow.
“What’s the problem?” he asked when we were finally out of earshot. I didn’t say anything, and neither did Sophie.
“You’re disgusting,” Brynn said to Sophie. She practically spat the words at her.
“OK, calm down,” Billy said. Even though he didn’t look in Brynn’s direction, I knew it was meant for her. “We can figure this out.”
Billy loves diplomacy as much as he hates confrontation. I knew his intention in bringing all of us outside was to clear things up. I also knew it wasn’t happening.
“Everyone saw you kiss Billy at the party,” Brynn said to Sophie. “I guess you don’t care about your reputation.”
“Brynn!” said Billy.
Sophie looked hurt. “You and Billy broke up,” she said.
Brynn moved away from Sophie, like being anywhere near her was physically unpleasant. She turned her attention to Billy. “You’re so pathetic,” she said.
Then she looked at me. “And you’re nothing. You’re absolutely nothing to me, and you never will be.” Then she put her hand on her head and went back inside and said something to her mother. A few minutes later the Stephenses left.
Not a great way to start the new year.
Hope smiles from the threshold of the year to come, whispering, “It will be happier.”
—Alfred Lord Tennyson
Friday, January 2, 9:15 a.m.
Waking up
I woke up this morning to Mom sitting on the edge of my bed. “What happened yesterday outside the diner? Carol called this morning, and she’s concerned about what’s going on with you and Brynn. So am I.”
The last thing I wanted was for the moms to get involved. Sleepiness was my only weapon. I closed my eyes. “Mom, I’m not even awake yet. I don’t want to talk about this.”
But Mom wasn’t letting it go. “April, I know you and Brynn have had some issues, but you, Billy, Brynn, and Sophie were outside talking yesterday. and you all looked upset. Did something happen?”
There was no way I was telling Mom about Sophie and Billy kissing or what happened at the party with Emily and Vanessa. “Don’t worry,” I said. I yawned like I was going back to sleep. “It’ll all work out,” I mumbled.
But I’m not so sure it will.
Saturday, January 3, 10:45 p.m.
Saying good-bye
Leo is leaving for college tomorrow, so tonight we had what he called our last date. “It’s kind of ironic,” he said. “We just had our first date, and we’re already on our last.” He laughed. I could tell he thought he was being pretty funny.
I would have laughed too, but it felt like I was having a lot of “lasts” for so early in the year. I couldn’t help thinking about Brynn. New Year’s Day was probably the last time I’ll ever speak to her.
As I thought about it, my mood darkened.
“Penny for your thoughts,” said Leo as we sat down with plates of chicken and rice and hummus from the Middle Eastern restaurant in the food court at the mall.
In the short time I’ve gotten to know Leo, I’ve learned there’s no point in not telling him what’s on my mind, since he seems to get when something’s troubling me. I told him what happened at the diner. “Brynn is being so unreasonable. How can she hold me responsible for what happens between Sophie and Billy?”
This wasn’t the first time we’d discussed this. I knew Leo’s opinion on it. He thinks Brynn is lashing out at me when the real issue is between Brynn and Billy (why they broke up) and between Billy and Sophie (if they’re going to get together.) “You don’t even belong in this fight,” he said. “You’ve tried to be a friend to Brynn,” said Leo. “But it takes two.”
>
I nodded. It was a pretty simple way of looking at things, but it’s the truth. “I get why you’re upset,” said Leo, sensing I wasn’t quite done with the topic. “Brynn was your BFF for a long time.”
I giggled. It was funny to hear BFF come out of his mouth.
He smiled. “I know what a BFF is,” he said and continued. “I think the only thing you should be asking yourself is if you did everything you could to try to talk to Brynn and be a friend to her.”
“I did. But she was so mad at the diner. I’ve never seen her confront someone like that. Who knows what else she’ll do when school starts again?” Something tells me she’s not getting over this so fast.
Leo dipped a pita chip into the little pile of hummus on his plate and stuffed it into his mouth. He chewed and swallowed, then looked at me. “Why worry about tomorrow today?” he asked. “Especially when today is our last day to hang out for a while.”
He had a point. “Why don’t we talk about you?” I said.
“The only topic I like talking about less than other people is myself,” said Leo.
I wasn’t letting him off the hook that easily. “You’re leaving for college tomorrow. How do you feel?” I hadn’t meant to sound like I was interviewing him, but that’s how my question came off.
“Scared,” Leo said honestly. He paused. “My mom was the one who thought I should go to college, but my dad never did. He thinks I’m too young. I broke the tie, so now off I go. I know Tuscaloosa is only a few hours away, but it feels like I’m going to New Zealand.” Leo shrugged. “I hope it’s the right decision.”
I felt like I needed to boost his confidence. “You’ll do great,” I said.
Leo nodded like he appreciated my faith in him. “But there are a lot of things I’m going to miss,” he said.
“Like what?” I asked flirtatiously.
Leo laughed. “Like you, April.”
“Good answer!” I told him.
We left the food court and walked around the mall and talked. He drove me home, and I sat in his car for a long time in my driveway before I got out. I didn’t want to say good-bye, but it was getting late.
When it was time for me to go in, Leo leaned across the seat and kissed my cheek. It was sweet, but sad. Then he told me he had a final good-bye gift for me. “I’ll send my first-ever text to you when I get to campus.”
“I’m honored,” I said.
“I really am going to miss you,” said Leo.
“Me too,” I said.
“You’re going to miss you too?” asked Leo. “But you’ll be here with yourself every day, whereas I, on the other hand, won’t see you until I return home in February.” I knew he was teasing. The absurdity made me laugh even as I was telling him good-bye. Somehow, whenever I’m around him, I’m happy.
Even when I’m sad.
Sunday, January 4, 8:45 p.m.
Last night of winter break
Going back to school at the end of a break is always stressful, and I’m not the only one who thinks so. May and June just came into my room. June pointed to May. “She’s nervous about going back to school tomorrow.” Even though I felt bad for May and it was kind of funny to see June in the role of junior spokesperson, I wasn’t in the mood to deal with my little sister’s problems. I had my own issues to deal with.
June didn’t wait for me to ask for an explanation. “May is trying out for the softball team and so is Krystal. We might have to TP her house again.”
I bit my lip to keep from smiling. “You can’t go around throwing toilet paper in people’s yards every time they’re mean to you,” I said.
“See?” May said looking at June. Clearly they’d been discussing this.
“So what’s the issue?” I asked May.
She brushed a stray hair off her face. “I guess I’m just scared about tryouts.”
“You’re such a good athlete. You’ll make whatever team you try out for,” I said, partly to make her feel better, but mostly so she and June would leave.
“I hope so,” said May. She shrugged. “A lot of girls are trying out. I don’t know what’s going to happen.”
“I know the feeling,” I told her. Even though the last few days with Leo were a welcome distraction, there was so much drama over what happened New Year’s Eve. I have this gnawing feeling there’s more to come. May said it perfectly.
I don’t know what’s going to happen.
Sometimes doing something is worse than doing nothing.
—Meredith Grey
Monday, January 5, 7:29 a.m.
Grumpy
Last night after May left my room, she came back. She wanted to know if she could sleep with me. I felt bad so I let her, but she kept tossing and turning and sticking her knees and elbows into me. She finally fell asleep, but I couldn’t. My brain was racing.
I hadn’t expected Brynn to show up at the diner and confront anyone. She definitely hasn’t been acting like the Brynn I used to know and love. Plus, now Emily and Vanessa have been drawn into what’s going on, so I don’t know what to expect at dance. They’re clearly Team Brynn.
I was also thinking about what’s going to happen with Sophie and Billy. They kissed. As Leo said, that’s between them. In theory, it doesn’t affect me. But the reality is they’re my best friends. If they start going out, will they spend all their time together? Without me?
And there’s Leo. We’re definitely more than friends, but we’re not boyfriend and girlfriend. It’s not that I necessarily want to go out with him. I like the way things are now, but I have no idea what it will be like when I’m here and he’s off at school. I just Googled long distance relationships where you’re more than friends but not going out. It’s not even a category.
Argh.
After all this reflection and Googling, I’m not any wiser. But I am late for school.
6:44 p.m.
Mad
I had a bad feeling Brynn was going to lash out, but I seriously underestimated what she would do. Ms. Baumann had given us winter break off, so today was our first day back at practice since the confrontation at the New Year’s Day brunch.
At break, Emily came up to me and said Brynn told her I was happy when Emily sprained her ankle last semester and I got to dance her solo in the show. “Is that true?” she asked.
“That’s crazy,” I said.
But Emily didn’t seem convinced. “It kind of makes sense that you’d be happy you got to take my place.”
“I can’t believe you’d think I’d be happy you hurt yourself,” I told her.
Emily eyed me accusatorily. “Brynn said that would be your reaction.”
“Of course, that’s my reaction. What other reaction is there?” But Emily didn’t answer. I don’t know if I made my point or not.
It’s so dumb. Part of me doesn’t care.
Wednesday, January 7,10:02 p.m.
Furious
I could have gotten over what Brynn told Emily. It was absurd. Plus, I have a hard time thinking that Emily really believes it’s true.
I also could have gotten over the fact that yesterday Vanessa came up to me after dance and said that she’s really sad for Brynn that I wasn’t there for her when she was obviously going through a hard time, and that it just makes her wonder how committed I am to being part of the dance team. Seriously?
But now I’m truly mad.
I just found out Brynn is having a spa day at her house on Saturday afternoon and invited all the freshman girls on the dance team . . . EXCEPT ME!
When Kate Walls texted me saying how much fun it’s going to be that we’ll all be together at Brynn’s for manis and pedis, I felt like I was going to throw up. I don’t want to be excluded from something all the ninth graders on the team are doing. My first reaction was to call Brynn and say something, but what’s the point?
Even if she had invited me, the last place I want to be is with her.
Thursday, January 8, 10:17 p.m.
Annoyed
&nbs
p; Leo texted me when he got to school, but tonight was our first live conversation since he left for college. He was so upbeat about his classes and the unlimited cereal bar in the morning and the fact that his dorm is only 163 to 165 steps from the library. He said he counted twice and got a slightly different number both times and that by his estimation some dorms are more than 600 steps from the library.
Then he asked me what’s going on with me. I started to tell him about the girl drama going on in dance, but I stopped myself. It seemed trivial in comparison, and it was a little unsettling that a.) I don’t even want to talk about my own life, and b.) Leo has only been gone four days, and I already feel like there’s stuff I can’t tell him.
Then I heard talking and laughter in the background, and Leo said he had to go because he had a floor meeting and it was starting. I don’t even know what a floor meeting is, but I know it includes other people because I heard them. I pictured Leo surrounded by those people. College people.
Annoying.
Saturday, January 10, 4:10 p.m.
Surprised (not in a good way)
Today was the day the dance team went to Brynn’s house.
I told Sophie what they were doing without me, and she suggested we have our own spa day, so I went over to Gaga’s, and we sat on the floor of Sophie’s room and painted our fingernails and toenails.
While we were waiting for them to dry, I noticed something I didn’t remember seeing the last time I was there— a bright-colored, carved wooden fish on her bookshelf. “Is that new?” I asked motioning to the fish.
Sophie smiled. She got up and got the fish from the bookshelf and brought it over so I could get a better look. “Billy brought it back to me from his trip to Mexico. Cool, huh?”
I told her I thought it was, but what I was really thinking was that if Billy brought Sophie a gift back from Mexico, he must like her. I already had a feeling he did, especially when I saw them kiss on New Year’s Eve. But Billy was in Mexico over Christmas, which means he got her the fish before they kissed. It was proof that Sophie and Billy are going to get together.
Too Much Drama Page 6