When Tamsyn had made it clear she had no interest in reconciling with him, he had married Sharon, the woman who had been in his bed that day. Tamsyn thought at the time he had done it in an effort to make her jealous, make her realise what she was throwing away. Perhaps he thought an engagement to Sharon would make her change her mind. Or perhaps she was kidding herself again.
She straightened up and watched him raise his arm in a wave as he looked around acquisitively. Silently, she answered her own question; she knew what he wanted and he’d get the same response as Richard.
“You look good, Tammy,” he commented and she knew he was lying.
She was wearing her scruffiest shirt, her oldest, torn up jeans and her hunter wellies. Her face was scrubbed clean and she hadn’t even showered this morning, so her hair was greasy and bits of straw nested in her blonde curls.
Kevin was a fastidious man, a man who always wanted himself and his wife to be impeccably dressed, so why was he telling her she was looking good, when she knew she looked like the sort of woman he would have mocked in the past? She didn’t believe leopards were capable of changing their spots.
“What are you doing here, Kevin?” She demanded.
“You don’t sound as though you’re pleased to see me.”
“Should I be?”
She slung Mason’s stable rug over the post and rail fence, thinking to give it an airing while the sun was still warm, then climbed through the rails herself and turned to make her way back to the house. Whatever his intention in coming here, she had no wish to encourage it.
“Tammy,” he began, falling into step beside her. “Can we talk?”
“What about?”
He followed her inside the house and into the kitchen; while she filled the kettle he looked around appreciatively. He’d never been here before, had imagined it to be a smallish place with faded furnishings. This kitchen had not come cheap, if he was any judge, and he felt a little annoyed that he hadn’t done anything to hold up the divorce until after the old girl died.
The truth was, Sharon was nagging to get married and he allowed his lust to rule his head. Now he was seeing what he’d missed out on and he was angry with himself.
He grimaced as he watched his ex-wife wash her hands at the kitchen sink. Wasn’t there a downstairs bathroom she could use?
“Let me make the coffee,” he said. “You go and get cleaned up.”
She turned and stared at him with a look of contempt.
“I don’t drink coffee, Kevin. I never have and I can wash my hands here as well as anywhere else. Or did you think I was going to spend an hour in the bathroom, making myself presentable because you’ve decided to honour me with a visit?”
She poured the boiling water over the tea leaves and set the pot to brew while she took out some mugs.
“Tea?” She asked him reluctantly.
“Coffee, please.”
She shook her head.
“I don’t keep coffee. I’ve no use for it.”
It was a lie, she did keep a small jar of instant for visitors, but she wasn’t about to be manipulated by him.
“So, why have you come and what do you want to talk about?”
He didn’t answer her question, just carried on looking around the enormous kitchen, glancing out of the window at the acres and acres of paddocks, the barns, the stables. She had no doubt he was not admiring the animals.
His eyes rested on the photographs displayed on the wall, all in silver frames. Tilly had left them there and Tamsyn saw no reason to move them.
Now he nodded at a large photograph of Tamsyn and her sister with Tilly.
“What is she doing now?” He asked, although she doubted he was really interested.
“Keira? Who knows? I haven’t heard from her in years.”
“Why not? She’s your sister.”
“So they tell me. I wrote when Tilly died, at least to the last place I knew she was living, but I never got a reply and she didn’t come to the funeral either.”
“What happened? You used to be so close.”
She shrugged.
“We fell out about her choice of career. None of my business really, but I couldn’t just keep quiet. She didn’t appreciate my interference, and I expect she was right.”
“She was a dancer, wasn’t she?”
Tamsyn laughed cynically.
“She was a stripper,” she replied. “Don’t pretend you didn’t know that. Now, what did you want to talk to me about?”
“Us,” he said. She arched an eyebrow at him. “I’ve missed you, Tam.”
He reached out and took her hand and she shuddered. Had she really loved this man? She thought she had at the time, but she hadn’t missed him at all, had been relieved to be away from him.
“Well, sorry about that, Kev. I’m sure you’ll get over it. I heard you married the slag you had in my bed.”
He looked quickly down at his hands.
“It didn’t work out.”
“Ah. So you thought you could just backtrack, did you? Thought good old Tammy would still be hankering after you.”
“I had hoped we might be able to patch things up, yes. I won’t deny it. I knew I’d made a terrible mistake the minute you’d gone.”
“That must be why you were so generous with the divorce settlement,” she said sarcastically.
Again he looked away.
“I’m sorry about that, Tam. It was Sharon’s doing, not mine.”
“Well, you were right then; she must have something I never had, since I could never have got you to let me tell you what to do. What did she have, Kevin? Apart from blown up boobs and a nose for money, that is?”
“Do we have to talk about her?”
She smiled, feeling smug and feeling no shame because of it. Didn’t work out, eh? Serve him right.
“We don’t have to talk at all,” she said. “Don’t tell me - you’re divorced and they’ve frozen your accounts? Or perhaps Sharon learned from my mistake and got her claws into your bank balance before you had a chance to hide it.”
“This has nothing to do with money!”
She laughed out loud at that.
“Everything has something to do with money as far as you’re concerned,” she replied scornfully. “You really think I was born yesterday, don’t you? Look at you. You come here in the sort of clothes you wouldn’t have been seen dead in when we were married and try to creep round me. What about the car? Hired is it?”
“You’ve grown very cynical Tamsyn,” he said. “Yes, Sharon and I have split up. Yes, she’s taken me for everything she can get and yes I was a bloody fool to have anything to do with her. But I was more of a fool to let you go. We had a good thing going, Tam.”
She turned back to the counter to pour out her tea and collect her thoughts. Her memory showed her the years of their marriage, even before, from giving up a career because of him to trying to turn herself into what he wanted her to be.
He chose her clothes, her make up, even tried to foist his taste in music onto her. She rebelled only once, when he dragged her off to the opera and made her sit through hours of what to her was a screaming row. Then he got angry when she didn’t express her euphoria at the experience, when she told him straight she would never set foot in an opera house again.
When she’d walked out of their house after finding Sharon in her bed, she’d cried for a day or so, then hoped never to see him again. As time went on, she began to feel free for the first time since she had met him, began to feel that she once more fitted into her own skin. He had tried to turn her into something he wanted, something she was not, and she hadn’t even realised it at the time.
Now she turned to face him, leaned against the counter and sipped her tea.
“Wrong, Kevin. You had a good thing going and I just went along with it. Here I can be myself in the company of creatures who will never let me down. Why would I want to give all that up?”
He sat on the high stool at the breakfast ba
r and gazed up at her, a little half smile on his face.
“I understand. You’re bitter; I broke your heart.”
Now she did laugh, loudly.
“Don’t kid yourself,” she said. “I’ve never been happier than since we split up. I’ve been thinking of writing a thank you note to Sharon.”
“Come on, give me a chance. I made one mistake and that’s it? You can’t tell me you prefer to live in the back of beyond with a lot of smelly animals than our lovely house in the suburbs.”
“Can’t I? No, perhaps you’re right. I can’t tell you anything because you think your way is the only way.”
As she turned to put her empty mug down on the counter she felt his arms around her waist, felt his lips on her neck and her mouth turned down in distaste. She shook him off and slipped away from him.
“Please go, Kevin.”
“Please, Tammy. Don’t throw away this second chance. We can sell this place, buy a nice house in Epping again, or even a flat in London.”
Her first instinct was to tell him the farm wasn’t hers to sell, but she bit her tongue before the words slipped out. It would be much more satisfying to know he would think he had missed out on something.
“Is that why you’ve come?” She went to the door and stood holding it open.
It hurt, for some reason, to know that the only two men who had ever meant anything to her were only after her money. For the first time, she was very glad she didn’t have any.
“Of course not. I’m only thinking of you.”
Oh, gee! Did that bring back memories. Every time he wanted to manipulate her to his way of thinking he said he was only thinking of her.
“Do you know what, Kevin,” she said bitterly. “You haven’t even asked me if I’ve met someone else. It hasn’t crossed your mind, has it, that I might have someone, that I might not have been sitting waiting for you to change your mind?”
He blushed. No, it hadn’t occurred to him.
“Of course it crossed my mind.”
“No, it didn’t. You just assumed no one could replace you. Either that or that no one else would want me. Get out.”
He didn’t argue this time, just walked past her and out toward his hired car. Waste of money, that was, and all for her benefit. But what she said was true, wasn’t it? It hadn’t occurred to him that she might have someone else in her life. Yet she was a beautiful woman, at least when she took the trouble to dress properly and put on some makeup.
As he drove away, Kevin wondered if he had blown his chances completely.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Richard’s allowance didn’t stretch to much more than a cheap boarding house. He could have stayed at the farm as long as he wanted if he hadn’t got involved, if he hadn’t been tempted by that gorgeous body, if he hadn’t been struck by conscience for lying to her. But he had been tempted and he had lied and he couldn’t take advantage like that.
Now he was renting a room with a shared bathroom, shared kitchen and outside doors that were locked at midnight. He looked around the shabby space, containing his bed, his sofa and his tv, all in one place. There wasn’t even room for a wardrobe, but that hardly mattered. The only clothes he had were Kevin’s old jeans and tee shirt.
He closed his eyes and compared it to his luxurious London flat, compared his present circumstances with what he had lost and realised that none of those things were his deepest regret. His deepest regret was in destroying any chance he might ever have had of being with Tamsyn.
He’d even be happy here in this dismal place if she were with him. He closed his eyes at night and fell asleep with her lovely face before his eyes, his dreams found her in his arms, her long, shapely legs wrapped around him, her lips on his neck, gliding along his shoulders.
He stirred in response to those dreams and accepted he was in love for the first time in his life. If he’d known, if he had thought for one moment that she would capture his soul like this, he would have been honest with her from the start. But would he? Would that have worked any better and would she have even allowed him to stay had she known he was out on bail and still living with his wife?
Not any more though. The Divorce petition arrived that morning. He’d been waiting for it ever since he left a note for Tamsyn and crept away from the house in the early hours, like some Victorian, forbidden lover.
He had meant to go home, but he just couldn’t face it. He’d phoned Donna three days later, told her he wouldn’t be coming home and learned to his horror that she had already spoken to Tamsyn. So it was all too late now.
He wasn’t going to argue about the divorce; she could take whatever was left. Even if he was acquitted of all charges, he could never go back to the city, to his previous occupation. His reputation was shot to hell; no smoke without fire. That’s what people would say.
But somehow that didn’t really matter much to him, not any more. He thought about going back to the office, back to the stress and pressure of his profession, but the memory of that beautiful dog and her adorable little puppies chased the thoughts away. He knew where he wanted to be, and it wasn’t in the city, feeding an ulcer or an early heart attack.
Had he ever really wanted that life? He had no idea. He was good at it and he had drifted into it; it never occurred to him that there were better things in the world. Then he had met Donna at a party one night, taken her out a few times, slept with her a few times and they’d sort of drifted into marriage.
He’d paid no attention while she ran up bills in every big store in London; he could afford it, so why should he care? She wasn’t the only one who liked expensive clothes, was she? He’d done his share of spending. It never occurred to him that his money was more attractive than he was, not until he’d drifted into being accused of insider dealing and she would rather he paid back money he hadn’t stolen than that she should have to budget.
That had been his life up until the day he went to Fallen Stars farm and met Tamsyn once more. Drifting; he had drifted into every single thing that had ever happened to him. Was he going to drift into a miserable future as well? Was he going to allow the only woman he had ever loved to drift away, drift into the arms of another man?
He’d made no effort for any of it, but now he knew he had at last found something worth fighting for and he intended to fight for her. Even if she chased him down the drive with her stable fork, at least he would know he had tried. He’d even sleep in the stable with Mason if he had to, as long as he could make her listen.
But he could do nothing until after the trial. It wasn’t fair to expect Tamsyn to wait while he stayed in prison for a couple of years, even if she did believe him innocent, even if she did forgive him for lying to her. In the States the penalty for insider dealing was up to twenty years behind bars and he could only hope the English courts would be more lenient. He knew he was innocent, but that didn’t mean they would, and it didn’t mean Tamsyn would either. He had to wait and that wait was killing him.
***
Autumn was drawing in. Tamsyn had her lights on in the house already and soon she would need the fire to take the chill off. She was very lucky that the trust paid for all her heating and lighting, or she would never be able to afford to stay in this house. It was too big; took a lot of heating.
Now she snuggled down on her enormous sofa, in front of the television with three of the four puppies asleep beside her and she was doing something she had always avoided – she was holding in her hand a glass of red wine. She had lived by herself for a long time and she always avoided drinking alone. She was not a heavy drinker, but she did enjoy the occasional glass of red wine, just not by herself; that way led to disaster.
But tonight she felt particularly vulnerable. Kevin had phoned after a couple of weeks and asked her again to give their marriage another go; Tamsyn wanted to tell him the farm was not hers, that Tilly had left her nothing but her salary, just to see how quickly he went off the idea of reconciliation. But she wanted him to find out for himself. Sh
e knew he would have a lawyer onto it, trying to find out if he still had a claim, and he would look really stupid when he found out it was all in trust.
Then there was the insecurity she was feeling right now. She couldn’t forget how quickly Richard had sneaked away when he found out she owned neither the farm, nor Tilly’s money. She knew Kevin would do the same, and she wasn’t sure her confidence could take the knock.
So she kept quiet and turned off the answerphone; every time she saw his number on her caller display, she ignored it. She had few phone calls anyway, so she hardly needed the answerphone for the salesmen who called and she had heard no more from Donna. She had heard no more from Donna’s husband either and while she tried to stay angry with him, she couldn’t help but wonder how he was doing, if he had gone back to his wife, if he was still free or been found guilty and sent to prison. And if he had, should she find out where and visit? No, definitely not. He would think she had come to gloat and she didn’t want that.
***
When Richard saw his lawyer’s number on his mobile phone, he wanted to grab whatever was handy and run away. His only reason for phoning would be that there was a date fixed for the trial, but instead his words sent thrills of elation glowing through him. The charges had been dropped. They had accepted that he was not to blame and there would be no more said about it.
He didn’t expect to get his job back though. After all the firm’s reputation was damaged and they would have no hope of rebuilding it with Richard on the staff. But the next phone call was from his firm, offering him reinstatement; to his surprise, his heart sank.
He didn’t want it back. He wanted to go back to Devon and fall at the feet of the love of his life, hope he could win her trust.
He needed her to accept the truth, the circumstances that had got him into the mess in the first place. It was important that she had no doubts.
Fallen Stars: Lies: Book One of Fallen Stars Romance Series Page 5