by Mindy Carter
I walk through the living room with a giant, cream-colored sectional and granite end tables to look out the floor to ceiling window, and I see the entire city below, blanketed in a light mist. I can see the Hudson and east rivers, the Bronx and Brooklyn, and also Central Park. This is a billion dollar view, and I’m so envious Keegan gets to wake up to it every day. The only thing missing right now is Keegan. Where is he?
I eye a gourmet kitchen with light filtering through, shining on the stainless steel, top-of-the-line appliances. A sweet smelling aroma fills the space as I continue my search. I spot a hallway and see several doors, so I open one and find a bedroom with a giant king sized bed with grey satin sheets. I step away, not wanting to invade the man’s privacy. Then I notice a door cracked open with natural light shining through and make my way to it.
I find Keegan sitting at a large, glass desk, facing the massive window and talking on the phone. Wanting to surprise him since he hasn’t been alerted to my presence, I remove my shoes and place my purse and the surprise I brought him on a white leather chair near the door. Then I quietly tiptoe over to him, the cool, white marble feeling good under my feet.
He’s talking to someone about a deadline in a stern voice that I find very sexy. He also goes on to say he won’t be reachable for the rest of the weekend, and I quietly jump up and down, knowing his plans include me.
When I reach him, I take him in. He’s wearing a pair of jeans and a blue T-shirt. I notice his biceps peeking through his sleeves, making me pretty sure one of the twenty-five rooms in this place is a gym, because he is gloriously sculpted.
I slowly reach my hands around his face and place my hands over his eyes, startling him, but I’m sure he knows it’s me. He quickly ends the call and pulls me around to face him.
“There she is,” he says, smiling as he pulls me down on his lap and hugs me close.
I take in his scent and whisper in his ear, “Hi, stranger.” Then I look at him and see excitement in his eyes.
He pulls me into a kiss and it’s desperate, letting me know he has missed me. I feel him harden underneath me, and I suddenly want to straddle him and kiss him everywhere possible. I’m like an animal that needs to be tamed.
When I grab a handful of his hair and tug, he moans, moving from my lips to my neck and kissing down my collarbone to my shoulders and back to my collarbone again. I feel so electrified, welcoming every sensation he gives me.
He nips my ear, giving me a shiver right down my back then laughing at my reaction to his playfulness.
“You smell so good,” he says seductively.
“So do you,” I respond, matching his tone.
“Are you hungry?”
“Maybe a little.” I’m hungry for him, but I will take whatever he’s offering.
“Was the ride over all right?”
“Yes, it was fine.”
“Good. Now, do you want the tour, or would you rather eat first?”
“I’ll take the tour,” I say.
He gently lifts me off his lap and looks into my eyes. “You look beautiful.”
I feel the heat creep up to my cheeks. “Thank you.”
“Even more now with those rosy cheeks.” He takes his finger and taps me on the nose.
I look away, feeling embarrassed that he can see my reaction to his words.
“I take it you have seen the living room.” He grabs my hand and pulls me toward the door.
We walk across the hall where he opens a door, and then we enter a room that I can only guess is the library because there are shelves lining all the walls with rows and rows of books. What catches my eye, however, is the white telescope placed in front of the floor to ceiling windows.
I look at him and smile. “Oh, you have been holding out on me.”
“Go ahead, have at it,” he says.
I sprint across the room and bend down to look through the telescope, seeing crystal clear waves through the lens.
“Is that the ocean?”
“Yes,” he replies, staring at me.
“This is amazing. I may just steal this for myself,” I say with a wink.
He gives me a heart-stopping smirk. Then I notice I missed seeing a beautiful, green-felt billiards table and plush, white couches and chairs facing a fireplace with a large, flat-screen television above it.
“If I lived here, I would never leave this room.”
“Is that a promise?”
“Maybe.”
When he walks over and holds his hand out for me to take, I place my hand in his, and then we walk out the door, heading down the long hallway.
The next room he shows me surprises me the most because it houses a pool. He has a pool in his house? This definitely feels like an episode of Cribs.
“You still swim?” he asks.
“Not as much as I like. It’s a little hard without having a pool in my apartment.”
“Feel free to swim here anytime. I rarely use it.”
“Why have this if you’re not going to use it?”
He shrugs.
I keep forgetting this isn’t high school Keegan who worked at the video store. He owns his own company. He’s famous, and I’m sure, if Cribs is actually still on, he would be on it.
He shows me a few more rooms that include a bedroom, a dining room, and a home gym, matching furniture in each room we see.
“Last but not least.” He opens the door to the room I peeked in earlier. I’m not sure why, but this makes me nervous.
“Your bedroom?” I ask, knowing the answer. It smells like him, and close up, the bed looks inviting, like I could have the most comfortable sleep ever. Directly in front of the wall is another large, flat screen and a huge walk-in closet, lined nicely with all his clothes. A nice white oak dresser sits to the side, and on top, there are two frames. One is a family picture with his parents and Kaleb. By the looks of it, they are on vacation somewhere warm.
“Your parents look good. Was this taken recently?”
“Last year, Kaleb and I took them on a Bahamas cruise.”
“I bet they loved that,” I state.
“Have you ever been?”
“On a cruise? Yeah! Reese and I went on one a couple years back. I can’t tell you anything about it, though, except that I have been sworn to secrecy.” I laugh at myself and the corny joke.
The other frame is the same picture of us as in his office.
“Did you take this from your office?” I ask.
“No, I’ve had this here since I moved in, and even before that.”
I’m not sure if I believe him. Why on earth would he keep this picture with him? How could he look at us every day and not want to reach out to me?
He pulls me into a hug and says, “I can see those wheels turning in that beautiful head of yours. I haven’t forgotten about you one single day since we met.”
I hold back my tears, enjoying the warmth and comfort he is giving me right now. We stay like this for a few minutes before he breaks the embrace and stares into my eyes. Then he grabs my chin, sending goose bumps all over my body.
“I have never lied to you, Aimee, and I never will.” I believe his sincerity, but I just have a suspicious feeling he’s not telling me everything; he’s holding something back.
I can’t think on that long, however, because he pulls me across the room and into what has to be the most enormous bathroom I have ever seen.
In the middle of the room sits an enormous bathtub, positioned in front of the window since there is no need for blinds or curtains being this high in the sky. I can see myself taking a hot bubble bath while looking out at the lights of the city at night. Every view is even better than the last.
I turn around to find there are two large, glass doors to a shower that is bigger than my entire apartment. There are multiple showerheads in the enclosed space. I also spot two matching his and hers vanity sinks with two mirrors.
What shocks me is the window, though. I think the window washers must have some
great stories.
“Nice,” I comment.
This place could be on an episode of Cribs. Is that even still on television? I have no clue.
As we make our way back to the living room, I ask, “Did you decorate all by yourself?”
“No, I’m terrible at making decisions. This is all Gretchen. She chose everything.” There she is again, the person he’s close enough to that she is trusted to decorate his place.
“Why do you ask?”
“I was just curious. Don’t get me wrong; this place is extraordinary. I love everything about it,” I admit.
I almost forget he’s still holding my chin until he swoops down for an innocent kiss.
“Shall we?” he asks.
I nod and he tells me to make myself comfortable. Since that is easier said than done, I take another opportunity to look at his view of New York City.
Hearing him making himself busy in the kitchen, I turn around to I see him staring at me from across the room.
“Take a picture, it will last longer,” I tell him.
He shakes his head at me.
“Do you need help with anything?”
“You can help yourself to some wine if you like.”
“I meant with dinner.” Really, a man after my own heart.
Once he pulls out a wine glass and a bottle already opened on the counter and places it down for me, I walk over and pour the white wine in the glass, feeling his eyes on me.
I hold his stare, lifting up the glass. “Happy?”
“You have no idea.”
But I do. If he is feeling a fraction of what I am right now, then I do know.
“What are you cooking?”
“Chicken Parm,” he replies.
“Yum.”
“Still your favorite?”
I nod, my stomach growling at the anticipation of eating his delicious creation.
“When did you learn to cook?”
He opens the oven and closes it again before he answers me. “My mother, of course. She insisted since Kaleb and I were living on our own that we both needed to learn.”
Keegan’s mother Grace was always a whiz in the kitchen and made the most delectable meals.
“It’s just about done.” He pulls a chair out that faces a long, marble bar along the kitchen’s window then motions me over, and I walk over like a magnet.
“I figured we could eat here and watch the sunset.”
I sit down, now facing the city, which immediately gives me butterflies. “That sounds lovely,” I tell him.
A few moments later, he brings over two plates filled with the chicken and pasta, the aroma coming off the plate heavenly. He places one in front of me then places the other down next to mine and walks away again, returning with a matching glass of wine for him.
When he scoots his chair close to mine so our arms are touching, I can feel his body heat, the sensation making me want to crawl into his lap.
We eat in silence, and with each bite, I’m given bursts of flavor that make me moan in delight while we watch the sun fall below the skyscrapers. The sky is a beautiful array of pinks, yellows, and blues.
The meal is one of the best I have ever tasted. His mother did good passing over her cooking knowledge.
He smiles over at me. “I take from how fast you devoured your dinner that you liked it?”
“It wasn’t bad,” I tease.
“I have a special dessert, but I think I’ll make you wait on that.”
I love when he flirts with me. The flash of his crooked smile and dimples makes my heart beat that much faster.
“More wine?”
“Yes, thank you.”
He reaches over so close I can smell his enticing scent and grabs my glass to refill. He quickly returns and holds out his hand for me, pulling me up close to him. With our chests touching, my breathing becomes shortened as he looks into my eyes as if he’s searching for something in them. I’m not sure if he finds what he’s looking for, but after a few moments, he pulls me over to the couch where he places my glass down on the coffee table before he walks away, returning with his wine.
Every piece of furniture is positioned to see the gorgeous view outside. It’s starting to get dark, and the light inside is dim, only a glow reflecting back from the buildings outside.
We sit closely, side by side, and I place my head on his shoulder, relishing the feel of him. He pulls me closer and kisses the top of my head, letting out a huge sigh.
“I can’t believe I went so long without this,” he whispers softly.
“So why did you?”
“That is a good question, one I’m not even sure of myself.”
Is the talk we have been tiptoeing around finally happening? Is this some type of turning point for us? I want to ask why he left me, but I’m afraid of hearing his answer.
Suddenly, my tears begin to seep out of my eyes, unable to be contained any longer. The pain is too much to bear, and being here with him just strengthens the feelings I had before he left me.
“Try me,” I say hesitantly.
He lets out a long breath and hugs me tight, as if he’s using our closeness as an anchor. “Aimee, I know I hurt you. I can see it in your eyes every time we talk about the past, and I hate myself for that. Those tears in your eyes are because of me, and I wish I could change so much from the night before I left.”
My heart stops at his words, as though time has frozen. Although his confession makes my tears flow even faster, I do my best to take in a deep breath so he can continue.
He looks at me and wipes the tears away, the pain in his eyes evident. I wish I could take it all away, take all of our pain away.
“I felt the same way you did, Aimee. I didn’t realize till that night, though. It scared the hell out of me like nothing had before. When you kissed me, it was like the whole world opened for me. It was different than any other kiss I ever had because it was you kissing me, and you meant something to me. I was already sad that I was leaving, and I know you were dreading it, too.”
I was dreading it. For the first time since we met, we would be separated, and I wanted so badly to be going away with him.
“I didn’t want to make you sad, Aimee. If you felt a smidgen of what I was feeling, I couldn’t face you. I was afraid that, if I told you how I felt, it would hurt you even more. I couldn’t do it. I spent the entire night thinking about it, and so I just left.”
“And, what? You thought it was best to ignore me, like that wouldn’t be awful at all?”
“I know I was a coward, but I was leaving for college, and I was distracted.”
“I was a distraction?”
“No, never,” he says, kissing away more of my tears. “Everything else was but you, Aimee. You were everything to me. I planned on settling in at school and talking once I came home to visit.”
“But you never came home, Keegan.” This is all so confusing. Nothing is making sense to me right now.
“I know, and I’m sorry. Things just spiraled for me at college.”
“How?”
“I couldn’t stop thinking of you, and it was driving me crazy. I replayed your messages just so I could hear your voice.”
“You know, you could’ve called me anytime. We could have talked, but you disappeared.”
“I was planning on coming back and letting you know that I had the same feelings.”
“But we both know you didn’t, so what happened, Keegan? Because this has been eating at me, and I need to know why.”
We can never be anything more unless he explains it all to me. I just need to understand.
He grabs my chin, and I see the fear in his gaze, letting me know whatever he’s going to tell me is going to be the very thing that will break me. This is what he’s been holding back.
“I went out with some friends. I drank a lot, and I had only told one of my friends about you. They thought that loosening myself up would be best. It took the edge off, and I began to be hopeful that things
would work out for us, but when I woke up the next day, my head was throbbing and…”
“And what, Keegan?” I knew what was coming. I knew what he was going to say, and I just wanted to crawl into a fetal position.
“Someone was with me, and we were naked. It was apparent that we’d had sex.”
There goes my heart, broken and shattered in a million pieces. I look away, trying to remove myself from his hold.
“Please, Aimee, let me finish. I need to explain.”
“You already have,” I tell him with a glare.
“Not everything.”
God, there’s more? I can’t handle this right now. It’s like I’m being punched in the stomach.
“Maybe I should just leave, Keegan. This is a lot.”
“No, you have to let me finish,” he begs.
I break away from him and hug my body, the warm and comforting feeling from earlier completely gone.
“I understand that you were young, Keegan, but why would you do that if you knew there was something between us?”
“It was a mistake.” He looks at me, his eyes begging me to stay.
“Tell me, what was the mistake? Me? Her? This is very confusing, Keegan.”
“I was ashamed of what I did. I knew then that I wasn’t good enough for you, not then at least.”
I’m starting to understand it all now, but it still hurts like he ripped a bandage from me.
“But you are now? After years and years, what makes you good enough now? I don’t care about your success, and your money means nothing to me.”
He runs his hands through his hair and takes a deep breath before. “I needed to be a man you could be proud of, one you could look at and see a future with.”
I’m angry with him and with myself for not being stronger. I should have tried harder to get him to talk to me. A few voice messages weren’t nearly enough. I should have gotten myself in a car and gone to him, so this is all just as much my fault as his. I was so used to him being there for me that I forgot he needed me, too.
“I was proud of you then, and I’m proud of you now. Not because of your success, but the kind of boy you were when we were young and the man you turned into. I missed you, but it’s not all your fault. I should’ve tried harder to get you to talk to me.”