My Dirty Detour: An Alpha Male Mafia Comedy Romance

by Grace Risata

  “Good thing I fixed that computer, huh?” I asked.

  “Yes,” he replied, “That would have been a bitch to write long hand, which you would have had to do if you hadn’t been able to fix my computer.”

  I rolled my eyes and wondered how long it would take me to make sense of this chaotic mess piled in front of me. Rocky chose to ignore my expression and went through the double doors into the manufacturing room. I checked out his ass as he walked back there. He was wearing tight jeans and it was hard NOT to notice. Sergio picked that moment to walk in the front door. I hoped he hadn’t seen me ogling Rocky.

  As he strolled by on the way to the factory floor, he asked, “Hey, are you feeling better? Rocky said you were sick yesterday but he had a feeling you’d be back today.”

  So I was sick? That’s the excuse he made up? I guess he really did believe that keeping up appearances was important and he didn’t want it to look like I was gone for any other reason. There must be some rule that you can’t show any weakness in front of your employees.

  Sergio continued, “I’m glad to see you’ve returned to work. You’ve already done a lot to help us out around here. It hasn’t gone unappreciated.” You could have fooled me on that one. I don’t remember hearing a thank you or having a time set up to start learning self-defense. I’d have to ask when those lessons would begin. I wasn’t working for free.

  Our conversation was interrupted by the sudden crash of the front door opening violently. An amazingly beautiful woman walked in with an irate expression on her face. She was only an inch or two taller than me, but about four sizes thinner. She had long shiny black straight hair cascading halfway down her back. We’ve already established that I’m jealous of anyone who has better hair than I do, which is pretty much everyone. Hair is the first thing I notice on a person, I can’t help it. I would have traded my car to have hair as stunning as hers. Her flowing mane of awesome-ness wasn’t the only think that made her strikingly gorgeous. She had perfectly spaced large brown eyes under carefully arched brows. Her tiny nose made mine look like a pelican beak in comparison. A dark shade of red accentuated her thick full lips. She was wearing a glittery red tank top that showcased her flawless tan and perky boobs. If any of the guys at Sprozy cabinets could have seen her, they would have dropped dead on the spot. When you work with all guys all the time, you learn some things. I’ve discovered that they like it when I point out good-looking chicks. There’s something about a girl pointing out another girl that makes guys go nuts. Although I never experimented with anyone of the same sex, after seeing this girl I would have considered temporarily changing teams for a day. To say she was fucking sizzling hot would be the understatement of the year. I sure hoped she was here for Sergio. If this was Rocky’s girl, then I had no chance whatsoever. Not even in my fantasies. Not even if I won the lottery and had a total body makeover.

  “You must be the one who got my Vasily the plate?” she demanded. Ah…so this must be Irina. There’s no fucking way she thought I was trying to get him the plate to flirt with him, was she? Look at her and look at me. No way would anyone trade their Filet Mignon for a moldy rotten week old maggot filled burger.

  “Yes ma’am,” I responded, “That was me.” That was dumb, why did I call her ma’am? She was younger than I was and now I looked like a major loser. “I hope the plate was the same as the old one and it was ok and everything’s fine now?”

  She narrowed her eyes, sizing me up. I figured I had about four seconds until I was on the receiving end of a smack to the face. I must have lucked out because no punch was thrown. Instead, it looked as though she was going to speak again. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Rocky sneak up and stand behind me. Irina glanced from me to Rocky and then returned her gaze to me. She cocked her head as if processing some new bit of information.

  “Do we have a problem, Irina?” Rocky inquired. I wondered who he was referring to by the ‘we’ in that sentence. Did that mean he had my back and he would step in if she tried to kill me? Or did he mean the ‘we’ was him and Irina and that I was the problem? So many questions, so few answers.

  “This does not concern you, Rocky. This is between me and the girl,” she taunted, as though daring him to intervene.

  “My name is Violet,” I stated. I would like her to know the name of the ‘girl’ she was about to pummel.

  “As you are no doubt aware, I am Irina, Vasily’s wife.” Yeah. I got that, thanks. “The plate was perfect. It was very kind of you to help. My problem is that...I was just wondering...could you maybe find me the matching teapot?” What? Back it up a minute. Scary lady stormed in here not to mutilate me, but because she wants a teapot? There was no threat against my life? If that was the case, I was so thankful that I’d buy her the fucking teapot myself.

  I heard Rocky let out a sigh of relief behind me. I turned around to look at him as he bent down and whispered, “Good thing she only wants a teapot because she would have swept the floor with you.” That’s comforting.

  “I’d be happy to look for your teapot, Irina. Let me get my phone and pull up the app for that.”

  She actually smiled and went on to explain why she needed it so desperately.

  “My sister lives in the Ukraine and we each got half of my Grandmother’s China. The plates and bowls were divided equally down the middle. One teapot remained. Since Katja is the eldest daughter, she got to have it. Every single time we chat by computer, she always has the fucking thing visible in the background, just to insult me. Katja is a thoughtless, selfish cunt and I can’t stand her.” Whoa. She went there and broke out the “C” word. I never had a sister, but I assume I wouldn’t loather her to that degree.

  “Well, let’s see what we can find. I don’t have any siblings so I don’t have to share anything. I hope we can get your china so you can stick it to your sister and she won’t gloat anymore.” I could also get on Irina’s good side, which would be another bonus. Something told me that I did NOT want her as an enemy. Fortunately for us both, there were three different Lomonosov teapots. “These cost a lot more than the plates. The one you picked as an exact match is the most expensive at three hundred dollars,” I informed her.

  Irina gratefully insisted, “Money is no object when it comes to revenge on Katja. I would pay three thousand for this teapot. The look on her face next time we chat and she sees this in the background will be priceless!”

  Ok then. Vengeance taken? Check. I once again had the china sent by the fastest delivery option and told Irina it would arrive sometime Saturday. She walked behind the desk and elbowed Rocky out of the way so she could give me a hug.

  She said, “You have no idea what this means to me. I owe you one.” It seemed as though my simple act of kindness had earned me a new friend. A new HOT friend who didn’t want to beat me up. Winner, winner, chicken dinner.

  “Can we all please go back to work now?” Rocky requested with an irritated expression.

  Everyone dispersed in different directions. Irina went home, Sergio and Rocky walked back into the factory, and I stuck my nose back into the pile of chaos on my desk.

  It couldn’t have been more than half an hour later when I discovered an error in the paperwork. There was an invoice in this box that belonged in the other box with bills that were due. It must have innocently been misplaced, yet something about it grabbed my attention. After staring at it and then picking up the box with my now neatly arranged file folders, I stumbled upon a major issue. The invoice was a double billing. The janitorial service that billed Rocky for the daily cleaning of the factory floor appeared to be overlapping their charges. There seemed to be no rhyme or reason to how they invoiced him. He had two August statements: one for the first three weeks of the month and another for the last two weeks of the month. Call me crazy, but I think a month only has four weeks. I grabbed the whole year of invoices from the cleaning company and I found three more months with the same duplicate billing problem. They were royally fucking him over.

&n
bsp; I got up from the desk and ran over to the entrance of the factory floor. I flung open the double doors, held up the papers, and yelled, “Rocky, get over here and see what I found! You’re getting screwed!”

  I motioned for him to hurry up so I could show him my discovery. I was about to learn that this was the worst possible action I could have taken.

  Rocky jogged over from across the room to determine the cause of my meltdown. In an icy voice he quietly asked, “Violet, what did I tell you last night about respect and how imperative it was that I have it? No respect means I look weak. I will not tolerate looking weak in front of anyone. You can NOT summon me over to you like a master calls his dog.”

  “Ok, but this is really important. The bastard cleaning company is fucking you over. You’re getting billed two times for the same week. Look at these invoices!”

  In disbelief he replied, “What the fuck are you talking about? NO ONE screws me over. Show me NOW!”

  Sergio joined Rocky in examining the evidence to back up my claim. It wasn’t long before the obscene language started to fly. I only understood half of it because Sergio’s portion was in a language that sounded like Italian. There was a “merda” thrown in there somewhere and I know that means “shit.” But things were about to get even worse.

  Enrique, the brawler from the knife fight, came over to throw his opinion into the mix. “I can’t believe this new girl just snaps her fingers and you come running, man. You look like a whipped dog. I heard you had a reputation for being hard core, but I guess I that just ain’t true.” Uh oh. This wasn’t going to be good.

  Rocky’s face turned red and he launched himself at Enrique, grabbing him by the throat. He bounced Enrique off the nearest brick wall and then picked him up off the floor. With one hand wrapped around Enrique’s throat, Rocky started alternating between punching him and yelling. “What did you just DARE say to me, you cock sucker?” Pause for a punch to the left side of the ribs. “I must be hearing things, because no way in hell does ANYONE...” Punch to the stomach. “EVER…” Punch to the right side of the ribs. “…talk to ME like that!”

  I looked on with eyes wide in horror as Rocky continued, “Now tell me who’s not hard core, motherfucker!”

  He removed his hand from Enrique’s throat to let him speak. The man immediately doubled over in pain and clutched his midsection. He whispered, “You’re hard core, Rocky, YOU are.”

  Rocky must have been riding a major adrenaline high, because he wasn’t finished yet. He cast his gaze over the rest of the workers and roared, “What about anyone else? Anyone else here think they’re better than me? I’d be happy to give you all a lesson on who’s the fucking boss. Anytime, anywhere. Do not FUCK with me!”

  If that wasn’t hard core, then I don’t know what was. During this whole episode I tried to stay out of the way and blend in, lest any of his anger be turned toward me. Jerry, along with another older employee that I’d never met, were slowly creeping away and trying not to draw attention to themselves. Sergio cautiously approached Rocky and said, “Ok, it’s over. Don’t kill him. Walk away.“ Sergio then turned to Enrique and said, “You’re lucky, you’re not dead. In a different time and place, you WOULD be. Get the hell out of here. Next time you won’t be so fortunate.”

  I doubted Sergio was serious, but he sure seemed sincere. I turned to look at Rocky and our eyes met. He slowly shook his head, marched toward his office, and slammed the door. Sergio escorted Enrique to the exit, most likely telling him it would not be in his best interest to press charges. Everyone else went back to work. I was unsure of how to proceed, so I returned to my desk.

  I was still sorting through my work, when Rocky came out of his office at ten minutes before eight. “Hey Violet…what you saw out there...that’s not going to make you quit again, is it?”

  “No,” I slowly answered, “I guess not. The deal was no violence directed at me and you kept your word on that.” I hesitated and then meekly apologized. “I’m sorry, Rocky. I had no idea that my simple act of calling you over to show you something would be the cause of that shit storm. I wouldn’t have yelled for you if it hadn’t really needed your attention. I...I didn’t know it would all go down like that. I should have paid more attention when you were trying to tell me about respect. I feel horrible.” I wanted to look like I was a valuable asset to the company and point out an error and get praised for my awesomeness. Instead I caused a brawl that left someone injured. What if a broken rib punctured one of Enrique’s lungs? I could have been the indirect cause of someone’s death? I might throw up.

  Rocky noticed the blood drain from my face and asked, “Where is your thought process going Violet? You look like you’re gonna puke.”

  I explained my broken rib/death puncture theory and Rocky informed me that was not probable. “I’ve been in a lot of fights in my life, most of them far worse than that one. I know how to break a rib to kill, and how to avoid breaking a rib. He got a warning.” I don’t think that helped ease the freaked out expression on my face because he asked, “Do you think I’m a monster now? Are you afraid of me?”

  “No,” I replied, “If you were truly a monster then you would have killed him. I would have walked out and never returned.” The thought of actually witnessing a real murder sent a shiver down my spine. That stuff happens on TV, not in real life. Not in MY life anyway.

  Rocky seemed a bit comforted by the fact that I wasn’t running for the door. “Thank you for the good job you did today with finding the double billing. I can assure you the situation will be corrected.” My eyes must have bugged out because he continued, “Not with violence, I promise. I don’t solve everything with my fists, though it must seem that way to you. Let me escort you to your car and we’ll call it a night, ok?” I nodded my head and grabbed my purse.

  As we approached my car, Rocky started to speak and then stopped to carefully consider his words. “None of what happened tonight was your fault. I just want you to know that. You were only excited to show me what you were smart enough to find. It’s obvious you give a shit about working here and I appreciate that. You had no way of knowing Enrique was going to mouth off. When something like that happens, it needs to be addressed. Could I have handled it better? Fuck yeah. I just…sometimes I can’t control myself. Will you do me a favor?”

  What the hell could he possibly want now? Maybe he wanted me to promise not to tell the cops anything if they came around asking for witnesses? If I told on him, that would make me a rat! Being a rat was NOT a good thing, I knew that much. But I wasn’t a liar either. “Don’t worry, I won’t rat you out,” I stammered, “I’ll just plead the fifth or something.”

  Rocky laughed and kept laughing until he almost choked. “No, Violet, nothing like that. Enrique won’t go to the cops. That would make HIM the rat, and he should know better. What I was going to ask you, is to please just have a nice weekend and don’t play this out in your head fifty times, will you? Don’t analyze it and just let it go, ok? Nothing good ever comes from thinking you should have done something differently. Whatever is going to happen just does.” That sounded pretty deep. Huh. He was definitely good at reading people, because I probably would replay the incident at least fifty times, if not more.

  “I’m not going to lie to you, Rocky. I probably will obsess over it. But I’ll still come back on Monday.”

  He nodded, “I appreciate your honesty. Get home safe, ok?”

  I got into my car and distractedly drove home. I couldn’t stop thinking about Rocky. He had such a short fuse with Enrique, yet he worried about me quitting because of it. He must have a pretty colorful past. I wish I could pick his brain and find out who he really was and what he’d been through. Little did I know, I’d soon get my chance.

  Friday

  It was late afternoon on Friday when Sergio poked his head into Rocky’s office and discovered his friend leaning back in a desk chair, staring into space. He knocked Rocky’s feet off a cluttered stack of papers, tipping over t
he whole pile. “Hey, wake up. I got three applications to discuss with you. I posted an ad online after you fired that douchebag for pulling the knife on Enrique.” Sergio sat down on the couch across from Rocky’s desk and made himself comfortable.

  Rocky gave this some thought and admitted, “Yeah, maybe I fired the wrong guy. After that fucker’s lack of respect last night, I should have let Enrique get stabbed.”

  “The brewery has been open for two years and he’s been working here without any problems for several months. Good employees are hard to find and keep. What the hell set you off so bad with him anyway? I haven’t seen you like that since we left New York.”

  “Sergio, no one EVER disrespected me like that in New York and you know it. Maybe I’m losing my edge? I had to remind them that I’m not someone to be messed with.”

  “I think everyone got that lesson loud and clear. Especially Violet. Was she ok or is she gonna quit again? She can’t keep leaving. It looks bad.”

  Rocky rolled his eyes and confessed, “Yeah, Violet is another one of my ninety-nine problems. I can’t get her out of my head.”

  Sergio theorized, “I think it’s just lack of any female companionship. How long has it been anyway?”

  “You know damn well how long it’s been and you know exactly why. That whore ruined both our lives and I’m still not over it. I can’t believe it’s been almost two and a half years, can you?”

  “Rocky, I’m not telling you to get married. I’m just saying to go get a quick fuck, alright? I noticed you staring at Violet when she’s not looking. If she caught your eye, then bang her and call it a day. The best way to get over something is to get under something else, right? It’s been long enough. You’re allowed to have a life.”

  Rocky snorted, “Yeah, I’m sure Violet would be overjoyed to be my side piece for a while and still balance the books. That won’t get messy in the slightest. She’s gonna have no problem at all with that. Have you met her?”