My Dirty Detour: An Alpha Male Mafia Comedy Romance

by Grace Risata

  “Me too. No changes. Might need a naked nurse,” Rocky giggled before the oxy kicked in and finally knocked him out. Thus ended the longest day of my life.

  Epilogue

  Sunday Evening, Three Weeks Later

  “Don’t make so much pasta, there’s half as many people as you’re used to,” I scolded Rocky. We continued the Sunday dinner ritual, even though there were only three of us left. Irina and Vasily managed to last a whole week before her family drove them nuts. They returned to Pineville long enough to fill us in on the New York gossip before taking a well-deserved vacation to Florida. Sergio went to New York for the funeral and hasn’t returned. Rocky texted him several times, but his answers were vague.

  Dmitry walked in and was hit with the wonderful aroma of Rocky’s cooking. “It smells good in here. Are you SURE I’m not interrupting? This feels like a romantic dinner and I’m the third wheel.”

  “For the hundredth time, Dmitry, we’re not fucking on the kitchen table. We’re eating pasta. Will you relax?” I swear he bitches about the same thing every week.

  Rocky smiled at his friend and stirred the pasta sauce. “I love it when she gives you a hard time. I guess she took it upon herself to replace Sergio.”

  Rocky looked much better. His nose was almost back to normal. The swelling and bruising were totally gone. I had to admit that doctor dickface was pretty good at nose realignment. Rocky’s hand was still in a splint, but he only had to wear it for a few more weeks until he was completely healed. I gazed at him across the kitchen counter, eternally grateful that he was mine and hadn’t gotten hurt any worse in the fight. I took very good care of Rocky while he was recuperating and he thanked me in several different positions. It turns out that being his naked nurse was quite enjoyable for both of us. We were getting along better than ever.

  I was just starting to dish up the food, when the door burst open. Vasily and Irina walked in, hand in hand, looking extremely tan. “We have major news! You’ll never guess what it is!” Irina called out.

  “You’re pregnant!” I guessed.

  “Hell no,” she said, giving me a dirty look. “We bought a condo in Florida! Geez, Violet. Way to be a buzzkill.”

  Vasily was telling Dmitry all the details of their new place, when the door opened yet again. This place was busier than I’d see it in a long time.

  “Surprise!” Sergio shouted, throwing his arms wide and waiting to be welcomed back.

  “Where were you for so long? Why didn’t you call us? Do you know how worried we were? Are you okay? You’re a dick!” I yelled at him.

  “Oh, Violet. How I’ve missed you and your millions of questions and your freak outs.” Sergio gave me a big bear hug and I struggled in vain to free myself. He eventually let me go and turned to Rocky. “Rock star! You’re definitely looking better than the last time I saw you. Nice to see you’re well on the road to recovery.” Rocky got caught up in a giant embrace too.

  “Are you on drugs?” Dmitry asked Sergio.

  “Dmitry, you big lug. I missed you most of all.” Sergio turned to give him a hug, but got a gun pulled on him instead.

  “If you try to hug me, I’ll kill you,” Dmitry swore. I believed him.

  “What the hell’s gotten into you?” Rocky asked his friend. “What’s with all the love?”

  “I missed you guys. So I came back. It’s that simple,” Sergio explained.

  “Ah, I get it,” Dmitry sneered. “Here, you’re a big fish in a small pond. In New York, you’re a teeny tiny fish in a giant ocean. Must have been quite a shock to the system, huh?”

  “Something like that, give or take,” Sergio admitted.

  I raised my eyebrows and said, “Do tell.”

  “Fine. My family is fucking nuts. My dad walks around making demands like he’s a dictator and we all have to do whatever he says. I got used to being my own boss these past couple years and his commands got annoying after a while. Carmine thought that he could hassle me and order me around, too. I missed my independence. I missed you guys.”

  “You missed being able to get any girl you wanted and sleep until noon everyday with not a care in the world,” Rocky insisted.

  “Yes, that too. I can still get any girl I want. It just takes a lot more work in New York. There’s only one Sergio in Pineville, but out there we’re a dime a dozen. It was irritating not being the absolute center of attention everywhere I went.”

  “We missed you, too, you vain doofus,” I acknowledged.

  “We most certainly did NOT,” Dmitry disagreed with me.

  “He’s lying. He missed giving you a hard time and busting your balls. I had to step up and take your place. My teasing isn’t as vicious as yours and it wasn’t nearly as entertaining,” I admitted. “Are you back for good now? Or is this temporary?”

  “I’m back for good. Honestly, you guys are more of a family to me than my real blood family. I know you all have my back and would bail me out of any situation. Violet may complain and nag at me, but I know she has my best interests at heart. I had to constantly be on guard in New York. Dante gave me so many dirty looks, I expected him to kill me in my sleep. Carmine will fuck anything that walks and he does drugs with Dante behind my dad’s back. There’s too much pressure to ramp up the operation to take out every last Latino and get revenge for Ursula’s death. If it wasn’t for the other guys having their heads out of their asses, that whole organization would go under. It doesn’t feel like home anymore. This does. You all. Sunday dinners. My job at the brewery. Taunting Dmitry. This is my life now,” Sergio quietly explained in a rare moment of sincerity.

  “Good,” Rocky said. “You belong here. Work wasn’t the same without you. It sure helped to have the ten grand that Violet won by betting on me. But I need you back in sales. There was a Sergio-sized hole that only you can fill.”

  Sergio smiled and said, “I’m back, baby!”

  We broke out a bottle of the finest champagne Rocky could find. He raised his glass in a toast. “To family. Whether bound by blood or found by accident, may the bonds that hold us together never break. Cheers!”

  Dmitry added, “Na Zdorovie.”

  Not to be outdone, Sergio chimed in, “Salute!”

  I gulped it down and said the first that came to mind, “This champagne tastes like ass!”

  In case you were wondering…

  Irina and Vasily sold their Florida condo after the neighbors complained about their loud love making. They prefer their secluded house in Pineville where they can be as loud as they want.

  My mom forgave me for being a horrible daughter who disobeyed her every command. She even warmed up to Rocky after he spent an entire weekend cutting down a dead tree that needed to be removed from her yard. He also frequently makes her the Barsotti family pasta that she refuses to admit she’s addicted to.

  Stella, Max, and the twins were fine. They finished renovating their house and had no more water leaks. Irina and I did get Stella to take a field trip to the sex store with us. They each bought several items, while I finally broke down and got the bacon flavored condoms. We never did have the wild slumber party with the pillow fights that Sergio daydreamed about.

  Dottie forgave me for lying to her about being sick when I had to miss work. I explained the whole story and she was on the edge of her seat for most of it. She just kept saying, “No way! Get out of here! Then what happened next?” She told me that I didn’t owe her anything for calling her doctor friend, but she refused to listen when I complained about how rude he treated us. I gave up on my complaining and I also took Dmitry’s advice and let go of my vendetta against Doctor Dickhead. Life’s too short to hold a grudge. But if he was ever stranded on the side of the road….I’d have to fight the urge to mow him down.

  Sergio was extremely pleased to be the center of female attention in Pineville again. He went back to work for Rocky and expanded the radius of new clients that agreed to sell the gin. This also expanded the radius of new ladies to flirt with.
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  Dmitry finally learned how to correctly play “Rock, Paper, Scissors” without picking rock every single time.

  As for Rocky and I? Well, of course we lived happily ever after. Or at least happily until the next major crisis came up and I had an epic meltdown and he had to be the voice of reason. There were quite a few of those!

  Books by Grace Risata:

  My Dirty Detour

  Published January 19, 2016 on Amazon

  My Dirty Bet

  Short Story on my Website, Published March 2016, Prequel to “My Dirty Detour”

  Nights in the Fast Lane

  Published May 15, 2016 on Amazon, Full Length, Stand Alone Novel

  Amazon Link: https://www.amazon.com/Nights-Fast-Lane-Contemporary-Romantic-ebook/dp/B01FQ3ZM80

  Amazon UK Link: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Nights-Fast-Lane-Contemporary-Romantic-ebook/dp/B01FQ3ZM80

  Synopsis/Blurb:

  Dane and Izzy.

  Complete opposites.

  As the New Year begins, they find themselves facing very different circumstances.

  Dane is a street racer stuck with a blown engine, no money, and no options after he gets fired for saving a damsel in distress.

  Izzy can’t believe she was just rescued by the same handsome stranger she walks past, and lusts after, on a daily basis. With a massive blizzard about to bury the town, she ends up taking him in for the night.

  Sparks fly when she brings out his playful side, and he shows her a passion she’s never known before.

  As they slowly begin to trust each other, walls come down and tragic pasts emerge. Dane is haunted by the family he never had, while Izzy will stop at nothing to deny her birthright.

  When Dane receives an offer he can’t refuse, will one bad decision cost him everything? Or will fate intervene and send these two down the path they were destined for?

  This is a full length, stand-alone novel with no cliffhangers. Please be advised that you will find strong language, attractive men with tattoos, a dog with a cat name, steamy bedroom scenes including one involving Doritos, plenty of character backstory, and a very healthy dose of humor.

  Grace Risata Bio and Author Contact Info….

  I would first and foremost like to thank everyone for taking the time to give my stories a chance. My goal is to take you out of your world, and all the stresses that go along with everyday life, and bring you in to my world of romance and fantasy. I have a special weakness for hot alpha males and the feisty heroines who love them. Above all else, I hope you got a laugh out of my book. I aim to incorporate as much comedy into my romance as is humanly possible.

  My professional biography is as follows (I’m not sure why it’s in the third person, evidently that’s the rule): Grace is happiest when reading, eating Portillos hot dogs, and patiently waiting for the inevitable zombie apocalypse.

  Please check out my website for all the latest news, info, and crazy blog posts: https://gracerisata.wordpress.com/

  Or on Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/14888691.Grace_Risata

  Or on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Grace-Risata-1692337781051007/

  If you enjoyed this book, please take a moment and submit a review on Amazon or Goodreads. It would be much appreciated. Sometimes writing can be a very solitary pursuit and it warms my heart to get a review and be able to know that someone enjoyed something I took the time to create.

  ALSO….if you are reading this book because you downloaded it for free on a piracy scary virus laden website…

  (1) I hope you don’t get a virus because those sites are scary

  (2) Please tell your friends if you enjoyed the story because maybe they’ll buy it and tell their friends about it and I’ll get some great word-of-mouth exposure

  (3) Please leave a review if you liked it. I won’t really care where you got the book from, but I’ll be happy with a good review.

  (4) If you happen to MEET any book pirates and they lead you to their buried treasure…send me a map!