by Naomi Niles
“Two guest rooms?” he asked me.
“Yes, one for me and one for the guy who’s going to be staying with you.”
He nodded, thinking it over. “I see you have this all worked out. I’m proud of you, Gwyne. You are a true O’Reilly.”
“Dad, I don’t think you could have paid me a higher compliment than to say that.” I gave him a kiss and a short wave and left.
* * *
Two of the guys from the fire station were on hand the next morning. They had brought the emergency rescue vehicle from the station and loaded him in the back. I could tell Dad was feeling embarrassed by all of this. He wasn’t used to having his men see him be this weak. However, I was glad they were there as I’m not sure I could’ve handled Dad on my own.
Between them, they got Dad into the house and into his bed. I stepped out of the room while they helped him into pajamas and dealt with whatever personal hygiene issues he may have had. When they emerged, I tapped on Dad’s door and came in with a tray. “I thought you might enjoy some home cooking,” I said. I had made a pot of homemade chicken soup and a loaf of his favorite bread. There was cherry cobbler for dessert and a glass of cold milk. “Now, before you get used to this, I want you to know you’re going to eat according to the diet the doctors gave you. Just consider this a welcome home dinner. But from here on out, it goes by the book; agreed?”
Dad nodded. If there was any man alive who understood the phrase “by the book,” it was he.
I had moved some of my clothing and my toiletries to his house for the duration. Sean had stayed behind at the firehouse and I knew that eventually, once his paychecks began coming in again, he would be moving out. We had shared one, last night of lovemaking the night before. We both understood that Dad’s coming home from the hospital would signal the end of our being together. I’m really not sure why we didn’t seem to think that we could still live together, as long as Dad didn’t know about it, but we didn’t. Maybe it was because we weren’t sure that we were together until the end; but more likely it was because we each had separate lives to attend to and right then, combining them by living together just added too much complication.
The house was a Craftsman style, built in the postwar days from a kit out of a catalog. That was not uncommon in this part of the city, an area where men coming home from the war needed housing, and quickly. Even though mom had been gone for some time, you could see her touches still remained. Dad had never taken down the curtains that she had sewn herself. He left the wallpaper where she hung it; the dishes still went into the same places in the cupboards and some of her clothes were still in her side of the closet.
I waited until Dad was home for three days and then I sat down next to his bed one afternoon when the fireman on duty was taking a nap. “Dad, there’s something I need to talk to you about.”
“Oh? What’s that?” He was curious and I could see that he was slowly regaining his strength because he was trying to once again take command.
“I have something I have to admit to you. When I first learned about your heart attack, I thought about the lady you told me you had been seeing. I knew she would be worried when she didn’t hear from you.”
His face screwed up in a disapproving look. “Gwyne, what did you do?”
“I know, I know, Dad. I invaded your privacy. I came here to the house and got into your desk until I found the telephone bill with her number. I went over to her house and introduced myself. I told her what had happened to you. Dad, Carla is a wonderful woman. I like her very, very much. She and I have spent some time together while you were in the hospital. She sat with me while you were in surgery. We didn’t want to tell you about this until you were strong enough to understand why we had to do this.”
“Daughter, do you mind telling me how you got into my desk?”
“Do you really have to ask?”
He shook his head. “You will never change, Gwyne.”
“Well, Dad, the reason I’m bringing this up now is because Carla wants to come and help to take care of you. I know this could prove awkward for you with the guys hanging around, so I think that you should come clean with them.”
“Gwyne, this is really none of your business.”
“Dad, I think they already know you have a girlfriend.”
“What?” he barked, and I could tell by the look on his face that he felt violated. It was hard enough on him to have the men under his command tending to him. For them to know about and actually witness his personal life was beyond his boundaries.
“Like it or not, your men know you very well. They are, after all, like sons to you. I think you should come clean and not worry about what anyone thinks. Carla deserves to spend some time with you, to make sure for herself that you are okay. It would be helpful to me as well.”
He looked out of the bedroom window as though deep in thought. “Get me a telephone and then get out.”
I did as he asked and when I left his room, I was surprised to see Doug, the firefighter on duty, putting on his coat. “My shift is over here, Gwyne,” he said. “They’re sending someone else over to help. See you next time.”
“Thanks for your help, Doug. I don’t know what we would do without you.” I gave him a short wave; he returned it and left.
“Gwyne!” Dad bellowed from his bedroom. I went in to see what he needed. He wasted no words.
“Set an extra place for dinner. Carla is coming.”
I nodded, smiled, and slowly closed the door behind me. Just then, there came a knock at the front door. I knew the next firefighter was there to help and imagined that his timing was fairly good. Dad would need some help dressing. He would want to look especially good for Carla when she arrived.
I opened the door and my mouth dropped open. There stood Sean.
“What are you doing here?” I knew Dad couldn’t see me, and so I reached up and gave him a quick, but hard hug.
“They tell me it’s my shift.” He was grinning and I could see he was enjoying my unease.
“Do you really think this is a good idea?” I asked him, turning away and sitting down on the sofa.
“I really had no choice in the matter, Gwyne,” he said. “If I had refused, they would’ve known something was up.”
I nodded. What he said made total sense. If he had refused to take his shift, the guys would’ve questioned why. Worse than that, so would have Dad. I knew that Dad had been taking the time he spent with each of his firemen as an opportunity to see how things were running at the firehouse. They were certainly earning their keep, reporting back with every single detail. Sean could be no exception.
I took his coat and hung it in the coat closet. I explained to him in a quiet voice that dad had invited Carla for dinner. I was relieved that I’d had the foresight to never let Carla and Sean meet; that would’ve given up the game. “Remember to pretend as though you don’t know who she is.” Sean nodded and headed down the hallway to Dad’s room.
Winter was drawing to a close in New York City. We had made it through the holidays, although I barely remembered them. There were patches of green grass in Central Park. I continued to write, although now I did it from Dad’s house. John Warner had been particularly generous in giving me a pass on coming into the office. He gave me assignments over the telephone—he or Martha, that is. I did my research, wrote my stories, and mailed them in. Life went on.
I went into the kitchen and busied myself making dinner. I had planned a pot roast with potatoes and vegetables. I had been preparing meals that could be easily shared, no matter how many people there were in the house. If there were leftovers, they became dinner for the next day. Since we had a special guest coming that evening, I pulled together the makings for a Waldorf salad and set about making some homemade dinner rolls. I had become a regular Susie homemaker.
Sean stayed in Dad’s room with him, and I could hear the television and what sounded to be a hockey game. He was feeling far spryer now and would begin physical therapy in a
couple of days. That would signal the end of his being an invalid and would begin the days of him rejoining the world. The doctors had said he would be in physical therapy for at least six weeks. That meant six weeks before he could return to work. I hoped that Carla would become more than an occasional visitor. Now that I knew Dad was going to be fine, I wanted to get back to my own life. It made me feel selfish to think of it that way, but that’s exactly how it felt.
Carla showed up at the door at roughly five in the afternoon. We hugged and she gave me a kiss on the cheek. “Should I go in and see him first?” she asked me.
“I think he would be disappointed if you did anything less,” I told her. “Send the firemen out and have your privacy. I’ll call down the hall to you when dinner is ready. If you don’t mind, you could come out and help me carry trays down. I thought we might make a party of it in Dad’s room this evening.”
I saw the frown on her face and it tickled me. “Actually,” I said as an afterthought, “maybe I’ll take advantage of the fact that you are here keeping Dad company and the fireman and I will sit out here and watch television and have our dinner. Would that be okay with you?”
“I think that would be ideal,” she said and winked.
She headed for Dad’s room and soon Sean was coming toward me. I was fairly sure I spotted a sense of relief on his face. “Babysitting not your cup of tea?” I teased him.
“God, Gwyne, I thought I would give us away. I don’t think I breathed three whole times while I was in there. I was so glad to see Carla.”
“So, how did all that go? Did she introduce herself or did Dad introduce her?”
“No, she was really cool about it. She immediately held out her hand and introduced herself. Of course, I don’t know why she would’ve done anything else, but it certainly bridged an uncomfortable gap at the time. So, can I help you with dinner?”
“Yes, as a matter of fact, you can. Those two trays on the table there are for Dad and Carla. I’m making one up for each of us now. You and I will eat in the living room. Does that work for you?”
“Of course. We haven’t spent much time together as of late, and I miss you, Gwyne.”
“Hush, Sean. We can’t talk like that when we’re here. You never know who will overhear us when we’re not looking.”
“Yeah, you’re right. Okay, let me take these trays down to your dad’s room and then I’ll be back.”
I nodded and turned back to making our dinner trays. I wanted to take Sean down into the basement where there was a family room and far more privacy, but I didn’t dare. I knew one thing would lead to another and the risk of discovery was just far too great. If Dad discovered that Sean and I were in a relationship, the dam would open and it would be too late to force the water back. Sean’s life would be destroyed and having no other options in the city, he would be forced to leave, probably forever. The gamble was high.
Sean reappeared and we carried our trays to the living room as I flipped on the television and found an old, black-and-white movie. It was a Cary Grant film, and his quirky sense of comedy help to lighten the mood in the room. How strange was it that Sean and I sat there, lovers, yet we sat in silence while Dad visited with his own lover, separated from her by his illness. Life always seemed to get in the way. It made you want to question whether a happily ever after could even exist.
“Are you still staying here?” Sean asked me.
“Yes, at least tonight. To tell you the truth, I was sort of hoping that Carla might offer to look in on Dad from time to time. With you and the other guys from the firehouse, you’ve got the really heavy stuff covered. I’m just here for company and cooking, maybe a little laundry. I think Carla might be willing to spend some time with dad and that would just leave me cooking and laundry. If that’s the case, I can do that at home and just stop in once or twice a day to check in with him.”
“That sounds like a good plan to me.” He took a bite from his plate and I could see he was not the least bit interested in the movie. “I miss you, Gwyne.”
“Hush! We just talked about this. How long are you staying at the firehouse… well, at my firehouse?”
“I’ll be there tonight. I’ve found a roommate, Gwyne. He’s a cop and we have opposing shifts, so it makes for a good combination.”
“But, I’ll still be here tonight,” I told him, my heart heavy that I would be sleeping away from him from now on.
“That’s why I asked. Gwyne, believe me, if there was any other way…” his voice trailed off.
“I know,” I said softly. “It is what it is.”
I turned my attention back to the movie, or at least I tried to do so. Cary Grant was trying to rekindle an affair with a newspaper reporter. How appropriate.
There was a sound behind us and I turned to see Carla standing in the hallway. “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. Your dad is wondering when he might have his next pain pill. I think he is in some discomfort.”
I leapt up from the sofa and went into the kitchen. He wasn’t due for his next pill for another hour, but I didn’t give a damn. If he was hurting, and it was in my power to make it stop, that’s exactly what I was going to do. I filled the glass with water and turned from the sink to see Carla standing behind me.
“Gwyne, I know that taking care of someone who is very ill is a hard job. I think you realize that your dad and I have grown to be very close. I was wondering whether you might permit me to take some of that load off of your shoulders?” Her voice was soft and tentative, as if she were treading in another woman’s territory.
“Carla, if you don’t mind, take these to Dad. They always make him fall asleep. I’ll be right here and when he nods off, why don’t you come out and let’s talk?”
Carla nodded, took the glass, and disappeared back down the hallway. I had lost my appetite and while my plate was only half-empty, I picked it up and carried it to the sink. Sean had brought his as well, and stood behind me at the sink. I knew he looked over his shoulder quickly and then he bent forward and kissed the back of my neck. “Just remember I love you,” he whispered before returning to the living room. This time he sat in Dad’s recliner, across the room from me. We both were keenly aware of one another’s presence, and the fact that we couldn’t be together. I got up and retrieved my laptop, handing Sean the remote control as I passed him. “Here, pick anything you like. At least one of us should be happy,” I commented wryly and sat back on the sofa with my laptop.
“Gwyne?”
I looked around and Carla was coming down the hallway. “You are right. He’s getting very sleepy. He asked if someone might come in and help him get ready for bed.”
“That’s my cue,” Sean perked up from his internal reverie and headed down the hall to help Dad.
I patted the cushion at the other end of the sofa and invited Carla to sit down. While she was nothing like my mother had been, she was a very sweet and caring lady. She had a mothering, tender voice and it was easy to fall under the spell of confiding in her. I knew that I couldn’t tell her about Sean, as much as I wanted another woman to talk to. I had never maintained female friends for very long. They had only lasted the duration of whatever class or event had brought us temporarily together. Now, here before me, sat a woman who was a mother’s age; her sweet smile inviting my every confidence. I felt trapped in emotional quicksand; my love for Sean and my fondness growing for the mother side of Carla. I couldn’t give into either one of them.
“I’m sorry? My mind was on something else. What was that you were saying?” I apologize to her. I had been deep in thought and just then became aware of her voice.
“No problem,” she said. “I know you have a lot on your mind right now. What I was saying was that as I mentioned earlier, I would like to help you take care of your dad. I don’t want to intrude, far from it.”
“No, I understand,” I told her. “I can imagine that it feels a bit uncomfortable for you to be here, just barely knowing me and no one else to de
flect all this emotion. I will share with you, Carla, that as an only child, as well as a daddy’s girl, I’ve pretty much gotten my way my entire life. Some might even say I’m a bit spoiled.” I smiled at her and she returned the smile.
“So, when Dad had this attack, it was the first time in my life that I was being called upon to give back. Dad has always been the provider. I’m sure you understand.” Carla nodded and she reached over to pat the back of my hand.
“Your dad has told me so much about you. He loves you so very much.”
“I know he does. But, I also think that this event, shall we call it, has probably brought to light the fact that I depend on him very much. I know this is going to bother him. I know that he will want to push me away somewhat, out of the nest, so to speak. He will realize that if something were to happen to him, I would be devastated and almost incapable of filling in the gap that he would leave. I know he doesn’t want that for me.”
“You are very wise for a woman of your youth,” Carla pointed out. “And, I believe you’re absolutely right. In fact, some of the comments he is already making suggest that. How may I help?”
“I’m not really sure, to tell you the truth. This is all very new to me to. I’m guessing, however, that I need to give Dad some indication that I’ve grown up more. I want him to see that I’m capable of taking care of myself. He needs to know that should something happen, I will be okay. Otherwise, it could cause him to worry, and that’s not a good thing in his condition.” Carla nodded in agreement again.
“So, what I’m getting at is that if you wanted to be around here little bit, I think it would be a great idea, actually. I can tell dad that I have to get back to work, that I have bills to pay and that I can see that he’s in good hands. I know you don’t know very much about my private life, Carla, but I bought a firehouse from the city that had been retired. I’m renovating it, little by little, to create to apartments in the lower level. I intend to rent these out as supplemental income. In the meantime, I work as a reporter and my beat, as we call it, includes mostly human-interest stories. Those take a lot of time to research and I can’t always do them on a computer. To do human-interest stories, you have to be out among humans, you understand.”