by Naomi Niles
“Sorry.”
“No, Taylor, you shouldn’t be sorry. I wanted you and I wanted to be home to raise you. It’s just so easy to get so focused on raising a child that you lose yourself.”
“Do you think you lost yourself?”
“Yes, I do, but that’s on me. Not on you. I made these decisions.”
“Then try to get that woman back.”
“You make it sound so easy.”
“How hard can it be, Mom?” I said. “Just remember the person you were and do things that she would.”
She laughed again. “The optimism of youth.”
“Try it. Would you go back to work? Write a book? What? Dream, Mom.”
She shifted onto her back. “I think I’d like to get my real estate license and sell houses.”
“That’s great, Mom. Don’t you think Dad would support that?”
“Oh, he probably would.”
“I’m sure he wants to see you happy. He isn’t an ogre.”
“No, he isn’t, Taylor. He’s a good man, but I think he likes to come home to me here.”
“Well, he can adapt.”
“He’s going to miss you when you go off to college.”
“I’m going to miss him, too.” And so I didn’t hurt her feelings, I added, “And you.”
“I think we will get along better when you are far away.”
I didn’t want to go far away. I wanted to go to nursing school right here. I wasn’t ready to tell her. She might be amenable to it at the moment, but I didn’t want to break the magic of this moment – my mother and I getting along. It didn’t happen often, so we usually avoided each other. Peace in the house was kept that way.
Maybe my parents should have had another child so my mother could have had someone close to her like Daddy and I. Then she might not feel so alone. “You seem lost.”
“I guess I just got scared with your father in the hospital.”
“They say life is short.”
“You can’t know that. Your life is ahead of you. This is an exciting time,” she said.
It was and made more so by Dylan in my life. I had strong feelings for him – ones that I had never experienced with someone else. Feelings that I wanted to explore, even if my parents didn’t approve.
“You must be tired.” She kissed the side of my head. “I’ll let you go back to sleep.” She climbed out of bed and in the darkness, I could see her turn to me. “Thanks, Taylor.”
“You’re welcome, Mom.”
***
Daddy came home a few days later. He was supposed to go to a rehab facility, but he wanted to be home. He was still sore and the stitches on his face were still in. He looked like a battered version of my father.
Dylan helped him into his favorite chair in the living room.
“What can I get you, Daddy?” I said.
“Nothing right now, kitten. Just sit with me.”
My mother left us alone, as did Dylan. Dylan and I hadn’t had a chance to talk seriously about what happened the other night. I wanted it to happen again, but he seemed to be avoiding me.
I sat next to my father. The living room had no television per my mother’s orders. She thought the living room was for family or entertaining guests. She didn’t entertain guests, but still, no television in the living room.
My father looked thin, but his color was better than it had been in the hospital.
“You getting a new car?” I said.
“Yes, but it’ll be a few weeks before that happens. I need to get the money from the insurance company.”
I nodded. “Your insurance company or the other person’s?”
“The other person’s because they were at fault,” he said.
“That’s why you buy insurance.”
“Right, kitten.”
I nodded then fell silent.
“Tell me about school.”
“Well, the prom is coming up,” I told him.
“Who are you going with?”
I laughed. “I haven’t been asked yet.”
“Do you have someone in mind?”
I did. I wanted to go with Dylan, but I wasn’t sure how that would work. He was avoiding me and I doubted that he’d ask me. I doubted that my father would be okay with it, unless he thought Dylan was doing me a favor.
Hm. I would have to think about that angle. I might be able to make this work.
“No, Daddy.”
“Are your friends still not talking to you?”
“They aren’t, but they really aren’t my friends. I have Helena and Dylan and that’s it.”
“Doesn’t it make it hard to be the captain?”
I laughed. “Actually, it makes it easier. No one is asking me to cut them a break. I have a feeling soon Bailey or Barbie will start talking to me again just so they can whine about how I’m running the squad.”
“I guess you’ve learned a lesson.”
“I have.”
I really had. Helena was my best friend and she really was the best. Dylan, well, I didn’t know what we were. He’d been taking the bus or getting a ride to school. Supposedly, he had a project due, so he’d been going into school early.
I suspected he just didn’t want to talk to me. Maybe he was embarrassed about the other night. We had to talk. He had to know that I was so glad that he was my first.
“Are you and Dylan getting along?” my dad asked.
“Yes, we are, Daddy.” Better than you could hope, I continued silently.
“He’s not a bad kid. I think even your mother is coming around.”
“Why is she so resistant to liking Dylan?”
“You’ll have to ask her. That’s her story to tell.”
Hm. Guess I would have to ask her. We’d been spending a little more time together lately. She’d taken me for a manicure and we talked like we used to when I was a kid. Guess it’s been hard on her with me growing up.
She isn’t looking forward to it. Instead, she’s trying to minimize the pain.
“Daddy?”
“Yes, Taylor.”
“What if I didn’t go away to college?”
He looked at me, a very serious expression on his face. “You have to go to college, Taylor.”
“I’m going to college, but I don’t know what I want to do, so wouldn’t it be better if I went to the local community college until I figured out what I wanted?”
“You’ll sort it out.”
“Daddy, everyone is getting their acceptance and I haven’t applied yet.”
I didn’t know why I couldn’t tell him that I wanted to be nurse. It wasn’t a bad profession. You could make money and support yourself.
“Then you better get started.”
“How can I choose a college if I don’t know what I want to do?”
He sighed. “I don’t want you to miss out on the college experience, Taylor.”
I shrugged. “I don’t know if that’s what I want to do. Don’t get me wrong, I want to be on my own at some point, but why now?”
He brushed a hair off of my face. “We raise our kids to leave us. That requires you to leave at some point.”
He was all about independence, and I was more concerned about what I wanted to do. The words were on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn’t say them. I think he might be disappointed in me. He didn’t have engineering plans like my mother did, but he wanted me to go to college.
I could compromise and get a Bachelor’s of Nursing, but where? Maybe I could come to them with something, a plan, better than what I had now.
A few months ago, I was content to go to the local two year college.
Maybe I had to rethink that. I didn’t mind going away now that I knew what I wanted. I would have to talk to my guidance counselor.
“Looks like I’ve got you thinking.”
“You have, Daddy. Will you be okay if I go do some research?”
“If this is about college, then go ahead, kitten.”
“Yes, it is.”
I left him, feeling like my future was brighter. I knew that I could go to college and study what I wanted. My mother would be a tougher sell, but if I got my father on my side, then I’d have an ally.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Dylan
I was happy to see Mr. Dean recovering. He looked much better than he had in the hospital. Now, he wanted to get down to business and get some things done before he went back to work.
One of them was to talk to a lawyer about my situation. We had to get it resolved. I had no health insurance. What if I got sick?
Mr. Dean drove me to a lawyer’s office in town. He parked in front of the storefront. I dressed in clothing similar to what I wore for a mathlete tournament.
The office was small with a woman sitting in front who took our names. “Do you have an appointment?” she asked.
“Yes, we do,” Mr. Dean answered.
I sat on a leather chair while Mr. Dean read flyers on a bulletin board. I was a little nervous. I’d have to make some major life decisions.
My mother still wanted me to move back in with her, but I couldn’t do that. This was my future. She was still using. I could tell when she called me the other day that she was high. I didn’t want that life, and I wished I could pull her out of it.
I wished we could be a family, but she’d chosen drugs over me. At least, that’s how Mr. Dean wanted me to think about it. Hadn’t I chosen the Deans over her? I didn’t know what to think.
A man in a suit came out of the back room and held out his hand to Mr. Dean.
“I’m Robert Llewelin.”
“Rob Dean.” He indicated me. “This is Dylan Cabot.”
“Let’s go on back. Anyone need coffee?”
“No, I’m fine. Dylan?”
“Nothing, thanks.”
My hands were sweating. I really didn’t know what to think about this meeting or what exactly would come of it.
The lawyer sat down and rested his hands on his desk. “Dylan, Mr. Dean told me a little bit about your situation, so I’ve had time to think of options before our meeting.”
“Okay.”
“Since you are eighteen, you have all the say in this. You don’t have to decide what to do today. You can take your time, but you will want to make a decision because it does impact your future. You understand?”
I nodded and tried not to chew my nail. I held my hands in my lap.
The lawyer opened a file folder. “Here are the options I’ve come up with.” He handed me a paper with legalese all over it. “I can explain each option.”
“That would help,” Mr. Dean said.
“The first option is a guardianship. Mr. Dean wouldn’t adopt you, but he would take over as if he were a parent. He would be for all intents and purposes, your father. There would be no name change or anything like that, but he would be responsible for you. You could be put on his work-sponsored health insurance. His income would be considered if you apply for financial aid.”
I nodded. “Okay. So, like a parent, but no name change. Got it. I have to listen to him.”
“Well, as much as any teenage boy listens to his father,” Mr. Dean said with a laugh.
I didn’t get the reference since I didn’t have a father. I guess teen boys stopped listening to their fathers. I didn’t laugh, I just read the paper.
“The other option is that you become emancipated. You will be responsible for yourself.”
“Do I have to move out of the Deans’ house?”
“That’s up to Mr. Dean.”
“I won’t kick you out, Dylan. You can stay.”
The lawyer continued. “You will be free to live where you want. No one else’s income will be considered if you want financial aid or get a loan. Any screw up will be yours, not anyone else’s. You’ll be considered an adult.”
I nodded. “These are the only two options?”
“They are. I know they are diametrically opposed, but they are the two things that relate to your situation. I could offer other options if you were under eighteen, but you are over that age.”
“I see.” I turned to Mr. Dean. “Do you have a preference?”
“This is your decision, Dylan. You don’t have to make it right now. You can ask the lawyer any questions you have.”
“I understand both options. I just don’t know which to choose.”
“Like Mr. Dean said, you don’t have to make this decision now. Think about it and when you’re sure, you can come back and we’ll take care of things here. For both of them, court papers have to be filed, so that’s why you need me.”
This was a lot to think about. Was I ready to take responsibility for myself? Income and all? Or would I like to have a family at my back? Mr. Dean wasn’t kicking me out, but would he if he found out I deflowered his daughter? Which option would be best if that happened?
I didn’t think he’d find out. Taylor wasn’t going to tell him, and I wasn’t giving up that information.
“I guess I just need to think now.”
The lawyer slid a card across the desk. “Call me if you think of any questions, Dylan. It’s a big step.”
I tucked the card into my back pocket. “Thanks.”
Mr. Dean rose and shook the man’s hand. I did the same – one of those things I’d learned from Mr. Dean. I didn’t know what to say as we walked out.
“Thank you for bringing me here.”
Mr. Dean patted me on the back. “No problem, Dylan. I don’t envy you this decision. Just know that you always have a home with us. I can’t imagine you doing anything to make me rescind that.”
I tried not to grimace. I’d already done something. Something that I wanted to forget and do again at the same time. Taylor was so hot and soft and warm, and I shouldn’t be thinking about his daughter right now.
***
I received the call two days later. My phone rang while I was about to get on the bus to go home. It was better if Taylor and I stayed apart, so I didn’t wait for her after school these days.
She wanted to talk, and I wanted to stay away from her. We couldn’t keep having sex. It wasn’t right. I wouldn’t be able to resist if she was near me.
I looked at the number on my screen and saw that it was my mother’s phone. She hadn’t called me in a few days, and I kind of knew what was going to happen. The call was not a complete surprise.
I stopped on the sidewalk before I climbed onto the bus. “Hello?”
“Is this Dylan Cabot?”
I’d been expecting my mother’s voice. This was not her. “Who is this and why do you have this phone?”
“This is Officer Wylde. I’m at your mother’s house.”
“Is something wrong?”
I began to sweat. I knew this call would come someday. I had hoped it would be years from now. Guess not.
“Well, I don’t want to talk to you on the phone. Can you get to your mother’s trailer?”
“Yes, sir.” Taylor would have to drive me. “I can be there in twenty minutes.”
“Don’t speed.”
“No, sir.”
I hung up then ran through the school to the football field. Taylor and the other girls were practicing. I walked right up to her. “I either need the car or for you to drive me.”
She grabbed my hand, dragging me away from the group. “What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know yet. I got a call from the cops. They want me to meet them at my mother’s trailer.”
“Then, I’m coming with you.”
“You have practice.”
“I’m the captain. I can cut it short. Wait here.”
She walked back to the group. No one seemed to mind that they were done practicing for the day. Taylor came back to me. “Let’s go.”
I followed her to the car in a daze. I figured this was the end for my mother. It had all been too much for her. I didn’t know for sure, but on some level, I figured that she was dead.
Taylor hadn’t been to the trailer, and
her gasp at the sight brought me out of my reverie. “It’s a little pathetic isn’t it?”
“You never really described it other than its size. I’m so glad my father let you come home with him,” she said.
It must look like hell to her, I thought as I climbed out of the car. Officer Wylde greeted me at the door. He stepped out of the trailer.
“You’re Dylan Cabot?”
“Yes sir.”
“I need to see some identification? And who is the person with you?”
“Taylor Dean. She’s my sister.”
In a way. Not that I felt brotherly towards her, at all. No, my feelings were not that innocent. I showed him my license. He handed it back to me.
“I’m sorry to inform you that your mother died.”
I took a step back. Even though I knew she must have been dead, I hadn’t really prepared. I had held out hope that she was just in the hospital. I wiped some tears from my eyes as Taylor appeared at my side and wrapped her arms around my middle.
“I’m sorry, Dylan.”
I wanted to bury myself in her and forget what had happened, but I probably had some decisions to make.
“You’ll have to identify the body, Mr. Cabot.”
“Okay. Where?”
“The morgue. It’s in the hospital.”
“I know where it is, Dylan,” Taylor said.
She still held me as I tried not to cry in front of the officer.
“You’ll take him there? I can meet you. Go around back,” Officer Wylde said. “You’ll see a sign for morgue parking.”
“Okay. We’ll go there,” she said.
She tugged me to the car, opening the door for me.
She stayed silent on the drive, but she held my hand the whole way. She should have both her hands on the steering wheel, but I needed the comfort. My mother was really gone. I shouldn’t have been surprised, but I was.
The hospital was located on a side road. Taylor maneuvered the car into a spot. She turned to me. “Can you do this?”
“I have no choice. I have to know that she died.”
“Okay. Let’s go.”
“You’ll come with me?”
“I can go as far as the waiting room.”
“Fair enough,” I said.
I was just happy that she was there. I needed to lean on someone. I hadn’t thought to call Mr. Dean, but maybe I should.