by Sarah Gagnon
“No, no. It’s fine.” I grab his arm and pull him back to face me before he sees anything. “Please. I don’t want to think about the attack.”
“But if you’re hurt—”
I run my fingers over his lips. They’re so soft. He takes my hand, lightly folding it into his. “Bet you regret coming on the show after everything you’ve been through.”
I tip my head up so that I’m staring into his eyes. “I think getting to meet you was worth it.” I drop my head and run my fingers over the hotel room bedspread.
“I think so, too…although maybe I should wait and see how awful the rest of the girls are before I decide.” His eyes crinkle at the corners and so does his mouth.
“Hey.” I punch him lightly on the arm. He was joking, right?
“You’re aggressive tonight.”
“Hmmm, is that a good thing or a bad thing?”
“A sexy thing, for sure.” He turns to face me and slowly looks me over, smiling. He flips my palm up and traces a circle in the center of my hand; jitters swarm through my arm. His touch makes me so tingly and sensitive.
There’s a single short beep. “What’s that noi—” Then the room fades to black.
His voice sounds disconnected in the dark. “Even plants need cycles of light and dark to grow properly.”
I did not know that. Without my vision, the smell of ripe fruit and vegetables fills the air. There must be herbs near us. The scent of lemon, mint and lavender fills my senses. Jeremy keeps his hand over mine, barely touching since the lights went out. I wonder if Derek will come and get us, but then I remember there’s no window in the door.
“You’re quiet. Not afraid of the dark, are you?”
I take a deep breath and weave my fingers with his. “I’m not afraid.” And in the dark, I can be absolutely certain we’re finally alone. That no one is secretly filming me.
He exhales heavily and his fingers squeeze mine. His other hand reaches around me and lifts my hair away from my face and over my shoulder. I turn my head to him. Do I lean in? Do I open my mouth?
“I can’t even see you.” His hand touches my neck and then cups my cheek. I’m hot all over. The humidity in the room is steaming me to death. Dizziness hits me and I have to remind myself to take a breath. Any second. He knows I have Fluxem and there’s no way I can infect him. Breathe, I have to breathe. Any second now.
His lips brush my cheek. More of a touch then a kiss. My lips part in anticipation as he lightly brushes another kiss across my mouth. Then the touch is gone. I lick my lips, lean forward. The warmth of his breath heats my face.
Kiss me all the way.
His hair tickles my nose, and I tilt my head to the side. There’s a long pause and my heart thumps all over the place. Then, finally, he presses his lips against mine. Adrenaline zaps through me. Pins and needles of sensation tingle through my mouth, making me whirl with desire. I rise up on my knees and fall against him. I’m exploding. His arms wrap around me, keeping me close and we kiss and kiss and kiss. I’m lost in the sensation. Warmth builds in my chest and I want to dance around.
There’s another beep and then warm mist rains down on us. Jeremy pulls back slightly. His lips still touch mine as he talks into my mouth. “We’re getting wet, do you want to go?”
I brush my lips back and forth against his. “No,” I whisper and lean back in to kiss him. I’m in another world of kissing. Every caress makes me needy and hot. Hours are probably passing, maybe even days.
Jeremy slides his hand up my back and pulls my dress off my shoulder.
“Don’t.” The lights will come back on and that’s where my mark is. I feel him nod against my face as he traces circles on my shoulder.
His breathing increases and I know he’s excited, too.
“Hey, you guys okay?” I jump back at Derek’s voice. “Did you know it’s raining in here?”
Jeremy clears his throat. “Yeah, we did notice that.”
I straighten my dress, glad that the lights are out. I feel like I just got caught doing something very naughty. Jeremy slides his hand down my arm until he can find my hand. We stumble our way toward the door, trying not to knock over any of the plant stands.
“You guys were in there a looong time.” Derek raises his eyebrows suggestively as he opens the door.
The light from the hallway blinds me, creating floating spots of color in my vision. Cool air hits my chest. I look down to see the material clinging to my breasts. I shiver. When I glance back up both Jeremy and Derek are staring at me.
“Sorry,” Derek mutters and takes the lead down the hallway.
Jeremy kissed me. My grin encompasses my entire head. An intentional kiss, not one of those I-latched-onto-him-and-he-couldn’t-get-away types. This is the best night of my life. He holds my hand as we get back on the elevator. I feel shy and quiet. Does this mean anything? Does he want to be my boyfriend now? Do musicians even have real girlfriends? He doesn’t live in Boston, so how would we be able to see each other? Deep breath. You’re not going to freak out and act possessive. It was just a kiss. Okay, a glorious, perfect, absolutely mind-boggling first kiss. I press my top lip flat, but the smile is permanent.
“I’ll walk you back to your room,” Jeremy says. Isn’t he going to invite me to his room to play video games at least? “I don’t want to get you in too much trouble since you’re not ‘allowed’ to be out with me tonight.”
“I don’t care what my roommate thinks.” I wait for him to change direction, but unfortunately we arrive at my room.
“Goodnight, Monet.” He leans in and kisses my cheek. His lips are a soft brush and then he and Derek are off. I sigh and unlock the door.
Shelley sits on the edge of her bed, staring at the door. She takes in my wet dress and her face twists up into a monstrous expression. Has she been sitting there the entire time?
She narrows her eyes. “You are so dead.”
SEVENTEEN
I LAY IN bed, staring at the ceiling and listening for any movement from Shelley’s side of the room. Does she have it in her to try and suffocate me in my sleep? Jeremy’s kiss feels fresh on my face, like the imprint of his lips marked me. The hydro garden was so perfect.
I roll onto my side and face Shelley’s bed. “Why do you want to win this contest so bad, anyway?”
She takes a long time to answer and I begin to think she might be asleep. “From the first time I heard his music, I got this feeling he was meant for me.”
I got that feeling, too.
Her bedspread rustles and she turns on the parrot lamp on the nightstand. “Then when I got diagnosed with skin cancer right after his little sister got cured, I thought, I don’t know…that we were meant to be together.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know you had cancer.”
“Ah, it’s okay now. I got treated at the facility in Boston. They grew a new patch of skin for me.” She taps the end of her nose. “Can’t even tell, no matter how close you look.”
“I never would’ve guessed.” I’m silent for a while, feeling guilty about being so happy over a kiss.
“I wish we had more dates.” I feel like shit. I did have more dates. She sounds so sad, and I get it. One date makes you want more dates—a whole lifetime of dates that end with a big happily ever after.
“Are you worried about your show tomorrow?”
“No.” Her answer surprises me. They sure did enough digging on me. She smiles at me like she has a secret and won’t tell. Has she already seen the show? They’ll probably focus on the cancer angle to play up how charitable the producers are, which will definitely not help my chances of winning.
I let out my breath. “So, are you going to smother me if I fall asleep?”
“As if. I’m not a killer.”
Phew. “Just checking. Goodnight, then.” I stay awake until her breathing regulates and I’m pretty sure she’s asleep, just to be safe. Am I really in trouble with the date coordinators? Worry filters into my dreams and I spen
d more time flipping back and forth than actually sleeping.
There’s a knock on the door at ten a.m. Shelley narrows her eyes and then answers. Absurdly, I think Jeremy might have come to say good morning to me. I imagine him with sleep-ruffled hair and sparkly, warm eyes. His lips soft on my neck—
“We’re having a group meeting with all the girls in the viewing room in ten minutes to discuss the rules of the show. Everyone is required to attend.” I don’t recognize the guy at the door.
“That’s hardly enough time to get ready,” Shelley huffs.
I don’t hear his reply. She slams the door. “Can you believe that? He just walked off like he didn’t even hear me. Ten minutes. Who can make themselves presentable in ten minutes?”
I can. I brush my hair, slide on my jeans, and throw on a clean T-shirt. “Let’s go.”
Shelley makes a high-pitched growly noise. “We’re only having this meeting because of you and your cheating.”
Oh, shit. I wait the extra five minutes she takes to get ready so that we can walk down to the meeting together. I’m not exactly eager to get in trouble.
Eleanor waits with her clipboard in front of the conference table and we sit quietly while the other girls file in.
“All right, everyone help yourself to the donuts the restaurant has provided.”
No one moves and I kind of want a donut, but I don’t want to stand out if I’m already in trouble.
“It has come to my attention that a few of you are trying to spend extra time with Jeremy.” Jasmine glares at me from across the table. Eleanor stares directly at one of the clones until she looks up. What does that mean? Is one of the other girls spending extra time with Jeremy, too? Then Eleanor shifts her focus to me. “While there are no prior rules forbidding this kind of activity, the producers have decided it is unfair. They want the TV audience to be able to see everything that transpires between Jeremy and the contestants, otherwise they won’t be able to make informed votes.”
Sounds like a lot of crap. If they wanted the audience to have all the info, they should’ve showed us at the café.
Eleanor takes a deep breath. “Which is why we are changing all of your room numbers and mixing up the pairs. I also don’t want to find any of you hanging about the elevator trying to follow Jeremy around.” She sets down the clipboard and the click echoes through the silent room. I bet the elevator comment referred to Jasmine. “Hand in your room keys now.” I scramble in my back pocket for the disc that has been paired with my thumbprint.
“But our clothes and stuff are in our rooms,” Shelley squeals.
“Weren’t you told to move your suitcases out?”
“No,” we mumble.
“All right, then turn in your current cards within an hour and pick up your new assignments at the front desk. After today’s dates there will only be one more day. Jasmine, you have the last date tomorrow afternoon. We’ll be staying here at the hotel until after the show at seven p.m. After that we’re departing to New York City for the live studio broadcast of the first round of voting, followed by Jeremy’s benefit concert.”
I can’t believe the dates are almost over.
“Now, I know you’re all probably nervous about being up in front of so many people, but…” she pauses, a smile like a muted drum roll surrounding her words, “you’ll all receive two hours with a professional makeup and clothing specialist.”
Phew. One less thing to worry about. Across the table, Jasmine nods. I suppose that’s the sort of treatment she expects.
“You’re excused.”
I hurry back to the elevator. Oh God, what if I get paired with Jasmine? I’ll have to stay awake until we leave for New York.
Shelley packs her suitcase in silence, and I stuff my few belongings back into my tote bag. She has to wait for a bellboy to come help her carry her stuff, so I wave goodbye. We’re not really friends, so I don’t bother with anything more.
The receptionist gives me a new key. I don’t see any of the other girls yet, so I assume they have more luggage and are waiting for help. I’m the first one into my new room. I wonder if Jeremy will be able to find me, and if they moved his room, too. I choose the bed by the window, which has a view of an apartment building. Not nearly as nice as my former sliver-of-water view.
I can’t believe I’m only going to be in Key West for one more day. I wish I could’ve gone to the beach again. I wish I could’ve spent more time in that forest with Jeremy. How can I go back to plain old Boston and its stuffy, polluted air after this?
The door cracks open.
“Hello?” Praline pokes her head in. Our eyes meet. “Oh, thank God.”
“Hey.” I wave in greeting. Praline’s not so bad. Probably not a killer.
“I’m so relieved it’s you. I don’t think I could deal with Jasmine and her friends. They’re so…intimidating.”
“I’m glad it’s you and not Jasmine as well.”
Praline makes a beeline for the open bed and flops forward, clutching the bedspread. She’s speaking into the mattress.
“I can’t understand anything you’re saying.”
She turns her head slightly. Hair is caught in her mouth. “My date is on tonight,” she sobs.
“Oh, I’m sorry. All of us have something to hide, even if we don’t know about it.” I sit down on the bed across from hers.
“Yeah, but…” She breaks off, hiccupping and sobbing. “My secrets are really bad.”
“I can’t believe that. They tried to suggest I’m a boy.”
“Right. Which no one in their right mind would ever believe, so they might as well have said nothing about you.”
“I never thought of it that way. Thanks.”
“Well, don’t get used to me. I won’t be in the final three.”
“Come on now, you can’t be sure of that.”
“Monet, I’m a mental patient.”
I laugh.
“I’m serious.” She doesn’t laugh.
“Oh.”
“I was only in for six months. But during that time, I was pretty fat, too. I bet they’ve got horrendous videos from when I was committed.”
“Shit, that sucks.” I feel awkward asking, but… “What were you in for?”
She flops onto her back and blows her bangs out of her face. Then she pulls up her sleeve, holding her arm straight out for me. The long scar running from wrist to elbow is easy to make out. “I tried to kill myself over a boy.” She drops the arm. “That, and I’m bi-polar, and I have an eating disorder.”
I don’t know what to say. I shift my legs underneath me. “It would be shitty of the producers to bring up any of that stuff.”
She shrugs. “Who do you think was trying to spend extra time with Jeremy?”
Me. I’m sick to my stomach. I already feel bad for Praline, and I do not want to admit to secretly kissing Jeremy. She’ll probably find out sooner or later. “I think they were referring to me. I, uh, Jeremy ran into me at the bar and he likes my drawings. Nothing big. He thinks one of them might work for a T-shirt design, so we were talking about that and then Jasmine showed up. You know how she can be.”
“Oh, so you guys have stuff in common.” She’s not crying now, and I don’t know if that’s a good or bad sign.
“I guess.”
“That’s nice.” Her voice cracks.
“Look, I’m really sorry.” Sorry about this whole contest. “I’m so sick of being manipulated by this TV show.” I just want to be with Jeremy. I pace to the window and back to the door. I try staring out the peephole into the hall. I haven’t seen Jeremy all day. Not that we made any plans after last night, but I kind of thought he’d be around, or that we’d run into each other. Something. Anything.
“Are you going to the viewing room to watch the date?”
I almost want to tell her Jeremy doesn’t appreciate us all watching his every move. But I don’t. “I’m going to see if the hotel has a gym instead.” I dip into the bathroom to splash water on
my face before I go. Praline repetitively straightens her shirt at the door. I suddenly can’t stand the curiosity. “Do you know what Jeremy’s doing today?”
“Touring the coconut liquor plant this afternoon, and in the evening I think he’s going on a gambling cruise.”
I wish I hadn’t asked. I want to do those things with him. I feel like a fist has slammed me in the chest, crunching my ribs in so that they press sharply on my heart. “Have a good day,” I tell her.
She forces a smile and closes the door softly behind her. I’m not sure if I’m brave enough to go for another walk outside of the hotel. I scan in at the elevator and then grab a grilled veggie wrap to go. I eat in the hotel lobby, gazing out at the street. What are the chances that I’d get attacked twice? Slim, right?
“Monet.”
“Oh, hey, Derek.”
He shakes his head and laughs at me. “I hope you’re not going out. These streets are apparently dangerous.”
“I was just looking. I thought I might see if the hotel had a gym.”
“They do. I can show you where, or if you still want to go out, I can tag along.”
“I’d definitely rather be outside. Suck in all the clean air I can get before the show ends.”
I finish my last bite of sandwich and place a hand on the wall to steady me while I stretch my quads. “Running has got to be better than watching Jeremy make out with other girls.”
Derek shrugs. “I’m sure he’s not making out with them all.” Very comforting, thanks.
“Do you run?”
He narrows his eyes and grins wide. “What do you have in mind?”
“A race. Flat out. We jog for one hour and then we race back.”
His face gets serious. “That’s a lot of running.”
“Not up for it?”
He comes over to the wall and starts his own stretching exercises. “I take winning very seriously.”
“So do I.”
He sets his watch for one hour and we set off down the sidewalk, dodging pedestrians until the tourists thin out. Pounding my feet to the ground and focusing helps block out the idea of Jeremy drinking coconut liquor with another girl. I keep my head up, pulling the clean air deep into my lungs. We pass blank offices and apartments all towering in the clean air dome. I can’t stop watching for the four guys who attacked me, wondering if they’re waiting down another street corner. Derek would kick their asses. He has military numbers stamped on his arm, and even though he can’t be much older than Jeremy, I bet he’s frighteningly lethal.