“Let’s end it here,” he told the unconscious woman. “I don’t really feel like fighting anymore.”
A grimace caused his face to twist with pain. He held a hand to his chest, gingerly rubbing it. None of his ribs were broken. However, that didn’t mean he wasn’t hurt. Breathing in caused small jolts of sharp pain to shoot through him like laser fire from the Wing Zero’s twin buster rifle. At least the battle was over.
“What the hell is with all that noise?” a tired, annoyed voice asked. Kevin turned around. Iris, her face haggard and worn, leaned against the doorframe to their bedroom. Bloodshot eyes stared at him with a look that defied description.
“Iris?” Kevin blinked. “Have you been sleeping all this time?”
“I’ve certainly been trying to sleep,” Iris grumbled, and then held a hand to her mouth.
Kevin noticed her knees wobbling. “Still have motion sickness, huh?”
Iris grimaced. “Yes.”
“I thought you would have gotten over that.”
She would have scowled, but at that moment, another wave of sickness hit her. Kevin sighed when the raven-haired vixen nearly dropped to her knees. He walked up behind her and started rubbing her back.
“I’m sorry,” he apologized. “Had I known that you and boats didn’t mix, I would’ve tried finding another way into China.”
Iris didn’t say anything at first, but she did shake her head. It took her awhile before she could actually say something.
“Not… not your fault.” Her voice was muffled by her hand. “You said it yourself, didn’t you? This is the safest way to get into China undetected.” She looked up at him, and even though he couldn’t see it, Kevin knew she was smiling from the way her eyes crinkled. “A little sea sickness means nothing if I can save Lilian.”
Kevin shared in her smile. He wondered, almost absently, if it was odd that he and Iris were bonding over their desire to rescue Lilian.
“Kevin Swift!” The shout from Phoebe came from above them. “Kevin Swift, are you well? You are not hurt, are you?”
“We’re fine,” Kevin called out.
“I am pleased to hear that. You will be happy to know that we have subdued all of the women. It seems they lost heart once their leader fell down there with you.”
“Good to know.”
While he spoke with Phoebe, Iris’s head turned this way and that, observing the battle damage.
“Just… what exactly happened while I was sleeping?”
“A lot,” Kevin replied absently. “Now, let’s get back up top with Phoebe and the others.”
Before Iris could respond to his words, another voice spoke up.
“You are not going anywhere.”
He and Iris turned around. Felia was awake again. Awake and furious.
Her features were twisted with rage. Sharp fangs glinted in sparse moonlight as scaly lips peeled back in a snarl that a human face shouldn’t have been able to make. Drool dripped from her mouth, falling to the floor. It steamed and hissed, and Kevin saw that her venom was actually acidic; it ate straight through the floor, dissolving the wood in seconds.
“You…” Her voice was harsh and grating. Kevin would rather listen to nails on a chalkboard. “… I am going to… to kill you…”
“Tch.” Kevin clicked his teeth as he prepared to fight once more. He’d been doing his best not to kill the woman, as he didn’t think she was truly evil, but it looked like he might not have much of a choice now. “Iris, you might want to move back. Sick as you are, I don’t want you involving yourself in this fight.”
“Ugh, don’t worry, Stud. I know my limits. I’ll stay out of your way for this battle. Kick her ass.”
“Will do.”
Kevin didn’t look away from Felia as Iris’s footsteps receded. He did grimace, however, when he heard Iris retching several seconds later.
His moment of pity for Iris didn’t last long. He couldn’t afford to be distracted, not when he was on the cusp of what appeared to be the final boss battle for this level. Felia stood before him, her body battered and bruised. Green fluids oozed from several wounds. Black skin and burnt scales flaked off as she moved, revealing the horrid sight of burnt flesh underneath.
“Do you really want to do this?” Kevin asked.
Felia’s eyes narrowed in suspicion. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“I mean, do you really want to fight me? Do we really have to fight?” Kevin tried to appeal to Felia’s sense of reason. “Look, all we want to do is cross the Caspian Sea. After that, we’ll be out of your hair for good.”
“Why are you so intent on crossing the sea?”
Kevin hesitated only for a moment. “It’s my mate. She’s been kidnapped by the Shénshèng Clan. I’m going to rescue her.”
Felia’s eyes widened. They practically bulged from her sockets.
“You mean to tell me that you are traveling all the way to China to rescue your mate from the most powerful clan of Celestial Kitsune ever?”
“Yes.”
“You realize that what you are attempting to do is suicide, don’t you? Even if you could make it into China, you still have to infiltrate the Citadel of Light, and the only way to do that is to get on Saint’s Chariot, which is impossible. The floating city of the Bodhisattva is a fortress. Many yōkai have tried penetrating it. None have succeeded. What makes you think that you, a mere human, can succeed where others have not?”
“You say that like it’s going to make me stop,” Kevin fired back. “Who cares if the odds of me succeeding are slim to none? If the odds aren’t in my favor, then I’ll simply manipulate those odds until they are. If people always gave up because the chances of them accomplishing something were slim, then half of the advancements humanity has made would never exist. And I’m not going to be the kind of guy who would abandon the person he loves most just because the odds are against me.”
Kevin watched as the woman struggled with his words. Her face twisted into a reflection of astonishment, like she couldn’t believe he was saying these things, or maybe she just couldn’t believe that a man would say these things. He wondered what she was thinking. Had his words changed her belief on men, perhaps? One could always hope.
Felia opened her mouth to say something—
—when the entire ship shuddered violently.
Kevin was nearly thrown off his feet by the turbulent rocking that the vessel underwent. He braced himself against the wall to remain upright, and then looked at Felia, whose eyes had widened with something akin to horror.
He was about to ask why she looked so frightened when shouting came from above. Felia’s snake-like body coiled before, like a spring, she launched herself into the air, ascending to the first deck. Kevin picked up Iris and followed as quickly as he could.
What he saw up top would remain etched within his memories forever.
“Are those tentacles?”
They were, indeed, tentacles. Shooting out of the ocean like a strange pseudopodia were dozens, maybe even hundreds of tentacles. Thin and undulating, they surrounded the ship like a pack of sex-starved succubi. Each tentacle was long, ascending into the air far above their heads. Ashen gray skin reminded him of a corpse. The amorphous blobs forming on each tentacle really didn’t help enhance their look. As he looked around at the numerous strands of long, oscillating flesh, Kevin could only think of one thing to say.
“We’re screwed, aren’t we?”
He received no response.
CHAPTER 8
THE OBLIGATORY TENTACLE MONSTER
The problem with tentacle monsters, Kevin concluded, was that no matter what kind of monster they were, be they squid, octopus, or eldritch horror from another dimension, they were always perverted. He didn’t know why this was. It just was.
“O-oh no!”
“It’s grabbing me!”
“My panties!”
“Iyan!”
Kevin could do nothing as several dozen tentacles reached out and
grabbed onto girls, hauling them into the air, and proceeding to molest them, as tentacles were often wont to do. The slimy appendages wrapped around girls’ breasts, rubbed their crotches, and slipped underneath their clothes. Oddly enough, rather than screaming in horror, as they should have done, the girls moaned loudly as though they were in the passionate throes of ecstasy.
He didn’t know whether to facepalm at the stupidity he was seeing, or slam his face into the ground because a facepalm clearly wasn’t enough to adequately emote how stupid this was.
“It’s a good thing Eric isn’t here,” he muttered to himself before shooting a tentacle that came too close to him. The thing reared back in what seemed like pain. Kevin almost thought he heard the thing wail, but since it didn’t have a mouth, he was almost positive that he’d simply been hallucinating.
“Tch, this is annoying.”
Iris clicked her tongue as she launched fox fire at several tentacles that tried to latch onto her. She couldn’t use her void fire because she might end up destroying the boat if she did, which was most unfortunate. Kitsune-bi, as the most basic kitsune technique, was not very powerful unless overloaded with obscene amounts of youki. The most Iris could do with it was singe the tentacles’ skin. It was enough to keep them at bay, but not enough to keep them from trying to grab her again.
A little way off, the group of yama uba defended themselves with admirable alacrity. Phoebe slammed her club against the writhing feelers of amorphous skin that came her way. Polydora used her spear to great effect. Geysers of blood spurted from many a tentacle after she pierced them with it. Not five feet from those two, Euryale and Menippe fought back to back, protecting each other’s flanks and blind spots, all the while, Thoe continued proving her ninja-like stealth as she watched out for the other four.
“So…” Iris tried to sound conversational as she spoke, but it was hard when six or seven tentacles were coming for her at the same time. “I hope you have a plan to get us out of this.”
Kevin grimaced, even as his guns flashed with light and energy, putting several holes in the tentacles that came for him.
“Why am I always the one who has to make the plans?”
“Because I’m not the main protagonist.”
“Don’t use my status as an excuse to be lazy!”
“Lady Phoebe!”
The shout drew Kevin’s attention to Phoebe and Polydora again. One of the tentacles had latched onto the blond yama uba and lifted her into the air. Despite the tentacle writhing all over her body, particularly her breasts and crotch, the woman continued struggling. Phoebe tried bringing her club to bear, but with the tentacles also wrapped around her arm, her movements were restricted.
“Unhand me, you fiendish tentacles!” she shouted mere seconds before the sound of gunfire filled the air. Blood burst from several new holes in the tentacles holding her. The long, tendril-like things recoiled in pain, slackening to the point that Phoebe could free herself. She landed on her feet and cast a glance at Kevin. “Many thanks, Kevin Swift!”
Kevin nodded back. “You’re welco—Gya!!”
Kevin squealed like a very manly little girl when a tentacle wrapped around his left leg and lifted him off the ground.
“Kevin!”
“Kevin Swift!”
“Stud!”
Kevin growled as he aimed his gun at the tentacle grabbing him. Before he could squeeze the trigger, another tentacle wrapped around his arm, pulling the gun away.
“Wh-what the—?! Dang it! I can’t believe I was careless enough to let this grab meeeeee!!”
“Do not worry, Kevin Swift!” Phoebe shouted while running toward him. “I shall help—KYA!!”
Kevin would have blinked at the very feminine sound that came from her mouth—except he was currently getting felt up by tentacles. The tentacle that had grabbed onto Phoebe quickly lifted her in the air again. This time she was upside down. Her shorts, already dangerously short, rode even higher up her legs, and Kevin realized something in that moment. Something very important.
“WHY AREN’T YOU WEARING ANY UNDERWEAR?!”
“Because it is uncomfortable!” Phoebe answered, and then squealed when one of the tentacles slithered under her shirt.
“THAT’S NOT A GOOD EXCUSE!”
“I’m not wearing underwear,” Iris said.
“YOU BE QUIET!”
Kevin didn’t hear Iris’s response as the tentacles grabbing him chose that moment to begin feeling him up.
“H-hey! What are you—dang it! Stop touching me down there!”
The tentacles crawled up his legs, slowly making their way into the sundress that Iris had forced him to wear… and then they stopped. There was a slight pause. Kevin felt as if time stood still. The tentacles shuddered once and, without warning, dropped Kevin on his head.
“Owch!”
Kevin winced as he sat up, rubbing the now sore lump on his cranium, which felt like it was the size of a baseball.
“D-dang it,” he hissed. “Stupid tentacles. The heck was that for?”
“It probably found out you’re a boy.” Iris’s tails lit up with white-hot Kitsune-bi, which she did not hesitate to launch at another tentacle coming near her. “Everyone knows that tentacle monsters only tentacle grope girls.”
“So you’re telling me that tentacles are sexist pigs?”
“Basically.”
As Kevin swore under his breath, Iris pulled a book called The 100 Laws of Anime out of her succulent sweater stuffers and flipped it open to a page. A few tentacles attacked her while she did this, but she sent several blasts of fox fire to ward them off.
“Let’s see… ah! Here we are!” Iris coughed to clear her throat. “Anime Rule 94: The Law of Naughty Tentacles—All Anime Tentacles are VERY horny and will molest any human female, regardless of age.”
As she lectured him, several tentacles came her way. Iris leapt over the first one, bent her body at a nearly ninety-degree angle to dodge the second one, and then slammed her tails into the third one. All the while, she spoke to him.
“First Corollary—even when molested by tentacles, hentai anime girls eventually get into it and begin squealing in ecstasy. No one knows why this is, but some theorize there may be some kind of chemical that is secreted through the skin of the tentacle that causes pleasure upon contact with—”
“I don’t want to hear anymore,” Kevin interrupted before she could continue grossing him out. He already tasted bile trying to rise up in his throat. “Seriously, stop it.”
“I’m just telling you why the tentacle dropped you.” Iris put the book away.
“I don’t wanna know why it dropped me!” Kevin shouted.
“Hey! Don’t get mad at me.” Iris pouted. “You’re the one who asked why the tentacle dropped you.”
“It was a rhetorical question,” Kevin groaned. He could already feel the headache coming on. “Anyway, we should probably try thinking of a way out of this.”
“I couldn’t have put it better myself,” Iris said, right before Kevin aimed at a tentacle that had been creeping up behind her. His guns lit up as he pumped several rounds into the thing, causing it to jerk away from her. Iris turned her head toward the tentacle, then turned back and flashed him a wink. “Thanks, Stud. Remind me to reward you after we get out of this.”
“Let’s just help our friends,” Kevin sighed as he looked at another person who had yet to be captured by tentacles. “And her, too, I suppose.”
Iris saw where Kevin was looking. She scowled, sent a large blast of fox fire at a tentacle getting a little too close for her tastes, and then gave him a petulant expression reminiscent of a child who’d just been told to do the chores.
“Do we have to?”
Kevin studied Felia as she fought off the tentacles coming her way, even as she tried making her way toward one of her girls, who, Kevin noticed, was almost completely naked now. He had to give the woman credit, she was slippery like a snake—which might have something to do wi
th her being half-snake, but whatever. He watched out of his peripheral as several tentacles tried grabbing her, only for her to slip through them before they could latch on.
“Yes,” Kevin said eventually, shooting another tentacle, “even her.”
Iris sighed. “I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again; you’re way too nice for your own good.” One of her tails made a flicking motion, as if swatting something out of the air. The tentacle near it spontaneously combusted as it was hit by fox fire.
Kevin ignored her and checked his guns’ gauges. He’d gone ahead and switched out the cartridge that Delphine had given him. He didn’t want to waste his last good shot from that if he didn’t need to. His current cartridges had been filled up with youki from Holly and her daughter. Both were about half full, which meant they had a good fifty shots left before needing to be exchanged.
“All right!” Kevin pointed his guns at the nearest target, the tentacles molesting Phoebe. “Let’s rescue our friends first. Come on!”
“Right,” Iris grumbled.
The two dashed across the deck. Kevin used his skills acquired through years of shooting simulations and four months of target practice, firing off round after round of youki-created bullets into the tentacles that surrounded them. Several of the girls who’d attacked him were dropped when the lengthy appendages recoiled.
“Get over to Felia!” Kevin shouted at them, only to receive disgusted looks in response.
“Why should we listen to you?” one of the women he’d rescued asked.
Kevin felt like rolling his eyes. “Fine, then don’t go over to Felia. Just know that I won’t save you if you start getting molested by tentacles again.”
His remark made the women look at each other, and then slowly decide that maybe, just maybe, they should actually listen to him. One by one, the women got up and moved over to where Felia was protecting several other women.
“Too nice for your own good.” Iris launched more fox fire at a mass of writhing tentacles that had swooped down on their position. The detonations, while small, still sent the undulating appendages turning the opposite way to avoid being scorched.
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