From over his shoulders, he ask, “Like what you see, Alexis?”
I blush, my face getting hot.
Chapter 12
How does he always know what I’m thinking? He turns on the water to fill the bathtub and pours in scented oils and bubble bath. It smells of vanilla.
While the tub is filling, he lights candles, then leaves the room. I hear him moving around but don’t know what he is doing till I hear soft, soothing music come to life. The music fills the room.
“Don’t Let It End.” Oh, I do love Styx.
He reappears in an instant and carries me from the vanity. Together we sink into the warm water, my back to his front. He pulls me to him, and I rest my head on his chest. His hands run up and down my arms.
We sit in silence for a while. I keep wondering if I should ask him the questions I need the answers to, or will I push him away by asking? I don’t know what to do. Here goes nothing.
Wanting to see the reaction on his face when I ask, I turn to him. “Aiden, what are we doing here? Are we a couple? Are we together? What’s going to happen when we get back to New York?”
He looks down. “Alexis, it’s hard for me…”
I can tell he’s struggling to find the right words to say. My face starts to get hot, but I won’t cry in front of him. Wanting to seem calm, and fine with him not being able to give me straight answers, I say, “Maybe I should leave.”
“No, please stay the night. I need you here with me. I can’t tell you everything you want to hear right now, but please give me time. This is all new to me, I have never had feelings like these before. I have never let any woman this close to me, I have never felt about anyone the way I do about you. I’m trying, but you have to give me time. Can you do that?”
I have to give him this. I don’t know why, but something inside me tells me to. “Yes, Aiden, I will stay the night with you.”
He seems to relax. I turn back around and again lie against his chest. We stay like this for a while. It feels so good to be here with him, but at the same time there is an ache in my heart. Not wanting to push him away, I tell myself to let it go for now.
He’s humming along to the song. “That is how I felt the first time I saw you, Alexis. I knew in that very first minute that it was you whom I was waiting for.”
I am glad he cannot see the confusion in my face. He is like two different people; one minute he is cold and distant, and the next he’s loving and caring, so tender. It’s hard to keep up with him. I’m getting whiplash here.
After a good while, he rises and pulls me up with him. “Let’s dry off and go to bed.”
The look in his eyes tells me we are not going to sleep. He slowly rubs the towel down and then back up my body, sending tingling sensations throughout my core. Once again our lovemaking is slow and passionate; we make sure the other one sees what is in our eyes. Aiden takes his time to ensure that we enjoy one another. He kisses every part of my body, makes me feel things that only he knows how to make me feel.
The last thing he says to me is, “You are my heaven.” Then we both drift off.
***
The light is coming in, and I feel his body up against my back. I need to go to the bathroom but do not want to wake him up, so I slide out of bed without too much movement. Before I get a chance to walk away, his screams startle me. “No, you can’t leave me. Why didn’t you love me enough to stay?”
I turn to see he’s still asleep. “Aiden, it’s okay, I’m here.”
He clenches his fists. “No, why did you let them hurt me?”
I reach for him again to wake him up. “Aiden!”
Suddenly, I’m punched at the top of my stomach, hard enough that it knocks the air out of me. The pain causes me to double over. He twists and grabs at the sheets, clawing at nothing. I have no idea what to do. I move away, not wanting to get hit a second time.
I call his name once more. “Aiden, wake up!” With my knees, since I’m still holding my stomach with my hands, I shove at the bed, still calling out to him.
He wakes up, his eyes big, full of fear and pain. I rub my chest where his hands made contact and ask him if he’s okay.
“Aiden, you were having a nightmare.”
He looks at me and I can see the hurt and anger in his eyes. He gets up and sits facing away from me, running his hands through his hair. His whole body trembles. Not knowing what else to do, I reach out and put my hand on his shoulder. He flinches and pulls away.
“What did you hear me say?” He turns, almost shouting, “Tell me what I said!”
I can’t meet his eyes. My mind goes back in time to someone else, and suddenly I’m afraid of what he will do or say to me. Out of fear, I say the only thing I can.
“Nothing. You didn’t say anything.”
“Alexis, look at me. Are you sure that I didn’t say anything?”
I stare down at him, trembling as I attempt to get the words out, to tell him that I am sure he did not say anything. I dare not tell him that yes, he did say enough for me to know that at some point in his life someone hurt him badly. But who and why are the questions.
He can see the fear in my eyes and has a new look on his face, one that tells me he’s embarrassed by what he has done or what he thinks I have seen.
Standing, he says, “I need a minute alone, Alexis,” and walks into the bathroom.
I follow him. “Aiden, talk to me. It might help if you just let me in.”
He turns around and in a low, heated voice, says, “Damn, woman, can you just give me time? Is that too much to ask for?”
I don’t know what to say, so I just stand there.
“Get out!” he yells.
My feet will not move. His eyes have a dark, hooded look to them. It’s as if he isn’t Aiden.
He steps toward me. I can see his jaw tense as he clenches his teeth, and the veins in his neck are popping out. “I said get out of here!”
I turn and walk out. I sit on the bed for a minute, not sure of what I should do, but I feel hurt and tell myself I will not be mistreated again. I gather my clothes to get dressed.
Aiden walks out of the bathroom and sees what I am doing. He stalks toward me. I think he is going to apologize, but instead takes me by complete surprise.
“Poor little Alexis gets her feelings hurt and wants to run away from life.” His fists clench at his sides. “Maybe that’s why Frank stalked you, because you just kept running away from hard situations that you couldn’t handle.” He says the words with such anger.
My throat goes dry, and the air seems to be punched out of my lungs. I’m not sure if I heard him right. I am in shock. My head is spinning and I just want to get out of there. “How can you say that to me? Wasn’t it you who just last night told me that you would never hurt me? Who the hell do you think you are? You may have fame and fortune, you may have women throwing themselves at your feet, but you have no right to treat me like this. I am not a plaything that you picked up. You have no idea, Aiden, what it’s like to lose your family in such a horrible way, watching it happen in front of you and knowing that you are powerless to stop it.”
Living day to day blaming yourself, thinking of all the things you could have done differently to prevent it. Asking the heavens above, why not take me too? Why would I be the one left alive to suffer?
He starts to laugh. “I have no idea what it’s like to lose your family and feel powerless to stop it? If that is what you think, then you don’t know me at all.”
“I’m confused here, Aiden. What are you talking about?”
We just stand there looking at each other, neither one saying a thing, so at last I pick up my shoes and head for the door.
“Go! Leave! Everybody leaves!” he shouts. “Why should you be any different?”
After opening the door, I turn and look at him standing there, his eyes dark, glassy. “I’m scared too Aiden. With you I’m afraid to show that I care, but I think you already know that I do. I care for you more than you re
alize. But I don’t want you to think for one single second that I am weak. If I break down crying in front of you it’s not weakness, it just means that I have a heart. I have feelings and if, as you say, I don’t know you, it’s because you won’t open up to me. You won’t share any of your true feelings with me, you won’t tell me the secrets that are haunting you. And I’m sorry for you, Aiden, because if you don’t open up to somebody, you’re going to grow old all alone, just you and your demons.”
***
I get to my room and in my rush to leave Aiden’s room I hadn’t realized that I forgot my purse. I bang on the door. Thump, thump!
Shannon opens it. My face says it all. “What’s wrong? What did he do to you?” She pulls me into her arms and walks me over to the couch. “Here, Lexie, sit down.”
I start to cry uncontrollably, and in between sobs I tell her everything he said to me.
“That asshole! I am going to give him a piece of my mind.”
“No, Shannon, please don’t do anything. I just want to go home.”
I need to pack my things. Our flight is this afternoon. I need some room to think about everything that has happened. Last night was so beautiful and felt so right. This morning he was a completely different person. I could feel his anger vibrating off his body. My head is spinning with all the events of the last twenty-four hours.
The whole flight home I stay completely quiet. I have the window seat so I just stare out, looking at all the clouds as they go by. My mind is swirling with all the ups and downs from the whole week. I keep trying to figure things out, making sense of it all. Will I see him again? Will I still be able to work with him? Will I see him with a new girl in his arms? Is he going to call me, or if he doesn’t, will I be able to get over him? So many things going through my head, it’s aching.
Shannon and I arrive back in New York late Saturday evening. Walking into the apartment, I feel my stomach tie in knots and something I hadn’t thought about before hits me all of a sudden. What if Brock has called Michael?
I turn to Shannon and say, “What if I don’t have a job anymore? What if Michael found out about everything that happened over there and he fires me? I can’t lose my job, Shannon.”
I cover my face, afraid of what might happen when I go back into work on Monday. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I moved here to start over, to get my life back on track so I could try and put the past to rest, but now this is all out of control and I don’t know which way is up anymore, or what tomorrow will bring. I’ve made a mess of my life once again.
“Listen, Lexie, everything will be fine. If Michael was going to fire you, he would have called and left a message for you to contact him or something like that.” I look at her with a frown. “I’m just saying you’re not fired. I’m here for you, and that will never change. You are my best friend. Hell, you’re more like a sister to me.”
I hug her tightly. “I love you, Shannon. I don’t know what I’d do without you. I would never have gotten through the last two years if you weren’t by my side.”
I go to my room, unpack and go to bed early. When other twenty-three-year-olds would be out partying, going to clubs, and dancing the night away, I am going to bed early. I lie there looking up at the ceiling, thinking about what Aiden might be doing, whether he is in the city already, and if he is alone.
Sunday morning I go for a run, plug my earbuds in, and take off. I push myself to go farther than ever. My legs are trembling, they’re burning, but that’s a good thing. The sound of the music, the feel of the pavement, and the air hitting my face is exactly what I needed. I’m rounding the corner toward the park and there he is, larger than life—a huge billboard of model Aiden Steffan wearing jeans and nothing else, and yes, of course he’s barefoot. God, how sexy is that? Okay, I can’t think like that right now. Get a grip.
I stop, take my earbuds out, and just stand there looking at the billboard. I hear two girls talking about what it would be like to meet him, to see if he looks just as good or better in person, wondering if he is good in bed and what it would be like to kiss him.
“Oh my god, Dianne, do you think he really looks that good in person?”
“Duh, of course he does, Debra. I mean look at him, there is no way that picture is Photoshopped. What I wouldn’t give to be able to kiss him.”
“I wouldn’t want to stop at just a kiss, girl, I want him in bed. Man, I wonder what’s he like?”
The girls giggle and walk away.
My mind wanders back to that last day and what he said as I left the room. Everyone leaves. What did he mean by that? Who is everyone and why did they leave him? I do know he was hurt by someone who was supposed to protect him or love him. I replay what he said while he was still asleep. “Why didn’t you love me enough to stay? Why did you let them hurt me?”
I shake my head. I am not doing this. I will not give him the power to break me. Who am I kidding? He’s already in my head. I need to push him out before it’s too late. God, it’s already too late. Why is life so cruel?
***
Monday morning I get to the office.
“Good morning, Kathy,” I say.
She smiles. “Oh, Alexis, Michael wants to see you in his office right away.”
I take a deep breath in and exhale. “Thank you.”
I brace myself. This is it, Lexie, you’re getting fired. I put my hand on my stomach. You knew sleeping with Aiden was trouble, but you did it anyway, I scold. Now it’s time to take your medicine. I knock on the door.
“Come in,” Michael says loudly. I walk in slowly and he looks up at me. “Have a seat, Alexis.”
I feel like a kid getting called to the principal’s office.
“Let me just finish up this paperwork for Chris Allen and we can talk,” he says.
My stomach is in knots. I keep playing things over and over in my mind, thinking of what I can say to make him see my side of the story. He gathers all the paperwork and puts it into a folder. He takes his glasses off and pinches the bridge of his nose. Then he stands and walks around his desk, crossing his arms in front of his chest.
“Alexis. There is something I need to say, and let me finish before you say anything.”
Oh god! Here it comes. He looks so serious, not even a smile. “When we had the interview you assured me that I could count on you, that you would not let me down, that if I gave you a chance you would show me the kind of asset you could be to this company. On your first client meeting with Mr. Steffan, you were assigned a location shoot, and if I remember correctly it was one that you tried to get out of. You said I should send someone else because you didn’t think you had enough experience. Last night Mr. Quincy called to let me know that as soon as the pictures were ready he would send them over. We had a nice talk. Now I know the man is almost impossible to work with, but he is the best in the business.”
“Michael, I—”
He puts his hand up. “I am not finished, Alexis. According to Brock, everything with the shoot went great, much better than he expected. He said, and I quote, ‘I had an amazing assistant.’”
I know the look on my face is that of shock. I let out a breath of relief. Is this really happening? I know that Brock didn’t like me, so why would he say I was an amazing assistant?
“You told me you wouldn’t let me down, and you kept your word.” He’s grinning from ear to ear. “Congratulations, Alexis. First week on the job and you get a major assignment with a very important client, then go to your first photoshoot on location and make a great impression with a big-time photographer like Brock Quincy. I’m very impressed, and glad to see that you kept your word.”
I smile, feeling so much better, elated that I’m not getting fired. I need to go back to my desk and call Shannon! “Thank you, Michael. Thank you so much. I’ll leave you to your work.”
“No, wait, Alexis. There is one more client we need to discuss. Seeing as you did so well with Aiden, I need you to meet with Chris Allen. I need you to meet
with Chris Allen, the jazz piano player we signed a couple weeks ago. This young man is going to be big, I can feel it. Here’s his file. Call him and set up a meeting. Get the ball rolling for interviews, and also set up a photoshoot for him. Hire Brock for it, we need the best on this. We need to get him out there for everyone to see.”
I stand and take the file. “Sure thing, Michael. I’ll take care of this right away. I won’t let you down.”
As he sits down, he says, “I have faith in you, young lady. The job you did at the location shoot was excellent according to Brock. Show that kind of determination toward this client. Let’s get his name out there for everyone to know.”
I smile and walk out.
Chapter 13
When I get back to my desk, I call Shannon.
She answers on the second ring. “Hey, is everything all right?”
“Yes, I’m more than all right. Michael called me into his office to congratulate me and let me know I did a great job at the shoot, that Brock Quincy gave me a thumbs-up on the job.”
“Well, that’s a good thing, Lexie. Why don’t you sound happy?”
“Oh, I am. I am, it’s just that I know without a shadow of a doubt that he didn’t like me, so why would he give me a good review?”
“Does it matter? You’re not fired and you got congratulated by your boss on a job well done. Stop worrying and go do what you do best. See you when you get home.”
“Yeah, see you…Hey, Shannon, love you all the way around the world and back again.”
“Lexie, love you all the way around the world and back again.”
After hanging up the phone, I turn on the computer. I sit there for a minute, wondering how and why Brock would give me a good assessment on a job when I know he felt anything but happy with my performance. After a while I decide to give the matter a rest and get on with the day at hand. If I’m going to get Aiden out of my head I have to concentrate on work.
Out Of The Dark Page 10