As he reached for the doorknob, the door swung open almost smacking him in the face. Their eyes met, and his heartbeat slowed. She appeared shaken, but there were no visible injuries on her. “Thank God you’re okay.” He wanted to take her in his arms and hold her close and feel her soft body against his once more. Just thinking about her that way made him grow hard. He knew this wasn’t the time for that, but being near her always caused him to get a raging erection. The months without her had been hell on him emotionally and sexually. They were good together as partners and lovers. The first time he made love to her, he knew there would never be another woman for him.
Megan stepped inside the house and closed the door. “Yeah, I’m fine. Why?”
“Gabby called. She’s wondering where you are and why you aren’t picking up your phone.”
Megan licked her lips, those luscious full lips, and his manhood reacted by throbbing painfully against the front of his pants.
“Oh, I decided not to go out tonight.”
“Why didn’t you tell them that instead of letting them worry about you? You should call Gabby and let her know you’re home.”
She slipped off her shoes and sat on the couch, folding her legs beneath her. “I will. I need a minute to calm down.”
“So something did happen to you? What happened tonight, Megan?”
“Nothing, Ryan. I went over to my mom’s instead of the club. You know how she can be.”
He raised his brow. “Right. I’m sure I was the topic of your conversation.”
Megan nodded her head slowly. “Yes, you were as usual. As usual, I got mad at her and stormed out. I’m tired of this. I’m tired of feeling like a slug carrying the burdens of a hundred people. I need relief and fast.”
Ryan crossed his arms over his chest. “What does that mean, Megan? Do you want to give our marriage a shot or make your mother happy?”
“I want our marriage to work, but your job will be the angst to keep the tension high, Ryan. We’ll never agree, and I can’t learn to accept that you put your life in danger. This is killing me inside.”
He took a deep breath and forced himself to sit next to her on the couch. He put his arm around her, pulling her head to his shoulder although she wasn’t crying. She felt good, so right in his arms as he breathed in her alluring scent. A warm sigh left his mouth, making the tendrils of her hair flutter. If he could make all their troubles go away, banish them like they never existed, he would. “We can work this out, Megan. I’m ready to try counseling if you still want to do that.”
Megan pulled away from him. Her face was composed, and her expression lifted. “What made you change your mind?”
Ryan wanted to keep hold of her as she pulled herself completely away from his arms. “I had a talk with Jon. He said I shouldn’t be against getting professional help.”
She snorted. “When I suggested we go to counseling you were against it, but Jon suggests it and all of a sudden it’s a great idea. Wow, I can’t believe you.”
He sat up and rubbed his forehead. “What is the problem? I’m willing to do it; isn’t that what matters?”
Megan got off the couch, and her eyes clashed with his in a disgusted stare. Ryan’s breath caught silently, and his heart began to race again. Every time he opened his mouth he seemed to stick his foot in it. Maybe he shouldn’t have said Jon had any bearing on his decision. He watched her face; it had that look. She was going to tell him to go screw himself. It wouldn’t be the first time she’d said it.
“It matters to me, Ryan. Our marriage is all but over and instead of us making decisions based on our needs; you consult with your firefighter friends. How many of them are married, Ryan? Out of those married, are they happy and in secure marriages?”
He hadn’t been at Station 30 long enough to know the personal lives of every firefighter, only those he associated with. “What does that have to do with us? But since you asked, Jon, Orlando, Nick, and I am sure there are others that are in happy marriages.”
She put her hands on her hips. “Are you certain about that? Orlando and Nick have both been divorced and working on their second marriages. Jon and you are the only firefighters in first-time marriages. You’re getting second-hand advice from men that couldn’t hold onto their first wives. Dammit, Ryan, do you remember the drama when you first joined the fire department? You were part of the search party looking for Nick’s pregnant wife. The man she was running from was a firefighter.”
Her anger smothered his memories of them together early in the marriage. He didn’t get angry often, but there were times when Megan’s behavior put him on the verge of wanting to scold her like a child. “That was different, Megan. Anthony Jenkins had an emotional breakdown. He has recovered and apologized for what he did. I’m not going to condemn the man for going through some shit. He owned up to it and is living his life right.”
She rolled her eyes. “I’m sure they will rally around and support you when the time comes.”
His blood pressure shot up as he raised his voice. “Who will rally around you? Your mother who is filling your head with nonsense about me? I’m a good man and have been a good husband to you. That is until she started whispering in your ear. Baby, I’m done tiptoeing around you. I refuse to stand here and let you dump on me because you’re insecure and acting like a fucking spoiled brat. If I weren't a firefighter, it would be something else I’d be doing that would have you yapping. So stop the bitching and make your next move because I don’t have a magic potion to fix this shit. Quitting my job is not an option.”
The words were flying from his mouth, and he couldn’t stop them. Megan’s eyes spilled over with tears, and her face flushed with hurt. Word after word was a personal slap in her face. This was the woman he had vowed to love forever that he was slinging foul language at and accusing of being childish. He had no doubt now that she would walk out on their four-year marriage. He would have to accept it and adjust because he felt that he’d used everything in him to try and get through to her with no avail.
Silence fell over the living room. The clock ticking on the wall was the only noise until Megan spoke. Her voice was barely louder than the ticking clock. “I’ll contact a lawyer tomorrow to get the divorce started. Is it okay with you if I stay here tonight? I don’t think I can drive right now,” she said nervously, wringing her hands together.
“I’m not throwing you on the street; I would never do that.” He felt lower than a monster. Megan was young and very emotional. When Iona wasn’t coddling her, he was. She never had to stand up for herself because someone else did it for her. He didn’t have that growing up. His father took his anger out on everyone in the house.
“Thank you. I’m going to bed,” she said, walking by him and into the kitchen.
Ryan dropped his head in his hands. His father’s image came into view. When Elliot Tisdale got angry, his line of fire hit everyone in the room. His mother, God, rest her soul, never stood a chance at a happy life. He constantly berated her until she drank herself to an early grave. His older brother Eddie left home soon after the funeral, and his younger sister Kara tried to care for their father, but he thought he could hit her like he did their mother. Kara married the first man to show her any kindness and left town. Ryan hasn’t seen or spoken to her in years. He talks to Eddie once or twice a month. They aren’t as close as siblings should be, and he should reach out to them, but with his marriage falling apart, that won’t be happening anytime soon.
As a child, Ryan spent summers with his paternal grandparents. His grandfather was a carpenter, and he learned to work with his hands; his grandmother was a baker. She taught all three kids the basics of cooking and means of surviving on their own. Grandpa and Grandma Tisdale weren’t blind and saw what an awful parent their son was but never intervened to take the children away.
Ryan stayed single for that reason. He strayed from relationships because he wasn’t instilled with the values of what it was like to be in a loving family. His father
was the king of all bastards. Loud, obnoxious, overbearing, and plain evil. He had numerous affairs and expected he had produced several children with these women. Ryan wasn’t sure how many stepbrothers and sisters he had floating around Cleveland.
Losing his temper with Megan just now showed that he had inherited Elliot’s genes. It was as if Elliot’s ghost had taken over his body. Ryan leaned his head back on the couch. Throbbing tension spread from temple to temple only to meet in the center of his forehead. The stress was killing him. Four years ago, he had bit the bullet and married Megan against his better judgment. He loved her but felt she was too young for him. He often wondered why a beautiful, young woman such as herself, would want with him. He wasn’t a flashy dresser, nor did he drive a fancy car. He was an average man that boarded on being a loner.
He dated and satisfied his sexual appetite that way, but once a woman suggested getting closer or said that forbidden word, he found a reason to break it off. For whatever reason, when he met Megan that had all changed. He had fallen head over heels in love with her in two months. He couldn’t get enough of her despite their race and age differences. He was surprised when he had finally met her parents. He never suspected Megan was bi-racial. Her light brown eyes and smooth light caramel skin color had him thinking she was pure African-American, and he had no problem with that.
Once they were married, he found what true happiness was. He later learned that Jonathon DiMinico’s father and Carol Tisdale were brother and sister, and Jon was his first cousin. This came about while cleaning out the family home after Elliot committed suicide by hanging himself. They found a box of his mother’s personal belongings stashed in the basement. Inside it were family photographs, documents and letters she had written to them. Ryan took it upon himself to reach out to Jon who was the only relative that lived in Cleveland. Once they made contact, they fast became friends, and it was Jon that suggested he take the test for the fire department. As much as Megan claims she was unaware of his decision to do this, he knew she knew. They were at Jon’s house for a cookout. Jon introduced them to fellow firefighter Orlando Torres and his wife Regan. He remembers Megan cooing over their young son. At one point, he thought he saw her tear up when she handed the child back to Regan.
The sound of the shower running cut his thoughts. He got up from the couch and turned off the light. In the morning, he would apologize to Megan for his rude outburst.
Chapter Five
Ryan threw his helmet on the ground and sat on the bumper of the fire engine, he had made a major mistake for the first time as a firefighter. His personal life was affecting his job and he was becoming completely unhinged. His mind was drifting while working and that put him and the others around him in jeopardy.
Ryan coughed and the taste of smoke filled his mouth. Wiping sweat from his forehead, he looked at the plumes of white smoke drifting from the house that was entirely engulfed in flames minutes ago. He missed a victim lying unconscious on the floor. If Nick hadn’t searched the room again, the man would be dead.
Nick joined him at the fire truck and handed him a bottle of water. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, but I fucked up,” he muttered after taking a sip of water. “I’m sure I’ll get my ass chewed out by the Chief.”
“Yeah, he will go off. You know you’re too far along to make these kinds of mistakes, Ryan. I know you have personal issues going on but when you’re on the job, we need you to focus. If you can’t do that right now, maybe you should request a leave of absence.”
“I’m not making excuses for my screw-up, Nick. I’ll take whatever punishment I have to come because I deserve it. But, I don’t want to take any time off. Once my divorce is final, I’ll be good to go.”
“Man, I’m sorry to hear you’re going forward with that. If there is anything Lincoln and I can do just let me know. Personally, I feel Megan is making a mistake. You’re a good guy. You think fast and give 100% of your attention to the job.”
Ryan shook his head. “Not today I didn’t. It won’t happen again, though; I promise you that.”
“We sometimes slip, so don’t beat yourself up about it,” Nick said patting Ryan on the back. “The Chief will talk to Jon first and he’ll decide how to handle it. It is your first mistake so he’ll go easy on you with a warning.”
“No, I don’t want him to go easy on me,” Ryan said putting his helmet on. It had to be 90-degrees outside and extremely stuffy with the high humidity. The turnout gear he wore and the heat inside the burning home increased his body temperature even more. He felt dehydrated and weak, but that wasn’t an excuse for his bad performance. He knew the cause and had to find a way to separate it.
It didn’t help that Megan was still staying at the house. On his days off he kept busy by cleaning the yard or working out in the garage. Megan stayed away from home until late most nights also. It bothered him that he didn’t know where she was or who she was with. They barely spoke to each other in passing and he didn’t feel it was his right to ask her where she was going and with whom, whenever she left the house.
Back at the firehouse Ryan cleaned up and put on a fresh uniform. Jon entered the locker room. When you’re done come to the Chief’s office.”
The hair on the back of Ryan’s neck stood up, but he didn’t let the nervousness show. He tucked his shirt in his pants and nodded, “I’ll be there in a second.”
He closed the locker and snapped the lock together. This could be his last day as a firefighter. Megan would get her wish after all and probably want to call off the divorce since the threat of danger would be gone. That would solve her problem but what about his? He could teach again. He would have to take the State test to renew his license, but that would be a last option if he couldn’t find a job doing something else that didn’t involve working with teenagers.
Ryan leaned his hand against the locker and held down his head. He didn’t want to do anything else. He could almost attest that the curse that haunted the Tisdale family was out to ruin him. First his teaching career, then his marriage and now this. He banged his fist on the locker and walked away.
After a brief consultation with the Chief before Jon joined them, he felt better knowing the mishap was not entirely his fault, but still took responsibility for not being more thorough in searching the house.
Ryan stood next to Jon as the Chief sat behind his desk. “Ryan, I asked Jon to join us because you’re tenure as a cadet is over. You are now a full-fledged firefighter.”
Ryan’s grin spread across his face. “I thought I had at least a month left.”
“Because of the dedication and outstanding quality of work you have provided to CLE-FD, you exceeded at every level of training. So much so, instead of assigning you to Ladder 30 how would you like to be part of the Heavy Rescue Squad?”
The rescue company is one of the most versatile and highest trained companies in the fire service. Its duties range from everyday normal operations and vehicle extrications to more complex confined space, building collapse, and water rescue responses. The members traditionally on this unit consist of highly trained veterans with an extensive training background and have seen a fair number of fires. They concentrate their technical training in building construction, confined space, rope and rigging, water rescue operations, vehicle rescues, and rapid intervention. The CLE-FD rescue companies are the workhorses of the department. He would be proud to be a part of this specialized team with the little experience he had. He had to get his act together before reporting. With one mistake already made under his belt, there was no room for mistakes with this assignment.
Ryan’s knees buckled under him, but he managed to remain standing. “Seriously? Wow, I was expecting to lose my job today; not to get promoted to a specialized unit. This is awesome!”
Jon nudged him on the arm. “Does that mean you want it or do you want to be on the ladder instead?”
“Hell, yeah I’ll take it! I mean yes, Sir, I want it,” he corrected quickly and Jon an
d the Chief laughed.
The Chief stood up and took a red helmet from the shelf and handed it to him. “Here is your helmet and you’ll report to Otto from now on.” He turned to Jon and said. “Jon, you did a great job training him but since you two are related, I believe it is best he doesn’t work under your command.”
“Thanks, Chief.” The Chief left the room and Jon extended his hand to Ryan. “Congratulations, Ryan; you’ve earned this promotion. We’ll continue work together and you know Otto is an excellent Lieutenant and you can trust him. And he can also teach you how to ballroom dance if you ever need to learn to do that,” Jon joked.
Ryan clapped his hands together. “This is fantastic and I’m excited to get started with these guys. I can’t wait to tell…” He stopped mid-sentence. He had no one to tell.
“Come on, Ryan. You can tell Megan you got promoted. You’re still in the same house together.”
“She is not going to be happy about this, Jon. I’m waiting for her attorney to contact me about the divorce.”
“All right, this is crazy. How can two people that love each other give up so easily? Take charge of your marriage and sit her ass down and make her listen to you.”
“Too late for that. I think she might be seeing a guy. She’s gone all the time or closed up in the bedroom when I get home.”
“Do you have any idea who she is seeing?”
He shook his head. “No. I don’t want to ask Gabby or Pam. I don’t want them to betray her if she’s said anything to them.”
Nick tapped on the door before opening it. “Hey, Ryan, you got a visitor waiting to see you.”
Ryan raised his brow. “Wonder who it is?”
“Let’s go find out. You know this house is known for its drama; seems like you’re up next,” Jon said laughing.
Ryan and Jon entered the common area to find a well-dressed man standing against the wall while the rest of the firefighters in the room ignored him. Ryan walked over to him. “You want to see me?”
Rekindle The Flames (The Men of CLE-FD Book 4) Page 4