‘I understand, sir. She won’t get away this time.’
‘Good. I’ll be there as soon as I can.’ The walkie-talkie went silent.
At that moment, an elderly lady in a long raincoat and woolly hat hobbled into the airport. Inspector Cheddar recognised her at once. The Commissioner’s mother! She looked exactly like she had in Toffany’s, except as well as the fox fur she wore a mangy old black-and-white feather boa around her neck. Inspector Cheddar grimaced. It still had the beaks on.
‘Mother Commissioner!’ he squeaked. ‘I’m so sorry about what happened the other day.’
The elderly lady glared at him. ‘So you should be,’ she said. She looked about. ‘Vere’s my son? He told me to meet him here so I can see him arrest Klob and get another medal.’
‘He’s on his way,’ Inspector Cheddar said. ‘Shouldn’t be long.’
The old lady groaned. ‘My corns are killing me,’ she complained. ‘I vant to sit down.’
‘Why don’t you go through to the departure lounge and have a seat there,’ Inspector Cheddar suggested. ‘It might be safer.’
‘For sure, if you insist.’
Phew! Inspector Cheddar watched the elderly lady make her way through the unmanned security gate. He didn’t want to risk the Commissioner’s mother getting hairpinned by Klob!
As soon as she disappeared from view he heard a wild cackle and the sound of running feet. He frowned. Maybe her corns had got better after all?
NEE-NAW! NEE-NAW! NEE-NAW!
The Commissioner raced into the building. ‘I’ve just heard! Klob’s given Whelk the slip again. She’s on her way here with Biscuit and the magpies.’
‘What about my family?’ Inspector Cheddar gasped. ‘Are they all right?’
‘All safe,’ the Commissioner grunted. ‘Including Atticus.’
Inspector Cheddar breathed a sigh of relief. ‘Don’t worry, sir,’ he said. ‘I’ve got everything covered. When Klob shows up, I’ll nab her.’ He paused. ‘By the way, I sent your mother through to the departure lounge.’ He swallowed, trying to think of something nice to say. ‘She looked lovely in that new feather boa.’
‘What are you talking about, Cheddar?’ The Commissioner barked. ‘My mother’s playing bridge with Her Majesty. And she doesn’t have a feather boa.’
‘But …’ Inspector Cheddar went white.
VVRRROOOOOOMMMMMMMM!
‘Was that an aeroplane taking off?’ The Commissioner’s eyes were popping. ‘Hang on a minute. My mother, did you say? You didn’t think …’ His face went purple. ‘YOU IDIOT!’
Inspector Cheddar sighed. Traffic cones again. Oh well, he thought. Who cares? At least my family is safe.
Buckingham Palace
London
Atticus Grammaticus
Cattypuss Claw Esq.
2 Blossom Crescent
Littleton-on-Sea
Dear Atticus,
I am writing to thank you for doing such a wonderful job of saving the monarchy and stopping Zenia Klob and her gang from stealing the Crown Jewels. If it hadn’t been for your bravery, Philip and I would be living in a B&B in Scotland and tourists would have nothing to look at. (Not that there’s anything wrong with B&Bs, of course. To tell you the truth I quite fancy the idea but Philip likes a choice of at least six bedrooms to sleep in, which could be expensive.) Anyway, as I was saying, we think you did a great job and you thoroughly deserve your promotion to Police Cat Sergeant.
You’ll be pleased to know that I have granted Inspector Cheddar a Royal Pardon for allowing Zenia Klob, Ginger Biscuit and those miserable magpies to escape to Siberia. Apparently Klob cunningly disguised herself as the Police Commissioner’s mother, Biscuit pretended to be a fox fur and the magpies were roped together as a beaky feather boa. I’ve told the Commissioner not to make such a fuss about it. Honestly, anyone could have made the same mistake! Besides, who wants them here? I’d rather they were in Siberia than cluttering up my prisons.
One last thing. I have written to Agent Whelk and her husband Herman Tucker to commend them for their bravery and to wish him well with growing his new beard-jumper. I was so pleased to hear that The Jolly Jellyfish washed up undamaged in Kent. I must say that shark fart seems a remarkably efficient fuel. Philip and I are considering switching to it to help save the environment.
So, congratulations on a job well done, Atticus. I do hope our paths will cross again in the future, and that you will find the time to come and teach the corgis some manners!
Best wishes,
Elizabeth
(Still your queen thanks to AGCC)
Atticus finished reading the letter aloud to Mimi. They were sitting by the beach hut in Littleton-on-Sea where they usually met. Atticus’s tummy was full. Mrs Tucker had wrapped a couple of sardines in a new red handkerchief (embroidered with his full name in tiny white writing just like the one Ginger Biscuit had shredded) so that they could have a picnic together. Atticus sighed happily. It was great to be home.
Mimi squeezed his paw. ‘I’m really proud of you,’ she said. She tied the handkerchief in a knot round his neck. ‘And I love your new police-cat badge.’
‘Inspector Cheddar had it made specially,’ Atticus said. He lowered his chin and peered down. The new police-cat badge was pinned to the handkerchief. He couldn’t really see what it said but it twinkled at him in the sunlight.
‘You deserve it,’ Mimi said. She stepped away from him and started preening her whiskers. Suddenly she smiled. ‘I missed you, you know.’
‘Did you?’ Atticus’s heart leapt.
‘Yes.’ The smile turned into a frown. ‘But I was quite cross with you too.’
‘Oh,’ he said, feeling dejected.
‘While you were out having all the fun saving ravens, I was stuck here doing nothing,’ Mimi complained. ‘Next time you have an adventure, Atticus Grammaticus Cattypuss Claw, I want to be part of it. Okay?’
‘Okay,’ Atticus agreed. ‘But don’t get mad if I have to dye you a different colour.’
‘I won’t,’ Mimi promised.
Atticus got up. He yawned and stretched. If he was going to have another adventure he needed to get fit. Not fit like Ginger Biscuit, in a weird cat weight-lifting sort of way, but a bit thinner, like he had been when he first arrived in Littleton-on-Sea as the world’s greatest cat burglar. ‘Would you like to go for a walk?’ he asked.
‘I’d love to,’ Mimi said.
‘Town or beach?’
‘Definitely beach.’
‘I hoped you’d say that,’ Atticus said. ‘I want to watch the sunset.’
‘Me too.’
‘Let’s go then.’
Purring softly, the two cats strolled along the sand until the sun set in a red stripy sky and everything was black and brown, like Atticus.
About the Author
Jennifer Gray is a barrister, so she knows how to spot a cat burglar when she sees one, especially when he’s a large tabby with a chewed ear and a handkerchief round his neck that says Atticus Claw. Jennifer’s other books include Guinea Pigs Online, a comedy series co-written with Amanda Swift and published by Quercus. Jennifer lives in London and Scotland with her husband and four children, and, of course, Henry, a friendly but enigmatic cat.
By the Same Author
Copyright
First published in 2013
by Faber and Faber Ltd
Bloomsbury House
74–77 Great Russell Street
London WC1B 3DA
This ebook edition first published in 2013
All rights reserved
© Jennifer Gray, 2013
Illustrations @ Mark Ecob, 2013
The right of Jennifer Gray to be identified as author of this work has been asserted in accordance with Section 77 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988
This ebook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or used in any way except as spec
ifically permitted in writing by the publishers, as allowed under the terms and conditions under which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorised distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the author’s and publisher’s rights, and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly
ISBN 978–0–571–28682–9
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