by Leslie Kelly
www.mad-mari.com/2011/17/05/stillhope
Comment #73
Screw that shit. I’m fearing the worst.
Thursday 5/19/11, 07:00 a.m.
www.mad-mari.com/2011/19/05/blue
Not much to say today. Honestly, I’m feeling pretty down.
I liked this guy. A lot.
Too much, I fear.
Monday 5/23/11, 07:00 a.m.
www.mad-mari.com/2011/05/23/hell
He still hasn’t called. And it’s pretty obvious now that he isn’t going to.
FML
6
DANNY WILKES HAD BEEN in the navy for several years. He’d trained rigorously, had flown dozens of missions, had landed multi-million-dollar aircraft on carriers hundreds of miles from shore, had endured tests of strength and endurance that would have made a lot of men quit. He’d had his plane shot out from under him and had spent a brutal day in an Afghan desert with a torn-up leg, a broken radio and about enough ammunition to take on one small enemy foot patrol. Thankfully, none had come along.
He’d done all that because he didn’t know how to quit.
So he sure as hell hadn’t quit trying to find her.
“Marissa Marshall,” he muttered, glad he had finally learned her last name, at least.
It had been two weeks, and he was still kicking himself for being stupid enough to lose his phone. That was on a long list of stupid shit he’d done since meeting Mari, starting with not getting her last name. Followed by not writing down her number, or getting her address, giving her his number, making a date to meet her, getting in his car and racing up toward Baltimore to see if he could catch her on the road that morning—the one after the best night of sex of his life.
He hadn’t gone after her; she’d had an hour’s head start. She’d probably been arriving home, somewhere in downtown Baltimore, right around the time his cell had gone in the drink.
Yes. He’d been desperate enough that he’d dived into the water to look for it. Finding it was a long shot, and he was 99% sure it wouldn’t work if he did, but he’d gone for it anyway.
No luck. The water was cold as shit, not to mention murky and slimy with grease and boat oil. And deep.
The trip to Norfolk had been critical, but as soon as he’d come back, he’d begun to search. He’d scoured the internet, trying to find anything he could—a graduation announcement?—for a Baltimore-area PhD, first name Marissa. Nothing.
He’d also tried calling in favors. He’d gotten a buddy who was dating somebody in personnel to ask around. Zip. He finally decided to trust in fate. Serendipity had been hard at work on the day they’d met. He didn’t doubt he was meant to see her again. He just had to trust it would happen.
And it would, soon. Very soon. Because his last-ditch hope had played out. Mari had apparently landed the job here at the academy. A flyer had gone out to all the instructors last week, informing them of the upcoming guest lectures for at-risk students. Marissa Marshall, PhD, would be talking to the middies about how the military affected family life.
Armed with her last name, he’d searched again. He’d had more luck, finding her in a journal that had reprinted a section of her dissertation. But her number and address were unlisted. There was no contact email or website in the article and nobody at the journal answered his request for more information.
So he’d finally accepted the fact that he’d have to wait until she came to deliver her first lecture to talk to her again. Hopefully she’d give him the time of day and let him explain, instead of ignoring him, or slapping his face.
He’d find out soon. In an hour, she’d be in a lecture hall not far from where he taught his aeronautics class, his assignment during this shore rotation. Of course, the way his luck was running, it just figured that he’d been ordered to attend a hoity-toity reception for some visiting dignitaries right before she was supposed to arrive.
“So, Midas, any luck finding your mystery woman?” a voice asked.
Recognizing it as Quag—aka Quagmire—he turned to his aviator buddy and lifted a corner of his mouth. “As a matter of fact, yes. She’s going to be here this morning.”
The other man gestured toward Danny’s dress whites. “Dressing to impress, huh? You really think that’ll get her to forgive you for not calling?”
“Nope. Pure groveling is going to be required. As for the uniform—some special guests are arriving on base and I’ve been invited to the dog and pony show.”
Whether as the dog or the pony, he wasn’t quite sure. But he had no doubt he’d be paraded.
“Showing off a hotshot flyboy, huh? Why wasn’t I invited?”
Danny playfully punched the other man in the shoulder. “Your call sign is Quagmire for a reason, pal. You always seem to land in them.”
“Sure. Gotta have the golden boy, the one with the Midas touch to get those guests to loosen up the purse strings, huh?”
“You forgetting I got my call sign because I’m a damn good mechanic who gets stuck fixing everybody’s cars?”
“Yeah, but you know the bigwigs won’t tell anybody that,” Quag said with a smirk. “They want the gold, not the grease.”
“I guess.”
“Consider it prep work for NASA,” Quag said, being one of the few who knew of Danny’s hopes to get into the astronaut program. “You gotta get used to schmoozing.”
True. Danny knew he had to play the game. If the brass wanted to show him off now and again, liking that medal on his chest, he’d go along.
He glanced down at the medal, feeling rather emotionless about the visible reminder of his adventure in the Afghan desert. The scar on his leg was a much more effective one.
Mari hadn’t seemed at all revolted by that scar, which was, in his opinion, pretty damned ugly. During the long, sultry night hours they’d spent together, she’d touched him there, kissed the puckered flesh, murmured something sweet about how much she hated that he’d been hurt.
He swallowed hard, remembering what else she’d done when exploring that part of his body. He really needed to not think those things right now. Hopefully he’d be able to later.
Fortunately, at the time she’d discovered the scar, they’d both been…distracted. She’d asked no questions about it.
That was a good thing. Talking about that ordeal in the desert wasn’t something he enjoyed. Considering she was a shrink, it would probably be especially hard to share it with Mari. She’d be the double whammy—her female instincts trying to coddle him, like his mom and sister had. Her psychologist ones wanting to heal him.
Screw that. He was fully healed. His head was on straight and he was back where he belonged, flying Mach speed toward his future.
“Good luck, man, hope she buys your story.”
“She will ’cause God knows it’s the truth.”
The other man grinned. “If she doesn’t, send her my way. I’ll tell her how crazy you’ve been, trying to track her down.”
“You’re the last person I’d send a woman I wanted to!”
That was only part-joke. Quag had a rep as a ladies’ man.
“Oh, yeah, look who’s talking. You might have turned into Mr. Straight And Narrow, but don’t think I haven’t heard the stories about your early years. You put me to shame, pal.”
Maybe once. But not anymore. When he had been younger, more carefree, sure, he’d played the field. Like every other Naval Aviator, he had gotten a lot of female attention. Movies like Top Gun and An Officer and a Gentleman had created something of a cult status around guys like him. Which he’d always thought was really stupid…but hadn’t exactly disliked when it got him the attention of girl after pretty girl.
But he was no longer a kid. No longer in his twenties.
Quag wasn’t, either. So maybe it wasn’t just age.
Maybe it had something to do with flying out of the sky without a plane. Thinking long and hard about life and death.
Yeah. He suspected that’s when he realized there was a whole lot more to life than meeti
ng women. And ever since that time, he hadn’t come across a single one who truly interested him.
Until Mari.
“Later, dude,” said Quag. “Go be charming.”
Saying goodbye, he headed to his meeting, playing his role—the charming Naval Aviator. He answered the same questions every visitor asked, evaded the same flirtation from the bored-looking wives and the same hearty, I’m-a-pasty-middle-aged-guy-but-I’m-still-as-strong-as-you-are handshakes from the rich men.
He knew this was part of the job, knew it would be worse if he ever became an astronaut, so he went along. It was worth it, the way things got done. Who you knew was almost as important as what you stood for or what you could do, at least if you wanted to go any further than he’d already gone. And he did. All the way to Houston. Then, when the politicians got their heads out of their asses and realized the U.S.A. had to regain its scientific edge in space, he hoped to go straight to the moon.
Finally, after what seemed like forever but was probably not much more than an hour, he ducked out of the reception. Glancing at his watch and realizing there were only ten minutes left in Mari’s lecture, he hurried across the nearly deserted grounds. This was like a different place without all the regular students. There were still a few hundred around, but, right now, most of them were attending remedial classes.
When he got to the lecture hall, he saw the door open from within, and stepped out of the way. Exiting the room was Kyle Riddick, one of the deans. Riddick was a prickly, fussy old guy, who probably had come just to make sure the new guest teacher didn’t mistakenly treat the students like young adults, rather than fifth graders, as Riddick seemed to think they should be treated. Danny’d had run-ins with the man on more than one occasion.
“Commander Wilkes,” the other man said with a slight nod.
“Is the lecture still going on?” Danny asked, worried for a moment that he’d missed her.
Riddick frowned, his lips pursing tightly. “It is. And I can’t say that’s a good thing. No, indeed, I cannot.”
Had the remark come from anyone else, Danny might have worried about Mari’s presentation. From this guy? He knew damn well what the problem was. Mari was young, attractive and the students were bound to like her. Three strikes in Riddick’s eyes.
“She’s far too young for this job.”
Strike one.
“She’s also much too attractive—those boys might pretend they’re listening, but it’s obvious they’re just ogling her.” Strike two.
“And they’re altogether too fresh and friendly with her already.”
And you’re out.
Damn, he was good.
“She’s highly qualified,” Danny said, knowing it was true.
“Perhaps,” Riddick said, tsking a little. “Still, I’m afraid I might have to do something about this. I don’t like that inexperienced young woman in a room full of my boys without an adult present.”
Danny nearly snorted. An adult? As if Mari was a seventeen-year-old girl playing at being a teacher? Of course, to this old geezer, she probably did seem very young. “I think the Deputy to the Commandant is pretty impressed with her.”
Pursing those lips even tighter, and crossing his arms across his narrow chest, the old man sniffed. “Well, we’ll just see about that,” he said, then strode away.
Fortunately, the guy was a blowhard, who kept his job by virtue of being an institution, so Danny didn’t really worry about Mari’s job security. Hell, if Riddick had the power to get rid of anybody he wanted to, this place would have about a third the faculty and a quarter of the students.
Hearing the murmur of voices in the lecture hall, Danny pushed the door open, and immediately realized why the campus seemed so empty. It appeared every midshipman left on campus was in this room, crowded shoulder to shoulder, filling every seat and lining the walls.
Considering every single student in the room was male, he had a feeling he knew why. And looking toward the front of the hall, seeing Mari standing at the lectern, he knew he was right.
“Damn, the bun’s back,” he muttered.
But, as he’d suspected, her severe hairstyle didn’t matter one little bit. Mari’s clothes might not be quite as tight as they’d been the day they’d met, but there was simply no disguising the fact that she was a beautiful, sexy female. It didn’t matter whether the blouse outlined those breasts, or merely skimmed over them, they were still jaw-droppingly perfect. Nor did it make any difference whether her skirt clung to her hips and ass like shrink wrap or merely covered them modestly, they were still begging to be held, caressed.
Danny swallowed hard, took a few deep, steadying breaths, then slipped all the way into the room, remaining near the door. He didn’t want to distract her, and he sensed he would be a distraction. Probably an unwelcome one, considering she had to think he was an asshole for not calling. Hopefully, though, she’d hear him out and let him take her to lunch to apologize.
“Now,” he heard her say, “are there any questions?”
Hands immediately shot up. Not surprisingly, the first few midshipmen made suggestive or flirtatious comments. Dr. Marshall shot them down carefully, not being cruel but brooking no nonsense, either. But it wasn’t until one came out and asked her if she was single that she sighed in visible annoyance.
Staring at the back of the student’s head, Danny cleared his throat. The young man glanced around, saw him in the crowd, and all the color fell out of his ruddy cheeks.
Mari didn’t seem to notice. “Not that it’s your business,” she said, her hard gaze traveling over the room, “but yes, I’m single. And no, I’m not interested, even if you weren’t way too young for me, which all of you are.”
The young man lowered his head, not replying, either because he’d been shot down or because he knew Danny, one of his regular teachers, was staring at him from ten feet away.
“Maybe you haven’t been listening to what I’ve said for the past hour,” Mari added, “so let me repeat myself. Maintaining a relationship with someone in the military is hard. A lot of people simply aren’t interested.”
A voice called, “I bet one of us could change your mind!”
“Oh, right, because you’re such Prince Charmings,” she said with an exaggerated shrug that managed to look more amused than annoyed. “Believe me, I have two younger brothers, I’m wise to you all. I’ve noticed every note, every text, every piece of paper thrown and every smirk today.”
The young men laughed good-naturedly, obviously already liking her. She had developed a rapport with them. Their comments were flirtatious, but there was an underlying respect. Nobody was crossing the line. And as long as they didn’t cross it, she seemed willing to talk to them on their terms, on their level.
“Now, back to the question. You think some girl—leaving me totally out of this conversation—is going to just rush out to get involved with a sailor?”
“Hell, yeah!” someone called.
She walked to the edge of the floor, looking from face to face. “Sorry to break it to you, but not a lot of women will line up to be with an adrenaline junkie who risks his life every single day for a government worker’s salary.”
The young men in the room stilled.
“One who sees some pretty awful stuff and might have a hard time leaving his job at the office when it’s time to come home to her at night.”
A few glances were exchanged.
“One who will be gone for months or years at a time. Who will drag her and their kids all over the world, leaving her lonely, cut off and eventually resentful. Why do you think divorce rates in the military skyrocketed in the last decade?”
The students were listening carefully, he could see that in the expressions of those closest to him.
“It’s a rough life and a lot of women just don’t want it. They see a man in uniform and turn and walk the other way.”
Wow. Danny couldn’t help hearing the simple honesty in her voice. Remembering what she’d said
about her own family, he knew she meant every word she’d said.
But she couldn’t be too serious about it. After all, she’d gone home with him, spent the night in his arms. So perhaps she was just emphasizing the downsides to the students to make sure they got the message.
“So what are we supposed to do?” asked one young man, a quiet one who was in Danny’s class. A good kid, deep thinker, but one who just hadn’t mastered the discipline. It made sense that he’d be one of the first to realize this sexy lecturer had some really valuable information to impart.
“That’s what I’m here to talk to you about, and the point I’ve been trying to make to you. I want to help you see those problems coming at you and take steps to avoid them.”
“Meaning, get used to being single!” a voice called.
She laughed gently and shook her head. “Not necessarily. You need to learn to talk openly with someone you care about, to make sure you’re both on the same page about what you want and your long-term plans. How to keep the lines of communication open during long separations.”
“Yeah, making sure she doesn’t cheat while you’re gone!” someone said.
She shrugged, not denying the possibility. “Or making sure you don’t cheat when you’re lonely and far from home.”
Wow, that one had to have hit home with her. She hadn’t talked much about her parents situation, beyond admitting infidelity had been the catalyst that had driven her mother out. But he knew the subject had to be a sensitive one.
But everything she said was dead-on, Danny knew that from watching his buddies over the years. They worried about their girls back home. Then they got lonely and accepted a welcoming embrace from one of the nameless women who always hovered around military hangouts.
If these lectures really could help some of these kids go into this knowing what they’d be dealing with, he considered that a very good thing.
“There’s also the matter of respecting women,” she added. “Since you’re all male, I’d like to talk about that, too. We all know there have been some scandals in the past regarding sexual discrimination.”
Oh, boy, had there. These young men had had that message hammered home since day one. The navy had never forgetten the Tailhook scandal, which had brought down dozens of officers accused of sexual harassment of their female colleagues.