We’re still on the ferry taking us back on the shore. We have some time before getting into a taxi and back to the hotel. Somehow, I don’t feel like sharing my thoughts with him now, not so close after the perfect day with a perfect stranger is over. And yet, the way his eyes search for meaning inside mine destroy my defenses. He has been kind with me the whole time; I think I want to return his favor.
“You’re right. There is something troubling me. I was just hoping I would be able to run away from it during my trip here,” I reply.
“Oh. I’m so sorry then. I didn’t want--”
“No, no. Don’t worry. I’m not a delicate snowflake, Adam. I can stand talking about it...if it’s with you. But it’s not a pretty story. That’s all.”
We are walking to the edge of the ferry’s rails; we both cross our hands and lay on them. There is no one else around us and without realizing it we’ve gotten pretty close to each other. Our elbows and side arms are touching.
Adam’s attention is focused entirely on me. His eyes give me a warm feeling in the stomach, one that provides me with the courage to start talking.
“I’ve been with a guy for almost two years. We had planned to take this trip together for our anniversary of two years. I’ve never been to New York, but his job had brought him here many times in the past. So, we always talked about the things we would do on our trip. He wanted to show me the Empire State Building, to walk down the Broadway, and take me to the Times Square by night and photograph me like a movie star. I couldn’t wait for it and he seemed like he couldn’t either.”
I pause for a moment; this is the first time I make a recap of my relationship with Ray after everything that has happened. It doesn’t hurt like before; the pain has turned into a numbing sensation, a gripping of the stomach. Actually, talking about it to Adam makes me feel better.
I breathe in and continue. “I don’t know when it started, but he...well, he has been cheating on me. I don’t want to be all dramatic about it, but looking back at our relationship, he must have never been loyal to me. Nevertheless, we went to the trouble of booking a hotel and buying tickets for our trip, only for me to catch him fucking another woman in my apartment two days before the flight.”
I slow down to watch Adam’s reaction. He arches his eyebrows, but in the end, he doesn’t look all that much surprised.
“What did you do next?” he says, having taken an interest in my story.
“Well, I wanted to take a kitchen knife and shove it up his ass and skin that bitch alive, but I’m not a murderer, and I wouldn’t like to spend the rest of my life in a prison cell because of that asshole. I just...walked away. I turned my back and headed to my sister’s apartment. I couldn’t even take it to myself to visit my own apartment since that day. I sent my sister to grab some things for me. It has been a disaster,” I conclude.
“That’s tough. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you remember all these things,” he says.
I want to say something to him, to assure him that I’m doing great and there’s nothing wrong with me, but I can’t talk. I understand that saying those things to him would be lying, and for once, I don’t want to do the same thing Ray did to me.
By the time I’ve ended telling my story, the ferry has arrived mainland. The blood is pumping in my ears making them hum. It feels like I don’t want to leave - like I’d rather stay here and make this trip a thousand times than disembark and head to the hotel.
Doing so would mean that my time with Adam would be over and that I would have to return to my sad excuse of a life thinking how stupid I was falling for Ray. I don’t want to. There’s still time to spare; there are still many places I’d like to go. Maybe if...
“I want to do something to cheer you up,” Adam says.
“Uh...you have probably misunderstood. I don’t feel down. I’m...okay,” I reply.
Liar; just a moment ago you wanted the same thing. What changed?
“I won’t take no for an answer. It’s my fault; I got you talking about the story of your life. Now I want to do something to make you feel better.”
That’s it. That’s why I don’t want to follow him. I don’t want to go out with someone just because he’s feeling sorry for me. That would make me feel even worse than before. And that’s a lot coming from a woman who has been cheated on half a week ago.
“I’m sorry, Adam, but you really don’t have to do anything. Spending the day with you was more than enough to make me feel better. Thank you,” I say and start for the exit.
I’m off a couple steps when I feel him next to me. I tilt my head back and watch him; for some reason, he seems determined. “What?” I say.
“What?”
“What do you have on your mind?”
“I told you, Georgia, I won’t take no for an answer. Either you come with me or you want to return back to the hotel, I’ll find a way for you to trust me.”
I gape at him when he says that. So, it wasn’t a pity? He just wants me to trust him? Why didn’t he say so right at the start?
“Okay. I’ll trust you. I’ll come with you. With one condition.” I raise my index finger at him. “You will tell me what has been bothering you.”
His smile fades at once. He didn’t expect me to ask him that; he probably didn’t expect me to have noticed it at all. But here I am now, wanting to know more about a man that I’ll probably never meet again after tonight. He hasn’t said anything, but I kind of know. Being here, in this city, is hurting him. He doesn’t want to say it, but he’ll probably leave tomorrow.
Throughout the day, he hasn’t talked about what he’ll do tomorrow, and the only time I asked him straight away, he replied to me with a shrug. If I’m to trust him, then I must see he can let out some of his secrets too.
“Alright. I guess it’s only fair. But you’re driving a hard bargain, Georgia. I hope you can handle my end of the deal,” he says and chooses one of the last taxis and walks towards it.
Once again, he has left me standing behind, wondering how it’s possible for a total stranger like him to keep surprising me like that. I don’t like how my trip ended up having to do about Adam and his life, but what it’s done, it’s done. Pondering about it does me no good.
I follow him close behind, thinking for the first time that I have no idea where he’s taking me. He has already given the taxi driver the instructions and all that remains is for me to get inside. When I do, Adam is standing on the other side of the taxi, staring into the distance.
Maybe I went too far?
***
“We are here,” the taxi driver suddenly breaks the awkward silence in the car.
A square full of people, flashing screens; one of the most recognizable places in the globe. “It’s the Times Square. You brought me to the Times Square?” I can’t see myself, but I know I’m beaming with excitement.
Adam nods but doesn’t say a thing. He looks anxious to get off the taxi, mostly because there are so many things to see at the Times Square. The place where Broadway meets the 7th Avenue, one of the most surreal places of the city, the Time Square is waiting for us to explore it.
We stop and Adam, despite my opposition, pays the fee himself.
“You shouldn’t have paid the whole sum,” I say to him as soon as we’re off the car.
“I know. But I wanted to. A woman like you deserves a gift, even from a stranger like me.”
I blush again. Shit, he’s such a gentleman. He’s doing everything in his power to make me fall for him. And no matter how hard I try, I don’t think I can resist. The square is drowning from people; tourists, people passing by, performers, every kind of human is here, all to stare at the shining screens flashing everywhere around.
They are all taking photos up and down, many are cheering from joy, and others walk hand by hand, searching for a way out. It wasn’t in my plan to visit Times Square by night, not after what my ex promised to me, but I’m glad that Adam did it for me.
“It’s amazin
g,” I yell, trying to be heard.
“I know,” he yells back. “I didn’t expect so much noise here, though.”
It’s a rush hour and except for the people walking around the square, countless cars are also driving around, honking at each other. It’s a miracle how no accidents happen at this time. New York is a jungle, but it’s the most beautiful, chaotic jungle of the world.
Adam seems to think the same until it’s the time for him to fulfill his promise. He has to tell me about his past now that we’re here. I have to know so that I can demystify him. He’s just a man; he must be.
I get closer to him and wait. He takes his time until my ears have gotten used to the never-ending bustle of the city. Out of nowhere, he shakes his head and starts talking.
“My story is...different than yours. My girlfriend didn’t cheat on me. On the contrary, she was very loyal. We were pretty happy together. Until she...” he speaks slowly, lowering his head, tangling his fingers; he raises his eyes and looks at me deep in the eyes: “...until she passed away.”
Chapter 5
“I... I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.” I want to run away as far as possible. Did I just make him speak about his late girlfriend? What kind of human am I?
“It’s okay. It has been a year now. In fact, it has been exactly a year today.”
I cup my mouth with both my hands. Is it the anniversary of the death of his girlfriend? And he decided to spend it with me?
“Uh...why?” it’s the only thing that I can say.
“Why am I here? Well...it was her dream to travel to New York one day. She wanted to visit Broadway, the Empire State Building, and have a hot dog at Times Square. Everything people do in the movies. She wanted to feel like a celebrity. But life wasn’t fair to her.”
He’s trailing away again. I’m not sure if I’m supposed to bring him back, though. Still, I can’t turn away now. It’s him pouring his heart, and like he did for me before, I should accept it.
“How...I mean...sorry. I’m not good at these things,” I say.
He smiles at me. “Don’t worry. I understand. It must be awkward, hearing a total stranger talking about his late girlfriend. How did she pass away? Lauren was suffering from leukemia for many years. Last year, she lost the battle at the age of 26. We have been together for three years before that.”
The longer he talks, the worst I feel. I was such a mess just because an asshole cheated on me, and he had to carry that weight on him this whole time? I can’t believe it. “I’m sorry; I feel so bad,” I suddenly say.
“You shouldn’t,” he quickly replies. “It’s not your fault she passed away. She couldn’t have done anything. I couldn’t have done anything. It was the way things turned out.”
Adam looks sad but in a mature way. Being here must be more of a pain than joy. And yet, throughout the day we laughed at each other’s jokes, we took many photos, we kept on living. How...how is he able to do that so easily when I can’t just go on one hour without thinking what Ray did to me?
“I’m sorry, Adam. It was inappropriate of me to make you talk about your past.”
That moment, Adam puts his hands on my face and raises it. “I told you again. I don’t want you to apologize. It’s not your luggage to carry.”
He is shaking; his lips are quivering. Adam is breaking heavily. I have to do something to bring him back, to make him snap out of it. Our faces are so close together that I can feel his breath on my face. His eyes are burning; he is panting.
I want to kiss him. One little push, and I can kiss him. My body is aching with the lust for his lips, for his eyes to continue burning me the way they do now. But I can’t move. I can’t...move.
I pull away from him. “I’m sorry, Adam, but I think I want to return to the hotel. Is that okay with you?”
He doesn’t talk. We’re in the middle of Times Square, in the middle of the city where dreams come true, and we’re stuck in our nightmares. I can’t kiss him because I’m afraid he’ll hurt me too. I can’t kiss him because I’m afraid that I’ll want to kiss him again, and again, all the way for the rest of our lives.
We walk away from the crowded square and straight into one of the yellow taxis. It takes us a minute to each take our seat, but like before, we’re sitting too far away from each other. I stretch my hand, searching for a way to hold myself up. Adam is sweet, charming, with a hot body, and the brains to support it. He’s one of these guys that you check once on the subway and never forget his face.
But, now I feel like I have flown too close to the sun.
The driver takes a steep turn to the left, making me fall a bit to that side. It’s then that my hand touches Adam’s hand. I try to pull away, but he quickly grabs it and doesn’t let go. I turn and look at him. He’s hiding his face by staring at the bright lights of the city. However, his shadow is more than enough for me to understand.
He is here because he needs a closure. And the more time I spend with him, all the more I want to become his closure. But there’s something inside me telling me I’ve tossed my chance away by not kissing him out there. Destiny had done so many things to bring us together only for me to blow everything away.
And here we are, two people sharing our sorrows. Damn, I’m hopeless.
***
I step into my hotel room and lean my back against the door. We haven’t shared a word with Adam, not even goodbye. I did have to be nosy about his past, didn’t I? But, the blame isn’t just on mine. He was interested in my past as well. He wanted to know why I was sulky all day. It was only reasonable for me to ask him the same question.
But then, when our faces got really close, it was like I couldn’t breathe. I’ve never felt like that before, not with Ray, not with anyone. He’s the first man to make me feel like that and he’s haunted by the past. It’s like destiny wanted us to come together to feel even worse than we were feeling before.
Why? Well, don’t ask me. Ask the twisted destiny.
“Maybe a shower will make me feel better,” I mutter to myself, rubbing my neck.
The way I move my hands around my face, a hint of his smell comes to me. A smooth draft of his comforting cologne, a blend of warmness and a familiar passion. Smelling him on my clothes shutters my defenses. I should have kissed him; I should have taken that leap of faith with him.
Why didn’t I do it? Why wasn’t I strong enough?
Because I was still thinking about my ex. I was still thinking about Ray and everything he has done to me. And he was drowning in his own sorrow.
Still, we only might have today. I have to do something.
My hand is shaking above the handle of the door. It’s now or never. A simple knock on the door will do it. Except I have to reach to the other side. With a deep breath, I pull the door open and get out.
In moments, I’m staring at the other side with wide open eyes; he hurled his door open at the same time I did.
“Georgia,” he says.
Him uttering my name sends shivers throughout my body.
“Adam,” I mutter. We stand there, looking at each other for a minute. I open my mouth and start talking: “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ask you about your girlfriend. It’s just that--”
With a simple stride, he covers the ground separating us and leans over my head.
Then, he kisses me.
No excuses, no holding back, his lips touch mine and our tongues start playing their sweet game. I have lost my breath but don’t want him to stop. Every muscle of my body is trembling, unable to stop.
When he’s out of breath too, he stops. He keeps his head down, never saying anything. But now I know how he feels and it’s up to me to make him feel better.
I stretch my hand to grab his. When I do, I start pulling him inside my room. He doesn’t resist. I close the door behind us and lead him to the bed. When there, I stop and raise my head to look at him. His eyes have a different shine this time, a warm, lusty glimpse. Adam is here for the same reason I want him to be.
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The whole world has stopped moving around us. I hear nothing else but his short breathing. I start kissing him in the space between the ears and the chest while I’m pulling up his hoodie. He has closed his eyes, enjoying the process of me undressing him.
Then, I stretch on the tip of my toes and kiss him on the lips while I’m unbuckling his belt. A moment later, he’s in his underwear and I’m standing there, gawping at him. His abs are clearly defined, and his sparse, trimmed hair around his chest make him look even more muscular.
His underwear is stretching but he seems unfettered by it. Due to his boxers being a tight, black pair, the size of his assets can’t be seen clearly, but soon, that won’t be a problem. I remove my clothes as well to remain just in my underwear.
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