by L. U. Ann
“I just can’t lose him,” I cry shaking my head trying to comprehend everything. “I just lost my mom and I thought...” I waver. The startling realization I have wasted all this time not looking for him. Instead, I was self-absorbed in a sleeping world.
“We know, Lacey. It is going to be okay. We mustn’t worry ourselves like that. Be grateful the gentleman who found our Devon lives in such a remote location about a mile from the crash. When he found Devon, he was passed out. It took Mr. Walker all night to get Devon back to his cabin, and by that time, he was beginning to wake up.”
“I don’t understand. Is that why they only found two bodies?” Only... “Wouldn’t the search and rescue team have found the cabin during their search?”
Shaking her head she explains, “No, he owns an ATV and used it to drive Devon as close to civilization as he could. He didn’t have enough gas cans to get him to the small clinic in town, so they walked the remaining way.”
“Do the doctors think his injuries are bad?” I question the exhausted lady before me.
“That’s why we’re here. After that kind of trauma, he should have been on a backboard until x-rays could have determined the extent of his injuries. The clinic checked him out and nothing significant appeared, but since he had a concussion and survived a powerful crash, they want to do an MRI and observe him. Honey, it’s all precautionary. I’m so thankful to Mr. Walker.” She leans in to whisper, “I’m going to need your help coming up with something special to do for him.” She glances to where Mr. Holmes is standing with the others.
My eyes travel to the guy I have yet to introduce myself to— “Is that Mr. Walker?”
“Yes, sweetheart.” Impulsively, I go to the gentleman I owe so much to... Mr. Walker.
“Thank you,” I state, throwing my arms around his neck. It is simple. Just two small words that mean more than any other words could come close to right now.
Three and a Half
“When we get old and marry two brothers, we will finally be family,” Becca says, pointing her painted toes to the open blue sky.
“I think we’re already family, Becca,” I grumble as I pump my feet harder so that I can gain the same height.
“I know, but we will be bonded by the law,” she says, flying.
“Yeah, that’s true. So, what brothers are we going to marry?” I ask trying to keep up with her.
She sighs as her body flies with the swing. “I don’t know. Maybe we’ll marry movie star brothers, like Michael and Sean Penn. Ooooh, they are delicious.” There is a smile to her voice.
“Gross! They are old enough to be our dads. What are they, like thirty? That’s an ew-factor, Becca!” I detest.
“Okay, what about Patrick and Don Swayze? Wait… they are old, too. Looks like we’re going to have to wait for fresh faces to hit the Hollywood scene.” Her statement has me stopping my swing to stare at her.
“Becca, have you been watching too much cable? My dad says it turns your brain to mush.”
She stops her swing to answer. “How do you think I am so smart? MTV is the place to be if you want to know what’s going on in the world.”
We both pause to think about it and laugh. Throwing our feet back in the air reaching for new heights as we relish in what our lives will be like when were old. Thirty is so far away. I’ll probably have gray hair. Thirteen sounds like a much better age. Yes, I’m happy with being thirteen.
“Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”
~Marilyn Monroe
The fact that Devon only sustained a few broken bones and soft tissue damage in his back is beyond me. How he was able to walk the distance he did to civilization with his injuries is even more astonishing. He is going to take a while to recover from the near-fatal plane crash, but I will be by his side every step of the way. I left the hospital about a half hour ago, so that I could take a shower, change, pick up some clothes for Devon and get my hands on the other love of my life—Evan. Real coffee, as in Cuban coffee, is calling my name. I cannot wait to see Evan’s little face light up at the sight of De De.
The ride home is quiet with the driver, Juan. I am still overwhelmed with the actions of Caine and heartache of the possibility of losing Devon. Everything that has happened over the last week is beginning to sink in along with the magnitude of its potential consequences. Having Juan as a driver is nothing like Frank. Frank has a homey feel about him. Juan appears to be career-minded—does his job and moves on. I like Juan, but it’s that I consider Frank family. “Thanks for the ride. I will be driving my car back to the hospital,” I inform him while I snake out of the car with him holding the door. With a tight smile and wave, he returns to the driver’s side.
Happiness feels like it is oozing from my pores. But... Oh, no. I am going to be sick. My hand flies to my mouth while I rush to the door. I just barely make it to the bathroom before emptying my stomach. The dry heaves suddenly overtake my body. Pins and needles quickly rise to the surface of my skin. I cannot stop the violence raging within. Eyes painfully bulge as my stomach rejects any remaining remnants. Collapsing on the cool bathroom tile, I relish in the refreshing stark contrast of temperatures. I close my eyes just as footsteps begin to move closer.
“Lacey, are you okay?” Lane inspects my figure lying on the floor, having followed me after settling Evan. Sitting up, she hands me a towel. Its coolness is refreshing against the warm, sweaty skin.
“I don’t know. I was fine—” I reply as I shake my head, thoughts immediately going to more pressing things. “Oh, my gosh, Lane, he’s really alive! He made it.” Tears rebirth and fall freely. “I cannot believe he survived that crash while the other two died. Wait until you hear how far he walked.” Hardly able to hold back my excitement, I try to convey the mixture of emotions swarming my head. “I have so much to tell you, but first all of these crazy emotions are going through my head, but my worst thought is that I’m going to wake up, and he will be gone. I am frightened this was all a dream. I cannot lose him, Lane. I can’t.” Oh, no, there goes my stomach again. I hate dry heaves!
“Honey, do you think you should see a doctor?” Lane asks from over my shoulder as she holds my hair and rubs my back.
I shake my head dismissively. “It’s just excitement and nerves. I’ll be fine after my shower.” She turns to leave. “Wait! Did you call Aunt Paula back?” She shakes her head no, so I nod. She can’t stand talking to her when she’s manic either. The constant talking about herself and what she’s been up to without any thought of asking how we are doing. It’s unnerving. She doesn’t realize what she’s doing or how she’s behaving. If I call her, she’ll be giddy and restless talking a mile a minute. Her volume will be higher, pausing just enough to gulp air, and then she’s back to talking about herself. God help me if I ask her if she’s taking her meds, she’ll get defensive and agitated. Then it’s another hour on the phone listening while she tells me all about what her doctor says. All the while, I wonder if she’s telling her doctor everything. If she doesn’t recognize a problem, how can she tell her doctor? And why does her husband put up with her? He walks on eggshells. That’s not a marriage. I don’t have the energy to deal with her right now. Bipolar sucks!
Lane stays to watch Evan while I quickly clean and dress in fresh clothes. Lane’s tired body is prevalent in her eyes. I don’t want to take long for her sake because she’s due in two months. I am still trying to wrap my head around not noticing her growing midsection before I did. I’m excited about a niece or nephew. Leaving the bathroom dressed, I begin packing a bag of clean clothes and toiletries. My plan is to stay with Devon for at least tonight if not tomorrow, too. I’m torn. Depending on how long Devon will have to stay in the hospital, Evan will be with Mr. and Mrs. Holmes. Now that we have our forever in reach, I don’t want to screw anything up, and truthfully, I’m still nervous about staying at the apartment. Scared Caine will repeat another attempt to steal Evan. The best thing that we can do is move and to not tell Caine our loca
tion. I wonder if Devon would be willing to move. That subject needs to be placed on the back burner. We will visit that topic once things settle a bit or maybe when the right time is imminent.
With Devon’s bag packed and Evan dressed, I collect a few toys to keep him occupied. Evan and I are out the door and on our way to the hospital in no time. I cannot wait to see the look on Evan’s face when he sees Devon. He doesn’t know where we are going. I want to make it a surprise. Nothing was ever said about the plane crash and possibility of Devon’s death. I truly did not have the chance or possess the courage. I am so happy I will never need to have that talk. Then again, at his age, I would only tell him if I knew without a doubt that he was gone forever. I don’t know if he would understand reality, but it’s not something I could ever keep from him. He would need to know with time and patience.
How on earth would I have told him? When he reaches a mature level, what would he say if he knew that I allowed yet another person he loved dearly to die? I strain to shake the thoughts and concentrate on getting to the hospital. I already miss Devon.
The drive to the hospital gives my mind the opportunity to recollect the events of yesterday’s reunion. Evan is consumed in his train world with early reader books. He’s not reading, just inspecting the pictures, memorizing every detail to later make up his own story or just babble about. The stark, stale air hits me again as we step out of the revolving doors of the hospital. Evan’s eyes light up and I knew he wanted to go through those doors. “Wee, Mommeee,” Evan’s comments send my lips upward in a smile. With his hand in mine, and the other using a vice like grip on his book, we continue to the elevator. Evan’s eyes are big as he takes in his surroundings.
Just before walking into Devon’s room, the possibility of something big hits me like a ton of bricks. Is that why I have been sick? My heartbeat quickens—can I be? Shaking my head, I dismiss the thought. I don’t have any other symptoms. I look down at Evan and wonder if I were ever to be, would he be happy? In order to clear my mind, I make a mental note to myself to confirm I am wrong. Softly knocking on the door to his room, I allow Evan to walk ahead. “Hey, buddy!” Devon greets Evan excitedly. My heart grows at their special bond. Caine never had that with Evan.
“De De, De De, De De,” he incessantly repeats, happy to see Devon after almost a week.
“I think Evan missed someone.” I smile at their sweet reunion while Evan and Devon high-five each other.
“The doctor just left a little while ago. Guess what?” Devon propositions as Evan climbs onto the bed.
“Oh, really? What did he say?” I ask, kissing him hello.
“The doctor says I’ve been cleared to leave.” I blink several times shocked at how fast they are discharging him.
“Are you sure that you’re okay to go, honey?” My veins flood with happiness, but also fright, as I nervously think about the injuries and pain he’s endured.
“Come here, Sugar Pants.” He gestures for me to sit on the other side as Evan has comfortably carved his place on the opposite side. “You okay?”
“Yeah, just a little tired.” I smile. “I can’t wait to take you home, babe.” I lay my head next to his finding comfort in his nearness. Last night I slept pressed up against him despite what the doctors advised. We could not stand the idea of being away from one another and the spare recliner was just too far.
“De De, tane beep beep,” Evan reads the images telling us his own narration. I love it. I feel so complete at this moment.
“I love you so much, Devon,” I gush relishing in everything.
“Aw, Sugar Pants, I love you more.” My heart skips a beat.
“Mommeee, De De wuv ew.” Oh, yes, my little man is intuitive.
“And we love you too, Evan!”
“De Da!” I shoot my head backward to look at Devon. His eyes shine with happiness. Oh, my God, I thought. Is Evan going to be calling Devon Daddy soon? Oh, shit, Caine! Fuck Caine! The adoption!
Taking a calming breath, I begin the painful subject. “Devon, we probably need to talk about the adoption. I don’t think Caine is going to go through with it any longer.” Devon is going to go bat-shit crazy when I tell him what Caine did. Do I tell him? Why cause more grief than we already have? That is not keeping a secret, is it? Dammit!
“Sweetheart, you are deep in thought. Try not to worry, we will figure it out. Let’s focus on right now and my beautiful wife and son.” He winks and motions his head in Evans direction. “Percy the train is getting into some serious trouble according to our little man over here.” I giggle. “I’m certain it will all work out in the end.” Please, God, let him be right. I never want to deal with that monster again. Evan deserves someone as caring as Devon. Someone who will love him unconditionally and always put their child’s needs over their own. Not love for something in return. That is not real love from a man. What Evan and I have with Devon is undoubtedly real. It’s scary to know what losing someone with a love like that can do to a person. I don’t know if I could survive living through that again, and I pray I’ll never have to find out.
“Lacey?”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I must have been daydreaming.”
“Anything good?” He wiggles his eyebrows, smiling. Oh, my stars! That panty dropping smile just about makes me combust.
“Always you, always.” I lean in to give him a kiss. I have missed this.
“Knock, knock. My, oh, my, how the tables have turned around. I trust you to be a much better patient than your married woman was. Damn, I was so friggin’ happy when they kicked her ass off my floor.”
“So, are you Easy or Dirty Mindy today?” I inquire with a lifted brow.
“Oh, darling, you know I’m teasing. You know I love you to a greater extent than my luggage.” Smurfette shoos me with her hand. “Anyhow, I simply wanted to stop by and find out how you guys were doing.”
“Me, Me,” Evan calls out making me smile.
“Oh, sugar, you are getting to be such a big boy! Did the nurse get you a sticker?” He violently shakes his head no as if disgusted no one has yet to get him, of all people, a sticker. “Well, then, come on, sugar, and we’ll get you one.”
“Mindy, could you possibly find out how much longer until Devon’s discharged?”
“Sure thang... and Lacey, you know I loved being your nurse.” She twirls a little southern twang, and I roll my eyes at the madness that is Mindy, but smile at her pure goodness.
Devon grabs my hand and sweeps his thumb along the top. My poor battered and bruised love. He went through so much just to get back to us, more than I will ever know. I am so thankful to Mr. Walker and need to do something special very soon. I wonder if he’s still in town.
“Sweetheart,” he brings my hand up to his mouth. “Something is weighing heavy on your mind. What’s going on inside that pretty little head of yours?” I shut my eyes, trying to will the emotional pain away.
“I am so thankful for you.” I softly brush his face with my other hand. “It’s still painful, Devon. It’s like I’m in limbo. I should be leaping through the ceiling and I am. I truly am. Nevertheless, I have been so scared, honey, so very scared.” I pause before remembering. “Oh, my God, and Caine! I just wish I had told you not to get on that plane, and then none of this would have happened.” I close my eyes as the tears escape me.
“Lacey,” he whispers. When I do not respond, he says, “Lacey, what did that fucker do?” I begin to lose control and cry harder. “Lacey, answer me!” Devon demands.
I shake my head. “Nothing, Devon. Nothing happened.” Continuing to shake my head. “He didn’t do anything, but—” Oh, my God, I can’t finish. My mouth goes dry. The beat of my heart pounds harder and my stomach begins to churn.
“Is there something I don’t know, Lacey?” he asks confused by my reaction.
No words can describe the pain or the filth of what could have happened. Sometimes I wonder why God put people like that on earth. People like my uncle, my father, and even Cai
ne. Why can’t people just leave me alone? I want to live in peace without the emotional pain of my memories.
“Sweetheart, you’re scaring me. What is going on?”
“Can I tell you later?” I sheepishly ask.
“No!” he quips causing me to jump.
“Hey, Hootchie Mama and the love of her life!” Becca shouts, walking into the room with Ryan on her heels. Interesting. She takes one look at me wiping my face and pulling away from Devon. “Uhm... Am I interrupting something?”
“Becca, did Caine fucking do something to Lacey?” Devon demands looking between us with his eyebrows furrowed and tense jaw muscles.
Becca pales looking between Devon and me. “Uhm...”
“What the fuck happened?” Turning to his brother, he asks, “Ryan do you know anything?”
Putting his hands up in defense Ryan answers, “No, dude. Nothing took place under my watch.”
He turns back to Becca and me. “Then you two start talking NOW!” Devon bellows in pain pointing at us. I look at Becca with pleading eyes. I never wanted Devon to know. It feels as if it is my fault for even walking into that bedroom.
“Lacey, love.” Becca urges while Ryan excuses himself to give us some privacy.
“Lacey, what the hell? Why won’t you tell me?”
“Because I am ashamed, Devon!” I cry. “It’s all my fault!” I yell, throwing my head back on the bed.
“Love, let me.” Becca rubs my back and fills Devon in. I watch his face morph into anger and fury. Tearing his hand out of mine, he takes hold of the remote on the bed and calls for the nurse.
“Devon, please don’t be mad. I love you. I didn’t expect anything to happen. Never! It’s only ever been you. I passed out and thought… I thought it was you.” My voice lowers as I finish. His face sobers.
“You think I’m mad at you?” His eyes grow in shock. I close my eyes and nod yes.
“Lacey, he’s fucking dead. Dead, do you hear me?” Taken aback, I just sit there, unable to comprehend what is going to happen next. Becca pulls me into a brief hug before Devon takes over and draws me into his arm.