by L. U. Ann
“Well, I wanted to come over before everyone gets here for the Sunday dinner.” He pauses. “I didn’t want you hearing about it from Mom and Dad.” My eyes move back and forth between the brothers wondering what the hell Ryan’s about to say.
“Okay, come on in. Can I get you a beer?”
“Sure.”
“I’ll get it. You guys go on outside, and I’ll bring you both one.”
“Thanks, Sugar Pants.” Devon kisses the side of my cheek, and I watch the guys cross the threshold to outside. What’s going on? I don’t have a good feeling about this. Ryan’s been home for almost a year. Please, God, don’t let him leave. Evan will be crushed. I quickly grab two beers, the monitor projecting soft breath sounds of Baby Lane, and after popping the tops, I join them.
“What the fuck?” Devon questions.
“Dude, I was in the Army and had a crappy job. I’m not going back. I just wanted to let you know I’m jumping over to the Air Force to teach at the Academy. When you crashed, I decided I was leaving the Army. I made Mom happy by going into the Active Reserves, but I want to do something important. I want to help people.” He shrugs. “So, I requested and was approved to transfer to the Air Force Academy in Colorado where I will teach cadets Survival, Evasion, Resistance, Escape (SERE). That way when these kids go into combat and if things get bad, they have a chance of surviving.”
“Wait, Colorado?” I ask. “Becca is talking about moving to Colorado.” Ryan’s face sobers. Oh, no. He didn’t know.
“What do you mean?” he asks.
I look at Devon for help and he shakes his head. Why do I always open my mouth. “I don’t know. She said she met this awesome guy in Colorado and is thinking about moving there.”
“Wait, when was this?”
“I don’t know. Maybe a month or two.”
Ryan’s lips turn into a large grin. Wait… no! “Are you that guy?” I shout.
Ryan smiles. I’m going to kick Becca’s ass for not telling me who that guy was. And why would she say met? She’s playing me… Yeah, kicking her ass is definitely something that’s needed!
"Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy."
~Thich Nhat Hanh
Since my father’s birthday wish message two months ago, I refuse to speak to him. No longer will I be a part of his selfish acts, and as far as I’m concerned, he thinking of bringing a child into this world at his age is selfish. Mentally, I can’t do it. I must concentrate on my children. The only thing I can do is pray to God the reversal does not take, and he can never father another baby. He’s a grown, old man, and it’s abhorrent for him to one, be with someone younger than me, and two, bring a child into this world at his age. His selfishness knows no bounds. Any relationship I have with him is only going to cause me grief. Therefore, for my sake, and for the sake of Devon and the children, I must sever all ties just as I had to do with my aunt. I did not respond nor will I ever.
Standing on the concrete driveway, I stare in disbelief. There is no way he will have me seen in that thing! “Devon!” I scream into the house, as my eyes cannot remove themselves from that appalling mass. “Devon, come here!” I shout again hearing the dogs bark as he runs out in a panic asking what is wrong. “That! What the hell is that?” I turn around to his confusion and point waiting for him to explain. He starts laughing. Not one of those small laughs either. No, this is full belly-bend over at the waist-let it out kind of laughs. I shake my head and stomp past him and into the house. I cannot believe him. How dare he? I do not understand why we cannot drive his Expedition on vacation. Why did he have to rent that? I rest my hands on either side of the kitchen sink and bend my head down in defeat.
“Sugar Pants, what’s the matter?” Devon leans into my back and starts nuzzling my neck. “Are you too sexy for my minivan?” He chuckles just before hitting that oh spot behind my ear. Distracting me with lustful thoughts will not prevent me from finishing this conversation.
“You told me you were getting a vehicle that would be easier with Evan and Baby Lane. I hate minivans! They make me feel old and I don’t know... I just don’t like them.”
“I think we can call it Supervan.” He turns me around, cups my cheeks, and wiggles his eyebrows before attacking my mouth. I surrender as always. I am hopeless when it comes to Devon.
Devon’s job kept us from going away until now in the sweltering heat of July. It worked out since Baby Lane had a number of doctors’ visits. Her suck-swallow coordination has not improved as it should. She has had a barium swallow study done which came back normal. She has met with the orthopedist and is now getting her feet corrected. The apnea monitor is still necessary twenty-four-seven. The good news, I have progressively gotten better at letting her sleep in her crib. Up until last week, she slept in her bassinet next to my side of the bed. I have been neurotic about her sleeping far from me, but since her alarms are not going off as much, I figured it was best to allow her to get used to her crib.
Just before we hit the road, Devon surprised me with a box on my seat. Now I know why he took Baby Lane to buckle her up. He wanted me to find it and immediately open to see what was inside. Feeling giddy, the gift was a pleasant surprise. When I opened the box, I found a camera bag. Inside revealed a Nikon, as well as another huge lens sitting in a compartment next to the camera. Two extra storage cards are located in a small covered pocket. The charger held its own compartment, which housed an extra battery. “Now you can take lots of pictures to remember this trip.” He smiles so big it reaches his eyes. I throw my arms around his neck and thank him repeatedly with quick pecks while I jump in his arms.
“I do not think I will ever take enough pictures to fill the cards,” I reply between pecks. He settled my gibberish when he grabbed my head and devoured my mouth. Oh, hot damn. I shiver in his arms and protest his words that we must hit the road. I studied the manual of my brand new camera, in addition to helping to navigate our eight-hour drive. Devon has a thing about driving on main highways, no shortcuts could be made, and our seven and a half hour trip was extended to eight. Perhaps a joke or two were said about minivans. I used to feel so cool, now I am not too sure. A minivan changes a person I told Devon and chuckled internally.
Amazingly, the drive was not too bad with a four-month and two-year-old. Evan and Baby Lane behaved very well. I cannot complain one bit. We left Grandma Pain in charge of the house and dogs. I am praying we will return to the two pups still being well-mannered. She has a tendency to spoil them rotten, and I have to go behind her and retrain their behavior. However, I would not leave my dogs in anyone else’s care. She treats them very well, too well, actually.
“Oh, my God, Devon. You weren’t kidding about it being a secluded house.” I would love to see what 41-acres looks like on a map because it feels like our own spot of paradise. The timber-frame house is enormous with a complete wrap around porch. It is larger than I could have imagined. It is the perfect quiet place to escape city life. He stays quiet as we proceed up the long winding, tree covered driveway.
My eyes grow bigger when the house comes into view. I’m speechless. “You like?” he asks squeezing my knee. I nod before getting out of the awful minivan. I must say that it’s surprisingly spacious and comfortable to ride in, but I’ll keep that to myself. If I tell him, the next thing I know, I’ll have one.
We climb an insane number of steps to enter the main level. I mentally remind myself to keep an eye on Evan and these steps. “Careful, buddy,” Devon quietly encourages Evan upstairs. I smile.
Walking into the foyer, I stop to take in the cathedral ceiling, two-story windows joining at the peak, the natural wood floors and staircase. The sitting room and kitchen walls are white with gorgeous wood accents and trim. The pine smell is abundant. The ceiling exposes structural support beams with decorative lights strung below. I can’t get over how beautiful, yet rustic the house appears. More importantly, it is warm and inviting. “Devon, it�
��s stunning. I love it!” I smile stepping further inside. I gasp when I see the stove, refrigerator, and oven. “This does not look like caveman stuff with it being off-grid.” I turn around and wink at him. He rolls his eyes at my outlandish comment. Ignoring what I said, he doesn’t bother to respond.
We quickly set up Baby Lane’s portable crib, her bed for the next few nights, and bring in Evan’s toys and our suitcases. Evan rested most of the trip so he is by no means ready for bed at eight o’clock. Leaving the two boys to play, I take my little girl in my arms and we walk over to the large sliding glass doors. “Devon, is this screened in?” I ask excited about the possibility. He opens the door, the hint of a cool evening breeze tickles my arms, and I pull Baby Lane’s blanket up around her shoulders. In the musty air, moths dance about against the screen in their attempt to get to the light on this side of the barrier. Crickets chirp about with cicada singing their deafening love song.
“Mommy, dats a frog!” Evan says in utter surprise.
“Yes, sweetheart, frogs live here, too.” I chuckle at the wonderment of a two-year-old.
“Ribbit-ribbit.” He hops inside returning to his toys.
“Hey, sweet thing, do you like hearing the sounds of the outdoors?” I ask the happy bundle in my arms. I could go to sleep out here it is that peaceful.
“Come on, Sugar Pants, it’s getting late. I’ll fix her bottle if you want to get her ready for bed.” I nod agreeing. The trip was tiresome, so going to bed sounds nice right about now.
The next two days are full of adventure. On our first day, we visited the Biltmore House and Gardens. I’m sure people believe we’re crazy for bringing a toddler here, but why not? I think it’s silly not to. Besides, as long as I understand his age, I won’t make the mistake of expecting a perfect child. When he gets tired, Devon and I will leave. It doesn’t require much to include my children in as many activities as possible.
Walking onto the grounds of the estate, I thought I had taken a step back in time. As we traveled the perfectly laid brick path, gorgeous roses were abundant in every shade lining the pristine brick walls. The smell of fresh cut grass combined with the sweet perfume of the flowers flooded my nose. The brick path led us to numerous gardens both formal and informal. Devon preferred the formal English garden, where I loved the whimsical flow found in the informal beds. The morning strolls in the gardens afforded us the opportunity to calm an energized boy so that we could go inside and tour the grand architecturally renowned building.
The premiere homes artisanship was stunning. The moment you stepped inside, you immediately sensed the rich history found in the walls. “Devon, can you believe someone could afford this much land much less the enormous house? It boggles my mind.” He listened intently to my wonderment as we moved from room to room and I captured each moment to memory and the storage card in my new camera.
As we walked out onto the concrete covered balcony, Devon said, “Come on, let’s go on a carriage ride.” I smile, speechless from the wealth of stimulation. Resting my hand on the cool material, I take in the rolling hills, vast trees, and large carpeted yard that housed a round fountain in the middle. It looks as though the property goes on forever.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” he whispered.
“Oh, it is, honey.” I turn to face Devon, who was not looking at the golden view, but me instead. “What’s wrong?” I asked confused.
“You, my love, are beautiful.” He leaned in to kiss my cheek and took Baby Lane from my arms. I looked down as my cheeks heat and take in the intricate stonework of the handrails. It was breathtaking.
After the light lunch, Devon insisted we eat, and he arranged for a private carriage ride. Baby Lane slept peacefully in my arms while Evan sat on Devon’s lap and watched out for signs of deer and any other signs of wildlife. The tour lasted a little over an hour. From there, Devon took us on a Land Rover off-road expedition-style tour. Even though he had reserved the entire day with the children, he wanted it readily available for us. Evan thoroughly enjoyed the woodland trails, log crossings, and climbing hills. We crossed streams wider than the Land Rover was long. Evan thought that was the coolest thing of all. Baby Lane slept through most of the adventure. At four months old, I thought she would be awake more. Devon surprised us with an early picnic dinner under a quiet canopy of full-grown trees too numerous to count. The breeze is cool for the sweltering July late afternoon air.
The sunflowers, daisies, and petunias sweetened the air just enough to make my mouth water. “Thank you so much for today. You have spoiled me beyond any of my dreams.” I rested my head on Devon while he and Evan made out shapes in the clouds above. His hand strokes my hair while Baby Lane lay on my chest, trying to lift her head. She is making progress every day, but I can’t help, but think something was not right. The doctor said she would develop on her own. I just can’t help feeling something is wrong in my gut. She continues to wear the monitor and her feet are cast. Every two weeks she has to have them changed because of how fast babies grow at this age. I love to watch her look around and explore the world. It helps remind me to slow down and enjoy each moment.
Devon’s phone chimed. When he checked it, he found a thunderstorm was quickly approaching our direction. We packed up our things and left the picnic behind. He arranged for it to be set up and they would clean up, too. I am wondering how he does all of this. On the Land Rover excursion back, Devon told me about the other tours the estate offers. “When we come back, I want it to be just us. There is a winery, a spa, equestrian center, and we can even make reservations to stay on the property.” He continued, “Does that sound nice?” he asked hopeful. Confirming with a large smile and nod, he continued, “We could try the Segway Tour. I have always wanted to ride one of the two-wheeled transports.” I held onto the ‘oh-shit’ handle as Devon maneuvers the roughest terrain while I silently beamed on how glad I was that we weren’t doing it now. For one, I don’t know if I could balance Baby Lane and myself, but also because, well, let’s face it, I’m not the most graceful person. Those things require balance and the very thought made my insides twist in multiple knots.
He continued, “It’s been a long time since I was fly-fishing. I haven’t picked up a rod in about six years-since the last time I came out here.” I was stunned to learn something new after the two plus years we have been together. He wants to bring Evan back in a few years so he can teach him how to fly-fish. I have loved every moment of this trip watching the two of them attached at the hip. Devon is showing Evan a completely new world in which Evan is soaking it all up like a sponge.
The following day we took a lazy drive along the Blue Ridge Parkway taking picture after picture of the gorgeous landscape. We stopped at a visitor station and found information on waterfalls we planned to see. I couldn’t wait to test out my newly found camera skills. Although, I don’t understand much of what the handbook says. I will have to figure it out as I use it. We enjoyed a quiet dinner back at the house followed by a walk along the brook where Evan splashes in the water. “It’s so peaceful. I bet I could move out here,” he said with his arm around my shoulder.
I shake my head. “No. There are bears.” That is enough to say, knowing how scared I am. “Besides, your parents are back in Maryland and so is my sister.” I smiled up at him. He lowered his head and kissed my nose. We walked hand in hand exploring the land finding wildflowers swaying in the breeze. Baby Lane babbled a little. She was precious in her pink bonnet. Sticks broke under our feet as we followed the small stream. Trees swayed slightly with just a hint of wind, but there were no predictions of thunderstorms. The sounds of nature multiplied without the pollution of cars. I closed my eyes and thought of how much Mom would have loved it here. With a sad smile, I allowed Devon to lead the way.
Another day we drove into the Pisgah National Forest after we heard about its numerous waterfalls from the visitors’ center. It was absolutely beautiful and tranquil. Evan ohh’d and aw’d at the majestic cascades flowing
down from the mountaintop. I was shocked at the number of waterfalls one could discover. Devon concentrated on two specifically. With Evan only two years old, he didn’t want to overstimulate him. Our first stop was Looking Glass Falls. The water travels sixty feet before it pounds into a pool of ebbing water. Carefully, we navigated the slippery wet rocks enjoying the birds singing to us from the tall heights above. Trees shaded the hot beaming sun where moss and vines grow in abundance from the rich land around. The dancing water was peaceful and a lot of fun to swim in according to the boys.
I had Devon and Evan go ahead of Baby Lane and me. She and I strolled the quiet trail that led to the falls. “Look at the water. It is so pretty. One day you will get to play in it, I promise,” I tell Baby Lane, who sports her casts fashionably. “Don’t worry. Mommy’s not going to go swimming either. We’ll watch the silly boys freeze.” I smile looking into the eyes of my Princess. “You are absolutely beautiful. I wish Mama were here to meet you. She would have three babies to fill her heart, babies to give her so much love to live for.” A tear unknowingly slid down my cheek. I wiped it so that it didn’t drip on Lane and grabbed my camera to snatch some funny pictures of Devon and Evan who appeared to be having fun splashing each other.
Luckily, I brought my sandals that cover my toes and are durable on the rugged terrain. Baby Lane curls in her wrap pressed against my chest. I love having her close to me. The humid air required adjusting our bodies quite a bit so she didn’t overheat. Her monitor was strapped around my shoulder like usual.
Today was another lazy one spent at the house. It is nice playing with Baby Lane on the floor. Evan buzzed about playing with his trains and cars while his sister was near. We went for another walk through the woods, had a picnic lunch, picked wildflowers, and headed back to the house. It is terribly hot today so we both decided that staying here was best. Moreover, late afternoon thunderstorms were a threat. We leave in the morning.