by L. U. Ann
Nicholas is my real life Evan. These are his words told to me a number of years ago. When you have the opportunity, please check out the video he made for his sister.
Remove the R-Word for My Sister
HAPPILY EVER AFTER?
Can Lacey have a happily ever after? Great question. I'd like to think she can and will. Writing A Destructive Novel Series has been a very emotional journey. One I thought was going to heal so many wounds, yet only brought them to the surface for me to relive. I pray I’ll never have to think about these again. Remember those tears you may have shed? Yeah, I did, too. The look my ex-husband gave me just before I knew he was going to hurt me, the state I found my mom in at the hospital, or finding out my daughter had been moved to the NICU after birth. While writing, these are things that went through my head over and over as I tried to make each scene correct for you. I’ll be honest—many times, it was pure hell.
I have survived the hand of a man who thought controlling me was how relationships work. It’s not. I was very young, and my confidence and self-esteem died a little each day. That is why I stayed as long as I did. That is why many women don’t leave. I can’t explain in any other words than that we are scared to leave and they somehow create this vision for us that there is nowhere else to go. Staying is our only option. I’m thankful every day for the support of my mom and sister for what they did to help me finally leave and let him go. I’m not only grateful for how it changed my life, but for my son, too. If I had stayed, I cannot imagine the child I would have raised. Yes, I would have done everything in my power to counter what he witnessed, but would it have been enough? Would he have found his Sperm Donor’s behavior tolerable or acceptable? Possibly. History could have repeated itself. For that, I am eternally blessed. He’s not that guy! For anyone found in a destructive relationship, please find a way out. There are organizations out there that can and will help. Never feel as though you are alone! You’re not. Leave before it’s too late. I have provided many resources in the previous books, and I will include them in this one, as well.
I’d like to say I survived child abuse, but to be honest, it affects me to this day. Yes, I don’t think about it every single moment, but it has taken its toll on my relationship with my husband. This is something I don’t think I can ever change because, trust me, I have tried. It’s something that changes a person, and I ask anyone who has experienced anything close to what I did to please seek professional help. There are things therapy helped me get past.
Bipolar can be a curse and a blessing in disguise. Why? Because I have been given a gift to recognize particular behaviors or, as some would say, red flags, where others will think it’s no big deal. Remember how I told you my sister and I had to commit our mom several times? Yeah, that’s a fact. One of the hardest things I did as a young teen. Now that my son has been diagnosed with the same label, I have needed many of the instincts I learned to help him. And I have. If you or anyone you know has suicidal thoughts or behaviors that alarm you, please, do not make the same mistake I did and ignore them. Do I continue fifteen years later blaming myself for my mom’s death? Yes. Is it valid? Yes. And until you have walked in my shoes, please do not try to tell me differently. That’s all I ask.
For families dealing with a child, adult, or friend with a disability, please be accepting. That is the best present you can give anyone living with it every day. My daughter is medically diagnosed as Mentally Retarded, but please do not ever call her retarded. That is one of the biggest insults you can say. There is no need to use the word. Ever.
Do you know why? It’s simple. My twelve-year-old daughter has taught me more than I will ever teach her in a lifetime. She has opened our eyes, our hearts, and our life to many opportunities I would have missed. The simple life is much better. A smile on her face after she accomplishes the simplest of tasks is a hundred times more powerful than buying a new vehicle or being the tenth caller to win concert tickets to your favorite band. Trust me. It’s bliss in its purest form. Don’t believe me? Volunteer or become a Unified Partner with Special Olympics or become a Buddy for Challengers. I guarantee your life will change. Your outlook, your priorities, and your tolerance of ignorance will, in fact, change.
I may have dealt with many challenges on my journey to get where I am today, but I’d like to think it’s made me a better person. My wish is that so many of you can be as fortunate as I am. Find your peace and happiness. Because I sure did.
~LU Ann
Lacey Edwards
P.S. Beware of those mini vans and injured wildlife. Y
Acknowledgements
Wow, I don’t even know where to begin and pray I don’t miss anyone.
First, I must thank my husband because, if it weren’t for his help and support while writing, there is no way I would have finished. Thank you for the encouragement and understanding during my meltdowns, and the many hugs you gave me while I tried to process everything I was feeling. I love with you so much.
Nicholas, I must thank my lucky stars for giving us a better life. I’ll never forget the day Dad laid his eyes on you for the first time. It may not have been the moment you entered the world, but it was just as big, if not bigger. Thank you for your support and stepping up to the plate to help the family while Mom was absent writing.
Baby Leah, aka my Little Miss Sunshine, you have been an inspiration to help me finish what I started. Thank you again for all of your hugs when Mommy needed them. I love you, Baby Girl, to the moon and back.
My sister, Leah. You have been such an amazing support, pushing me out of my comfort zone. I am eternally grateful to have you as my sister, my friend, but also as my confidant. This story is hard for both of us. We endured a lot growing up. I’m so thankful for you. I love you so very much!
My real life Becca Fox, Liz. I love you hard, girl! You will forever be my best friend and sister by love. We will grow old together however far apart our lives take us, but our lifelong friendship will always lead us back where we’re sitting in rocking chairs with our gray hair and making fun of the younger generation. Wondering, ‘What on God’s green earth are they listening to nowadays.’ And while I can wait the part of growing old, I cannot wait for each time our lives cross one another, and we can be the two girls who spent so many years living life carefree. I love you, Love.
To "The Ladies Who Look Under My Skirt" or, as some would call them, my beta readers. Your help, enthusiasm, and suggestions have made Destructive Release what it is. Tbird, Julie, Teri Beth, and Debi, I cannot thank you enough for the advice and encouragement. This wouldn’t have been possible without you.
To all the amazing bloggers who supported and shared the previous two books in A Destructive Novel Series. Debra with The Book Enthusiast, Sarah with Books to Breath, Angela Lane with To Be Read List, and Sharon Goodman with Sassy, Savvy, Fabulous Book Blog—I will always be appreciative of you and your hard work!
A special shout out goes to Renee Giraldy, Reading Renee. You have been my rock from the beginning. Your passion, enthusiasm, and selflessness to help the Indie Authors are remarkable. I will never forget what you have done for me. Love you!!
Tbird, Lisa, and many others who have been an inspiration to me, pushing me to write, and to accept things I had no interest in doing, thank you.
Readers, thank you will never be enough. You all are amazing. I’ll take the three stars or lower because it helps me become a better writer. I grow because of you. With that being said, the best gift you can give an author is a review. I ask you to please, please, please, take two minutes to jot down twenty words on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and Goodreads. It honestly helps me so much! Love you all for your support and encouragement, as well. I pray I’ve touched your lives and that I’ve helped someone out there who is going through the same thing. It is honestly all worth writing if I’ve helped one person.
Once again, I must thank my beautiful, late mother who made me the person I am today. Even though your life on earth was unexpectedly cut short, I am s
o blessed to call you my mom. You were such a strong and amazing woman. Many will not understand the reasons why you stayed with your husband of 29 years, but we will not judge for you have endured more than you ever should have. I love you, and this story is for you!
RESOURCES
Everybody will experience a tragic moment at one point in his or her lives.
That moment doesn’t have to define you!
When you are out and about in public, and you see that kid or adult who looks different, or speaks different, or behaves differently, don’t stare. Did they ask God to make them who they are? No. Did they do something wrong to be considered different? No. These unique and exceptional people have the right to live their lives just as you and I do. They just have to work harder for things that might come easy to you and me. However, I can guarantee you they have a gift that you’ll find fascinating and possibly, envy. See, God created everyone with their own personality, quirks and interests. You and I are different. So why discriminate against someone? You are just as different as anyone else is. It might be tucked away and hidden, but you are different, too. Let’s accept everyone. Let’s be tolerant of each other’s differences and not judge. You aren’t hurting just that person by your lack of tolerance. You’re hurting the individual’s parents, friends, family, and even yourself.
I included a number of these resources in the back of Destructive Silence and Destructive Choices. I have provided these once again because so many women and men face domestic violence every day. It is hard for those who have not walked in the shoes of the victim to understand how difficult it is to gather the courage to finally leave. I applaud everyone who has taken that step, and I pray that someone who is reading this and going through a similar situation will take a leap of faith. You are not alone, and you do not deserve to be treated with anything but the utmost respect!
Alcoholism and codependency were thought to go hand in hand until recently. This addiction affects every race, religion, and social class. It is serious and can lead to immoral activity such as child abuse, domestic violence, assault, and more. Persons afflicted with the disease usually isolate themselves from their loved ones as well as the world around. Many people turn to alcohol to cope with grief and stress. When a spouse or parent drinks to cope, they are unknowingly putting a wedge between alcohol and the ones they love. This person becomes dependent on something innate to feed their need for comfort. People with codependency often form one-sided relationships, and it can be a learned behavior often from a dysfunctional family member. A dysfunctional family member can be deemed as chemically dependent, by either alcohol or drugs, victim of physical or sexual assault or untreated mental health. Most people who fall into these categories come from families who didn’t deal with the issue they faced in a healthy way. These individuals are at risk of adapting by disengaging themselves from healthy relationships.
SUICIDE
You are NOT alone!
1.800.SUICIDE (1.800.784.2433)
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1.800.273.8255
Please learn the risk factors and warning signs so that you can help someone. When there are multiple risk factors, the risk of an attempt is much greater.
Suicide.org
Suicide.org's mission is to prevent suicides, support suicide survivors, and educate the public about suicide.
http://www.suicide.org/index.html
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP)
AFSP is the nation's leading organization bringing together people across communities and backgrounds to understand and prevent suicide, and to help heal the pain it causes.
http://www.afsp.org
BIPOLAR DISORDER
You are NOT crazy and you cannot change your genetic material!
Bipolar disorder, also known as manic-depressive illness, is a brain disorder. Those who suffer from the disorder and are left untreated can have poor school and/or job performance, damaged relationships, unproductive lives that can all lead to suicide. The normal ups and downs that everyone experiences are much stronger, even severe.
International Bipolar Foundation
International Bipolar Foundation's mission is to eliminate Bipolar Disorder through the advancement of research; to promote and enhance care and support services; and to erase associated stigma through public education.
http://www.internationalbipolarfoundation.org
National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)
NIMH's mission is to transform the understanding and treatment of mental illness through basic and clinical research, paving the way for prevention, recovery, and cure.
http://www.nimh.nih.gov
National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)
NAMI is the nation's largest grassroots mental health organization dedicated to building better lives for the millions of American affected by mental illness. NAMI advocates for access to services, treatment, supports and research and is steadfast in its commitment to raise awareness and build a community for home for all of those in need.
http://www.nami.org
CHILD ABUSE
Because it is NOT okay to hurt a child - they may hurt MORE than you realize!
CHILDHELP
Prevention and Treatment of Child Abuse
Their mission is to meet the physical, emotional, educational, and spiritual needs of abused, neglected, and at-risk children. We focus our efforts on advocacy, prevention, treatment, and community outreach.
National Child Abuse Hotline: 1800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453). Calls are taken 24/7.
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
It is NOT okay-There are NO excuses!
U.S. National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) and TTY 1-800-787-3224.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline
Providing advocacy, safety planning, resources and hope.
http://www.thehotline.org/
DomesticViolence.org
Domesticviolence.org offers information for those who have lived with abuse and those who are currently being abused.
http://www.domesticviolence.org
Many abusers are so controlling their victims are not allowed to use the phone or internet. If you are in need to use the internet to report abuse and cannot get to a safe computer, both of the links above have quick access to the information you need. But remember, there is always a trail.
BE safe, but most of all, BE smart!
CODEPENDENCY
You do NOT need someone else to make you happy!
Co-dependency is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive.
Mental Health America
1-800-273-TALK http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/go/codependency
ALCOHOL AND DRUG ADDICTION
You do NOT have to use it to cope!
The main symptom that defines an alcoholic is if the person continues to drink once it’s caused problems with work, relationships, drinking and driving occurring on a continued basis. If you have concerns, there are a number of resources out there that can help.
Alcoholics Anonymous - www.alcoholics-anonymous.org
Al-Anon/Alateen - www.al-anon.org
National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism http://www.niaaa.nih.gov/alcohol-health
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration www.samhsa.gov
TEEN PREGNANCY
You have options. You have support. You are NOT alone!
Centers for Disease Control offers resources for parents and teens from prevention to parenthood. CDC advocates a national campaign to prevent teen and unwanted pregnancies. You can find more information on the link below. http://www.cdc.gov/teenpregnancy/parents.htm
The U.S. Department of Health & Human Services can help you find a family planning clinic. Use the link bel
ow. http://www.hhs.gov/opa/
MISSING AND EXPLOITED CHILDREN
Report crimes against children!
24-Hour HOTLINE 1.800.THE.LOST (1.800.843.5678)
National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC)
NCMEC is the leading nonprofit organization in the U.S. providing assistance to law enforcement and families to find missing children, reduce child sexual exploitation and prevent child victimization.
http://www.missingkids.com/home
DISABILITIES
Being unique is a beautiful blessing!
If you or someone you know has a disability or learning difference, I cannot stress enough about the importance to learn the law and their rights. Do not expect information to fall into your lap.
Americans with Disabilities Act
The U.S. Department of Justice provides information about the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) online and through a toll-free
ADA Information Line. 1-800-514-0301 (voice) 1-800-514-0383 (TTY)
http://www.ada.gov
National Dissemination Center for Children with Disabilities
For more than 2 decades, NICHCY has been the center providing information to the nation on: disabilities in children and youth; programs and services for infants, children, and youth with disabilities; IDEA, the nation’s special education law; and research-based information on effective practices for children with disabilities.
http://nichcy.org after September 2014 visit http://www.parentcenterhub.org
Wrights Law
For legal advice regarding Special Education, please speak to an attorney. Valuable facts regarding the law can be found http://www.wrightslaw.com
Author L.U. Ann moved to Colorado from the Eastern Shore of Maryland with her husband and two children. Life in Colorado is so much different. In Maryland you would find her in the garden tending to her vegetables and flowers, sea glass and shark tooth hunting once a week and enjoying the kids swimming in the backyard. Our lives took a drastic change moving to "Our Little House on the Prairie" at an elevation over 6,000 and the semi-arid climate makes it hard to grow anything. While barely anything can grow where she resides now, the wildlife makes up for it. Mountain Lions and coyotes and rattlesnakes, oh my!