by Andy Gallo
Jack dropped his bag at the foot of the bed and nudged his brother’s foot. “Hey, what’s up?”
“I did what you said,” Marcus drawled. “I was nice to her.”
It took a moment for Jack’s mind to play catch-up. “Oh,” he said, perching on the end of the bed. “Nessa.”
“Yeah. Fuck. It’s totally screwed up.”
“Screwed up?”
“I don’t know how, but I asked her if she wanted to study with me. She said yes.”
“So, what’s wrong?”
“We were arguing about a point on Hobbes’s theories on the state of nature, and then, fuck—I just leaned into her and stopped her with a kiss.” Marcus closed his eyes and thunked his head into the pillow, groaning.
“Un-huh.” Jack couldn’t stop smiling. First him, now his brother. Best. Weekend. Ever.
“It gets worse,” Marcus said.
“You liked it?”
“Shit.” Marcus spoke into Jack’s pillow. “I actually, really did. What’s wrong with me? Have I gone completely insane?” He twisted onto his back and crossed his arms, glaring up at the ceiling. “Worst thing is she probably thought it was a joke. Just a way to shut her up or something.”
“Dude, chill. She likes you back.”
Marcus looked at Jack. “How do you know that?”
“I’ve been watching.” Marcus’s expression told Jack he needed to hear the truth. “And I talked to her.”
Marcus sprung up into a sitting position. “You talked to her? When?”
“She was at your lacrosse game.”
“She… she was?”
“Yeah, man.”
“But that doesn’t mean anything.”
“She came to see you play.”
A small smile twitched Marcus’s lips before he schooled his expression and raised a quizzical brow.
Jack rested a firm hand on Marcus’s shoulder. “She didn’t say it, but she did. You trusted me about the being nice thing and liked it. Trust me about this: ask her to the formal.”
“No, I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t know.” A moment of silence stretched the two feet between them, and then nervously, “What if she says no?”
He bumped Marcus’s shoulder and smirked. “Trust me, she won’t.”
“But…. What?”
“In situations like this, do like you always tell me. Go on offense.”
Jack’s gaze fell on his gym bag with his overnight bag pooled on the floor, and he jumped up from the bed and patted his jeans. Phone, check. Keys, check. He charged for the door. “I gotta go.”
“What are you doing?”
“Offense.”
“What?” Marcus yelled after him.
Jack didn’t stop or even look back. He couldn’t or he’d lose his damn nerve.
Bounding down the stairs, he jumped into his Jeep and rode the excitement mixed with apprehension all the way to Ed’s house. Parked behind Ed’s truck, Jack gripped the steering wheel and stared at the lone set of windows with the lights on—Ed’s room. Hopefully it meant he was still alone.
He hauled in a steadying breath and spoke the words. “Ed, I want you to be my date for the Pi Kappa Phi formal….” That sounded too stiff. Relax. He drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying again. It didn’t sound any better. Oh, fuck it. He was only going to freak out if he waited out here any longer.
Jack wiped his clammy hands over his thighs and hopped out of the car. He gripped his keys so hard they left marks in his palms. The jog up the path seemed much longer than he remembered. He shrugged his shoulders at the porch to loosen up.
The doorbell felt cool to the touch as its buzz solidified him to the spot. He was going to do it. He heard Ed thumping down the stairs, and then air dragged over him as the door swung open—
Ed startled. “Jack?”
“Um, yeah.”
“What are you…? I mean… come in.” Ed frowned and smiled at the same time. Clearly confused. “I thought you were the folks.” He laughed, and Jack stepped right into that laugh, gripped Ed like he hadn’t seen him in a week, and kissed him hard and deep. Ed sucked in a breath and pulled back just enough to look at Jack before melting into another kiss. Jack backed him into a wall, pressing their bodies tight together.
“I like you. So damn much,” he murmured into another kiss.
Ed laughed. “Came back to tell me that, did you?”
Keeping their bodies pinned, Jack drew his head back and looked Ed in the eye. “No, I came back to ask if you’d dance with me.”
“Is that what we’re calling it now?”
Jack grinned for a moment, took a deep breath, and tried again. “Here’s the thing, my fraternity has a formal coming up. You know, tuxes, finger food, slow music….”
Ed stiffened, and the mood shifted.
“I thought, if we were careful, if there’s isn’t anyone on the attendance list you know from work…. Maybe you’d go with me?”
Ed’s smile faded and he blinked hard. Jack clumsily moved back a foot, almost tripping. “It’s not that I don’t want to dance with you,” Ed said tightly and edged to the staircase. He sat on the bottom stair and rubbed his thighs. Then he looked up.
Jack cursed himself for being this stupid. Of course this was going to be his reaction. Here he was, just another guy trying to push him to come out before he was ready. Jack wasn’t the risk worth taking. “You told your parents about Becky. You came to Marcus’s game. I thought…. You know what? Just forget it.” He touched his ring through his T-shirt and swallowed. “Your folks are probably coming home any second. I should leave.” He stepped back toward the door with a stupid little wave. “See you next week?”
Ed shifted on the step to make room. “Sit for a sec?”
After a moment of doubt, Jack folded himself next to Ed, their shoulders lightly touching.
“It’s not that I don’t want to go with you.”
Jack stared toward the front door, throat tight. “I get it, I do. It’s not like I really wanted to go in the first place. But I made this bet with this guy, and, well….”
“Bet?” Ed glanced up at him.
Jack held his breath, then let it out slowly. “This douche didn’t think I had it in me to bring anyone to formal.” He shut his eyes and cursed himself. “I only accepted the bet because he slammed my dead parents in my face—and someone needs to teach this dick a lesson.”
Ed twisted and leaned against the wall, a stiff set to his shoulders. “I’m sure it’s not true,” he said slowly, “because I trust you, Jack, but I’ve been hurt before and I have to ask…. Is this thing between us because you needed someone to take to the formal?”
Jack swiveled on the step and cupped Ed’s face. A guarded gaze met his, deep and uncertain. “I made this stupid bet before anything between us started. It’s not why I’ve been going out with you. I wasn’t going to bring this up at all. Didn’t want to make you feel pressured to come out. I just… I read us wrong.” His chest ached to admit that, hope fading to bitter disappointment. “Driving in my Jeep, going to yard sales, restaurants, smuggling me into your basement, telling your parents about your sister’s drunken antics, surprising me at Marcus’s game—it felt like you were overcoming your issues. That maybe I was worth the risk.” His breathing stuttered, and the beginnings of a panic attack inched closer. “Please believe me, I didn’t do all this just to win a bet. I’m sorry if you think so.”
Weariness clouded Ed’s expression. “It’s not that I don’t want to dance with you.”
Jack nodded. “I know. People might find out about you and make it tough at work.”
Ed gripped his shoulders, thumb sliding up Jack’s neck. He squeezed gently. “I can handle getting shit from people I don’t give a damn about, Jack. I just can’t get fired. I told you Dad was underemployed. This house has loans on it, and they need my rent. Jobs are scarce around here, especially for someone who won’t work graveyard shifts
because he wants to get a college degree.”
The words hit Jack hard. Ed wasn’t holding himself from coming out simply because he was afraid. There were frightening implications for people discovering his sexuality. His whole family relied on him.
A lump formed in Jack’s throat, and he blinked back the heat building in his eyes. “Fuck. I’m so sorry. I’m a selfish ass.”
Ed brushed his thumb just under Jack’s eye, looking frustrated and sorry and hurt.
Air shifted over them and they looked up as Gene, Emily, and Becky came barging inside.
Ed immediately dropped his hand.
Gene and Emily called out a greeting, stopping at the stairs. The way they flashed each other a secret smile had Jack’s stomach rioting.
They knew. Ed might not know it, but Jack had seen that smile tens of times before. Ed’s parents knew exactly who Jack was to their son.
Jack jumped up. “I was just going home.”
Ed stood too, keeping a good foot of space between them.
“Don’t leave on our account,” Gene said, and gestured Becky to take a suitcase down the hall.
Jack gave a nervous laugh and twisted to Ed. He waited for any sign that Ed might want him to stay longer. That he might want to finish this discussion.
When no sign came, Jack drew away, wondering if he’d fucked things up between them for good. If Ed had noticed his parents’ shared look and if that made him angry at Jack for turning up so late. If Ed thought Jack was no better than his last boyfriend, manipulating him to come out when he wasn’t ready.
His voice came out high. Too bouncy. “Got an early start tomorrow. Thanks for the tips on what motorcycle to buy!” He hurriedly turned his back on Ed and his parents and hoofed it out the door.
Jack dug through his drawers. He needed to run. There was so much ache to burn through. So much he didn’t want to think about. Like why Ed hadn’t contacted him since their argument last night.
His whole first lecture he’d stared at his damn phone, waiting for it to buzz. He’d even sucked up whatever ounce of maturity he had and sent Ed a message, apologizing again.
“What’s going on?” Marcus grabbed him by the shoulder and turned him around. Eyes met. Arms crossed. “You’re in a foul mood.”
Jack unzipped his jeans and shoved them off. “Hence the run,” he said as he slipped on his shorts.
Marcus scowled. “Why won’t you just talk to me?”
Jack met his eyes for two heartbeats before he looked toward the square patches of sunlight on the carpet and the edge of Marcus’s green bedspread. “I fucked up.”
“With Ed?” Marcus peeled off his clothes and dressed for a jog.
Jack perched on the edge of the bed and laced his sneakers. He almost jumped when Marcus stood in front of him, putting both hands on his shoulders. His fingers were cold and bit through the cotton of his T-shirt. “We’re not finished with this convo.” He pulled him to the floor so they could stretch. “What route do we want to take, and don’t say—”
“To the river and back by way of Granville.”
“—Granville.” Marcus shook his head and sighed. “A-fucking-gain? Why?”
“I….” Need to get my mind off Ed, and Marcus, and the bet. “I need to burn off some energy.” A lot of energy.
After warming up, Jack steeled himself for Marcus’s interrogation. Now that Jack let out he’d fucked up, Marcus wouldn’t give up until he spilled.
Jack outran the wind. Twice Marcus told him to slow down, which he reluctantly did. But he needed this good, hard run. Needed to channel some inner calm to settle down.
After Marcus’s second warning, they settled into a steady, ground-eating pace.
“So spill,” Marcus said, voice almost drowned out by the traffic. “You said you fucked up.”
“I have.”
“With Ed?”
“And you.”
They split up to avoid a mother pushing a stroller. Marcus veered behind a park bench before returning to the path. Jack slowed his stride just enough to let Marcus catch up.
“Me?” Marcus said.
“I lied to you about having this bet in the bag. I don’t.”
Marcus didn’t respond immediately, leaving only the sound of their feet slapping against concrete. Jack grunted and sprinted for the stop sign at the end of the block.
Marcus met his gaze for a second. “I don’t understand. I’ve met Ed. He seemed more than sweet on you.”
“He’s not out.”
Marcus stopped running, pulling at Jack’s arm to stop too. “What do you mean?”
“I mean he’s not going to be my date to a formal where people might recognize him.”
“But… wait. Is that why you didn’t want me mentioning the formal with him when we met?”
Jack couldn’t meet his eye. “Yes.”
A fist slapped his chest, and Jack rocked back on his heel. “Why the fuck didn’t you tell me? I’m your best friend.”
“I didn’t want to let you down.”
“How would that happen?”
“Harper made it clear that if I lost the bet, I’d have to move out or he’d make your and Billy and Seth’s lives miserable. I don’t have a choice, Marc. I have to leave.”
“That’s your de—dad’s room. You know how much it meant to him that you live there. That you share that experience.”
Jack sucked in sharply, body instinctively begging to curl up as he fought for breath. He grabbed his ring. “Don’t make this harder than it already is. I won’t let my friends hate their college years because of this stupid bet.”
Marcus hauled him into a firm hug. “Shit, Jack. Breathe. Just breathe. We’ll get through this. We can easily score you another date for the night.”
Jack thumped his head on Marcus’s shoulder. “That’s what’s making this so hard. I don’t want to take anyone else. I want Ed.”
Marcus rubbed his back. “I know, but it’s just one night. Ed will understand.”
Jack pulled back, shaking his head. “It feels wrong.”
“Something has to give. I guess you have to decide what—but you know, if you leave, I’m coming with you.”
Marcus started to run again, and Jack lagged behind. His brother meant to be supportive, to make this easier, but promising to leave if he lost the bet weighted Jack. This meant something to Marcus’s… their dad too. Where he and Sean began their friendship.
It really looked like the only option was taking someone else.
“Catch up, Jack,” Marcus called, “and I’ll cheer you up.”
“How do you plan on doing that?” Jack asked as he leveled up.
“Today is the day I walk into the café, and when Nessa asks me what I want, I’ll tell her I want her to come to the formal with me.”
That did bring a grin to his face. “You make it sound so easy.”
“Fuck off.” Marcus laughed, then yanked the back of his T-shirt, slowing Jack down. “Seth has it good.”
“What do you mean? Wait. Shit, she didn’t.”
“She did. She right out asked him to ask her. Did it with a promising wink too.”
Jack veered off their normal path, and Marcus chased after him. He practically sprinted all the way to her sorority.
“Brittany!” he yelled under an oak in the front garden.
Windows opened and girls giggled, and a line of whispering later, Brittany burst out the front door. She saw him and folded her arms, daring him to come to her. Oh, she knew what this was about.
Marcus finally caught up to him, bowling into his side. “Dude, you were on fire on that last stretch.”
“I’ll show you fire,” he muttered and charged up to the porch. “I told you he’s not a conquest!”
“Hello to you to, Jack. Nice to see you.”
“What the hell are you doing?”
“Whoa there. Kill the caveman act.” Brittany stepped into his space and prodded his chest. “You don’t get to come here and be mad at
me.”
“Seth’s a nice guy. Not—”
“I know. Know how I know? Because I’ve been seeing him almost every day the last few weeks. Something you might know if you jumped out of your Ed bubble and read my texts.”
Jack frowned. Shit, Brit had sent him a few texts that he’d breezed over, but then he’d thought they’d just catch up at the lacrosse game, which they did, but…. He hadn’t really asked her how things were with her.
He had been in an Ed bubble.
He stopped glaring and stepped back, swearing under his tongue. He ran a hand through his hair and looked toward a shrugging Marcus. “Damn, Brit. I’ve had my head up my ass a bit.”
She bit her lip. “Hanging out with Seth, I understand how that can happen.”
Jack studied his friend. God, how could he have missed how upbeat and happy she was? “You look good.”
“If that’s your way of apologizing, apology accepted.” She laughed and punched him lightly in the shoulder, and then her face pinched. “Ugh. Sweaty.”
He laughed and backed off the porch toward Marcus. “You and me, dinner, tonight at the Olive Garden? Please?”
She hummed as if considering it.
Marcus snickered, and Jack threw an arm around his neck and drew him into a hold a little tighter than comfortable.
Brittany laughed. “Only if you’re paying.”
He paid.
He felt particularly happy about doing it too. Not only did he totally owe Brittany, but halfway through dinner, Ed had texted.
Jack had checked the message while Brittany went to the bathroom, and the relief that had slammed into him had been momentous. He’d even kissed his phone.
Ed: Big day. Would like to tell you about it.
Ed: Are you free tomorrow night?
Jack: Where do you want to meet?
Ed: How about I pick you up?
Jack lightly elbowed Brit in the side as he walked her from the Jeep to her sorority, capping a banter-filled evening at Olive Garden. “We good again?”
She hummed and twisted her face like she was going to say no. But the quick peek out the corner of her eye gave her away. She elbowed him back. “You’re all right, Murphy.”