“You okay? Comfortable?”
I didn’t think I could feel more attracted to Rick, but in that moment, my heart filled deeper. It was a dangerous click of connection between us. Jimmy wanted Rick to play dirty, and Rick wanted that from me many times more multiplied—however, only if all my needs were met first.
I darted my eyes away and scrambled to fist his cock. Once the hot, supple flesh met my skin, I moaned and stroked him down to the base and reached under to his balls. I glided up, a bead of pre-cum at my fingers. Bringing my fingers to my lips, I stuck my tongue out and licked it off, closing my eyes to relish the taste.
He tasted salty and a bit sweet, the way I imagined Rick would.
With a grin, I inched my way down the bed. Rick didn’t move, just kept me under his watchful gaze until I stopped, legs hanging off the edge. I lay under where he needed me. He straddled my chest. It was as frightening as it was exhilarating and created a powerful moment to forever remember my first time giving head to him.
Resting on his fingers, Rick lowered himself. His thick arms tensed on either side. I opened my mouth and edged my chin higher to take him. He thrust down into me. My lips hugged his length as I jerked back and forth, and Rick mumbled, “Fuck, I’m not going to last long.”
His hands found my hair and he stroked it lovingly while his breaths became deeper. He continued pummelling my mouth, hard, committed to the energy in the room, and it made my legs clench in want. I lifted my hands to his ass cheeks and held the tensed muscles that came down onto me.
I felt a sensation inside his cock twitch, and he pulled out the next second and took it in his hands.
For some reason, I only noticed it then.
Nix spread across the bed next to me, Jimmy straddling her the same as Rick had to me. We shared a moment in our look; one I knew meant we were one step further acquainted. I had somewhat expected everything in the prior activities, but she appeared to be stumped like I did now. I felt like I understood her in that moment. Like we both saw something more as we submitted together.
Warped as it sounded, there was genuine emotion in her eyes. Like, maybe I could make a friend in her.
Rick jerked back and forth, drawing my attention. “I’m coming. Oh, God, I’m coming now.”
I parted my lips as his come squirted down my tongue, chin, and the hollow of my neck. I licked up what I could reach, wanting more as he pumped it onto me. And the sight of me seeking his come made him growl in a way that felt like victory.
Rick pushed along his length one last time, and then scooted down the bed. I lay there, the rawness of the moment flooding me instantly. I was completely naked squirted with a man’s come.
But Rick was back before I could process what to do, wiping me up. I leant up on my elbows as he continued to wipe my chest, neck, and chin. “You’re too good for me, baby.”
Next to me, the spot was empty, Nix at the bathroom already cleaning herself up.
No, I thought, Rick’s too damn good to me.
Jimmy was preoccupied seemingly satisfied with watching the two of us act without orders. He didn’t stop Rick when he tugged my ass to the edge of the bed and buried his face between my legs. Not when he lapped up my juices or drove two fingers into me again and again while I quivered and whimpered.
Wide-eyed and senses sharpened, I neither heard nor saw anyone else in the room as I flung my head back and cried out, my sex clenching and pumping around Rick’s tongue and fingers.
Reality only came back when I blinked several times to bring the room into focus after my very best orgasm—again topping what I thought had been Rick’s best efforts.
When my head cleared and my thoughts became coherent, I checked the room, but there was still no Nix or Jimmy. They left Rick and me here? Why did they do that? Jimmy paid for this room, for Nix and them.
“Why did they leave?” I asked, pulling my clothes back on afterward.
“Because,” Rick said as he buttoned up his pants and then straightened. “I hinted I wanted to be alone with you.”
“Really? Why?”
I know that was stupid to say. Rick and I had unfinished non-sexual business, but everything that held us together was what shouldn’t be happening on The Rental grounds.
Nix must have been certain of what really was going on between us, beyond just sexual romps—first at the door, and now with Rick explicitly requesting solitary time with me.
I didn’t care if Rick thought she was trustworthy—I didn’t want that burden. But in the wake of Rick’s request, how could I be truly mad? My lips curved into a glad smile and my heart practically sung with … love? No, just with strong feelings.
“Isn’t that obvious? I want to be with you.”
I knew that. I just didn’t realise how far Rick was willing to test the limits to prove it to me.
10
RICK AND I took a short tram ride down to the St Kilda pier after we left The Rental. I hadn’t been since I was a kid, and seeing the water’s edge met with the dark sand lay out before the expanse of black water spread a happy feeling through me. We’d walked for kilometres along the esplanade where Mum, Dad, Robert, and I had walked years ago as a family, lapping dripping ice cream cones in summer, and shoving the ends of our scarves into our coats on autumn nights.
The beach hadn’t changed in all the years, and the comfort of memories wrapped around my neck like an additional scarf to the one I wore. Rick and I strolled up the pier, after having grabbed greasy packets of fish and chips, and I kept my eyes downcast on the texture of the weathered wooden planks that passed under us. Despite being late, tourists and locals were here, along with a couple of older men fishing, white buckets by their side.
There was an atmosphere about the area that had appeal at any time. We could’ve been a typical young couple out for a romantic night, spending our night making new memories together. But I didn’t believe we’d ever get that. Tonight wasn’t something most people—who liked each other—did.
As we walked side by side, I was glad for the hot wrapped paper bag in my hands, and not just for the salty, vinegary smell and taste. One hand was cradled below the bag and the other popped bits into my mouth, which left no hands free to question. We didn’t have to hold hands, and I wasn’t sure if he’d want to, but in case now every limb was accounted for.
“You don’t have to do all this, Rick,” I said. The walk and the fast food meal might have been his way of saying sorry for sticking his big fat dick to The Rental rules or his way of creating that sweet night of memories.
“Do what?”
“The kind words, the food, the walk—the company. You probably want to go back and save your job or something.”
I was giving him a way out, but my brain wouldn’t compute this flip from wrong and naughty and sinfully erotic to such a sweet … date. How would I figure out what he really felt? It wasn’t like I could stick my heart out there for a test run and see if he wanted to be my boyfriend. We’d sort of discussed, anyway, that wasn’t on the cards for people like us.
Rick fisted a hand to his chest. “Oh, the pain of rejection!”
I slapped his arm with my free hand and met corded muscle. It reminded me of his job as a bodyguard and everything we’d shared. “God …”
“Rental-to-rental contact is different than the agreement between rental and client, as no money exchanges in return for services. There’s nothing against what we did. But anyway, what makes you think I’m taking out pity on you?”
“We had an incredibly fucking erotic job and now you’re being so … like this.”
“Nice?” he supplied.
“Yes, for some reason my mind finds it difficult to link nice and Rick Delaney together.”
“I could be nice.”
I gave him a set of come on eyes. “And I could make a perfect girlfriend.”
His jaw hardened at my choice of words. It might have been callous, but both scenarios weren’t likely.
“I keep wonderi
ng about tonight,” I admitted, plopping a chip into my mouth. I twisted another in the hot steam of the paper-wrapped bag. “And Nix.”
“She won’t say anything.” Rick slid his arm around me. I was back to being much shorter than he was, in my jeans and ballet flats.
“Is that something you do often,” I asked, “kiss rentals senseless and sneak your way into rooms?”
He wrapped his fingers tighter around my shoulder before he replied, “No.”
We walked a short distance in silence to the end, sitting at a wooden bench seat facing the end of the pier, overlooking the little waves and lamplight that streamed into a ‘V’ perspective. We finished off the remaining chips and then Rick grabbed my empty bag along with his and scrunched it into a ball, which he flattened under his thigh. It felt a little symbolic—having no go to, to busy my hands with.
“Is that why you didn’t want me working there? Why everything happened in that dressing room when I followed you?”
I looked up to his eyes as soon as I’d finished speaking. It was as if the forceful hold keeping my eyes down lifted, and I hungered for the connection. The lamplight nearby shone tall above us, casting long shadows under his eyebrows and under every nook of his face. He stared back, releasing tendrils of hot breath through ever so parted lips, but the darkness around him gave him an edgier look than the vulnerability he held inside.
Before he even answered me, his look was the beginning of confirmation. I was wrong all along—wrong about his caveman tendencies, his dominant, traditional way of thinking. Rick wasn’t protecting me from this world. I slipped my hand into his grasp, and he clenched around me instantly, applying enough pressure to secure me as his.
“The lines can be blurry where I work, Vee.”
He paused and pointed out to the water. I’d been looking out to that ‘V’ perspective of light just before, but wondered what it had to do with anything we chatted about.
“See the way the light tapers off to an invisible point? Well, along the way, the waves cut the solid path from here,” he pointed to the bulb of glowing light, “to there.” He pointed to the distance in the middle of the body of water where the golden light was too dull to distinguish. “That’s like The Rental. I’m there as bodyguard, but I’m employed at The Rental under their terms of employment. We aren’t allowed to be together, but if a client has a wad of cash to blow, we better damn put on a show.”
I nodded stiffly, fear seizing up my neck muscles. My heart pounded with sadness, washing heavy emotions over me how I saw in the pattern of water, crashing over the legs of the pier. It all felt so dark but beautiful.
It was like how I feared heights. My pulse fired up at the sight of a bottomless view as it tapered into a blurry perspective where nothing could be distinguished from the next. Where I could fall or tip, tumble down and die.
As soon as I was up high, at that moment of amplified emotion, looking down—or now, watching those waves, or now, holding Rick’s hand as we were perched more precariously than ever on this emotional seesaw—there was nothing more that filled me with this tingling, adrenalin-spiked, blood-red high than my very fear.
“So they won’t fire you or me?” I asked, saying the easiest of the things I wanted to discuss.
“Not with how pleased Jimmy walked away tonight. Just don’t look my way in the corridors, or let them know we hang out like this after hours, and they might not care.”
It should’ve been good news, but the idea made my heart plummet. I’d played the pretend game with Rick for years. I despised the idea of doing it again when we were so close.
“Guess now is really it then. To say my piece.” I grimaced, meeting his eyes. They were filled with tumbling thoughts sloshing inside, and I knew that because the same turmoil crashed inside me.
“What do you have to say, Vee?”
“I got so mad when you upped and left me more than a year and a half ago. And when you returned, I felt so many things at once. Then I shut myself off after Dad’s accident, and I never got to understand why.” I took a deep breath. “I wanted to know back then, Rick. But now? Now I need to understand. Do you understand?” I swivelled my torso toward him, cocking my head.
“Have any plans for your evening, Miss Wyland?” he quipped.
I moved my head from one side to the other. Slow and controlled, I gave him my time.
“Justin. It was all because of Justin.”
“What did he do to you?” I removed my hand and pet his shoulder. I had to touch him though I didn’t know what to give.
“It’s what I did for him.” He shook his head. “My past is the type people regret.”
“But you don’t?”
“No, I learnt a decade’s worth of lessons that Bill over in his desk job will learn in all that time. How can I regret that? I never claimed to like what happened, but it did, and I’m here now.”
“Here …”
“Working for The Rental.”
I gulped down my fear again. But this wasn’t like my fear of heights; it was the fear someone faced as an avalanche crashed down while waiting to be swallowed alive.
“I know you used to smoke a bit, Vee. If you know what I do, you wouldn’t waste your life like that. Are you still doing it? Often?”
“I was never addicted,” I rushed out, “but with Dad, and that night and all … God, I sound precious,” I said, with a stern change of tone. “It’s just a thing, Rick. It’s not a problem, and I don’t do it every day.”
“Well, Justin did. He was sixteen and so fucking addicted. He rolled up, snorted lines, and popped pills. He had some fucking stupid plan like an IOU with his dealer. Dad didn’t even notice, and all Mum could do out of fear was to warn him because she was afraid of what Dad would do if he found out. Justin couldn’t give a fuck.
“His dealer demanded he pay up after a while of fucking around. I caught the guy with a fucking knife to my brother’s throat at the end of our street. My little, baby brother, Vee.”
I noticed his hands then. He’d clenched them around his thigh. They squeezed tight enough so the areas around his fingers swelled. I slid my hand over the back of his before I could stop myself. I massaged his skin back and forth until his grip relaxed from his thigh, and I was able to push my fingers through his. Together, our fingers retracted. Like that, I shared a piece of his pain.
Nothing else mattered but him and I then. Without a doubt, I would be there for him. Through the damn ugly as much as the mind-fucking highs.
When I’d remember this night in weeks, months, or even years, it wouldn’t be the sex. Sex would fade and so would the need to be filled with him, but right now, I felt him inscribe his soul around my chest, and the reminder would be there with every beat for as long as I lived.
“What did you do?” I choked out.
“I took the loan.”
I sucked in a breath.
After several silent seconds, I asked, “What was the debt?”
“$80,000 after all the bullshit.”
“But how could you pay that?”
“I had a part-time job, but, no, I couldn’t. If I couldn’t pay financially, I’d end up paying with my life. The dealer had friends, interstate running things in Sydney who needed an extra body, and I was a dead-man walking with no other viable choice other than to get my ass over there and start on those repayments if I hoped for Justin to live.”
“You sold your life for him? You were just across the border, not overseas?” I snaked my fingers around his and reminded him my touch was still here.
It occurred to me if Rick was here, then surely … “If you’re here, does that mean it’s all in the past? Are you safe?” I ran my hand up his cheek, but he flinched at the contact.
“My parents went overseas and my mum begged me to look out for Justin. I couldn’t say no, so I came, and that’s when my friends organised the party. Those strippers were rentals off duty. When I learnt about the company, I stayed here for the work, and so I could keep an
eye out on my brother. He fucking hated me being back. I didn’t expect sorry, exactly, just thought he’d express his gratitude another way. But he didn’t, and there’s no point regretting anything now.
“The Rental is slightly less money, but it’s legal, and it means I ain’t going to bed knowing my actions are killing other people’s brothers.”
“Rick …”
There wasn’t anything left to say for the remainder of our evening, even though I was bursting with more questions than ever.
11
I ARRIVED HOME after I had changed into my reception work wear, stopping at a gas station to buy make-up wipes to scrub my face. I was lucky for the forethought as I ran into Mum who was resting on the couch and accompanied by a murmuring TV.
“Oh, hey,” I said. I dropped my bag in my room, then came to her side and tucked up my feet under my bum. “I didn’t think you’d be awake.”
“Can’t sleep.”
All I wanted to do was go to bed. The secrets I had to keep about my night’s activities compressed as a physical weight on my head, and the only solution felt like running to my bedside table. But there was nothing there to relax me. I was senseless to think of that stupid ‘out’ when Rick had confessed such a delicate admission on the pier; that and with my own mum at home. I pushed it aside and stood. “Want a cuppa?”
“No, but thanks, darling.” Mum checked the wall clock. “I didn’t even … sorry, I didn’t realise. Are you okay? You’re home late.”
“Fine. I was at the bar tonight.”
“You don’t work there tonight, though.”
I flipped the kettle on and prepared my cup of tea. “I know. Just hung out with a couple of my work friends. The company was nice to get out and relax.” I played with the string of the tea bag. I didn’t want to face Mum if she turned around.
“I’m sorry I’ve made you work so hard, and everything is different. I wish you could take a break.”
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