by Kim Fields
Contents
Cover
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Epigraph
Talking to Myself
Introduction
My Mother’s Voice 1: My Mother’s Daughter
2: Commercial Girl
3: Tootie
4: Growing Up
5: The Teenager
6: The Senior
My Voice 7: The College Girl
8: The Cool Girlfriend
9: Experimental
10: An Indie Spirit
11: Regine
12: Creator
13: Bride
14: Frustrated
15: Powerful
16: Scrappy
That Still, Small Voice 17: Get in the Passenger Seat and Let God Drive
18: Wife
19: Mother
20: #TrueToMyself
21: Dancer
Epilogue
Photographs
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Newsletter
Copyright © 2017 by Kim Fields
Cover design by Jon Valk. Cover photo by Donna Permell/Prime Phocus.
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LCCN: 2017948549
ISBNs: 978-1-4789-4754-7 (hardcover), 978-1-5460-2711-9 (signed), 978-1-5460-2710-2 (B&N signed), 978-1-4789-4755-4 (ebook)
E3-20170920-DANF
Dedication
This book is dedicated to my mother, Chip. Mommy, without you, I would have no life…let alone a blessed life. Your guidance, grace, prayer, covering, wisdom, discipline, humor, tears, kisses, and hugs set the most amazing foundation for quite a journey we had no idea would be ours…mine. With the deepest gratitude and love a child can possess for her mother, I give thanks and love to you and to Him for gifting me with you.
kimmy
Inspiration
This book was inspired by my husband, Christopher L. Morgan, who for years encouraged me to tell my story. Honey, you continue to amaze me with your love. I’m so very blessed to be your wife and be on this part of the journey of climbing and building with you. I will never forget how you reached far into my soul with “You can’t worry and remember at the same time.” You are a glorious balm.
All my love & laughs always,
j.
Motivation
This book is motivated by my children, my sons. Firstborn Prince: Sebastian Alexander Morgan and Youngest Prince: Quincy Xavier Morgan. Knowing your history, who you are and what you come from, is a great blessing. I pray this book blesses you not only with life lessons, but with your personal history, your blueprint of the foundation our family—you—is set upon. You both motivate me to be my best Me every day, yet love me dearly through all the times I’m not. I adore you both with all my heart and soul, cherishing your love, laughter, hugs, and kisses all the days of your long/safe/prosperous lives.
Standing Ovation
Aunt Pat, there aren’t enough words nor enough languages for me to express my love and gratitude to you for all the sacrifices you have made and continue to make for me in the name of love. My Lord, how blessed I am and my life is because of you.
Elevation
And Alexis…Lex, you are so amazing to my whole soul. Your birth and existence elevated my game as a sister, a friend, and as a person. Your vibe is consistently at the top of my #goals list. I love and adore you.
Well, son, I’ll tell you:
Life for me ain’t been no crystal stair.
Langston Hughes, “Mother to Son”
Talking to Myself
The thing that makes me happiest is my family.
I always laugh when I think of Robert Downey Jr. in Tropic Thunder.
When I’m late, it’s usually because of wardrobe changes.
I can be annoying when I’m never annoying. (Can you see the winking emoji here?)
The thing that bothers me most is bad driving and a lack of manners.
My favorite part of being a kid was watching superhero TV shows and swimming.
I am always puzzled when people seem entitled.
I love the Lord.
Right now, at this very minute, I’m feeling motivated. I’m on a spiritual and caffeine groove!
In the kitchen, I am basic. My husband is the chef.
As a black woman, I am amazing because He created me regardless of race or gender.
When I’m in the shower, I sing Bruno Mars and Hamilton songs.
If I could meet anyone, living or dead, it would be Gregory Hines.
And I would ask him, Why’d you leave before we could work and dance together?
The thing about men is they are an amazing part of humanity.
My favorite movies are most of the classics, Mary Poppins, Tropic Thunder, Moulin Rouge!, and Coming to America.
The last time I said “I should’ve,” I should’ve confirmed that the coffee was decaf.
The thing I like most in another person is kindness and creativity.
If I’m in the grocery store, I can’t resist Pepperidge Farm Milano cookies.
Nobody knows this about me, but I’m terribly clumsy.
My guilty pleasure is Oreo cookie ice cream.
I believe in God because His resume with me alone is off the chain, let alone the works of His hand.
As the mother of two boys, I stay prayed up.
I get scared when I try snow skiing.
I wish I was better at snow skiing.
The last time I cried, it was because I didn’t book a part that I really wanted.
My biggest mistake was wearing a thong while horseback riding for 8.5 hours.
My favorite part of my body is my legs.
In my free time I read.
People ordinarily think I’m outgoing.
But I’m really shy.
My hero is King David.
The thing I still want to know is why eggnog isn’t a year-round treat.
My least favorite thing about myself is my lack of consistency when it comes to working out.
I wish I could breathe underwater like Aquaman—and dance all day long.
When I go to church on Sunday, I get my praise ON and love to go deeper in His word.
If you want to hang out, I’m apt to say, “Let’s see a movie.”
You’ll never catch me without sunglasses.
&nb
sp; I’m having a good day when my family has what they need and I get to dance.
Real faith for me means total surrender to His plan and patiently yet expectantly watching it unfold.
If I could play only one song forever, it would be “My Shot” from Hamilton.
When I’m stressed, I play some Maxwell or Fred Hammond—and pause to breathe.
My bucket list still includes performing on Broadway and having a waterfront she-shed.
When I lay my head on my pillow at night, I read political thrillers to shut off my brain.
When all is said and done, I work hard, play hard, love hard, and praise hard.
Introduction
This is my fortieth year in show business. It is my forty-eighth year on this planet.
Milestones are a funny thing. I believe we celebrate them because God has given us the gift of life. I also celebrate them as reminders of all of the amazing gifts in my life. Some of those gifts: I played Tootie on The Facts of Life. I was Regine on Living Single. I’ve been on The Real Housewives of Atlanta and Dancing with the Stars. I am an actor, director, producer, and poet. I am Chip’s daughter. I am a sister. I am Christopher Morgan’s wife. I am the mother of our two wonderful African American boys, Sebastian and Quincy. I am a friend to many. I am a person of faith.
The list goes on and on. And though I am in a different place than I imagined at this stage of my life—hey, who isn’t—more often than not, when I am able to catch my breath between driving in school carpools, reading scripts, and helping with homework, when I turn off PJ Masks and Teen Titans Go! and curl up next to my husband to catch up on House of Cards or Black Dynamite, I know that I am right where I should be. Still, too often I find myself, as many of us do, stuck in forward motion. Got to get to the next appointment. Where is the next gig? What’s for dinner? What am I going to wear tomorrow? What are the kids going to do for camp next summer? Too often it is about what is next, what I don’t have, what I want more of. Instead, I know I need to hit the pause button, appreciate all the amazingness I’ve been through, and say, “God, look at all you’ve done for me. Thank you.”
This book is the result of me hitting the pause button. I wanted to—and as I discovered, I also needed to—sift through memories and reflect on my journey thus far. Like a lot of people, I’m a working parent, hitting a midlife stride, and facing an uncertain future. I want to be hopeful, but I also have concerns and worries. So I stopped and took stock of where I’ve been, what’s happened to me, and how I’ve gotten to this place in my life. I saw how I’ve learned from mistakes and grown from challenges. During the process of looking back, I was reminded of the classic “footprints in the sand” poem, about the man who, as he replays scenes from his life, sees two sets of footprints in the sand, one his and one the Lord’s. However, during the lowest periods of his life, he sees only one set of footprints, causing him to question the Lord. He says, “I don’t understand why, when I needed You the most, You would leave me.” To which the Lord replies, “My precious child, I love you and will never leave you…When you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.”
Armed with the intelligence and wisdom I acquired from going through the past, I emerge hopeful and expectant, feeling like I’m ready for the next phase of my journey. The angels He put on my path to cover me, grow me, challenge me, and protect me were not going to suddenly leave me, and that gave me the ability to look ahead with courage and anticipation (and to be very honest, anxiety at times—should I put “conquer anxiety” on my never-ending to-do list?). That’s what I want to pass on to everyone who reads this. Hope, strength, light, memories, and some laughs. Writing this book let me see the remarkable journey I’ve been on, but it also allowed me to see that we all have, in a sense, been on it together. Though the details may be different, I sense that we may share many similarities. And so this book is for us, both to remind and encourage us that what God had done in our pasts, He will do in our futures.
I hope you read this and are awakened to the many wonderful blessings He has brought forth in your life!
Now, let’s start this part of our journey together.
My Mother’s Voice
1
My Mother’s Daughter
Everyone has a place they call home. Mine is the area between 136th and 145th Streets and St. Nicholas Avenue in Harlem. This is where I was born and raised until I was six years old, and though we moved west, my heart and soul have always remained in this bosom of black life and culture. I can still see the red and brown and green brick buildings rising from the sidewalks and feel the bustle in front of the shops and restaurants. My soul contains the poetry of Langston Hughes, the stretched-out notes of Duke Ellington, the fist-pounding of Malcolm X, the inspirations of Ossie Davis and Ruby Dee, and the singing in St. Phillips Church on Sundays. No matter where I am, I have the ability to reach out to all those things and feel replenished from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. Harlem is where my heart is.
I would not trade growing up in Hollywood, but I love being able to say I am from Harlem. It conjures up a whole history, a people, and a culture. Washington, DC, may be the capital of the United States, but I believe Harlem is this country’s soul. This parcel of Manhattan has a distinctive rhythm like no other, and a sound, especially when I say it out loud:
I am from Harlem.
I am from Harlem.
I am. From Harlem.
My maternal grandmother came from a large family in Virginia. I am not sure of their roots beyond that or the roots on the rest of my family’s expansive tree. Only recently, while searching the Internet for photos of my friend, actor Tommy Ford, who passed away unexpectedly, did I come across a picture of my mother, Laverne “Chip” Fields, from the touring company of Hello, Dolly! in 1975.
I had never seen that particular photo before and wondered where it came from. I clicked on it and up popped a website devoted to all things Hello, Dolly! It included a biography of my mom, filled with colorful details about her audition for the show’s star, Pearl Bailey, plus bits and pieces of family history that I had never heard before. My mother, it turned out, was born in New York, raised in Virgina by her Aunt Alice and beloved Uncle Louis, then moved back to NYC when she was eight years old to live with her mother (my grandmother), a dancer who went by the name Patsy Styles—something else I did not know until then.
My mom was accepted into New York’s prestigious High School of Performing Arts (informally known as PA), later the inspiration for the beloved movie Fame. Midway through school, she met Evander High School star basketball player Tony Fields at Harlem’s YMCA. The two became high school sweethearts. She got pregnant just before graduation from PA and switched to Newark Prep to get her diploma. Still, she has always joked that I attended the PA, too.
In turn, I have always pictured her as this young woman with a big belly and then a newborn, still driven to perform, determined to learn and practice and perfect her craft. Despite getting pregnant and having a baby at eighteen years of age, she did not drop out or give up. She did not become a statistic. She remained in school, got her diploma, and kept her dream alive.
When I think back on how I kept my focus in the tough moments in my life, I know the source of my grit. I had a role model.
Thanks, Mom.
She and her then-high-school-sweetheart, Tony Fields, married and stayed together for the next five years. I never had a relationship with my dad. I am not throwing shade at him. He is a good man, and when I was around five or six years old, he and mom divorced, and he eventually remarried and had children. I never wondered why he was able to make that situation work and not ours. Timing, maturity, fate—I understood all that and so never had any issues with him not being a father to me. Plus, my village was solid.
We couldn’t afford a sitter, so there were times when Mom took me to acting class with her. There were other kids there (whose parents couldn’t afford sitters either). To entertain ourselves, we imitat
ed what we saw our parents do. Soon, the Fanns started classes for kids and called us the Mini Ensemble. Danielle Spencer, who would later go on to star as Dee on What’s Happening!!, was a part of our little group.
My mother and I lived with my grandmother, in her apartment on St. Nicholas Avenue. My earliest memories are of me sitting on the sofa next to my grandma, in the afternoon, as she nodded off while watching her “stories” on her black-and-white TV. Every time I tried to switch to The Mickey Mouse Club, she woke up and told me not to change the channel. I remember her scolding me for eating raw bacon and sticking my fingers in her Tom Collins drink mix and sneaking sweet potatoes straight from the can as she scooped them into the sauce pan.
My grandma was a slender, attractive woman, with long, curved fingernails that were always polished bright red. She moved slowly but with the grace and even occasional flair of a former dancer. As a young woman, she had lit up the floor in Harlem’s Savoy Ballroom and kicked up her heels in numerous stage shows. In the early 1950s, she partnered with singer and band leader Billy Eckstine. By the time I came along, all that was ancient history. To me, she was Grandma.
Similarly, I did not know the extent of my mom’s talent or versatility until much later in life, but others were aware of her talent and versatility. When movies shot in New York needed strong African American actors for roles, casting directors typically called Harlem’s Al Fann Theatrical Ensemble for recommendations, and Chip Fields was always at the top of their list. She appeared in Claudine; Come Back, Charleston Blue; Tough to Get Help; and The Taking of Pelham 123. She could, and did, do everything: act, sing, dance, and even stunt work.
At some point, the two of us moved from my grandma’s to the basement of the church where my mom took her acting classes, and then we moved again to an apartment on St. Nicholas Avenue, about two blocks from where we had started. We were poor, but I had no idea. I was loved, I always felt secure, and in that sense, I had everything I needed and more.