by Bri Stone
“You’ve got insane balls, coming in here.” He finally says.
“I think your sisters’ are bigger.” I cross my arms to keep from wrapping myself around him.
His solidity is so present, his sheer strength and form. A mass of kindness and genuity, here in front of me again. I never deserved him, I proved it well enough.
“They just care about me. They saw what you didn’t want to stick around for.” He says, and I don’t think he means it to hurt me. I didn’t see him when I left, the pain I left him in.
“Yeah.” I whisper, nodding my head. I scratch my face, it’s just the heat of my blood making it tingle.
“Why did you come Melinda? What happened at the hospital doesn’t mean… or what I said at the ball.”
“You didn’t mean it?”
He breathes out a laugh void of humor, “I don’t say things I don’t mean, Melinda. I do still love you, judging from the way you hauled your ass out here I’m guessing you do too. But I don’t know what you expect can come from it because love isn’t enough. It’s—” he breaks off, I swallow hard waiting for the blow. Pete blocks the space between us, every breath I take brings my chest a hair’s breadth from his, the heat of him melting away my vices.
“Love is the only reason I can stand to look at you right now. You left me, on our wedding day. With a letter I couldn’t even read for Christ’s sake—I let heaven and earth fall at your feet and I fell right with it but you have always been the master of your own universe. You can’t just decide to involve me in it now and hope for the best.” He graves his voice seeps with the hurt and sadness inside of him.
My throat lodges with a harsh build-up of emotion, I can’t contain it. I reach out to him, his forearms pulse under my fingers and I squeeze him tight. He exhales, his head falling forward. I lean in and his chin falls to my head, his lips blowing his breath over my head. My hair is curly, free of all the stuff I tried to hide it with. This is the way he met me.
I inhale sharply, drawing in his rugged, masculine scent.
“I’m not hoping for the best, Pete. I’m ready to fight for it. I’m here to… I’m here for you. I know it might be too late, but if there is a chance that it isn’t, I’m willing to hope for that. I never should have left you, I can’t take back how much I hurt you, just as I can’t take back how much I love you.” I lean back to look in his eyes, he tightens his jaw, his nostrils flaring as his breath comes out choppy. I moisten my dry lips, draw my hands up his arms and to his shoulders. My feet drag me closer to him, my body against his quells the aching discomfort I felt before. It’s just him, and me, close but maybe not together.
“And I won’t. I took a leave of absence from the hospital, I can take however long I need to for us to try again.”
“Melinda…”
I cup his cheek, warm and textured with his faded stubble, “No, I mean it. If I could take it back I would. But I can’t.”
“You quit your job?”
I slide my hand down his jaw, linking around his neck.
“No, a leave of absence. I’ve given fifteen years of my life to medicine, to other people. I need a break,” I sigh.
Pete almost smiles. “That sounds incredibly selfish.”
“I’m selfish for you. I’m here for you. If you tell me to leave and never come back—I will—but I’m hoping that you don’t tell me to go.”
“Melinda… I don’t know.” He sighs, his hands come around my waist anyway, lightly touching at first before he presses his palms in and holds me close.
“I know. Back then, you always knew. This time I know. It was enough for us then, it can be enough for us now.”
He takes a deep breath, his hands come around my waist and up to my face, he cups my cheek in both his hands and tilts my face up to his. My lips are inches from his, my warm breath falling on his face.
“Where is this coming from, Melinda? How do I know you didn’t just lose your job over that law suit and I’m all you’ve got left? I heard about it, since I can’t stop keeping tabs with you.”
“Then you know that I didn’t. And you know that my work has been my life for the past fifteen years. It means nothing without you.”
“Does it?”
“Yes.”
I swallow hard. Pete traces my cheek with his thumb and then drops his hands. He escapes my hold like he needs the space.
“I’m only here until August, when I leave for training.”
I nod, “Okay.” It’s almost June, that’s almost two months.
“My sisters might run you off before then.”
I nod in agreement.
He paces the room before he faces me again, inches away. I stare up into the storm brewing behind his eyes. I know he still loves me. I know he still wants me.
I know this can work.
“There aren’t really any good hotels here, I was thinking I could stay at the old place before I found Sanders there. Do you still live there too?”
“No, I built that house over there, I live there when I’m not in Houston.” He sighs. “I figure you would need to stay somewhere.”
“If you want to put me in the barn I would understand.”
He almost laughs. “No, Pepper might. Melinda, I’m not a chopping block. There’s only one way this will work.”
“I know you’re not.” I tilt my chin up.
“You can stay in one of the rooms at my house. But we’re not hopping into bed together and getting lines blurred. I won’t make it that easy for you, or me. And I can’t just put you out on the street because part of me doesn’t want you flying away. Now that you’re here…”
“It brings back memories.” I finish.
He nods slowly, “The only one we don’t share is the day of our wedding, I sat in my room with all my relatives down here waiting for our wedding.”
I avert his gaze in shame, my eyes dancing across the muscles of his chest before my eyes drift back to his.
“You said there was only one way. That this would work.”
He sharpens his gaze and passes a small smug smile.
“Yeah. You’re going to tell me everything.”
PETE
* * *
On the farm we would call this inevitable intervention. When a crop grows bad, it gets picked bad. Gets thrown out, forgotten. I thought I was that crop.
But sometimes the harvest is destined to be bad, destined to fail. The soil falls dry, a drought comes, it’s meant to not work out. And then the sky cracks and God himself soaks the land with good fortune. Now I guess, that’s me.
Because she is here. It’s what I focus on, when my sisters call to give me an earful. Threatening god knows what and god knows when against Melinda. I know they mean well, for a while I thought those things too. It was easier to hate her, than to love her and recognize that she was gone.
After that Sunday dinner, I tried to wean myself off running into her arms. It would hurt too much because, like I told her at the hospital, I don’t trust her anymore. The one thing I never thought would happen… all I want to do is trust her.
Instead, I avoid her.
She came all the way out here, plans in tow. And I can’t face her. Not without falling at her knees. But I know that’s where I’m going to finally find my peace.
Lucky for me, we’re in the middle of our cow harvest and breeding season. I’m up before dawn, to get out to the pig pen before they get spooked, there are over ten of them and they like to gang up. Sanders comes at full daybreak; the kid can’t be bothered in the morning. I was the same way for a while, he’s really grown. His brother Matthew too, cousin Abe, Price’s kid, all work the farm.
After Dad passed, I had to forgo his one wish and hire help, they work nine to four and have housing two miles out I built on the land about ten years ago. That’s when I really started making money with endorsements, and then I sold my patent for my water recycling and revitalization machine. The one thing I set out to develop after earning my degree.
Other than that, I just play ball, go where my agent tells me to go, and use the money for as much good as I can. I don’t need it much for myself, everything is right here. Making Momma comfortable and worry free was my first priority, especially after Dad passed. I miss that old man, a little less every day, but I still miss him.
It’s been two weeks, of this inevitable intervention. I dodge as much as I can, which is easy because my days run so long and just like before, Melinda is early to bed and late to rise. I hear her sometimes, arguing with someone on the phone, I only hear ‘dumb intern’ and ‘idiot chief’ and I don’t know what either means. As my sisters love to call and remind me, it’s a weird situation. No good can come of it. Except if it does, except if we can really start over.
But I have to talk to her first.
“Honey, you’ve been out here all day.” Momma corners me in the barn at end of the day with the sun down, I’m hanging up my boots from the day out in the cow field.
“I know, I’m going in now.” I smile at her, brushing past her. She hugs her big sweater around her, I know it’s Dad’s because of the way it fits.
“Oh good. How is Melinda?”
I laugh. “I don’t know Momma.” I shut the door and dead bolt the lock. Sanders whistles out his truck before he speeds by, I wave him off.
“I don’t understand you.” She walks with me to the front of the house.
“Me either, when I figure it out you will be the first to know… why aren’t you wishing her all the bad luck in the world?”
“Because that wouldn’t do anyone any good. She’s here now.”
I smile at her and stand with her by the porch, she rubs my arm and gives me her sad look.
“Yeah but my sisters are chomping at the bit, pointing out every chance they get that she hurt me. I’m your little boy, you should be mad.” I chuckle. She only smiles and shakes her head.
“You are not little anymore. You’re a thirty-seven-year-old man capable of his own choices.”
“Right.”
“I just want what’s best for you, and back then you were happy. If there’s a chance… I’m not getting in the way.”
“Just encouraging?” I smile.
“Yes. As I have been for other things.”
I sigh. She has been trying to get me to retire for months now. I haven’t had any bad injuries, but I am on the older side, especially for a defensive line man. And it might be my time, but I could never let her get wind of that.
“I know, Momma.”
She grins and hugs me goodnight. I watch her walk inside and lock the door before I jog back to the house. As usual, Melinda isn’t down here or anywhere to be seen or heard. It’s like she really did just stay at a hotel.
I feel her presence more than anything, her soul seeping into the walls. I still want her after all these years, after the hurt and betrayal and if that isn’t love then I don’t know what is.
“Look, before you guys say anything…” I heave a bucket of chum over the wooden fence.
“What could we say?” Jim laughs. Daniel joins him.
We’re still friends, almost twenty years strong. Daniel came to his senses and left his dad’s company, went off on his own with a fitness start up on his own. It might have had something to do with his father passing and leaving the company to some other guy, but who knows. Jim shocked us all and joined up, worried us too by becoming a Navy SEAL. He was honorably discharged after his last tour, he lives about an hour outside of town in an even smaller town. We meet up pretty often, some Sunday dinners and the holidays, since Daniel is out in San Antonio.
“Melinda showed up two weeks ago.”
“At the hospital?” Daniel makes a face, he never liked the farm much, especially the pig pen. He’s a wuss.
“No,” I pull at the bucket stuck in the back of the pen. My boots are just as stuck.
“She came here, to the farm. She’s at my house.” I nod towards my house.
Jim laughs, Daniel slews off a bunch of shit. He never likes to talk about what happened, especially soon after. Because he had to tell me the bad news, he knew I would see him and just think of that day all over again, at least for a while.
“Shit. What did your sisters say?” Daniel asks.
“Everything in the book.”
“You two are back together?” Jim asks.
“It isn’t that simple.” I shrug. “I don’t know, she’s here, she hasn’t left yet. But we haven’t talked either.”
“That’s no good. Say something.”
“I said most of what I needed to say at that gala and at the hospital. Ball is in her court now.” I huff. The damned pigs got into the back fence, almost breaking off the shutter keeping in the slop.
I try to repair it where they’re standing, Daniel takes a few steps back. They’re both dressed casually, jeans and tees, nothing that would matter if it got messed up.
“Sounds like a swell plan. How long did it take you to get Melinda to even go on a date with you again?” Daniel laughs at me, I frown, the memory serves right. I don’t know how this plan might go. A second chance doesn’t expire, I’ve got all the time in the world because there is no other woman for me.
They catch me up on the past few months, I saw them last for my birthday back in April when we went to Cabo, first vacation I’ve had in a while. I was a little taken aback by turning thirty-seven. Happens to the best of us.
“Hey, is that her?” Jim gets my attention, I stand from the fence I was patching up and follow him and Daniel to look off in the distance.
I shoo a pig away so I can focus, tying them off behind me with the separator. It is her, coming down the path, the closer she gets the more I see in the beating sun. Her hair is out and curly, unlike what I saw back in Houston. This is the way I met her. The shorts she has on are frayed at the end, appropriately short, and her tee shirt fits tight around her body. She’s filled out more in her hips and thighs, and everywhere really.
“If you don’t take her back, I call dibs.” Daniel whistles, I reach over and smack the back of his head.
“Ow, Jesus. Jim was thinking it.”
I look between them, Jim shrugs. I give up.
“You need something?” I say to her, when she is close enough to hear.
“No—you guys still hang out?” she smiles a bit.
“Yeah, we’re a thing now.” Daniel slings Jim under his arm and he wrestles away. I guess like my mom, they don’t hate her. They care about me, but they would probably never go to the extreme of pushing their opinions on me.
“Right.” Melinda glances at me.
She’s practically glowing under this sunlight, beautiful, so striking—god how my heart still beats for her.
“I—I do need something. I was hoping we could talk.” She says to me, flanked by Jim and Daniel.
“He’s covered in shit. You can talk to me. How have you been?” Daniel grins. “You know, last time I saw you—”
“Daniel.” I stop him.
“It’s okay. I’m doing okay, you?” I ask.
“I’m not a world class surgeon like you are. But I’m doing pretty well.” He laughs. Jim greets her as well, passing the same conversation. Despite the smell of shit and slop it’s kind of a beautiful moment, seeing us all together again.
“What did you want to talk about?” I lean and find the source of the problem, a loose board. I’ll have to get the tools to fix it.
Melinda walks closer to the edge of the fence and I almost stop her.
“I guess you want to be alone…” Jim trails. I stand quickly, telling him no. Melinda follows close and brushes the edge of the fence and I already know her sneakers don’t have the traction needed to fight the run off.
“We’ll wait inside—”
“No, it’s fine,” I say again. “Unless you’re giving your testimony, I told you I’m not ready to talk.” I tell Melinda, her eyes soften as her lips part.
“Come on, man—”
“Bu
tt out,” I tell Daniel, I don’t know what his deal is anyway. He pulls Jim to walk away and I am about to stop them before Melinda steps forward.
“Pete.”
“No wait,” I catch her coming over the plank I used to stop the door, her face is hurt thinking I’m stopping her from talking to me but she’s about to—“Pete, I just—agh!”—to fall into the pig pen full of mud and shit.
Melinda is stunned for a good minutes, Daniel and Jim wait a respectable five seconds before they start laughing. I stare down at her, holding back my own laughter. Her face contorts, before she starts squealing some unintelligible things, there is only one time I have seen her like this, and that was when I tried to teach her to ride a horse the spring we were together.
I make my way to her, slopping through in my boots.
“It’s mud, right? Please, tell me it’s just mud.” Melinda cackles, setting my foot over her legs I lean over her and reach for her hands.
“No, sweetness, I’m afraid it’s not.”
She shakes off her hands, sitting up.
Her hair slips with the stuff, her hands come up and I tug her up in one pull. I keep her away from my own clean clothes—somewhat—and help her back to safe land.
“That was great, imagine how many patients will laugh at you when I post this.” Daniel laughs, Melinda tries to take his phone to delete the pictures he’d taken.
When I know she is okay, I let myself laugh too. It was really hilarious.
“I feel like—oh my god,” Melinda squeals and shakes in her shoes, sending slop flying around. The guys are still laughing, I’ve calmed myself down.
“Well, we have to get going. This was great.” Jim slaps Daniel’s back, he nods and we shake goodbye.
They walk off, and Sanders’ truck is pulling up when they do. Melinda is pacing around, back in the direction of my house.
“Hey-uh, wait, you can’t track pig dung in my house. Come here.” I shield my eyes form the sun, watch her walk back towards me.