Lost in You

by Heidi McLaughlin

  My mouth drops open at his accusations. I hate that he’s close to accurate. I did come in here and show Ryan that I can offer him something different, but I only did it because I love him and want to be with him. I never suggested we run away together. His birthday is close. If we’ve waited this long, we can wait until he’s eighteen.

  Besides, he needs to finish school and get his diploma and then we can be together whenever we want. He can travel with me and work on my tour if he wanted. Although we’ve never discussed that, I’d want him with me. But never would I force myself on him.

  Ryan steps forward, dropping his arm until our hands link together. “Whoa, Officer Daniels, you don’t know anything about me and Hadley. I’m here because I want to be and she’s nothing like that. She didn’t do anything or force me to do something that I didn’t want to do. We’ve been together for a while now. She’s my girlfriend.”

  “Is that what she tells you?”

  “It’s what I know. We’re in love, that’s why she’s here. She came to visit.”

  “Son, people visit at homes, not in parking lots. Haven’t you been listening to Reverend Monroe’s sermons?”

  “Yes – and if you were listening too, you’d know Hadley’s been at church with me and my mom, so my dad is mistaken. So what if I’m not in my bed. I haven’t left Brookfield.”

  “Save your story for your dad.” The officer steps forward and grabs my arm.

  “Don’t touch her.” Ryan pushes his arm off me and moves me behind him. He stands in front of me, guarding me. His shoulders are shaking. I reach out and rest my hand on his back, hoping to calm him down, but things just turned from bad to worse.

  Officer Daniels stares down Ryan, his face taking on a menacing look. I cower even though Ryan is shielding me. Officer Daniels takes a step forward, his hand on his gun. Ryan stands his ground, not moving. I don’t know how he’s so calm. The only thing I know is that we are in some serious trouble.

  “I’m going to forget you touched me because of your relationship with the Rosses, but you need to move out of the way so I can arrest Miss Carter.”

  “Arrest her for what?” Ryan scoffs.

  “Harboring a runaway.”

  “I didn’t run away! I’m here because I want to be here.”

  “That’s for a judge to decide, now step away.”

  “No!”

  Officer Daniels draws his gun and points it at Ryan. I clench his sweatshirt in my fists, tightly. My knees are about to give out. This can’t be happening. This is a dream. I’m going to wake up any moment now and be back in my hotel where Cole is watching over me, babysitting me, because I can’t take care of myself. Ian is right. I’m trouble.

  “Ryan, I’ll go with him.”

  “You didn’t do anything wrong,” he says, turning around to face me. I know it’s never good to turn your back on a gun or an officer trying to arrest somebody, but he did. He cups my cheeks and presses his lips to mine.

  Another car pulls into the parking lot, the blue lights flashing, alerting the homes around the area that something is going on. When the other officer steps out, the first thing I notice is the handcuffs dangling from his fingers. I close my eyes and lean my head against Ryan’s chest. Everything I thought could go wrong with us is nothing compared to what’s about to happen.

  “I love you,” he whispers against my forehead. I fist his sweatshirt, hanging on to him. They descend on us at the same time, a calculated move that I’m sure they practice repeatedly. Officer Daniels grabs Ryan and pulls him away from me. I scream for Ryan as the other officer steps behind me, wrenching my arms back. He’s holding my arms tight, squeezing them until I lose feeling in my fingertips. He pushes me to the trunk of my car and slams my head down on the hood, kicking my feet out wide. Through my tears I see Ryan in a similar pose, both of us being handcuffed.

  When the officer pulls me up, I see blood coming from Ryan’s mouth. He looks at me, I mouth ‘I love you’ before I’m pushed into the backseat. The door slams and radio is blaring with police code that I don’t understand. The cops meet and compare notes; the one who arrested me is looking back at his car and laughing. He pulls out his phone and types something before putting it back in his pocket. My luck, he just tweeted that he’s arrested me. This is not how our time together is supposed to be.

  The officer gets in and puts his car into gear. He’s talking but I’m not answering. I know enough now to know that I need to keep my mouth shut. I’m in enough trouble. I don’t need my mouth getting me into anymore.

  I close my eyes and lean my head back and allow the tears to escape. There’s no stopping them once they start. I cry for the day I met Ryan and changed his life, because obviously I’ve done nothing but damage him. I cry for what’s going to happen to him and how he’s going to feel when I break his heart. I have to do what’s right for him, even though it’s going to kill me. I can’t offer him anything but drama. If it’s not pictures, it will be an interview question taken out of context. It will be a promotional event where a reporter reads more into a hug. Nothing I say can prepare him for my life. It was stupid of me to think we could be a normal couple, that I could be a normal person. I’m nothing but a cancer to him and I need to leave him alone before I damage him for good.

  Ian was right…

  CHAPTER 29

  Ryan

  What just happened?

  I don’t even know. One minute we’re talking about going to my house and now I’m in the back of a police car, in handcuffs, with a busted lip. I don’t understand how everything turned sour so fast. We weren’t doing anything but talking.

  My dad… since when does he check in on me? I could stay up all night and watch the door and he’d never come in, so why now? My mom wouldn’t tell him I’ve been sneaking out. At least I don’t think she would.

  I can’t believe Officer Daniels touched Hadley like that. When he did, it was like all the anger I’ve been feeling about those pictures came to surface. I wanted to pound his face in, but something told me to hold back. This rage… this anger… it’s nothing I’ve ever felt before, and I hate it.

  My dad is standing outside the police station when we pull up. I’m sure he didn’t expect this, but I don’t care right now. I want him to leave me alone. I wish I had the balls to tell him that I hate my life here and that I want out. That I don’t like the way he treats my mother. I don’t want to work in the mill. That I wish he were more of a dad, the kind that took time to teach me how to throw a baseball or toss a football. That he encouraged me to be more than he was.

  Another officer opens the backdoor and pulls me out by my arm. My dad steps forward and touches my lip. I jerk my head away. Not only do I not want him touching me, but my lip hurts.

  “You’re lucky he found you first, because if I did, you’d have more than a busted lip.”

  I look at the officer holding onto my arm and ask, “Did you hear him?”

  “I didn’t hear a thing,” Officer Daniels replies in his hillbilly voice. Of course he didn’t. “Where is Mr. Ross?” I ask, but am met with silence.

  I’m pushed into the station, taken to a room and thrown into the chair. I almost tip over, causing the officer and my dad to laugh. I don’t get it. I didn’t do anything wrong.

  “Mr. Ross,” I yell, but the door is slammed before my voice can carry out of the room. He’s always been friendly and nice to me, but now, here I am being treated like some common criminal. I need Mr. Ross. I need his help.

  The officer leaves, leaving my dad in the room and no way to defend myself. Great, just what I need. My dad pulls out the chair across from me and sits down. He folds his hands, pressing his index fingers to his mouth. If he thinks I’m going to talk to him, he’s crazy.

  “Where were you going?”

  I look down at the table and count the specs of red mixed in and wonder if that’s blood. I should’ve asked Dylan a long time ago if her dad was a violent man.

  “Who’s the girl?”<
br />
  No answer.

  He leans forward, pulling my chin up so that I’m looking him in the eye. I try to move away, but he’s pinching me, holding me in place.

  “I suggest you answer, boy, because in case you’ve forgotten, you live under my roof.”

  “I haven’t forgotten,” I mumble. He releases my chin. I try to rub it on my shoulder to relieve the pressure, but it doesn’t do enough to ease the ache. I’m sure I’ll have a bruise there now, too. I wonder what my mom will say when she sees me. Probably nothing, I’m sure. She’ll sit on the floor and pray, asking God to forgive her son and all his sins. She’ll shut down, stare out the window and act like I don’t exist.

  “Where were you going?”

  “Nowhere.”

  He slams his hand down on the table. I hope he broke it.

  “Answer me.”

  “I did.”

  He rubs his face and sighs, though he hasn’t ever cared before. He makes things this complicated, it’s not like he’s ever sat down and asked me how I’m doing or paid a bit of attention to me. I’ve just been another mouth to feed and someone he’s had to put second-hand clothes on.

  “I’ll ask you again. Who’s the girl?”

  I shake my head. That’s one question I’m not willing to answer. If he wants to beat me, so be it, but he’s not getting any information about Hadley.

  “You’re not going to tell me? You don’t think I already know about you and her. You don’t think I know that you’ve been sneaking out of your room at night since September, that you’ve spent the night with that whore?”

  I look up when he calls her a whore; she’s anything but. “Go to hell. You don’t know shit about our relationship,” I say through gritted teeth.

  He stands, his chair colliding with the wall. He leans over the table, his hands flat, arms spread out wide. He’s intending to scare me and I’m sure he would be if I weren’t so pissed off.

  “You’re seventeen years old. She’s an adult. She’s a pedophile. She’s the type your mother and I have been protecting you from. Any adult who takes advantage of a young, innocent boy deserves to rot in the fires of hell.”

  I bite my lip to keep from screaming out, but I can’t hold back. “You’re wrong. You’re so wrong. You don’t know shit about her I. She didn’t take advantage of me. She fought me every time I tried something with her. I want to be with her and she wants to be with me and there’s nothing you can do about it. You’re so screwed up in your own world that you have no idea what life is like for me. I hate you. I hate that I’m seventeen years old and the first girl to show me any attention, the first one to see ME, you try to do all you can to ruin it.”

  The door opens and in walks a lady dressed in a suit, carrying a briefcase. My dad eyes her up and down and shakes his head. He’s such a chauvinistic pig. I wonder how I didn’t turn out like him. Moreover, I wonder how my mother can stay married to someone like him.

  “I didn’t hire a lawyer,” my dad spews.

  “No one said you did, Mr. Stone. I’m here on behalf of Miss Carter. She’s retained me to represent Ryan.”

  “No, your services aren’t needed. You can leave.”

  “Very well.” Only she doesn’t leave. She sets down her briefcase on the table and looks at me. “Ryan, I need you to tell me to go. You’re old enough to consent to have a lawyer present and Miss Carter has asked that I assist you in any way needed. The choice is yours.”

  I look from her to my dad. His face is red. His hands are clenched at his sides. I know that if I ask this lady to stay, things at home aren’t going to be good. I should probably start fearing for my life once I walk out of these doors, but I also know Officer Daniels can press charges against me and I’ll need help with that.

  Either way, I’m screwed. One thing I do know is that I want out of these handcuffs and I think this lady is my ticket.

  “Ryan, don’t you dare.” My dad knows what I’m about to do and for the life of me I can’t understand why he doesn’t want me to have help. Does he plan for me to sit in jail or do an excessive amount of community service? Why wouldn’t he want me to have a lawyer to help me out of this mess that I’m in? That’s what dads should want for their kids.

  I look at the lawyer, who is ignoring my dad. I like her already. “You can stay.” She nods and pulls out the chair next to me, sitting down. She opens her briefcase and pulls out some papers, slamming it shut. I jump, my nerves getting the best of me.

  “My son is a minor. You need to leave.”

  “Your son is of sound mind and at the age of consent. He doesn’t need your permission.”

  “Consent for what? He’s not an adult.”

  “Mr. Stone, I’m going to ask you to leave if you can’t be quiet.”

  “Again, lady, he’s not an adult. He doesn’t know what’s good for him.”

  “Mr. Stone, I assure you that what you have planned with the police department here will not work. I’ve seen the report you filed and I intend have it withdrawn.”

  “You can’t.” My dad leans over the table and points his finger at her. “That whore raped my son and she’ll pay.”

  “WHAT?!” I yell. “She did no such thing. Are you crazy?” I try to stand, but having my hands in cuffs proves this to be a difficult task.

  The lawyer puts her hand on my shoulder and waves her other hand in the air. The door opens as if she was a magician and another officer comes in. “Please escort Mr. Stone out so I can speak with my client.”

  “Let’s go, Joe.”

  “This is bullshit. That’s my son.”

  “I know, but the law’s the law.” The officer, who I’ve never seen before, follows my dad out of the room. His voice grows louder and louder as he shouts throughout the station.

  “I’m Jessica Danville. As I said earlier, Miss Carter has retained me. Now, while I don’t know her personally, my firm, which has offices all over the world, has represented her for years. I’m here to help, Ryan. Your father has made some very serious accusations against our client and we’d like to get this cleaned up.”

  I take in what she’s saying, repeating the words over in my head. She’s not here to help me, but to make sure everything is okay with Hadley. I’m not sure how to process that.

  “Can someone take off these handcuffs?”

  “Sure.” She gets up, goes to the door and opens it. The officer that took my father out comes in and takes off the handcuffs. My arms ache from being in the same position and my wrists are red, the skin rubbed raw from the metal. I lean forward and rest my head down on my arms, willing the pain to go away. I’m not angry anymore, just emotionally drained. I feel like I could cry for hours if I let myself, but I won’t. I can’t.

  When she sits back down, she rubs my back. I really don’t want her touching me, but right now she’s the only friend I have in here.

  “Am I going to jail?” I ask. My voice echoes against the table because I’m too ashamed to look her in the eye and ask that question.

  “No, Ryan, no one is going to jail. Chief Ross has spoken to Officer Daniels and he is willing to forego pressing charges against you. You have a good ally in Chief Ross.”

  I pick my head up, resting my chin on my arm. “Well, that’s good. What my dad said about Hadley, that’s not true. She didn’t do anything like that to me.”

  “Tell me about your relationship.”

  I sit up and look at the mirror. I wonder if Hadley is on the other side or if it’s my father telling anyone who will listen to him that I can’t speak for myself.

  “Everything you say in here is private. They can’t use it against you.”

  I nod. “We met at her show and she invited my friend, Dylan and I, to her hotel room for an after-party. We’ve been seeing each other ever since.”

  “Sounds like a whirlwind romance.”

  I shrug. I don’t know what it sounds like, except it was destined to fail from the start.

  “When can I see Hadley?” I ne
ed to see her, to know that she’s okay.

  Jessica opens her briefcase and pulls out a sheet of paper, laying it in front of me and hands me a pen.

  “What’s this?” I ask.

  “Just a document I need you to sign. It states that anything that has happened between you and Miss Carter will be kept confidential. Once you leave here, you’re not to speak to or seek out any contact with her until you become of legal age.”

  I push the paper away and shake my head. “No! There’s no way Hadley is okay with me signing this.”

  “She is and she asked us to draw it up. It’s for the best. She wants you to sign it, Ryan. She needs to put what happened tonight behind her and focus on her upcoming tour.”

  I can’t stop shaking my head. Tears come and I don’t fight them. “She doesn’t love me?”

  “That’s not why I’m here. You sign this and you’re free to go. No charges will be filed for assaulting an officer and everything goes back to the way it was before you crossed paths with Miss Carter.”

  Everything goes back to the way it was.

  Everything.

  No more Hadley. No more wondering if she’s with someone else. No more beating myself up over why she’s with me. I continue being the nobody that I’ve always been and she continues being everyone’s sweetheart. She continues to live her life while I suffer the heartache of letting myself love her when I knew it was a mistake.

  “This is what Hadley wants,” Jessica says as she pushes the paper forward.

  I reluctantly scribble my name and set the pen down and count. Ten seconds and the piece of paper is in her briefcase, the pen in her hand and she’s up and out the door without even looking at me.

  I get up and follow her out. “Wait,” I yell, but she doesn’t turn around. I see Hadley, she’s there signing something at the counter. “Hadley?”

  She turns and looks at me, before turning back and taking keys from the desk clerk. She doesn’t look at me again as she walks toward the door of the police station flanked by Jessica and a man I don’t know. She turns briefly before exiting, but gives me no sign that everything will be okay.