William could not help but smile at her declaration. It was refreshing to see someone of high society put propriety aside just a little. Miss De vale, it would seem, was not silly. She simply did not take herself so seriously. He knew he could learn from her. “I believe it is good to laugh at oneself from time to time. I know that I have a penchant for severity. It is a fault perhaps, but it does often help me in business,” said William trying to keep the conversation somewhat formal.
He knew if he let his guard down with her, he would be lost. He had already caught himself staring at her long neck accented with a simple opal cross as well as her graceful hands. He longed to reach for both. Yes if he was not careful, Louisa De vale would know his every secret in under an hour.
“Does it really? I had no notion that the members of the British Fisheries Society were so severe,” she winked at him lightly. William pressed his lips together to stifle a laugh. “You do not find it helpful to relate to your clients in a less formal way? Are you afraid, sir, that they will not like you? Or are you afraid that they will think you do not know what you are doing?”
William felt his face grow dark and he looked away for a moment. She reached across the table to gently touch his arm. “Sir, I meant no offence. I was only teasing. Can you forgive me?” she pleaded.
He looked down at her hand and she quickly removed it. The warmth of her touch still lingered. “Yes of course, Miss De vale. You did offend me I suppose, but it was true what you said. I am afraid. I am afraid of being poor again. That fear drives me to keep going, so in that respect I am grateful for it. To have it pointed out to me by someone such as you is…I do not know. I suppose it stung a little harder,” he replied but he could not bring himself to look her in the eye.
“Someone such as me, you say? I hope you know Mr. Mara, I see you as an equal. I do not know your background, but it does not matter to me. Truly, it does not.” She leaned toward him as if to convey her earnestness. “It is obvious that I have no knowledge of what it is like to be poor and so I will make no attempts to comment on that aspect of your life except to say I admire you. My father had told me that you have built yourself from nothing. It cannot have been easy to achieve what you have. I am in awe of you, sir,” she said softly.
William looked down, suddenly uncomfortable. “I did not mean it in that…” he began, but then stopped himself. “I thank you, Miss De vale. You are too kind.”
“Now I seem to have offended you once more. Allow me to make one general apology and if you would be so generous as to apply it to the remainder of the evening I would be most obliged to you. I fear I cannot be trusted!” It was clear that she only wanted to bring him comfort. William allowed himself to chuckle briefly and she continued, “Do you know, sir I don’t believe I even know the name of the village we are headed to! Does it have a name yet?” she inquired.
“It does indeed, madam. The local folk call it “Tobermory”. Apparently there is a well dedicated to the Virgin Mary in the village. It comes from the Scottish Gaelic, Tobar Mhoire, which means “Mary’s well”.
“The Virgin Mary? How wonderful!” Louisa paused a moment. “I pray to her often. And lately I have been able to hear her guidance. I know it is unusual, but I will say it has been most helpful to me, especially since my mother’s death.” She dropped her head a moment, afraid perhaps that she had said too much.
“I am happy to hear that you found comfort during such a difficult time.” He studied her for a moment. How could a young woman be so lively, so lovely and yet so pious? He had never before witnessed such a thing. “Miss De vale, you are a curious young woman.”
“Strange is the word I believe you meant to use, Mr. Mara.” He started to protest but she stopped him, a mischievous grin playing about her face. “No, no! It is quite alright. I am a strange young woman.”
She was doing it again, reeling him in and enchanting him.
This was not a good sign.
As embarrassing as it was to be undone by this lady, it was even more embarrassing that he did not want it to stop. He had designed his life for business and prosperity. Flirtation with a nobleman’s daughter did not figure into his equation. Still, he could not be rude to her, but was there really any sense in engaging her? It would go nowhere and he could not risk disapproval in any way from Sir Thomas.
“You mistake me, madam. I was thinking no such thing,” he replied politely.
Louisa sighed and looked about the room. She appeared disappointed.
It occurred to William that she must long for some female company. “Forgive me, Miss De vale, but I had thought you would have a lady’s companion with you on this trip and yet I find you here alone…”
Louisa interrupted, “I have no companion. Father wished me to procure one to accompany us to Scotland, but I saw no need. We have brought two servants, Janey and Edward. Certainly that shall suffice.”
William shook his head in bewilderment, “But, how is one maid possibly apt to serve your needs?”
“I beg your pardon. You have an inkling of my needs, sir?” asked Miss De vale with a stifled smirk.
Collecting himself before he was any further embarrassed, William took a deep breath. “I meant only, madam that I assume you are accustomed to a certain lifestyle. Mull will be isolated and unrefined enough as it is. With only two servants, you may have to carry out some tasks yourself and…”
“Heaven forbid!” she declared with mock severity.
And William had to laugh at that. Though she may not have any idea what she was in for, he could do nothing but admire her willingness to try. He hoped it would not end in disaster. The last thing he needed was for Sir Thomas to change his mind about supporting the construction in Tobermory because his daughter had, at length, decided she could no longer tolerate styling her own hair. If he was honest with himself however, he would admit that Louisa De vale did not seem like such a woman. Quite the opposite…indeed she appeared to be the sort of woman who could do anything.
William saw her flush from cheek to chest bone and realized it was because he had been staring at her. He shuddered to think what his look bespoke. He reached up to tug at his cravat which seemed to choke him all of a sudden…even more than usual.
Miss De vale appeared to search for something to say, “Yes, well, I do believe my father shall be joining us any minute now.” She spoke quickly and motioned for the barmaid to attend them.
CHAPTER 14
Louisa
The next morning Louisa was escorted by her father to the coach that would take them on to the dock where a boat would be waiting to ferry them all to Craignure, a small port village on the Isle of Mull.
As Louisa entered the coach she saw that on one of the seats lay a cushion and a pair of fur-lined gloves. She looked about the coach as if to spy a clue as to how the items appeared, but everything else looked untouched. With a mixture of satisfaction and confusion, Louisa sat on the cushion and tried on the gloves. Each was perfect. Her father gave her a questioning glance, but she was not offering any answers.
Settling in to her newfound luxury, Louisa allowed her thoughts to drift back to all she had seen on her travels. So much of Scotland appeared to be untouched by man. She liked that. It was thrilling to be venturing into such virgin territory, full of silence and plenty of room to breathe. Spirit could be heard in these wide, open spaces.
She closed her eyes and after a moment she heard: You are free.
She inhaled deeply and felt a gentle smile spread across her face. The risk of Scotland was paying off.
None of her London acquaintances, she thought to herself, would appreciate the landscape that was before her. Louisa had glimpsed what looked like eagles and had even spotted a pack of sea lions, animals of which she had only seen drawings in books.
She could feel herself surrendering to this country, not willing it to change but instead allowing it to change her.
Stepping onto the questionable boat that would take them to Mull, Louisa wa
s admittedly cold, but full of excitement. She looked about her and allowed the wild and rugged shores to fill her senses. She resisted the urge to spin round and round.
Biting her lip, she tasted salt. It baked itself into her every pore, as if the sea were trying to claim her as its own. The wind was relentless and she had given up on her hair days ago. Strands of it stuck to her face, smothered by the joint forces of water and air. Looking back at Oban she noticed what appeared to be a castle that she had not seen while they were waiting for their vessel.
“That is Dùn Ollaigh. It belongs to the infamous MacDougall clan. They no longer live there, however.” Mr. Mara had materialized behind her and read her train of thought. His voice was low and gentle, causing Louisa to feel as though he had been observing her for some time. “Are you warm enough, Miss De vale?”
Louisa nodded in reply. She could swear she detected admiration in his manner, but she refused to think about that right now. These were ideas she could not be overwhelmed by just yet.
Her gaze moved to her father who was staring across the sea wearing a look of longing. She knew without question that he was thinking of his wife.
“My father misses my mother every minute of every day, I think.” Louisa lowered her eyes at the confession. It was personal information, too personal perhaps, but she had no one else with whom to share these things. “I know not how to comfort him except to simply be myself.”
“That seems most wise.” His hand was flexing next to his thigh as if he wished to reach for something, but was schooling himself to pause.
“I was young, you know, too young one might say to know what love looked like, but I swear to you, Mr. Mara, my parents had love. They respected one another. They were companions of the truest kind.”
He smiled slightly at her words. “Anam cara” he whispered and let his voice trail off.
Louisa searched his face. “I beg your pardon?”
“Anam cara. It is Gaelic. It means friend of the soul, one who sees you exactly as you are.”
She smiled and reached for his hand, squeezing it gently, briefly. “Yes,” she said with a deep breath. “That’s it exactly.”
William’s hand relaxed. Indeed, his entire manner seemed to relax, as if he had wanted to speak to her of this long ago. “I suppose it is not so romantic,” he said with a half-smile.
She shook her head. “Who could possibly require romance after forming such a connection? What else could be more important?” She spoke as if she was offended at his comment. When he looked away from her, she knew she had once again gone too far. What was it about Mr. Mara that let her thoughts escape through her mouth unchecked?
Louisa resolved to hold her tongue and just simply breathe. She had learned many things today, but more important, she now had the words for all she longed for.
William
Arriving in Craignure, the party was led into two carriages: one for the servants, the other for Sir Thomas, Louisa and William. Sir Thomas helped his daughter into the coach and got in himself placing a large satchel on the seat next to him. When Mr. Mara poked his head into the coach he could see the only empty seat was next to Miss Louisa. William cleared his throat in hopes of bringing the older man’s attention to the matter, but he did not appear to hear him. Sighing loudly, William decided to relent and settled himself in beside Miss Louisa. When the coach started moving, Sir Thomas looked up, eyed Mr. Mara strangely and then shrugged it off.
Silence fell around the party for a while until the gentle rhythm of Sir Thomas’ snoring took over. William decided this was a good time to engage Miss De vale in conversation, but she anticipated him.
“Mr. Mara, I have not yet had the opportunity to thank you for my gifts. You see for yourself that the gloves do fit perfectly. I am in your debt, sir.”
He looked away briefly and then revealed a quick tight smile. “Think nothing of it, Miss De vale. I merely did not want to be the source of any discomfort you may have.”
She laughed at him. “How could you be the source of my discomfort? Are you responsible for the rain? The cold? You do appear to be quite talented, Mr. Mara, but I fear the weather is beyond even your superior abilities to control.” She tried to catch his gaze, but he kept eluding her.
Trying to hide his discomfort he ventured, “I meant only that I am the one who invited your father to participate in this venture, madam and through him you are here too. I implied no black magic on my part and I think you know that.” Her joking was relentless and he could have no part of it. Even if he did love to see her eyes light up when she looked at him, it was all for nothing.
Though perfectly lovely, Miss Louisa had nothing to do with the task at hand. He had to stay focused.
“Do not make yourself uneasy, sir. I am here because it is where I am supposed to be. That is all,” she said, her tone now serious.
“Yes, of course. I did not mean to imply that you should be separated from your father.” He had caused her smile to vanish and it left him with a pit of regret in his stomach.
Seeing his reaction, Miss De vale seemed to take pity on him. “I know you did not. I am always where I am supposed to be and at this moment, that means I am supposed to be with you.”
William started at her words. Her benevolence was plain. It was a hard feeling to shake, but she reminded him so much of his mother and this thought both comforted and disconcerted him. Clearing his throat he attempted to rid his mind of these thoughts and began a new line of conversation. “Miss De vale, do you and your father often spend time at your family’s manor?”
She appeared to be momentarily caught off-guard. “Overfield? No sir, not at all. I spent more time there as a child, but of late father prefers town. You can imagine how surprised I was when he was so eager to agree to this. A jaunt all the way to the Isle of Mull is very much out-of-character for him. I do see the wisdom in it now, or at least I am beginning to.”
Was she again referring to him? William looked down at her hands clasped neatly in her lap. She was so close to him. If he moved his leg but an inch it would grace hers.
Was it worth the torture?
He decided it was and allowed his knee to brush hers briefly. He shuddered and coloured, hoping desperately she could not tell though she seemed to hide a satisfied grin.
William reached for his cravat in an attempt to loosen it and lessen the heat with which he was now overcome. When exactly had he transformed into a thirteen year old boy? This would not do. He sighed loudly and vowed that he would rein this in, this silly inclination…this doomed infatuation.
CHAPTER 15
Ellie
“Well then, love!” exclaimed Mrs. Dawes as she brought me back to the present day. “This keeps getting better and better. It may seem slow, but we’re building to something. I know it. If you like though, we can set intentions at our next session to fast forward to the hurt or pain in this lifetime. What do you think?”
I sat up and pondered the suggestion. “I think this is all unfolding exactly as it should,” I say quietly. I am feeling humbled by the experience. It is an honour to witness the lives of these people, to feel their happiness and their struggle. “Let’s keep going the way we have been. I feel that would be best.”
“Of course, Ellie, if that’s how you feel. I think that is very wise. You have an intuition; we all do. For Louisa, it is the symbol of Mother Mary that represents her inner wisdom. Yours may just be a gut feeling, or you may also have a guide. Just use it, whatever it is. When you use it without fear you learn; you grow and you heal. There is a current that carries you, my child. Ride it and be unafraid. You are taken care of,” she says almost wistfully. I could swear her eyes were moist with unshed tears.
She sits back in her chair and looks at me as if it were the first or the last time.
“I sense that too.” I reply. “In these short few days I feel like I’ve been able to control the visions so much better. I’m not getting those painful flashes every time I’m in his presen
ce anymore and that dream last night…I asked for that.”
I had to smile. I was getting this. However small my progress, I was getting it. “Thanks so much Mrs. Dawes. I’ll come back tomorrow. I’m going to see Declan tonight. That seems to incite very vivid memories. I imagine there will be lots to reveal tomorrow.” I put on my coat, gather my things and bend down to hug her. “Really, I cannot thank you enough.”
Her voice is gentle: “Ellie, think nothing of it.”
Declan
There is not enough liquor in the world in which to drown myself so I dump the wine down the drain. Frustrated, I walk over to the window. The wind is fierce and what little leaves remain on the trees will surely be shook free tonight. I am safe inside. Ellie is safe, or she will be at least.
I already know that I’m a total chicken shit. I know it. Telling myself that she would try and change my mind, I opted to stay here, stand her up and piss her off. She is going to hate me, but really that’s what I want. That will make it easier for both of us.
And she will be ok.
It is unbelievable to me that her blond-haired, blue jean-loving friend hasn’t spilled the beans. He will though. Especially now. He will be the one to hold her, brush her hair from her face and whisper love in her ear. At least I know he has no desire to take my place.
Someone will though…someday.
I can see the same part of the bay that Ellie is looking out onto from the dive shop. Maybe we are even looking at the water at the same time. That makes me feel better for a minute. That we may, for a short while, share a private moment before she realizes I’m not coming makes me smile. It brings me a modicum of peace and I wonder why I feel like I am saying goodbye to my oldest friend in the world. I have known her only a few days.
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