“Yes. I also know that the two of you get tested regularly. I don’t mean to sound cold-blooded, but we’re talking about people’s lives, including a baby’s. So I have to be rational about my decisions.”
“I agree. But honestly, there has been someone else since Daniel and I broke up. A stranger. Okay, a few strangers. I’m always safe, but how can anyone be sure they’re safe enough to take that kind of chance?”
Gretchen frowned and said, “So even if you donated sperm right now, I’d have to wait six months to be sure. Which is not that long, but of course, I don’t know how long it will take to get pregnant. The longer I wait . . . I’m thirty-eight. I don’t have the luxury of a lot of time.”
I decided to level with her, saying, “I still have to consider all the ramifications of this, but if I decide to do it, you don’t have to wait six months.”
“But you just said—”
“Last year, Daniel and I got our HIV tests right after we came back from a trip to Wisconsin. While we were there, we spent a lot of time with his sister Mary Kate’s kids. That’s when we started talking about what it would be like to have a child. Daniel said he’d given up the idea years ago, because he didn’t want to do it alone. But one of the reasons I married Sydney was because I fully intended to have a family. Which would have been a disaster. Not only because I was living a lie, but if Sydney ever decides to reproduce, someone should call the EPA. Or the ASPCA.”
Gretchen laughed but said nothing as I went to the kitchen and came back with the rest of the wine. I refilled our glasses, and Dexter, disgusted that my trip had netted him nothing, jumped from Gretchen’s lap and ran to the back of the apartment.
“Anyway,” I went on, “once Daniel knew it was something I wanted, we started talking more seriously about it. Although our relationship was exclusive, we knew things can happen. Circumstances can change. Since we were both healthy and had just gotten negative HIV tests, we went together to a lab and put—What did you call them? Our swimmers?—on ice. A reserve for the future, if we ever decided to go for it. Somewhere along the way, Daniel changed his mind. But my point is, I have a perfectly healthy, viable sample in storage.”
Gretchen’s expression had gradually brightened with joy, and she said, “Would you be willing to let me have it?”
“I can’t give you an answer right now,” I said. “You said you’d want the father to be involved. I’d want that, too. I’m not just talking about birthdays and holidays. I mean I’d expect to play an active role in raising a child. You and I would have to agree on what that means.”
“We can talk about everything, Blaine. Any concerns you have. We can draw up legal documents if you need them to feel like you’re making the right decision. But please promise me you’ll consider it!”
“If I wasn’t considering it, I wouldn’t have told you about my sample,” I said. “But you just sprung it on me. I need some time to think about it before I give you an answer.”
“Just let me know when you’ve decided, okay? Say maybe by tomorrow?” We both laughed.
“I’ll see what I can do,” I assured her.
I was able to think about little else over the weekend. I felt as if Gretchen was throwing me a lifeline. My instincts told me to grab it, but it seemed like a decision that shouldn’t be made on impulse. Especially when I was already dealing with other changes: the end of my relationship, a shift in my career, and the possibility of moving.
Violet helped alleviate some of that anxiety when I met her for dinner Sunday night, proving not to be a hard sell about changing jobs. I wanted to think that she couldn’t resist the allure of working for me, but her fear of remaining behind with Evelyn, the Gargoyle of Breslin Evans, and her gaggle of goons, had probably cinched the deal. I privately decided that I was going to build a bonus plan into her compensation package. She was worth every dollar we would spend on her.
She also agreed to do a background check on Gavin. If I decided to hire him, she assured me that she could help bring him up to speed on my needs. And between the two of them, they could make my search for an apartment easier if I decided to move.
If Gretchen and I had a baby, I’d need a bigger place. After I went home, I entered “artificial insemination” into my computer’s search engine and maneuvered my way through lesbian stories of bringing up baby. Until Debi and Dora’s detailed account of getting pregnant, including pictures, made me back away from the computer and go to bed.
A few nights later, the phone was ringing when I got home from the gym. I managed to evade Dexter’s best efforts to trip me, grabbing it before the machine could.
“Hey, it’s Adam. You sound breathless. Did I interrupt something steamy that would require full and immediate disclosure?”
“I did just leave the steam room at bodyWorks. All your boyfriends were asking where my big, dumb jock friend is,” I joked. Although Adam was a member of my gym and worked out there whenever he was in the city, neither of us, to my knowledge, had ever tricked with anyone from there.
“Damn. If you’d only known I was flying in this afternoon, you could have arranged an orgy for us.”
“Yeah? What would Jeremy do? Film it for your Web site?”
Adam laughed and said, “I’m here on business, so Jeremy didn’t come. Seriously, wanna get together?”
“Sure, that sounds great,” I said, hoping this wasn’t going to be Adam’s opportunity to offer me advice about Daniel. Adam and Jeremy were the poster couple for marital bliss.
“Hmm, either you’re the worst actor around, or you’ve had one hell of a day, because your tone tells me that it’d be anything but great.”
“Pay no attention to my moodiness. I’ll snap out of it.”
“Maybe it’s something in the stars.”
“Please,” I implored, “no astrological references.”
Adam laughed, knowing what my relationship with Lillith was like. “Actually, I’m in Manhattan to accompany one of my clients to a stone and gem convention. I thought maybe you’d want to go, considering it might give you an edge with Lillith.”
“The National Gemological Society meeting?”
“Yeah!” Adam exclaimed. “At the Hilton in Midtown. How did you know that? Are you already going?”
“No, but I read about it. It might be interesting.”
“If you’re open tomorrow, why don’t you meet me there?”
“Sure,” I replied. “What’s a good time for you?”
“I should be there all morning,” Adam answered. “If you can make it, why don’t we meet in the lobby around eight?”
I agreed, and after we hung up, I thought about how much I’d missed him. Since I was sure that Jeremy had heard all the details about the breakup from Daniel and shared them with Adam, maybe we wouldn’t have to talk about it. Regardless, like I’d told Gretchen, Adam was one of the friends I didn’t intend to lose in the divorce.
CHAPTER 4
The next morning, I entered the Hilton and saw Adam strategically seated so that he could see the lobby doors. He was working on his laptop and seemed oblivious to the admiring glances cast his way. His fingers traced his firm jaw, while his blue eyes remained riveted to his computer screen. Not only did Adam teach computer courses at the University of Wisconsin, but he also ran his own Internet consulting business out of his home in Eau Claire.
Although we’d grown up in the same hometown, we hadn’t become friends until the previous year. Adam often joked about how he’d come to New York to “find himself.” Instead, he found several new clients and friends, and fell in love with Daniel’s ex-boyfriend. Although he and Jeremy lived in Eau Claire, Adam flew to New York at least once a month to maintain ties with his East Coast clients. We would often get together to work out, go out for dinner to talk, or meet Gretchen for drinks so we could all complain about our business lives. I always insisted that we go out. Adam maintained a room in Martin’s apartment in Daniel’s town house, and I’d never chosen to hang out with
Martin, even during the best of times in my relationship with Daniel.
Adam glanced up as I approached him, snapped his computer shut, and stood to give me a quick hug. “I’m glad you could make it. Have you eaten?”
“No. I was hoping I could join you.”
We made small talk over breakfast in the hotel café. Jeremy was doing well. Adam was working like a dog, as if he knew another way. His mother was organizing her PFLAG chapter’s march in the Madison Gay Pride Parade. He’d seen Sheila the day before, and she’d updated him about her wedding plans and the ongoing assaults from gossip columnist Lola Listeria.
Adam was at the convention to meet one of his clients, Bonnie Seaforth-Wilkes. I’d met her before, at functions that Daniel and I had attended, since she was not only an executive producer of Secret Splendor, but one of her company’s products, Fiberforth, was the primary sponsor of the show. I could still hear the ad that always made Daniel and me laugh. Fiberforth: Because sometimes nature needs a little helper. I didn’t know if Bonnie would remember me, but it didn’t matter one way or the other to me.
After breakfast, we made our way to the Hilton ballroom, where Adam found Bonnie standing alone as if she was Nefertiti awaiting a barge. Every time I’d seen her, she’d been wearing the same Egyptian-inspired garb, though she apparently had her outfits made in a million different colors and fabrics. I wouldn’t have been surprised to see that her purse was actually a canopic jar. Adam reintroduced us, then we wandered through the maze of exhibitors. Bonnie was probably looking for some jewel worth more than my annual salary.
Behind me, I heard a commanding voice say, “Blaine.”
I turned to find I was face-to-face with Lillith Parker. “Lillith! What are you doing here?”
“I could ask you the same question, but instead I’ll answer yours. My gemstone therapist tells me that it’s a good time to surround myself with aquamarines, so I’m here to find some. It’s not my stone of choice, as it’s a bit too watery for my taste. But then, I only eat broccoli because it’s good for me.”
“I guess I can’t argue with that,” I said.
“You could, but it would be a mistake. Taurus is supposed to watch his step with superiors today.”
I wasn’t sure what to say to that, so I was glad when Adam turned to see who had my attention. I introduced them and Adam said, “Nice to meet you.”
Lillith shook his hand saying, “Gemini. Nice energy.”
“How did you know that?” he asked.
“How could I not?” she answered.
He looked befuddled. Bonnie, who’d been hovering over a table of stones with a jeweler’s loupe in her eye, turned around. The loupe dropped from her hand and dangled from a chain around her neck.
Adam said, “Bonnie, this is—”
“Lillith,” Bonnie said.
“Bonnie,” Lillith countered.
Neither woman extended a hand, or any warmth, to each other. I glanced nervously at them, wondering what would warrant such a chilly greeting.
“I’m not surprised to see you here. You never could keep your hands off valuable stones,” Lillith said.
“You’re not still harping on that, I hope,” Bonnie said. “You stole that amulet while my family was mammoth hunting and yours was cowering in caves.”
“So you say. Our tribal leaders made an even trade. You had no right to take it from my sarcophagus because it was shiny and pretty.”
“You promised my grandfather you’d never sell me at the Athens slave auction,” Bonnie snapped. “You betrayed—”
“You want to talk about betrayal? You slit my throat.”
“That was in the fourteenth century!”
“Be that as it may, it still hurt my feelings,” Lillith answered, lifting her chin and looking down her nose at Bonnie. “You duped my father into believing you were going to marry me just to get the amulet back.”
“And two hundred years later, you traded me, your own child, to a band of gypsies to get it. Then you claimed it was lost,” Bonnie accused.
“No, I claimed it was stolen. I’m sure we both know who was responsible for that. Lifetime after lifetime, and you’re still pillaging.”
They subsided into icy silence. Adam and I exchanged a look, and he mouthed, Meet me in the lobby later.
I nodded. I wasn’t sure what shocked me more, that I took Lillith’s arm or that she allowed me to lead her away. When we were a safe distance from Bonnie and Adam, she seemed to recollect herself.
“Aquamarines,” she said, as if the confrontation had never occurred.
I followed her when she approached a semiprecious gem dealer called Facet Expressions. The booth was small, its back panel encrusted with small garnets, amethysts, aquamarines, and citrines. The woman inside the booth introduced herself to Lillith, who almost immediately began to haggle over the price of a small group of aquamarines that she wanted delivered to her hotel room.
After Lillith struck a deal without making the vendor cry, I tentatively repeated the suggestion I’d made to Frank of hiring Adam to oversee the IT aspect of the company’s move, then suggested that he also take over our Web site.
“Despite his affiliation with Bonnie Seaforth-Wilkes, I trust him because of your apparent confidence in his abilities,” Lillith said. “I leave these details in Frank’s hands. I have an appointment at a spa in SoHo.”
I watched as she floated through the throngs of people untouched and without any further altercations. When I reconnected with Adam, he greeted me with a look of disbelief.
“Apparently, those two have been at odds for centuries,” Adam said, looking around nervously.
“Lillith didn’t seem to want to talk about it, so I didn’t dare ask questions,” I said. “What are you looking for?”
“Bonnie,” he replied. “Or Lillith. And I half expect Shirley MacLaine to show up, too. Bonnie found what she came for: a necklace with a rock the size of my hand. I guess she hitched a ride with the armored car that’s delivering it to her apartment, so I seem to be free for a while. Want to get out of here?”
“Let’s go back to my place,” I answered, already leading the way out of the hotel. “I have to change before I go to my office for a meeting.”
Outside on the sidewalk, we began winding our way through pedestrians toward my neighborhood. “I miss this,” Adam said with a broad grin.
“Miss what?”
“Every time I go home, it’s too quiet now,” Adam replied, dodging a messenger on a bike who raced past us while blowing on a whistle.
“You were the one who gave up city living for a farmhouse in the country,” I stated. “Why don’t you and Jeremy live here? You’ve already got the clients. Not to mention all the contacts you’d ever need.”
“And I have friends here,” Adam said, gesturing to me.
I remembered Daniel’s angry accusation that I only had my friends because I was dating him, as if our friends couldn’t make up their own minds. Although Adam had known Daniel first, he was such an affable person that I was sure he could stay friends with both of us. I hoped that was what he wanted. Although I appreciated my friendships with Gretchen and Sheila, as well as with Jake and Josh, I’d grown accustomed to the camaraderie of my gay male friends. When I began to accept my sexuality, it was a relief to learn that there were other men who could relate to me in a way that was uniquely ours.
“Look out!” Adam barked.
I felt his hand on my shoulder, pulling me back to the curb. A gust of wind rushed over my face as a truck resembling a huge box on wheels zoomed by, inches from my nose. I held my breath and stood frozen until it rattled and rumbled down the street. Then I stared in shock at an enlarged image of Sheila on a building mural across the street. She was in her mermaid garb, reclining on her back with a fin in the air and applying lipstick.
“Holy buckets, that was close! Are you okay?” Adam asked, still holding my shoulder.
“Yeah. I think so,” I replied, shaken. “Thanks.”
“I’ve probably been saving your ass for centuries,” Adam joked.
“Then you must owe me an enormous karmic debt,” I said, affecting Lillith’s imperious tone. “Let’s get moving.” This time, I looked both ways before crossing the street. Even though the traffic could only go one way.
“Although Jeremy’s family is here,” Adam went on, continuing our previous conversation, “and regardless of everything else I mentioned, we’re happy where we are. He just got his teaching credential and has a chance at a part-time instructor’s position at the university. He doesn’t have the advanced degree that they wanted, but I guess they took his experience on stage and television into account. People still remember him from the sitcom he was on. He even gets asked for his autograph.”
“Good for him,” I said, meaning it. I liked Jeremy. Admittedly, I liked him better after he got over Daniel and became Adam’s boyfriend, but I’d always wished him well.
“Plus my father would never let him go,” Adam went on. “Jeremy’s the only one who can get my mother to back down when she gets going on one of her rants. She says she’s no match for a boy with beautiful eyes. I can’t argue with that. Or his ass. Anyway, I like things as they are.”
Once inside my apartment, I went into my bedroom after telling Adam to help himself to something to drink. I changed from slacks and a sweater into a navy Armani suit, then packed a bag with workout clothes, all the while thinking about my brush with the truck, gemstones, past lives, friends, change, and the future.
I returned to the living room to see Adam staring out the window while drinking from a bottle of Poland Spring water.
“Looking for someone?” I asked, knotting my tie.
Startled, Adam turned around and replied, “No. Not really.”
“Daniel’s still out of town shooting his Lifetime movie. If that’s what you’re wondering,” I offered.
“No,” Adam said coolly. “That’s not what I was wondering. I was wondering what you’ve done with Sheila’s old room. But now I’m wondering why you’re suddenly bringing up Daniel.”
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