“Good morning, Lillith,” I said tentatively. “I wasn’t expecting you.”
“Of course you weren’t. We don’t have an appointment. But I’m free of toxins, and there’s a small window of time when it’s safe to talk about new projects today.”
“I have to be honest, Lillith, I have quite a lot on my pl—”
She cut me off before I could finish, raising her silver-ringed left hand in the air and causing her many bracelets to slide down her arm in a cacophony of clanging. “I feel that there is an entire market we’re missing out on. I need you to come up with a concept for a line of men’s products. This is not your first priority. Keep it in mind until we’re caught up with the Zodiac campaign,” she said, then stopped short. Her eyes fixed on the sheet of paper which detailed the space in Chelsea. She picked it up and quickly scanned it, then looked at me with a broad smile replacing the tension on her face.
“We want this space, Blaine. Tell Violet the decision has been made. I have a meeting with an art dealer uptown, so we’ll catch up later.” She whirled around to make an exit, but stopped short and turned back to me. “By the way, it’s too bad you aren’t trying to have a child right now, because the next two weeks are excellent for the houses dominating conception.”
I shivered inwardly as she walked out of the room. I figured that she would eventually stop shocking me with her eerie accuracy. But her words gave me pause for thought. I picked up the phone, intending to test Lillith’s prophecy by calling Gretchen and asking her to take a home pregnancy test, but quickly dropped the phone back in its cradle. Not only would the test be unreliable—it was still too early—but even entertaining the idea would be giving credence to Lillith’s beliefs. The thought made me cringe.
I told Violet that Lillith wanted the Chelsea space and had her set up meetings for me to look at apartments. Still reeling from Lillith’s visit, I put the idea of a men’s product line out of my head, worrying that visions of pendulous rocks would distract me from devising a masculine line of colognes, shaving lotions, and balms.
On Sunday, I picked up Gavin at JFK. During our drive back to the city, I told him what was going on and what I would require of him. I gave him a PalmPilot with all of my pertinent numbers and addresses already downloaded, as well as lists of my favorite restaurants, clubs, car services, cleaners, gym, and grocery store. He was very professional and seemed to retain every word I said.
“I don’t expect you to remember everything I’ve said, Gavin. I understand how taxing a move can be,” I said.
“No, I’m fine,” he assured me, sitting on the leather sofa in my living room with a bottle of Poland Spring water. “Ever since Violet called with your offer, I’ve been excited to return to the city. You’re right; change can be daunting. But only if you let it. I guess I knew that my time in Baltimore was only temporary. My horoscope even said I could expect a new job prospect. Then the universe offered me a new path, so I thought, why not take it?”
For a moment, I was unsure about my decision to bring Gavin into my life. I didn’t really know much about him, other than what was on his résumé. His personality seemed to lie somewhere between Ethan’s New Age philosophies and Lillith’s astrological extremism. As long as he leaned toward the former and not the latter, I figured things would be fine between us.
“Change is in the air,” I agreed. “I’m about to change companies. My new employers are relocating to Manhattan, too. Let me show you your room.” I lifted the case that held his massage table. Gavin recapped his water bottle, picked up his bags, and followed me to the second bedroom. “This used to be my friend Sheila’s room. She left a few months ago to move in with her fiancé, Josh. She didn’t take the furniture, because she wanted new stuff. If you don’t like any of it, just let me know, and we’ll replace it.”
“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” Gavin said, dropping his bags by the door and sitting on the bed. “The mattress feels firm. As long as my spine is supported, I’ll be okay.”
“I’m thinking about moving,” I said, grateful for his easygoing nature. “So don’t get too comfortable. My financial advisor, Gretchen, assures me that investing in my own home will only benefit me in the long run. I’m looking into it. I could use your help.”
“Not a problem,” Gavin assured me. “Whatever agency you use, give the realtors my cell number and have them call me if you aren’t available. I can always check out any apartment they have and tell them to hold on to it until you have time to see it. We’ll work it out. Are you hungry? I am. Point me in the direction of the nearest grocery store, and I’ll make whatever you want for dinner.”
“Gavin, I meant it when I said you can relax. We’ll order takeout or something.”
“I won’t hear of it,” Gavin said, holding up his hands. “Not only is takeout food a waste of money, but if I cook, it’ll be healthier. And it’ll give me a chance to get used to your kitchen. Plus, I’ll admit, I’m a little nervous being in a strange place. If I’m doing something, I’ll relax.”
Later, he made me grilled chicken on a bed of saffron rice with steamed asparagus. After one bite, I knew that hiring Gavin ranked up there with hiring Violet as among the best decisions I’d ever made.
The next morning, I woke up to the aroma of freshly brewed coffee. I followed the smell to the kitchen and was pushed to the table by Gavin, who offered me crepes with fruit, orange juice, coffee, and the paper.
I stared at my plate, and Gavin asked, “Is everything okay? Do you need protein, too? I can do a quick steak if you want.”
“No, everything looks great. I’m just waiting for a voice-over by Rod Serling. I feel like I’m in a parallel universe. But I like it.”
“Good,” Gavin said. When I began eating, he slipped behind my chair and stage-whispered, “Submitted for your perusal. We’ve secretly replaced Blaine Dunhill’s regular coffee with dilithium crystals. Let’s see if he goes into warp speed.”
After I finally managed to swallow my crepes through my laughter, I said, “I’m going to take you around the neighborhood this morning and show you all the places that make my life run from day to day. I guess we can cross the grocery store off the list. But I’ll show you where Whole Foods is later. That’s where I get all the healthy stuff. I should call Violet to remind her that I’m coming in late today.”
I dialed Violet at home, and she picked up on the second ring. “Hi, Blaine,” she said.
“Good morning, Violet. I’m sorry to bother you at home.”
“That’s okay. Don’t forget that you’re coming in late today, so you can show Gavin around.”
“I was wondering why I called you. Thanks.”
“Don’t mention it. I logged in to the office e-mail from home this morning. We already have an e-mail from the broker regarding the Chelsea offices.”
“That was fast,” I said. “What’s the word?”
“I think it’s in the bag. Show Gavin the dry cleaners first, because you always get there after they close.”
“I swear they see me coming and lock the doors,” I grumbled.
Following Violet’s advice, our first stop was the dry cleaners, where I introduced Gavin to Mrs. Chan, who gave a polite nod and a smile.
“It is nice to meet you,” she said to Gavin. To me she said, “I have not seen you for a very long time.”
“I can never seem to get here before you close,” I said sheepishly.
“We close at four. Every day. But where is that nice lady friend of yours who picks up your cleaning? Violet?”
“Gavin will be taking care of my cleaning from now on.”
“Oh. That’s a shame. She is such a nice lady. I will miss her very much. But I will look forward to seeing you again soon, Gavin.”
Next, I showed Gavin the only deli in my neighborhood that I trusted to get everything right.
“Hey, Mr. Blaine! How are you?” the man behind the counter shouted as if I was deaf.
“I’m great, Amir. I wanted to show
my friend, Gavin, your deli. I was just telling him that it’s the best in town.”
“Such kindness, my friend! But where is your sexy Violet today? I have not seen her in so long that my heart grows heavy.”
“I’ll tell her, Amir. And I’ll tell her you wish to marry her and take her home to your country, where she’ll live like a princess.”
“A man can dream, no? Can I make you a sandwich, Mr. Blaine?”
“Not today, thank you.”
We continued our tour so I could point out the closest restaurants that I found palatable and the laundry where I dropped off everything that didn’t get dry-cleaned. Then I took him to Barneys to introduce him to Nathan, the sales associate who I entrusted to pick out my suits.
“Gavin will pick up any items I buy over the phone,” I explained.
“What happened to Violet?” Nathan asked with a look of concern. “You didn’t fire her, did you?”
“No. Nothing like that. Her work will be limited to the office from now on. Don’t worry. I’m sure her love of shoes will bring her in to see you.”
“Good. I just love her,” Nathan said.
“Is Isaac in today?” I asked, then explained to Gavin, “Isaac is the best tailor in Barneys.”
“He is in,” Nathan answered. “Speaking of Violet, you should go see him. Isaac’s son is having his bar mitzvah, and he wanted to invite Violet. You could hand-deliver the invitation.”
After leaving Barneys, we took a cab down to Chelsea, where I took Gavin on a tour of my gym and added him to my membership.
“Thanks, Blaine,” Gavin said. “There weren’t any gyms like this in Baltimore. I usually just went to the weight room in my building.”
We left the gym and walked to Whole Foods on Seventh Avenue. I explained to Gavin that I liked to shop there after my workouts. We wandered up and down the aisles so I could show him the kinds of foods that I liked to keep stocked in the apartment. As we passed a large display of a new cereal called Eighth Wonder Grains, I heard a familiar voice say, “Get your zucchini away from me.”
With my heart pounding, I rounded the corner into the produce section, where I came face-to-face with Daniel. A hand extended from behind the cereal display, brandishing a very large zucchini in his direction, like a sword. As the hand dropped out of sight, I heard a voice I didn’t recognize answer, “I’ve never heard you complain about my zucchini before.”
Daniel’s beautiful blue eyes stared at mine, and his face flushed bright red. I finally broke the silence to say, “I didn’t realize you were back from L.A. Congratulations on the Lifetime movie.”
“Thanks,” he said. “Congratulations on your new job.”
Gavin came to my side and looked toward Daniel. Daniel’s gaze moved from me to Gavin, and I felt my heart drop to my stomach when he grabbed the handles of a shopping cart and disappeared among the rows of fruits, vegetables, and nut dispensers. I didn’t get to see the face behind the voice of the stranger he was with, but assumed he was spending a lazy day shopping with a new lover.
I took a deep breath and reminded myself that his companion could have been one of his friends. He’d always had too many for me to keep track of. Of course, there was that zucchini joke . . . Then it occurred to me that Daniel might have made the same assumption—that I was with a new lover—when he looked at Gavin.
“Are you okay?” Gavin asked.
“Yes,” I answered. I felt like I was on autopilot. “He was the reason for my breakdown on the massage table.”
“You’re kidding,” Gavin said, sounding shocked. I half expected him to shove me while screaming, “Get out!” like Elaine on Seinfeld.
“Nope, not kidding.”
“Your ex is Angus Remington?”
“No,” I protested. “My ex is Daniel Stephenson.”
“I’m sorry. I think I’m in shock. It’s not every day that I see a celebrity. And it’s not every day that I see one of my favorite soap stars in person.”
“You watch Secret Splendor?” I asked. I wanted to throw up, but didn’t think Whole Foods would take kindly to me vomiting in a bushel of tomatoes.
“Yeah. I never miss a day. Well, I guess I missed today. But that’s okay,” he said, then seemed to notice the grim look on my face. “I’m being so insensitive. I’m sorry, Blaine. He was your lover, not a soap star. Was that the first time you’ve seen him since you broke up?”
“Yes.”
“Do you think you’ll get back together? Would you want to?”
“I don’t think that’s an option anymore,” I said, wanting to cut the conversation short.
“So, what kinds of vegetables do you like?” Gavin asked.
“Anything but zucchini,” I said, grateful for the topic switch, and rattled off what I would eat as he made notes on his PalmPilot.
I shoved the incident out of my mind until late that night, when I endured an attack of insomnia brought on by running into Daniel. For some reason, the shock of his being with someone else had faded. What I couldn’t get out of my mind was how good he looked. When I’d seen Daniel every day, I’d probably taken his appearance for granted. Instead of sleeping, I found myself scrutinizing every detail of my mental picture of him.
He’d always kept his fine blond hair cut short, and now he seemed to be growing it out. Since that wasn’t really his style, I wondered if it had something to do with the show. From time to time, they changed Daniel’s hairstyle to reflect the different aspects of his character’s personality. The longer cut gave him a softer image, and I wondered if the evil Angus was about to get a love story. That would be a new twist, since Angus was the most hated person in Splendor Falls, USA. Maybe I should have guessed, since Daniel played Angus to such perfection, that his own nature was not without its cruelty.
“Oh, come on, Blaine,” I muttered, turning my pillow over to the cool side.
Although some of Daniel’s actions had been thoughtless, only his words had been cruel, and those were spoken in the heat of anger.
It surprised me how many feelings had passed between us in a few seconds at Whole Foods. Shock, love, fear, resentment, desire, anger, anxiety . . . all underscored by what I could only describe as yearning. I remembered that one from the early days of our acquaintance, when we’d kept each other at arm’s length because of our boss/employee relationship.
I smiled, thinking of those hours at Breslin Evans when I’d forced myself to ignore an endless and illogical list of reasons for him to come into my office, or for me to pass by his desk, just so I could look at him. I’d fantasized about him constantly, and any reference to his personal life had made me crazy because I felt excluded.
Excluded. That word again. I remembered how I’d felt the day I glanced from my window to see Gretchen talking to Martin in Daniel’s garden. It took me right back to my first months in New York, when I’d struggled with all the fears that came from finally admitting to myself that I was gay.
Not that my admission had changed the way I lived. Until I saw Daniel five floors below me, my life was all about work. I was too scared, even in Manhattan, to explore what being gay meant. In time, as I got to know Daniel, I learned not only how to accept who I was, but to build a life for myself that included everything I’d feared I would never have. Especially love. Which was the hard truth that was keeping me awake. Regardless of the hurt, anger, and disappointment, I was as deeply in love with Daniel as I’d ever been. If I’d thought it was challenging to make a life with him, I finally realized that it was going to be agonizing to make a life without him.
It was a relief to get up after a few hours of fitful sleep and find Gavin already awake and cooking breakfast. It made me happy when he sat down with his cup of tea while I attacked my Southwestern omelet. I felt like he was getting more comfortable with me.
“What’s on today’s agenda?” he asked.
“First we have to go to Refined Felines and pick up Dexter,” I said. “After a few days at the kitty spa, he’ll proba
bly be a little aloof. I’m never sure if he’s punishing me, or if he thinks he’s too upscale for the likes of me after his little vacations.”
Gavin was staring at me with the same patient expression that I suspected was often on my face whenever Lillith began talking about astral travel or pyramid power. I figured he’d learn soon enough that I was not one of those people who gushed over my cat. Dexter and I appreciated our creature comforts, but I thought we were pretty low-maintenance overall.
“After that,” I said, “we’re looking at apartments.”
When we walked into Refined Felines, the receptionist gave me a blank stare. “May I help you?” he asked.
“I’m here to pick up Dexter,” I said. I did a sidestep to avoid the shells a parrot was dropping on the floor while he ate his breakfast on the counter. When the receptionist looked warily from me to Gavin, I repeated, “Dexter. Dexter Dunhill?”
“I’m sorry, I can’t release Dexter to anyone but Violet Medina.” His tone clearly indicated that Gavin and I looked like sinister cat-nappers. Even the parrot stopped eating to stare at me.
“I’m Blaine Dunhill. Dexter’s my cat.”
“Excuse me.” He crossed the room to a woman sitting behind another counter, and the two of them spoke in low whispers while they cast strange glances our way.
I looked at the parrot and said, “Polly want a cracker?”
The parrot bobbed its head and said, “Asshole.”
Gavin and I stared at each other, then I said, “Did I hear that correctly? Did you hear that, too?”
Gavin looked at the parrot and softly said, “You’d look even prettier on a spit over a low flame.”
The parrot laid its head on the counter, winked at Gavin, and said, “Pretty boy.”
“Maybe it’s just you,” Gavin said to me.
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