“Is there any way to communicate with the living?” I couldn’t stop myself from asking.
She gave me a pitying look and sighed. “Not unless you pay a pretty hefty price. You can go back as a ghost, but interaction is limited. Also, ghosts tend to get so focused on being back in that world that they can’t get back to the afterlife: they get trapped and confused. If vampirism seems appealing, remember: they give up their souls to be able to interact with the living. You would have to consume living blood to walk among them, and should you ever be killed, your soul would cease to exist forever.”
Tears filled my eyes once more. “Those are my only options?” I asked.
She smiled gently. “Now and then the sun shines here, and when it does, the veil between worlds is thin. You can go to the fountain in the center of the city, look in, and see those that you miss.”
It wasn’t much, but I’d take it. “Thank you,” I said.
She handed me a map of this place, and circled where I was and how to get back to the fields. She also handed me a small black watch like the one that Billy had shown me.
“Wear this: it will keep track of the hours you work. Good luck to you,” she said, and sent me out the door.
I was on my own for the time being. I walked around the gray city of the afterlife as I would any other city: by keeping my eyes forward and acting like I knew what I was doing.
I had no idea if people here could hurt me, or if anyone was dangerous. Out of curiosity I pinched myself as hard as I could. It did hurt, and it left a little red mark that ached after I let go. Well, that answered one question.
There were shops and stores with clothing. I thought about going in, but had no idea how I would pay. What kind of money was there here, anyway?
Then I smelled a scent that brought me comfort and sadness all at the same time: coffee.
A little shop with a brown awning was where the aroma was coming from. I peeked in and saw people sitting at tables sipping out of various cups. If I hadn’t known any better, I could have been at any living coffee shop.
I wandered in and looked around, trying not to be too obvious or get in anyone’s way.
“Can I help you?” the barista asked. She was younger than me, with black hair that I didn’t think was her natural color, and several piercings. The whole situation raised a lot of questions, but I didn’t need to ask just yet.
“I, uhh, I was just looking.” I kept watching, hoping someone would place an order so I could see how they paid.
“What do you like?” A voice asked from behind me, the sound ran across my skin like velvet.
Startled, I turned to see the red-haired vampire, standing close enough that if I leaned back half an inch we’d be touching.
“Hi,” I squeaked out—my heart was pounding. How did that work, being dead? I put my hand over my chest.
The vampire smiled at me with closed lips. “It’s the memory of your heart racing that you feel. There’s no need to fear me.”
He looked down into my eyes. It was so unsettling to look at eyes that didn’t look like eyes. I stared into the green abyss and saw my reflection, pitiful-looking, and lonely—dead.
He stared longer, and I found myself feeling calmer. “What kind of coffee do you want?”
“Just black, please,” I said.
As he turned away to order for me, I saw there was no exchange of money. He handed me the cup and saw my perplexed expression. “We don’t use money here. Sometimes we trade, but mostly we have access to everything we need. So if you need something, just ask.”
“Thank you,” I said, looking into his eyes. It still unnerved me that I couldn’t tell what he was focused on. Maybe one day I’d ask him how that worked.
I held my hand out to him, “We haven’t officially been introduced. I’m Helena. Call me Hel.”
He took my hand and laid a soft kiss on the back of my fingers. “It’s a pleasure, Ms. Hel. My name is Boudewijn, but you may call me Boude.” Then he asked, “Have you been assigned yet?”
“Yes, I’m a reaper,” I said.
His eyes seemed to widen at that.
“Such a taxing job for a pretty one.” His long white fingers curled in front of his lips as if he were trying to hide his surprise.
“I was a gravedigger in life. I don’t mind work,” I told him. “I really should be off. I have to get to the fields and see where I’ll be living.” I was still feeling out of sorts and anxious.
He stepped aside without hesitation. “Good luck on adjusting to your new surroundings. If you need anything... please ask.”
I smiled at him and waved goodbye as I went on my way. First official meeting with a vampire was in the books, and it wasn’t so bad.
I followed the map out of the city, and soon found myself standing at the edge of barren land. There was nothing but dark brown, rich dirt as far as I could see. As I walked through the land, I looked down at the dirt and saw there were small silver name tags marking the people waiting to be brought up.
This wasn’t anything like the graveyards at home. There was no lush green grass, no trees, no angel statues to watch over us. It was dull, lonely, and not at all what I wanted forever to look like.
The gray of the horizon and brown of the dirt was all I could see, and I had already been walking for what seemed like miles. Where the hell was I supposed to live?
Finally, I saw someone digging out in the distance. Another reaper, perhaps? He should know what I need to do.
It took longer to walk to the person in the distance than I anticipated. But finally, I got there, and was met with, “Why are you back?”
I recognized the man as the one who had dug me up: the big, tough guy, who was unhappy that I had cried.
“I’m assigned as a reaper,” I said. “Can you please tell me where the living quarters are?”
He rolled his eyes and sighed. “I swear, what were they thinking, making you a reaper?”
It made me mad that I would still have to deal with such pig-headed thinking even after death. I could have argued—I wanted to—but I shrugged. “Living quarters?” I repeated.
He rubbed his beard and made a ‘follow me’ motion over his shoulder as he started walking. I followed him through more rows of the dead and down a new path I hadn’t seen. Sure enough, there they were: plain little brown houses, all lined up next to one another.
“Number six is empty. You can take it,” he said.
“Thanks,” I said, and stuck out my hand to him. “I’m Helena, Hel for short.”
He eyed my hand suspiciously. “Soren.”
I picked up his hand from his side and shook it. “Nice to meet you, Soren.”
A smile passed through his eyes but he didn’t let it cross his lips. For a moment I thought maybe he could be attractive, but he seemed happier being feared.
Soren dug around in his pockets for a moment and fished out a rectangular silver key with the number six engraved on the side. He handed me the key and said, “See you around.”
I walked up to the plain brown door of the plain brown house, and sighed. I could feel the emotions welling back up inside of me. I was going to cry again, and it was going to be bad. Once more I pushed everything back down and told myself to look at my new living quarters first; then I could have my breakdown.
I turned the key and turned the knob and walked inside.
The layout was simple, loft style: a full-sized bed against the wall, a table with two chairs, and a small kitchen, complete with a plate and cup. I opened a door at the far end of the house and found a bathroom. I appreciated seeing the shower immediately, but had questions about the toilet. I mean, I’m dead—is this still relevant?
I sat on the bed and looked around the house. I had nothing to make it mine yet, but maybe that was okay. My heart wasn’t here—why should I try to make it cozy? I closed my eyes and saw Raphael’s face. I wondered how he was, how much I had hurt him by leaving in such an awful way? I seethed with anger towards the m
an who had killed me. How dare he take away everything that I loved! I cried, and I cried, but it didn’t help. The more I cried, the more emotions welled up inside of me. Pain filled my being—real physical pain, as if I was on fire from the inside. I screamed over and over, trying to release even an ounce.
Suddenly there were arms around me, picking me up off of the floor. I hadn’t even realized I had moved from the bed. I could distantly hear voices, but they were muffled by my screams and sobs.
I was on my feet, and now, I was facing Soren. He was shaking me hard by my shoulders.
“Stop screaming!” he shouted in my face.
His huge hands wrapped completely around my arms, and I was having to look up to see his eyes. He was strong, and serious, and very blonde, I noticed, right down to his beard.
I stopped screaming, but the tears still streamed down my face. I was broken.
“We could hear you screaming a mile away, literally,” he said. “Get outside and get to work. Make this your new normal; don’t dwell on where you are, because there isn’t a damn thing you can do about it.”
He stared down into my eyes and I saw a trace of empathy, then he hardened himself and let me go.
It was only after he was out the door that I turned and saw the skinny guy that had taken me to get assigned, Billy.
“Don’t hold it against him. Being mean and tough is the way Soren gets through all of this. He’s a good guy.
“You OK for me to leave you now?” he asked.
I nodded and forced a smile. “I’m sorry I caused such a scene.” I felt my face turn a little red.
“No worries, first day is the worst. But Soren is right: the more you can work and get settled, it’ll help. If you need anything just holler.”
I waved and watched as Billy went out the door. I really was embarrassed at myself for throwing such a fit, even if it was warranted. I was tougher than this; I knew that death was part of life, I was just on the other side of it this time. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
I washed my face, and with nothing else to do, I went outside to do what I do best: dig.
Outside near the houses I found a utility building that contained all the tools I was used to. I grabbed a pair of gloves and the things I needed, and set off to find Billy or someone to show me what to do. I wasn’t too keen on Soren teaching me, since he wasn’t the friendliest, but I needed to get started.
I walked through row after row of people in the ground. It reminded me of walking through a garden and trying not to step on the plants. I had walked through rows of people before in cemeteries, but this felt so different. Maybe it was because these people were waiting to wake up and be pulled from the dirt, instead of having been placed in it to sleep peacefully.
I heard the ting of a shovel and the soft fall of dirt, and turned to see Billy and Soren working down one of the rows. They were so close I don’t know how I could have missed them.
“Hey,” I shouted at them, and set down my shovel. “I’m ready to work.”
Billy smiled his lacking smile at me, and Soren waved me over with a less than enthusiastic motion.
“Digging is no easy task,” the big man told me. His hands around the handle of the shovel made it look tiny. “Each spot you can dig has a small name tag. None of us pay attention to them other than to know there’s someone in that spot.”
Billy chimed in, “Now and then, someone can’t remember who they are, and keep asking their name. It helps with that too.”
I nodded.
Soren went on, “They’re only a few feet down, and not in coffins or anything, so don’t go too fast, and feel for things below the soil before you dig too hard, and they wake up with a shovel in them.”
I bit my lip, trying to resist asking questions about how he knew this, and trying to stifle a chuckle. Waking up dead would definitely be worse with a shovel through your stomach.
“Once you can see them, you shine your light in their face. If their soul is spoken for, they’ll disappear, and you fill in the hole. If they come to, you lead them to get assigned, come back, and fill in your hole. Clear enough?”
“Clear,” I said.
I was glad I had picked up a flashlight out of the utility room. “Can I start near you guys, in case I have questions?”
“Yep, but don’t expect us to do your work for you when you get tired,” Soren snorted.
“Understood,” I said. Big, Viking, Asshole.
I found a name tag, and tried not to pay attention to the name. I didn’t want to know the people I was digging up, I just wanted to dig up a lot of them. I placed my shovel down in the dirt, and to my amazement, it slid right in. I scooped up the loose rich earth and tossed it to the side, followed by another, and another. I didn’t need a mattock, and I didn’t have to jump on the shovel to get it to budge. I couldn’t feel any big rocks under the earth clanging against the shovel in protest. It was only earth—earth and people.
It was no time before I felt the shovel touch something softer than the earth. The hole I had dug was only about two-and-a-half feet down, but I moved away the dirt in a more gentle sweeping motion, rather than digging.
Soon, I had uncovered an older woman with white hair curled close to her head. She looked peaceful in her royal blue jacket and skirt. Tied around her neck was a white scarf with little pink roses that matched her lipstick.
I got out my flashlight and had a moment of panic. What if she didn’t disappear? What if she woke up in hysterics, like I had? Could I really deal with that right now?
I saw Soren eyeing me, and knew I needed to keep moving before he said something insulting again. So, I took out my flashlight and clicked it on, shining like a sun in the little woman’s face.
The old woman’s eyes flew open, and her mouth seemed to part in shock as what looked like electricity passed through her body—then she was gone. I was left staring at an empty hole.
“Good job,” Billy said.
I smiled at him, quite pleased with myself.
I dug up three more people within the hour, all of whose souls were claimed. The digging was easy, and I didn’t seem to get tired. Maybe I could work my time off even faster than I had hoped.
As I headed into my next hour of work, Billy seemed to watch me in amazement. He nudged Soren and said, “If she gets any faster, she’ll be out digging you.”
Soren grumbled, “I’m just glad she can carry her own weight around here.”
I smiled and kept digging, glad to have earned maybe an ounce of respect. I dug for hours. I felt as fresh on hour six as I did when I first got started. My mind felt numb to things I didn’t want to think about, and I’d do whatever it took to keep it that way.
“C’mon,” Billy called, motioning me over.
“Where?” I replied, and wiped the sweat from my brow. Not six hours’ worth of sweat, but it was interesting to know my body kind of worked the same here.
“We’re going to call it a night. Get some food, rest a little,” he said.
This place was so confusing. “Do we sleep?” I asked, puzzled.
“You can, but you don’t have to. Breaks and rest are good though, otherwise you kinda become a zombie,” he shrugged.
Having just met a vampire earlier, my mind immediately went to the brain-eating kind of monster. “Wait, what?” I asked.
“Not a cannibal-zombie, just mindless, going through the motions. It’s easy to get stuck in working off your time and not take care of yourself. Just get a bite to eat and sit back a while,” Soren said.
I didn’t want to take care of myself or rest. I didn’t want to think about the things I left behind. I would rather work and let my brain go to mush. I stared out into the bleakness of the sky and dirt.
Soren’s warm hand on my wrist made me look down.
“Come on, Hel.” His touch and voice were gentle for a change.
I looked down at his hand on me, and I appreciated the gentleness, but I shook my head no. “I need to keep d
igging. I can’t stop to think,” I said, and made my face as blank as I could.
Soren let go of my arm and nodded. In that moment I knew he understood. He understood the agony that was waiting in my mind—waiting to attack at the first sign of calmness, at the first sign of hope.
I worked, and worked, and worked. They sky never changed, even though the hours passed. I didn’t keep track of how many hours or how many bodies.
Then, upon digging up a middle-aged man, for the first time in all of my hours, he didn’t disappear.
The large man with a receding hairline and bright blue eyes seemed to know he was dead, so I was off the hook for that at least. But, he had to be taken to be assigned.
I found another reaper, one I hadn’t met yet,and told him where I was going and that I’d get my things when I got back. The other reaper was a tall black man who just nodded and walked off. OK, then.
I tried talking to the man on our walk, but he remained quiet, just staring at the things around him in awe. I realized as we walked that the fields of the dead seemed to be in the outermost region of this place. There was no road past it; I wondered what was on the other side, and reminded myself to look at my map when I got back.
I left the man standing in line and turned to go back, staring in the windows of the few little shops I passed. I wanted some new clothes, but couldn’t seem to bring myself to go in and browse.
From the window I saw the shop owner turn to face me. His eyes were a glowing fiery amber, no white, no pupil. He was another vampire.
Not being able to resist, I walked in, said hello, and began looking around.
“Hello,” said the vampire. “May I help you find anything?”
“Hi there. Thanks, but I’m just not sure what I’m looking for,” I said.
“Perhaps something besides what you were buried in? Something to make you feel part of this world?” The vampire smiled without showing teeth.
The Girl Who Digs Graves (The Gravedigger Series Book 1) Page 7