His face softened, looking at me. “Hel, if I had come over at her age, in her circumstances, I probably would have crossed without a second thought.”
I knew it must have taken a lot for him to have said that in such a cool manner. I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around him in a hug. His body stilled, but I didn’t let go. “Thank you,” I said, and he softened and hugged me back.
We resumed our work, and after a while Billy joined us. Billy always tried to make the best out of working, so he was always singing, whistling, or humming some kind of silly folk song or made up tune.
Most days Soren and I just listened to him, but he started singing a catchy little tune we had heard him sing many times before, and soon we were all singing along while we dug. We were happy little reapers.
I now knew how men felt when they had gotten tangled up in my hair while we were in bed. Boude’s hair was wrapped around my fingers, and somehow still in my face. I got myself loose and laughed.
“My apologies, even in death it has a mind of its own,” he said, and tried to pull the red curls back behind him.
His comment raised a question. “Do you still consider yourself dead, even though you’re a vampire?”
“My heart doesn’t beat, I can’t walk in the sunlight, and I’ve suffered a mortal’s death. Hard to say I’m not dead, don’t you think?” He ran his fingers softly up and down my arm.
I nodded, but was quiet.
“What’s weighing on you sweet, Hel?”
When I didn’t answer after a moment, he turned my face to his and kissed my forehead.
When I opened my eyes, I was staring into two endless pools of emerald. I didn’t think I’d ever get used to vampire eyes, but it wasn’t as awkward as it was at first.
“Grace is thinking of letting Andreas bring her over,” I said.
“And you are unhappy about this?” he asked.
“Of course. I don’t want her to give up her soul.”
The vampire rolled onto his back and seemed to contemplate this for a long while. “Soul’s are really an over-valued thing. They’re fine if you want to serve a god or be a ghost, or just know for certain a part of you will always exist. Other than that, they don’t really do anything,” he mused. “Why are you so attached to her keeping hers if she doesn’t want it?”
It was my turn to stop and think. I wanted to give an answer that didn’t involve religion, since I knew that wouldn’t matter to him in the least. “Isn’t your soul, in a sense, your conscience, the thing that gives you your humanity?”
“Perhaps it is the brain that does that, but say you’re right. Look at me: am I a monster with no sense of duty?” he asked.
“Well, you don’t seem to be,” I said.
He laughed his was a warm, deep laugh. It made me smile, and I kissed him. He kissed me back, and was soon on top of me, ready to end our serious conversation.
“Can you do something for me?” I asked.
He nuzzled my ear, whispered, “Yes, I can do that thing that you like,” and his hand slid down my body.
“Not that,” I laughed. “Well, not yet. First, can you promise me you’ll try to dissuade Grace from changing?”
“If I see her, I will be certain to tell her of the potential downside to being a vampire. That’s the best I can do. I will ultimately leave the decision to her,” he said.
I pressed my lips together in a tight line, and tried to decide if that was a good enough promise. But then his fingers did the thing that I liked, and I couldn’t think any longer.
In life, I had never been one for casual sex. Shouldn’t something so extremely intimate be guarded and shared only with those who are truly special? Here, I didn’t have the heart to care.
Sex made me feel good; it was one of the few things that did, and Boude made me feel special. There was no hope in the slightest of us falling in love with one another. Whatever that spark was that two people needed for the “L” word to come up, we didn’t have it. That was ok with me, though. Love was the last thing I wanted; it hurt too much.
I was at the door, saying goodbye to Boude, when Grace came walking up. She smiled coyly at the two of us and slipped by.
“Thanks for coming to see me,” I whispered to him.
“It was a pleasure, as always,” Boude said, and the curve of his smile gave away that he thought of making some kind of inappropriate remark, but censored himself.
He kissed my fingers lightly and left.
I stepped in and closed the door.
“So, you’ve had a good day,” Grace called from her bed.
“Mmhm, I have.” I sighed and crawled back into the covers.
“Is sex really that fun?” Grace asked.
I turned to look at her, puzzled.
She began talking again before I could answer. “I mean, I’ve had sex, but I was too young to understand it. I just remember it being gross and painful.”
My heart ached for her. No matter how much of her story I knew, you just never became used to hearing a young girl talk about being abused.
“With the right person, it’s none of those things,” I said, hoping that was a good answer. “Do you have someone you’re thinking of being with?” I asked.
She chuckled. “Hell no. But maybe one day I’d like to try it again.”
“Well, whenever you do, I hope you have a marvelous time,” I said.
“Yeah, me too,” she added, and I heard the longing in her voice.
We both laid there a long while, then I decided I should work.
I was alone out in the fields. That hadn’t happened in a while—someone was always around, usually Billy or Soren, but sometimes other reapers as well. This seemed to be the profession for introverts. None of us talked very much, and we minded our own business—well, except for Soren’s interest in my personal affairs. But he was getting better.
The fields of dead stretched before me in an ocean of brown dirt, until brown and gray met at the horizon, in a murky, muddy color that made me sigh. I dug, and tried not to think too hard about anything serious. I started singing one of the songs I had heard from Billy, and smiled to myself.
A silhouette of someone in the distance caught my eye. The hair was wild, and the figure was hunched forward. I noticed the oddly shaped, gangly limbs even though the person didn’t seem very tall. The movements were slow some moments, and erratic at others.
Someone freaked out when they woke and ran from their reaper, I thought. It made sense, I could easily see it happening. A little old person who died confused, wakes up to a bright light in their face in a field of dirt. Yep, it happened.
“Hey there!” I called out, trying to offer help and a friendly voice. “Do you need some help?”
The person didn’t answer, they just continued to make small erratic movements.
I walked toward the confused person, wondering where on earth their reaper was? I couldn’t figure out how he had gotten that far away.
“Where is your reaper?” I asked.
I was about twenty feet away when I realized who was wandering around the fields of the dead. That was about twenty feet too close when he saw me.
Rasputin’s white hair was in stringy patches on top of his head, and his endless black eyes locked on mine. I had thought he was terrifying in the shadows of the Quarter. He was even scarier in the light where I could see him clearly.
There was something so much worse about monsters that could get you anytime.
“Oh shit,” I said out loud, as I tried to figure out my best course of action. Just because I couldn’t die again didn’t mean I wanted to feel him tearing my throat out.
“Blood.” He smiled, showing fangs so decayed and discolored, I wondered how they didn’t fall out.
I swallowed hard and couldn’t blink. The emptiness in my hand registered in my mind. I had dropped my damn shovel back where I was digging. I had no weapons, and even dead, I didn’t have the strength to fight a vampire—even a crazy vampire.
“My blood is dead, it’s no good to you,” I said, in as calm a tone as I could manage without screaming, praying someone would hear me. I was taking small steps backwards.
“Dead blood is still blood,” he said with a nod, and took steps towards me.
“Boude told you to leave me alone, remember? In the alley, he told you I’m his friend.” I stepped back again.
Rasputin seemed to stop and think a moment, then seemed to agree. “Yes, friend of Boude, who I followed here. I will not harm you, I will be... gentle.” He said gentle like it should make everything OK. He extended a bony hand my way, and his long, sharp nails nearly closed the gap between us.
Nausea swirled its way around my stomach, and I knew there would be no talking my way out of this. I let out the longest, loudest, scream for help that I could manage and turned to run.
I didn’t hear his footfalls behind me, didn’t hear his breath, or sense the weight of him against my back. I only felt the hair being brushed off my neck as I ran. I glanced over one shoulder to see him flying weightlessly right along beside me, and just as I noticed him, he struck.
His fangs were in my neck before he could even pin me down, and yet I couldn’t move. I could hear him slurping and feel him sucking, while a part of him I didn’t even want to think about grew hard against my leg.
I was food, and sex, and I wished in that moment that I could die again.
I didn’t know how much time had passed when the vampire finally released me and screeched in pain.
Small arms wrapped around me from behind and pulled me back from the screaming Rasputin. It was Grace.
She took off her over-shirt and held it to my neck, and we watched as Soren knocked the vampire to the ground, and impaled him with the broken wooden handle of a shovel.
Rasputin froze like we had just dipped him in nitroglycerine, but he didn’t die. He made an unending growling noise, and threw in the occasional hiss through gritted teeth.
“You staked him, why didn’t he die?” Grace asked.
Soren stared down at the immobile vampire. “You know, I’m not sure.”
“Grace, run to the boutique and tell Andreas what’s going on. Get him to send Boude out here as fast as he can,” I said.
Grace nodded and took off.
Soren nudged Rasputin with his boot, and seemed satisfied that he couldn’t attack or get away. He walked over sat down next to me. He took away the shirt that I had been holding to my neck and looked at the wound.
“It’s not too bad, it’s stopped bleeding,” he said. “You held still when he bit and didn’t run, so the skin didn’t tear too badly.”
I nodded and replayed the whole scene in my head; I had known better than to pull away from the vampire. I remembered Rasputin’s words: “ friend of Boude, who I followed here.”
Not long ago a realization like that would have made me cry, but not now. I was angry at myself, at my selfishness, at my stupidity.
I took a deep breath that shook through my insides, and glanced at Soren. His large gray eyes were fixed on me, and for the first time I appreciated the beauty in those human eyes.
Finally, I choked getting the words out. “He followed Boude here. It could’ve been Grace, or you, or Billy or any of the other reapers that he attacked.” My voice was stern. I had done something bad; I didn’t deserve the luxury of self-pity. “I’m sorry. I won’t invite Boude over again if you let me stay on here,” I added. Soren had every right to tell me to get reassigned.
“You did an idiotic thing by bringing a vampire into the fields,” he said.
I dropped my head, but then he went on.
“And from your stupid mistake, I learned Boude isn’t such a bad guy, er, vamp. Maybe not all vampires are monsters. You also learned that some are. I guess we were both right. And I don’t know of a single person, living or dead, that hasn’t fucked up something at some point.” He chuckled.
In that moment, looking at Soren, I saw past his size, his rough exterior. I saw that he had a big gooey center. A Viking of a man, who no doubt would have sat down with his little girls and played tea party every night.
“So you’ll let me stay?” I asked, feeling more hope than I should have.
“Of course,” he said.
I moved closer to him, and he put his arm around me. It wasn’t a romantic gesture, just a friendly one, and I needed his friendship right now.
Boude, Andreas, and Grace came walking through the fields. They glanced over at the nearly petrified body of Rasputin, who was still making a gurgling sound. One held an expression of anger on his face, and the other wore a look of sadness.
Boude came to me with an extended hand, pulled me up onto my feet, and hugged me. He gingerly examined the wound on my neck with his fingers, and hugged me again.
“I am so sorry this happened to you,” he said.
“I’m OK. Thanks for coming,” I whispered.
“What do we do with this one?” Soren’s low voice grumbled.
Boude and I turned to see everyone else standing over Rasputin.
Boude and Andreas moved together so they could discuss vampire things.
“He was supposed to stay in the confines of the Vampire Quarter; he was supposed to honor my words not to harm you.” Boude nodded my direction; his face held more emotion than I could ever recall seeing.
Andreas added, “His brain and body are sick with disease because he hasn’t been able to get living blood in so long.”
“Why can’t he get living blood?” I asked.
Boude filled us in. “In the above world, he was captured, nearly a century ago. Instead of killing him, they wrapped him in silver chains, starved him, and locked him inside a coffin hidden away in a cave. So when he goes to the above world, he is trapped, with no access to fresh blood. His body still burns with silver, yet he doesn’t die. He consumes blood in this world just to take the edge off of his hunger, but as you’ve seen, dead blood has some ill effects.”
“Wait, so you have two bodies? One here and one up there?” I couldn’t quite wrap my head around the concept.
“Think of it as a very real extension or projection. The two are separate, but part of a whole,” Andreas tried to explain.
I nodded in understanding, but I’m certain my face still looked puzzled.
“We can leave him as he is, and put his body somewhere where it will not be bothered. Or, we can go to the location of Rasputin’s body in the above world, and end his turmoil for good,” said Boude, with a small ounce of pity in his voice.
“You mean kill him? What was he like before the dead blood?” I asked Boude.
“I didn’t know him long before he became what he is. He took me in after the vampire who turned me died. We hunted together, and had many long talks. Soon after, it was me caring for him.” Boude’s face was solemn.
Soren’s deep voice broke the heavy silence. “If he were to be freed in the above world and receive living blood, would he become himself again?”
“It’s a thought. Many vampires have recovered from their captures, but I know none that were as far gone as him,” said Boude.
“Has no one ever tried to rescue him before?” I asked.
Boude and Andreas looked at each other, then at me. “It would be challenging to find where he is locked away,” said Boude.
“Dangerous?” I bit my lip as I looked at the impaled vampire on the ground. He had stopped screeching, and was simply staring up at the sky, a look of surrender on his face. I didn’t want to feel sorry for him, but knowing his story now, it was hard not to care.
I looked back to the functional vampires standing beside me. They gave a single nod in unison as an answer to my question.
I didn’t know how to feel about them going on this kind of mission. They were my friends. I hated the thought of them risking their lives, but something had to be done. And I didn’t think any of us had hearts hard enough to leave Rasputin a prisoner of his own body in both worlds.
/> We were all quiet for a moment, then Boude and Andreas nodded at each other. They took Rasputin under each of his arms and carried him off toward the Quarter.
They stopped in front of me, and Boude said, “I’m so sorry this happened, Helena. We will discuss the best course of action, and I’ll let you know what we decide.”
I watched them walk away, and turned back to look at Grace and Soren. Grace came to me and hugged me, and Soren eyed me with a look that said he was waiting for me to cry.
I took a deep breath that was steadier than I expected it to be, and walked back over to the spot where I had stopped digging a short time ago.
Grace said something to Soren that I couldn’t quite hear, and out of the corner of my eye I saw him nod. She went back towards our house, and in a moment, Soren was quietly digging beside me.
I let him continue a while, catching him checking on me every little bit.
“I’m fine,” I said as I tossed a shovel full of dirt to the side. “I will not break,” I reassured myself as well as him.
“I see that. Hel, you’re a lot tougher than I would have ever imagined,” he said, and I saw kindness in his eyes, along with something new, but I couldn’t tell if it was respect or pity. I hoped it was respect.
I didn’t know if he was using my name or the expletive, but it didn’t really matter. I just let out a small, “Thanks,” and kept digging.
As usual, I tried to push back all the scary thoughts, all the sad thoughts, while I worked. I didn’t want to think about being attacked by Rasputin, although part of me wanted to know what would have happened if he had really gotten to me. Even though I couldn’t die again, it had been a terrifying experience. I thought about asking Soren, but I just didn’t have the energy to speak.
The next thoughts seemed to sneak up on me. I was replaying my few short weeks with Raphael, all from the beginning. The lump in my throat and hot tears in my eyes brought me back to reality. I tried with all my might to stop thinking about that life before we got to my death. I couldn’t seem to redirect my thoughts, though, and it all just kept playing like a movie in my head: the kisses, the sex, the planning of our trip, and losing it all.
The Girl Who Digs Graves (The Gravedigger Series Book 1) Page 10