Boude squeezed my hand, but moved forward on the couch, so that if the baby vampire lunged for me, he would be between us.
I was suddenly aware I could be in real danger.
“Some vampires have a little trouble transitioning. She’ll be fine after she has some living blood,” Andreas commented. Then he asked, “Boude, would you like to accompany us for the baby’s first meal?”
“Certainly, if you could give me a few minutes to take Helena home,” Boude replied.
I had to admit I was relieved. I didn’t want to be alone right now, walking back through the quarter, and definitely not left alone here with Rasputin somewhere in the house.
“Ah well, hurry. She needs to eat soon.” Andreas smiled as he looked at Grace, who was making a very low growling sound.
Boude looked at me and tried to hide the concern in his eyes.
“If you can just walk me to the edge of the Quarter, I can get myself back to the fields,” I said.
His relief was plain. “Yes, that would be an excellent compromise, if you are comfortable with that.”
“It’s fine,” I said, trying to make my voice match my words.
I waved to Andreas and Grace, and we headed back out into the street.
“When will you all be leaving on your expedition to find Rasputin’s body?” I asked.
“As soon as Grace is herself again, and can feed properly. The first time is the hardest.”
“So, you both are taking her to the living world to feed?” I asked, even though I already knew the answer.
“Yes.” Boude stretched out the word like he was waiting for another question to answer.
“Are you going to let her kill someone?”
“No, we haven’t killed in a long time. We usually feed on the intoxicated or the sleeping: the whole thing seems like a dream, and no one is harmed.” He touched my shoulder.
We were at the end of the Quarter and stopped walking.
I nodded. “Please look out for her. And let me see her before you leave on your quest.”
Boude kissed me on the cheek. “Of course, sweet, Hel.”
And with that, we both turned and went opposite ways.
I wasn’t quite ready to head back to the fields. I didn’t want to see Soren or Billy. My mood was strange. I was happy Grace had gotten what she wanted, even if I wasn’t sure I agreed with her choice. I felt down, grumpy. Why was I angry?
After wandering around the town for a while I realized I wasn’t angry: I was jealous... Jealous that Grace got to go back to the world of the living as something more powerful, something that could seek revenge, if that’s what she decided. No, I still wasn’t willing to give up my soul for the experience, but I could envy her for doing it.
I thought about how it would feel to go back and see Raphael. I imagined him seeing me as a vampire, and all the different reactions he could have: everything from him running in fear, to him wanting me to bring him over, all the way to him staking me. Sometimes thinking about him didn’t hurt quite as much, but I still missed the hell out of him.
As I walked through the city, I decided to do some window shopping. One of the home stores had a big fluffy white duvet on display that drew me in. I couldn’t stop running my hands over it, and I still hadn’t picked up anything to make my apartment a cozier place. So, I had the girl at the counter bag it up for me. I couldn’t get over not paying for things, but there was no rich or poor here—no classes at all, it seemed. I thanked her and headed back to the fields, feeling a little brighter at least.
“Hey, Hel,” called, Billy.
“Hey, Billy,” I called back.
“Whatcha got in the bag?” he asked.
“A new duvet for my bed,” I smiled.
He scratched his head and narrowed his squinty eyes, until he realized what I was talking about, then nodded.
“I just wanted something to keep me warm and cozy for a change, even if I don’t sleep here,” I added.
“Yeah, I tried sleeping when I first got here.” He shook his head and a look of unease fell on his face. “Worst nightmares I ever had.”
I gave him a sympathetic smile. “Nah, I wouldn’t want to risk that either.”
“You coming out to dig?” he asked.
“Um, yeah, I might as well,” I answered, realizing I still didn’t really want to be by myself.
It was a funny thing: in life, I was such a solitary person. I loved living alone, working alone, or when it was just Ray and me. Here, I seemed to prefer company—sort of, sometimes—oh, hell, I didn’t know.
Once home, I went inside and put my new duvet on the bed, after taking off the blanket that was on there from when I moved in. I smiled and looked forward to the next time I got to crawl underneath the covers. For a moment, I let myself miss Raphael and wish he could share my bed again, then I sighed and headed out to work.
Soren and Billy were digging next to each other. I chose a spot beside them, and we all seemed to fall into a steady rhythm. The awkwardness seemed to be lessening between Soren and me. Though, I had to wonder if that had been the end of the tension between us, or maybe just the beginning.
I dug and thought of Grace and her vampire guardians. I hoped her first feeding was going well, without lingering too much in thinking about the process. I wondered when they’d be coming to say they were leaving for their expedition.
A small thought flickered, wondering if I would get to give Boude a proper goodbye before such a dangerous mission. I stopped digging for a moment and sighed; I wasn’t sure I had the energy for such a thing right now. Maybe I could just plan on fantastic “welcome back” sex.
“Fuck,” I heard Soren swear, with an unusual softness in his voice.
I looked at Billy in question. “He’s got a kid.” His normally smiling face was downturned and heavy.
I had seen other reapers get them and was glad it hadn’t happened to me yet. Babies never even made it to us: their spirits just went straight back to the source, whatever that may be. It was rare, but sometimes we got toddlers. There seemed to be some sort of cut off point of when they were too big to go to the source, but still so tiny.
I could only imagine how hard it was for Soren to dig up a child when he missed his own kids so much. Being a gravedigger I had buried my share of little caskets, and it was those times I had cried while I worked. There was something that felt so unnatural about putting a child in the ground, even though they were the most fragile of all life.
Billy and I stopped working and walked over to Soren. The little boy was dressed in navy slacks, and a comfy but new plaid flannel shirt. His wavy golden hair was fixed just so, and his little cheeks were still chubby with baby fat. He couldn’t have been older than three at the very most. I thought of the parents left behind to grieve him and my heart ached.
Soren stared down at the boy, making no movement to wake him.
“I’ll do it if you want,” I said, and gently touched his arm.
He nodded and stepped out of my way.
I got out my light and knelt down over the boy. I clicked it on, and he blinked.
“Hi there,” I said in a gentle voice. “My name is Helena.”
“Hi, I’m Robbie.” The boy yawned and rubbed his eyes. “Am I in heaven? Are you an angel?” he asked, with now very wide eyes.
“No, sweetie. But I’ll try to get you somewhere just as good. OK?” I was relieved he knew he was dead.
He nodded, and I helped him up.
I looked at Billy and Soren. “Where do I take him?”
Soren answered, “There’s a place for kids on the other side of the city; it’s a big white building. You can’t miss it.”
I leaned into Soren, “Would I get in trouble if I stopped long enough to get him some ice cream?”
Soren smiled, and my heart melted. “I think that would be fine.”
The child’s soft voice broke through the stillness, “Where are we going?”
I leaned down on his level. “A special place just
for kids like you. But first, we need ice cream.”
His little eyes grew wide, and he grinned from ear to ear, “Are you sure this isn’t heaven?”
I looked up to see three vampires making their way to me from across the fields, “Oh, yes,” I answered. “I’m sure.”
I glanced at Billy and Soren, who had already noticed my friends.
“We’ll take him,” said Soren.
“You don’t mind?” I asked.
“It’s fine,” Billy agreed.
“You’re not comin’?” Robbie’s little voice asked with a hint of disappointment.
“My friends are going on a long trip and I need to tell them ‘bye. Soren and Billy will take great care of you though. I promise. It was very nice to meet you, Robbie,” I told him.
“It was nice to meet you too,” he said.
I patted him on the head and saw Soren take the little boy’s tiny hand in his as they walked away. I had never been sure I wanted kids, but something about seeing Robbie walking hand in hand with the tall, strong, badass Soren made my maternal instincts flare. In that moment I was glad I was already dead.
The vampires had stopped a short ways away, I assumed to let the reapers leave without frightening the little boy. I made my way over to them, and Grace grabbed me and hugged me.
“Thank you for being there for me earlier,” she said, and squeezed me.
When she released me, I leaned back and looked her over. Her eyes still seemed too wide, but not as animalistic, as far as I could read in their amber depths. She looked much older than her teenage years, but her skin hadn’t seemed to age. She was beautiful, and vampirism looked good on her.
“You look lovely,” I told her.
“I feel amazing.” She grinned, and I glimpsed fangs.
“How did your first feeding go?” I asked.
“It went well!” she laughed. “There was a guy passed out in an alley. He never knew I was even there.”
“She’s a natural,” Andreas exclaimed, with obvious paternal pride.
I smiled and nodded. That sounded like the equivalent of getting your dinner out of a dumpster, but to each their own.
Andreas doted on his new creation, and Grace reveled in her new... life. Boude had been quiet and was standing to the side.
I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his neck. “You’re ready to leave?”
“We are,” he said, and placed his hands on the sides of my waist.
“Where will you, I mean, these bodies be?” I asked, lightly tapping him on the back.
“We’ll all be at Andreas’s in one of the beds. To sleep here is to be awake there,” he answered.
“And if anything happens to you there?”
“If we die there, we cease to exist here,” he said.
“Are you still sure Rasputin is worth this much trouble?” I asked.
Boude kissed me on the forehead. “It’s something I’ve ignored for far too long,” he said.
Rising up on the balls of my feet, I kissed him on the lips, slowly and softly, but with enough passion to show him he would be missed. I tangled my fingers in his soft red curls—my favorite thing to do. I broke the kiss and smiled at him. He was so lovely, and for a vampire, I supposed he was a decent man. I knew I could never love him, but I liked him a lot. Maybe in this world, that could be enough.
He gave me a smile that could stop a train. “Oh, when I get back...” He winked.
I walked from him back to Andreas and Grace. I could tell from the look of excitement in Grace’s eyes there would be no way to talk her out of going. I hugged her again, saying, “Please be careful. You are my best friend.”
“I will, Hel. I love you.” Grace squeezed my hand in hers.
“I love you too. All of you, take care of each other and come back to me soon,” I said.
Together they walked back the way they came, and I was once more left alone in the fields with the dead. So, I started digging.
All the people I reaped in the next passing hours disappeared the moment the light touched their eyes, and I was grateful I didn’t have to talk to anyone.
I worried for my friends on their journey, no matter how capable they were of taking care of themselves. From previous conversations with Boude I knew time passed more quickly in the living world.
After a while, I grew tired of digging. I went in to my place and took a hot shower, letting the water beat on my neck and shoulders, even where it stung the bite Rasputin had left me.
I wondered about healing times in this world, and tried to make a note to ask someone.
I got out of the shower and found a silky nightgown Grace had left here. It was too short for my personal taste, but it covered what needed to be covered. I went over to my bed and collapsed onto my new, fluffy duvet.
I ran my arms up and down, feeling the coziness, and rubbed my feet against the softness. It felt amazing. Finally, I grabbed my pillow and just sank into the stillness and wonderful feeling. I hadn’t been resting long when I heard someone walking up.
Knock, knock came from my door.
Oh, hell, I whined to myself. “Come in,” I called. I was not getting out of bed. What were they going to do, murder me? I chuckled.
The knob turned slowly. It was Soren. He looked around the room for me, and laughed when he saw me stretched out in my bed.
I motioned him over. “Come feel—it’s new.”
He walked over and petted my fuzzy bed like a cat. “Hey, that does feel nice,” he said.
I patted the bed. “Sit.”
He did.
“How did the drop off go?” I asked.
“Kids are always a lot of paperwork. But it went fine, and we all had ice cream.” Soren rubbed the back of his neck like it was tense. “He was a good kid though, and they’ll make sure he’s taken care of.” He was reassuring himself as much as me.
I smiled, and pulled my hand out from beneath the covers to put on his knee. I knew what I was feeling. There was something between Soren and me: it was potential. He was strong and stable, sexy and dependable—maybe even a little dangerous. No, he wasn’t my dark, mysterious Raphael that I loved. And though Boude was a friend and lover, it would never grow into more than that because the feelings just weren’t there.
Soren looked down at my hand on his leg with no readable expression. I wondered if he felt any trace of what I was feeling. Well, I was about to make things a lot better, or a lot worse.
I looked up into his steel eyes, and traced circles on his leg with my fingertips. Then I ran soft lines up his leg over his brown cargo pants, and dug my nails in lightly on the way back down.
As he watched me, an intense look came over his face; then he closed his eyes and sighed, giving me the go ahead to continue.
I thought of unbuttoning his pants and continuing my fingers’ exploration, but I wanted his lips on mine. So, I sat up in the bed and looked at his face. He was sexy, in a Viking kind of way; or in modern-day-terms, a blonde lumberjack or ex-military way. His shoulders were broad, and his body was thick, but not fat; he was strong and solid… and he was shaking.
I could feel his hands trembling as he brought them around to my back. The feel of his fingers on my bare skin made a chill run across it, and suddenly I was shaking too.
Still not close enough, I came up on my knees in the bed and moved towards him, leaned in, and pressed my lips to his.
The kiss had only a moment of tenderness before the frenzy that ensued. His tongue explored my mouth and his hands played in my wet hair, pulling until I cried out against his kiss.
He pulled back, “I’m sorry, I can get a little rough. I’ll back off.”
I had never had anyone be rough with me like that; it was a little hard to admit, but my body was giving me all the signs that we liked it.
“No,” I answered trying to catch my breath. “If you get too rough, I’ll stop you.”
He stared into my eyes with a ferocity I had never seen; it made my heart
race. His hand on the back of my head held me there for a moment while he searched my face for any sign that I wasn’t being honest with him. Then his fingers tightened in my hair again, pulling just to the point where I winced and closed my eyes. His lips found mine again, and he kissed me so hard I thought that he would bruise my lips.
His mouth fed at mine, and his hands eventually left my hair to explore my body. He would gently run his fingers over the silk of the nightgown, then squeeze my ass or leg. The rougher he got, the harder I kissed him, the harder I pressed my body against his letting him know how much I wanted all of him.
He teased me forever with kisses and touch. I tugged at his pants. “Take these off,” I begged.
He laughed and stood up to undress while I watched. My body ached at the sight of him, I couldn’t wait to feel him, warm and naked against me.
When he got back in bed, this time he got under the covers with me so that there was only the smallest bit of silky fabric separating us. He ran his hand over my ass and then slipped his fingers between my legs, causing me to cry out.
“Oh God,” he said at feeling how turned on I was.
Nervously, I grinned and kissed him, wiggling against him and throwing my leg over his waist.
His eyes were closed, but he shook his head. “It has been a very, very long time since I have been with a woman. I will not let this be over any time soon,” he growled, and threw me on my back.
His hands and mouth worked my body tirelessly, and I was weak and trembling before we finally got to the main act.
He wasn’t as large as Raphael, but when he slid inside me, I didn’t feel like anything was lacking. The weight of his solid body on top of me, and inside of me, I felt like I was being held by a warm piece of iron. My fingers dug into his arms, barely making dents in the skin for the muscles being so large. This was protection; this was being made love to by a warrior. This was being fucked by a barbarian. I loved it.
He knew when and where to be gentle, and which areas could take a little more roughness. I writhed and moaned beneath him, moving away instinctively when he would sometimes pull or bite just a little too hard. Whenever I would pull away, he would nuzzle and kiss my neck so lightly and gently that I would wrap myself back around him tighter… then the whole thing would start over again. Waves of pleasure and pain tossed me back and forth for what seemed like hours. I couldn’t count how many times I came, and I knew my legs would not work after this, but God help me, I wasn’t about to stop him.
The Girl Who Digs Graves (The Gravedigger Series Book 1) Page 12