by Miss Merikan
What had he been thinking anyway? That a girl as hot as Anna would just settle for him? A guy with no arm who said they could meet up for sex? He didn’t even have a job. All he wanted now was to break something and scream. He sat on a park bench, annoyed by the rays of sunshine on his skin. He could bet that Anna was in a similar park now, having a picnic with some hot, confident guy feeding her strawberries with cream and champagne.
He fished out his phone and found the number of the one person he trusted to talk about this with. Andrea picked up the call quicker than he expected.
“Gavin, I’m so sorry. I wanted to call you first, but I kept chickening out!”
“No, don’t worry. I know you love to work there in all the dresses and stuff.” He sighed, rubbing his knee as he watched a one-legged pigeon fight off a healthy one. Even a stupid pigeon was doing better than him.
Andrea sighed. “Can I do something for you? Bake your favorite cake? We could go to a pub and drink ourselves stupid?”
“Yeah, I think I could use that last one. Everything is so useless right now. I’m getting nowhere.”
“Oh, come on. Don’t say that. We can brainstorm about job opportunities. You know, think out of the box,” said Andrea. “Where do you wanna meet? I’ll come over.”
“We can go get a drink somewhere in Camden later. I could become a one-armed bandit. A chav told me that,” he said and gritted his teeth.
Andrea was silent for a moment. “I get it that you hate people noticing, but if so, why don’t you wear a prosthetic hand?”
“Because it’s bullshit without the elbow. I hate the dead weight. It’s not coming back.”
“All right, I know.” Andrea huffed into the speaker.
“I guess I’m free as well, since Anna’s on a date.” Gavin closed his eyes but his heart was in such turmoil he had to bite into his hand not to cry.
Andrea gasped. “What? You never told me you broke up.”
“Because we didn’t. I was shit about this relationship from the start, and now I’m reaping what I sowed. I did something bad last week, so I’m not surprised she’s dating other guys now.” He took a deep, raspy breath, averting his eyes from yet another happy couple walking by.
“What do you mean? What did you do? I thought you guys were good.”
“We were coming home late, and a bunch of chavs approached us. I lost my temper, as usual, and one of them hit her before I could do anything. I’m such a waste of space ...” The weight on his chest was choking life out of him.
“Gavin, where are you now? I’m coming over,” said Andrea, and he could already hear some rustling, which meant she was probably leaving home.
“It doesn’t matter. I need to sort myself out on my own.” Everything would have been so much easier with both arms, yet he knew he’d never get that back.
“Don’t be ridiculous. Where are you? I am leaving my flat now.”
“St. James’ Park. But I don’t want you to be all upset. Let’s just get some drinks.”
“I’ll buy you some ice cream,” said Andrea before ending the call.
Gavin pulled the prawn crackers out of the bag with the cold takeout and crumbled them to the ground for the one-legged pigeon. The little guy needed a break.
Chapter 11
Anna looked at her phone. Still nothing. Still no answer from Gavin. It had been over a week, and he wouldn’t pick up the phone. He would only contact her via text messages, and even those were sparse and bland, so unlike their usual flirting. She just didn’t get it. What could have happened? She was doing a big project for a European ball-jointed doll company, so she was super busy anyway, but it was silly that they couldn’t even flirt on the phone once in a while. She promised herself she’d confront him after the project was finished. There were twenty dolls to do, and not just heads—whole bodies. That was a lot of work even for her, so if Gavin chose to be an ass, she could just ignore it for the time being.
The problem was, she didn’t really want to ignore him. Since their relationship wasn’t exclusive anyway, she chose not to constrict herself just because she found him irresistible—it would have been pathetic if he fucked other girls on the side while she stared at him all deer-eyed. But none of the dates she had since meeting Gavin had been enough. They were nice guys, most of them. Some even quite hot, but they just weren’t ... as satisfactory. In comparison to Gavin, they seemed bland as porridge. What a cock-up.
There was a ring at the door, and even though Anna was expecting Andrea, a part of her hoped that it could be Gavin with some kind of apology. Who was she kidding? If he came here and said he just needed some time on his own, she’d tell him to come in and make him a fucking coffee. And then she’d fuck his brains out.
But it was Andrea, who’d get a cup of vanilla tea and biscuits because they were fitting treats for a Lolita. “Hey, long time no see.” Anna hugged Andrea and pulled her into the house. It was good to have a break from work once in a while.
“I can’t wait to see all those dolls before the company launch,” she said excitedly, walking inside, her petticoats almost pushing Anna to the wall. “I promise not to take photos!” Andrea added with a squeal.
“It’s fine, I believe you.” Anna waved her hand and went straight for the kettle. “How’s life in general?”
“It’s all fine. I’m gonna have my photos taken for a new European Lolita fashion mag.” Andrea smiled wildly. It made some of her piercings stick out around her lips, and it reminded Anna of Gavin. She dismissed that thought and ran right back to pull Andrea into a tight hug.
“Oh, my God! Congratulations. Of course, they chose you. You’re so pretty every time I see you.” Anna used to have so much fun exploring the layers of clothing before getting to see any of Andrea’s skin. But the past was the past. Andrea did have a somewhat unique look too, so it was no wonder she’d eventually become popular in the Lolita community. “When’s the shoot?”
“Next week, in Manchester. I’m over the moon.” Andrea pulled out some cookies from her bag, as expected. Anna knew she’d wolf down most of them even as she prepared the tea. She could already see that the less sex she had, the more she wanted chocolate. And that meant more workouts and less fun.
But with Andrea there, she didn’t really want to dwell on all this. She showed Andrea the dolls, revealing a few bits about the whole campaign, they had frozen meals for dinner, and two hours went by like a storm.
“Sooo ... how have things been going with Gavin?” Andrea asked over yet another tea and nudged Anna with an elbow.
That question was to be expected, and Anna pushed another cookie into her mouth to have the time to think of an answer. “It’s gotten weird recently. I don’t know ...”
“What do you mean? He told me it was fine.” Andrea cocked her head to the side and the ribbons at her hairband fell on her face.
Anna sighed and curled her knees to rest her chin on them. “Did he?” she muttered, unsure what to think. “It has been great until over a week ago. Then he just stopped answering the phone, and he’s working all the time so he can’t meet up.”
Andrea bit her lip. “Oh. This really puts me in an awkward position. I’d like to be loyal to Gavin, but it looks like he’s lied to me already, so ... sucks to be him. Anna, he told me you two were on a few dates since last week. And to be honest, he’s not working because he got sacked last week.”
Anna stared at her, her stomach clenching. “What? M-maybe he got depressed with the job loss and doesn’t want to see anyone?” She shuffled closer to Andrea, ready to pull his address out of her at all cost. She could cheer him up.
“Sure looks like it.” Andrea shook her head. “I really thought he’d turned a corner this year, that he was getting back to normal after the accident, started dating and all ...”
Anna bit her lip. “Then again, I saw the work he’d done on you, and he did my makeup once. He’s so talented. There’s no doubt he’s gonna find a new job soon.”
Andrea
chewed on her lip. “He’s been struggling, you know? I’ve seen him at one of his freelance jobs. His work is as beautiful as ever, I know he does courses, keeps up with new products, but he’s much slower than he used to be when he had both hands.”
Anna swallowed hard, unsure what to think about this. “Is that why he got fired?”
Andrea pouted. “Nooo. Gavin is usually a sweetie, but he can have a temper. There was this asshole customer who pushed a tray out of his hand, and Gavin totally flipped.”
“Wait, where did he work? He told me he’s doing makeup,” said Anna, baffled.
Andrea groaned and rolled her eyes. “Right. Of course, he did. He worked with me at the Mad Teacup. He was in a rut after the accident, so I helped him get a job at the café, so he’d have a reason to get out of the house until he gets some freelance jobs.”
Anna slumped into the sofa and dragged her hands down her face. Was there anything else he was lying about? How was she to know? “So why isn’t he talking to me? You know, I keep thinking that maybe I did something that pissed him off.”
“My guess is that he doesn’t want to complain to a girl he likes.” Andrea sighed and poked Anna’s arm.
“Stop it, it’s like you’re stabbing me,” moaned Anna, but held Andrea’s hand and looked into her eyes. “I would have gone and talked to him, but I don’t know where he lives.”
“Well ... why would you?” Andrea raised her eyebrows. “Aren’t you dating other people?”
Anna felt heat flush her face. “W—How do you know?”
“Gavin told me over his fourth pint that he came to see you, and Dan told him you were out on a date.”
Anna almost fell off the couch, blood pulsing hard in her temples. “What the actual fuck? Why would he tell him that? I—” She slid off the seat and rustled her hair, embarrassed. She didn’t want to talk to Andrea about this. “Gavin didn’t want to be exclusive, so yeah, I went on a date. It kind of felt worth it after he stopped responding to my texts,” she said, kicking away some rustled paper. Underneath it all was the simmering anger at Dan. It was none of his business to tell the guys Anna was seeing about where and with whom she was.
“Maybe Dan is jellyyy!” Andrea laughed. “Wants to push away your suitors.”
Anna squinted at her. “Yeah, right. He’s just super awkward and doesn’t get some hints. Now for the important part.” She walked up to Andrea and rapidly leaned forward, startling her. “Where does he live?”
“Anna! You’re freaking me out. I don’t know if I can tell you ...” she said, but the smirk on her face told Anna that she was just teasing.
Anna swatted her on the shoulder, impatient. “Come on, Lolita, don’t be a bitch.”
“You know, Nishiki does need a new faceup ...”
“Done, just spill it out already.” Anna straightened up and put her hands on her hips, impatient to go and see Gavin. If he needed some cheering up, she’d be there to do it.
“Okay, I’ll write it down for you. And I’ll do you a favor and give you the code to the door as well,” Andrea said, looking very happy with herself.
Anna’s hands dropped to her sides. “I love you.”
Chapter 12
Gavin lay in bed with his tablet, mindlessly browsing through an article on celebrity makeup. He’d had half a pizza for breakfast and couldn’t find a reason to leave the house. His life was going nowhere, and his room was the reflection of that fact. From the cluttered shelves to the makeup brushes in the tiny sink on the side and a practice mannequin head with the eye shadows still on, even though it had been a week since Gavin had used it. On top of how bad he was feeling overall, he also caught a cold. Just perfect.
There was some commotion downstairs, and he could hear his roommates talking loudly, but he didn’t know what it was about. Probably some rugby game that was either won or lost. He was ready to walk downstairs for more food as soon as it quieted down, but someone knocked on his door.
“What is it?” he groaned from bed.
“Room service!” called out a voice he knew. He knew it very well.
Gavin’s eyes went wide. What the fuck was Anna doing here? He wasn’t ready for anyone’s visit, let alone Anna’s! He hadn’t done any makeup for the last three days, and his hair was a wet mop after he’d taken a shower just half an hour ago. Not to mention, all he was wearing was a pair of black long johns. There was nowhere to run. He was sure his roommates already told Anna he was in, so he counted to ten and peeked out into the corridor.
“Um, hey,” he muttered through his hand. This was the least he could do not to shock Anna with his acne scars.
Anna squinted at him and pushed at the door, demanding access. “Hey to you too.”
This was it. He couldn’t hide anymore. Anna would see him for what he really was. A lonely loser in a house share, with a messed-up face, and a dirty room. Anna pushed on the door and slipped inside, breaking the last barrier Gavin had. She was there, in her rabbit hoodie and colorful knee socks, with a huge plastic bag smelling of food. Her presence seemed far too big for the tiny room without much leg space between the bed and the cupboard. How could this pathetic dwelling compare to her house in central London?
Anna put the food on Gavin’s cluttered desk and looked around, pulling on the ears of her hoodie right after opening the window.
“I’m ill ...” Gavin muttered from behind his hand, feeling like a cornered rat. What did she come for? How did she get his address? Was she that angry about his silence?
“You sure can talk,” said Anna, turning around to face him with a frown.
He curled his shoulders under the scrutiny of her fiery gaze. The tight long johns left him more bared than being actually naked. Anna was a lot shorter than him yet knew how to be intimidating, leaving Gavin at loss of words.
“What are you doing here?” he mumbled to change the topic.
“You stopped talking to me, and I want to know why,” she said, approaching him, and effectively trapping Gavin against his wardrobe. Her boobs pushed on his chest, distracting him further.
“That’s kinda ... straightforward.” He swallowed.
“Is it?” Anna put her arms across her chest and waited.
Gavin sighed and gave up. He pulled his hand away from his messed-up face. This was it. His face with acne scars and the shadow of a beard. “I just came to the conclusion you’re worth more.” He dared to look into Anna’s eyes, big, brown, and completely focused on him.
She took a deep breath and groaned, curling her hands into fists. “Where did that come from?”
“I mean ... come on, Anna. Look at you. You’ve got it all together. I bet you date new guys all the time. I’m in a bad place. I can barely get new jobs. I’m living off insurance money. If I still had both arms, I wouldn’t have let that guy hit you.” Gavin took a deep breath, wanting to escape his life so bad it hurt.
Anna swallowed a large gulp of air. “I date other guys because you told me you just want an informal thing. And now you’re all depressed because you found out I do go out with someone other than you? I’m so pissed off right now.” Anna walked up to him and gently punched his chest.
“I’m not blaming you for it, am I?” He groaned in frustration and looked away. “I didn’t plan this. Things got out of hand.”
“Yeah, and you just thought I wouldn’t want to see you anymore and started ignoring me? You could have found someone more interesting than me for all I know.”
“I think it would be hard to beat you in that department.” Gavin slowly moved away and sat on the bed. “What was I supposed to do? Throw a jealous fit that you date other guys even though that’s what we agreed on? Be like ‘actually, I take back everything I said, I wanna date you?’” He slouched, completely deflated. He avoided thinking about these things all week, only to have them pushed in his face by Anna’s visit.
Anna walked over to the window and looked out into the backyard filled with clutter and a fridge no one dared to open since
before Gavin moved in here. “Yes. That would have been nice,” she said, turning to face him.
Gavin looked up at her with a frown, so startled he didn’t know what to say. His heart started pounding in his chest, and for once, he dared have hope for something good happening in his life. “Really? You’d like that?”
Anna slouched against the windowsill and looked at her feet in the colorful socks. “You’re such a guy. Why did you think I was up for meeting you almost every day?”
He dared to smirk. “Because you thought I was a secret millionaire?”
Anna snorted. “Where’s the Bentley?”
“I can’t drive,” Gavin said flatly. “Funnily enough, I do have over a million from the insurance money. I just don’t feel comfortable spending it on bullshit.”
Anna slowly looked up at him. “Are you trying to entice me now?”
Gavin gave her a silly grin. “Maybe. Just think of all the dolls I could buy you.”
With a small smile ghosting across her lips, Anna gestured for him to come over. Gavin was sure it would be another trap, but he knew he couldn’t resist, he would fall for it whatever it was. He got up and took the two steps to be close to Anna.
“You look terrible. Like a panda.” Anna finally grinned at him in the open way he always liked. “Did you remove your makeup in the dark or something?”
Gavin sighed. He knew he looked like shit and still had remnants of waterproof makeup around the eyes. “Nah, I couldn’t be bothered for the last few days. I wasn’t expecting you ...”
“Boyfriend, come to me right now,” muttered Anna, reaching out for Gavin.
He snorted and came closer, leaning down for a kiss with a warm feeling settling in his chest. “I like the sound of that, Girlfriend.” If Anna saw him like this and didn’t run away screaming, maybe they did have a shot at something more real? Something that would last?