by Emma Slate
“Not everyone is like that,” Renee insisted. “Which is why I love working at The Rex. I get health benefits without having to work sixty hours a week.”
Alia lifted her drink again. “To The Rex. A good place that brought most of us together.”
“I’ll toast to that,” I said.
“The hottest guy I’ve ever seen is sitting at the bar,” Shawna said, not at all discreet about looking.
“You always say that,” Renee said.
“Yeah, but this time I mean it. Look at him.” Shawna gestured with her chin and we all swiveled our heads to see whom she was talking about. There were three men at the bar. Two of them were middle-aged; one was bald. The third man was Nathan, leaning over the bar, his muscles straining against his sweater.
“Stop salivating, he’s not a steak,” Alia teased Shawna. “But damn. He is hot. And he looks familiar.”
I wondered if Alia would remember that she’d seen Nathan that day in the club when we’d met to catch up. “I could go for a steak,” I said, suddenly ravenous. “And maybe a baked potato.”
Lacey shot me an amused look and shook her head.
“Would you guys hate me if I just hit on him for like five minutes, gave him my number, and came back?” Shawna asked us.
“Five minutes?” Renee repeated. “Really?”
“Five minutes,” Shawna assured us as she got up from her chair. She adjusted her shirt, pulling it down ever so slightly before sauntering towards the bar. Shawna went right to Nathan, and I was intrigued to see how my bodyguard was going to handle it.
A moment later we all heard Nathan’s robust laugh. True to her word, Shawna returned, a smug smile on her face.
“Someone mentioned something about a steak?” she asked.
Chapter 43
I made it until midnight.
The ladies wanted to move from a wine bar to a club and that’s when I made my graceful, sober exit.
Nathan and I stopped for falafels on the way back to The Rex, which gave me a chance to grill him about his exchange with Shawna.
“A gentleman never tells,” he quipped with roguish grin, earning him a smile from me.
The penthouse was quiet when I got home. All the lights were off except for a lamp in the living room. I struggled out of my boots and unbuttoned the top button of my jeans as I made my way to the bedroom.
My men were asleep. I briefly checked on Hawk and then quickly undressed, threw on pajamas, and then wormed my way under the covers next to Flynn.
His arm snaked around me and brought me close. “You’re back,” he said sleepily, his lips brushing my forehead.
“Hmm,” I mumbled closing my eyes.
“How was it?”
“Tell you tomorrow.”
The next morning, Flynn woke me with a cup of coffee and an already fed Hawk.
I sat up in bed, the covers around me and reached for the coffee. “So, you both survived last night without me.”
Flynn grinned. “It was touch and go there for a moment, but yes, we survived.”
I nodded thoughtfully. “So, calling Ash every five minutes last night…”
“Damn it. I begged her not to tell you,” Flynn grumbled. “It was fine. At first. He likes you better than me.”
“Of course, I’m his mother,” I teased, reaching out to touch Flynn’s cheek. “He’ll like you better when he needs your advice on how to get girls to notice him. But by that time, all your moves will be considered old-school.”
“You’re a cruel lass,” Flynn said, leaning over and brushing his lips against mine. “You seem surprisingly clear-headed this morning. Didn’t you drink last night?”
I shook my head. “Just a glass of wine. Didn’t feel like drinking.”
Flynn squeezed my leg through the comforter. “I have a few calls to make.”
I nodded and watched him leave the bedroom. After coffee, I ambled my way into the shower. Flynn was finishing up on the phone when I came into the living room, pulling my wet hair into a ponytail.
“Everything okay?” I asked.
He nodded. “That was Duncan. Arlington was spotted outside his London club.”
“Who’s giving you the information?” I demanded. “Are you paying for it? Because you know—”
“The Russians,” Flynn interrupted.
“The Russians? You mean Sasha?”
“Aye. He sent some of his most trusted men to help.” He looked at me in confusion. “You didn’t know?”
I shook my head. “You didn’t tell me. Neither did he.”
“He apologized for not being able to do it himself, so he sent men in his stead,” Flynn explained.
I’d been spending most of my mornings the last couple of weeks kickboxing with Sasha and he never mentioned anything to me. Why?
“Let me guess. This means you’re leaving sooner?”
Flynn got up off the couch and came to me. He wrapped me in his arms and pressed his chin to my head. “I hate it too.”
I helped Flynn pack which didn’t take long since he hadn’t brought much. Before I knew it, he was carting his suitcase to the elevator. I was tired of saying goodbye and I vowed this would be the last time I’d have to do it.
“I’m a pretty understanding wife, wouldn’t you say?” I asked him.
Flynn smiled. “The most understanding.”
“And you would do anything to make me happy?”
“Anything,” he agreed.
I hauled him to me and pressed my lips to his. “Then come home to me in one piece. And when you do, we’re taking Hawk and going on a month long vacation.”
He tucked strands of hair behind my ears and then cradled my face. “That sounds pretty good to me. You pick the place.” With one final kiss, he left.
Ash came over and we commiserated, spending the day watching movies and eating take-out.
“Have you and Duncan talked about where you’re going to go on your honeymoon—when all this is over?” I asked.
“I really want to go to Portugal. Duncan doesn’t care as long as I’m naked most of the time.”
We both laughed.
“He wants kids. Like right away,” Ash said.
“And you?”
“Eh, I think I could be talked into it, but I’m happy to wait and babysit yours in the mean time.”
I shook my head. “It’s kind of insane. If you’d have told me two years ago that I’d be married with a baby I would’ve laughed in your face.”
“Guess you really got over not wanting kids, huh?” she teased.
“I’m just glad it’s with Flynn. I wouldn’t want anyone else’s babies.”
“You’re getting really good,” Sasha said as he released the sandbag.
I removed my gloves, tossed them aside, and reached for a towel. “Thanks.”
“Is it helping?”
“Yeah, I think so.” It was hard to tell what helped me sleep at night. It could be the kickboxing. Or it might be that I’d had a talk with my conscience about feeling guilty over things I couldn’t change.
I had to live in the present—it was the only way to survive.
“I didn’t expect a place as classy as The Rex to have a kickboxing section of the gym.”
“It was my doing,” I explained. Though we’d been practicing at Sasha’s place, this morning I finally asked him to The Rex.
“Are you going to have a kickboxing gym put into your home in Dornoch?” he asked.
I took a drink of water before answering. “Haven’t thought about it, actually.”
“No? Why not?”
“Trying not to think too far in advance,” I admitted. “By the way, there’s something we should talk about. Why didn’t you tell me you sent men to help Flynn?”
Sasha drank from his water bottle and looked away. “I guess I didn’t want you to know because I didn’t want you to feel guilty or feel that you were manipulating me again without trying to.”
I groaned. “Why? Why is this all
so fucked up? Why can’t we have a normal friendship?”
In two strides, Sasha was in front of me, pulling me into his arms.
“What are you doing?” I demanded, panic in my voice.
“What I should’ve done months ago.”
“And what’s that?”
“Proving there’s something more between us than just friendship.”
His mouth covered mine. There was passion and unrequited love behind his kiss. I felt something; an ember of desire and given enough fanning, it would blaze into an inferno.
“Is that what you want?” I growled against his mouth. “Proof?”
I yanked him closer, tearing at him, becoming the aggressor. His hands were everywhere, stroking my curves, taunting and teasing.
When I deemed it enough, I bit down on his lip, tasting blood. His breath hitched, startled out of his desirous trance. He took a step back from me, breathing hard, like he’d run a marathon. I felt like I was looking at him from far away, my vision narrow.
“Whatever debt I’ve incurred, it’s been repaid. You touch me again, I’ll kill you.”
I entered the penthouse to find Lacey and Ash on the floor with Hawk. Lacey was fiddling with her camera, snapping pictures. We were supposed to have our first ‘photo shoot’, but I was in no mood. I wanted a soak in the tub and time to myself.
I’d blown my friendship with Sasha to smithereens. I’d kissed a man who wasn’t my husband.
But I’d learned recently that there was no room for guilt.
And my heart belonged to Flynn.
“Hi,” Ash greeted, her voice bright and chipper.
“Hi,” I mumbled, heading to the fridge, so I had an excuse to hide my face.
“How was your workout?” Lacey asked.
“Good. Thanks.”
“Great. So do you want to take a quick shower and then we can start—”
“I’m really not up for this today,” I said, speaking nothing but the truth.
Lacey peered at me. “You okay? You look really pale.”
I nodded. “I’m fine. I just don’t have the energy for this today.”
“Okay,” Lacey said with a nod. I could tell she was disappointed, but I didn’t have the reserves to take care of anyone else’s feelings at the moment.
I wanted to climb into the tub and then call Flynn on the burner phone. I needed to hear his voice and for him to tell me the choices I’d been making weren’t all selfish and deplorable—that I wasn’t turning into a sociopath. I wasn’t sure anymore. I killed to protect those I loved. But if I really felt that way why couldn’t I reconcile it?
Could I really reconcile anything? Maybe I just buried my feelings deep in my psyche and they were rotting me from the inside out.
“Barrett?” Ash asked.
“Yeah?” I turned my head to look at her.
She looked at me in confusion. “Are you sure you’re okay? I was talking to you and you didn’t even hear me.”
“Didn’t sleep well,” I said.
She nodded like that made sense. “Flynn left and now you’re back to not sleeping. I get it.”
I rubbed my third eye. I could use a massage, but I didn’t get them anymore due to the trauma surrounding them. First kidnapped and then almost choked to death.
Sasha had saved me. Our friendship had begun in debt.
God, what I wouldn’t give to be able to drink it all away, drown myself in scotch and Flynn.
Lacey set her camera aside and got up off the floor. She came over to me, her brow furrowed. “Do you want us to go?”
I nodded.
Ash picked up Hawk and brought him to me. “I just fed him so he should be good for a little while.”
“Thanks,” I said as I took my son into my arms. I breathed in the scent of him and closed my eyes to savor it.
I heard my friends leave and knew they were talking about me all the way down to the lobby.
Chapter 44
Snow began to fall and I found the white flakes soothing. A blanket of silence.
My cell phone rang again. With a look of disgust, I silenced it. It had been three days since my encounter with Sasha, and he’d been calling nonstop since then. I’d already called down to the front desk and removed him from the approved visitor’s list just in case he had the audacity to try to come up to the penthouse.
I felt like a prisoner in my own home and my cell phone was holding me hostage. The only reason it was still on was because I didn’t know if or when Flynn was going to call. Our communication had been sparse since he’d left New York. I knew he and Duncan had gone to London to follow the Arlington lead.
My cell rang, but it was Lacey’s name that flashed across the screen. I picked up. “Hello?”
“Hello. You’ve been avoiding my calls,” she said.
“I’ve been avoiding everyone’s calls, so don’t take it personally.”
“You’re home, right?”
“Yes,” I said.
“Good. Ash and I are in the lobby. We’re holding bags of Thai take-out and we want a girls’ night.”
I groaned. They knew I loved Thai.
“But Hawk is here,” I said, suddenly feeling lighter than I had in days.
“He’s the one man I’ll allow at our girls’ night,” Lacey said with a chuckle. “So is it okay if we come up?”
“Yes. I’d love to see you guys.” I sprung up from the couch to get out plates and silverware. The elevator doors chimed and then opened. Lacey and Ash stepped out. Both looked gorgeous and fresh—and not at all weighed down by life. I envied them.
I hugged both of them and said, “You’re not allowed to comment on the fact that I’ve been MIA.”
“Wasn’t planning on it,” Ash obviously lied.
Lacey took the bags of take-out to the kitchen table and began to unload enough food to feed five people. Challenge accepted! I’d eat my weight in curry and that would definitely improve my mood, though the company was doing a fair job of that.
“Why do you guys always look like you’re dressed to go out?” I asked them.
“What do you mean?” Lacey asked.
“Like, both of you have done your hair, put on makeup, picked out a cute outfit—but if you were coming here, why the need to impress?”
“Awww, you’re feeling frumpy, aren’t you?” Ash asked in understanding.
“Not frumpy but definitely not on your level. I should try more.”
Lacey and Ash exchanged a confused look. “Okay,” Lacey said. “What’s really going on?”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“I mean, you’ve been underground for a few days and now you’re all worried about your appearance?” Lacey said.
“Yeah, Barrett. That was never like you,” Ash added.
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “I had a fight with Sasha a few days ago and I’ve been out of sorts since.”
“A fight? You guys have been as thick as thieves,” Ash said.
I shrugged, not willing to go into details about what had occurred. I took a bite of the curry and wrinkled my nose. It tasted foul. I chewed it quickly and then washed it down with some water.
“Pass the Pad Thai, please,” I said.
Ash handed me the container and I lifted it to my nose and sniffed. It smelled good, so I dumped some of it onto my plate.
“Uh, Barrett?” Lacey asked.
“Hmm?”
“Why did you just sniff the Pad Thai?”
“Because the curry tasted funny and I wanted to be sure the Pad Thai was good,” I explained.
Ash reached over to my plate and scooped up a bite of curry and stuck it into her mouth. She frowned. “The curry tastes fine.”
“It tastes like garbage,” I said.
“Let me taste,” Lacey said. She chewed for a moment and then swallowed before saying, “Yeah, it’s fine. Really good actually.”
“Huh, maybe I got a bad forkful,” I said, taking another sample. It was halfway to my mouth
when an unpleasant aroma wafted up my nose. I shook my head. “Nope, it stinks!”
Lacey and Ash dropped the line of conversation and we ate for a few minutes in silence. Ash finally broke it.
“So, you’ve been really tired lately.”
I shrugged. “Yeah. I wasn’t sleeping well.”
“Are you sleeping well now?” Lacey prodded.
“Really well.”
“Are you napping?” Ash asked.
I frowned. “I guess. Sometimes when Hawk goes down for his afternoon nap, I take one too.”
Lacey and Ash exchanged a look.
“What?” I demanded. “What’s that look for?”
“And you’ve been kind of…” Lacey trailed off.
“Moody,” Ash supplied. “Totally moody.”
“Well, I guess,” I allowed. “Because I hate being separated from Flynn.”
Lacey let out a sigh. “Barrett, is there any chance you might be pregnant?”
I laughed. “Pregnant! Are you kidding? Have you guys been drinking?”
They both stared at me with serious expressions. My laughter fizzled out. “I can’t be,” I protested weakly. “I mean, it’s totally ridiculous. We’ve been using protection. Plus, I read that it’s really hard to get pregnant when you’re breastfeeding.”
“But you weren’t always breastfeeding,” Ash said slowly. “What about when Hawk was gone?”
“I was still pumping. Not a lot, but enough—I wanted to make sure I could still breastfeed when we found Hawk.”
I thought back to night we’d found Hawk in Edinburgh. So much had happened and I’d been running on no sleep. Things were hazy. A flash of Flynn and I in the bathroom, him taking me on the sink counter.
I dropped my fork and it clattered on the plate. “Oh, God.”
Lacey reached over and grabbed my hand. Ash jumped up from her chair and headed to the master bedroom.
“What are you doing?” I called out, feeling like all the blood was rushing from my head.
“Remember when I brought you pregnancy tests?” Ash yelled back. “I’m seeing if you still have them.”
“Medicine cabinet,” I squeaked, somehow managing to get up. Lacey followed me and just as we reached the bathroom, Ash popped her head out, holding up an EPT box.