by Jeff Shelby
He adjusted the sunglasses and pushed himself out of the chair. “First time I’ve ever heard you laugh.”
“I haven’t had much reason to lately.”
“Been there,” Ike said. “Whatever the reason is, I’m glad for you.”
I wasn’t sure there was a reason yet, but I appreciated his words. “Thanks.”
“I’m gonna make a couple calls and I’ll get you what you need,” he said, checking his watch. “And if you need anything else—today, tomorrow or whenever—you let me know.”
I held out my hand. “Thanks, Ike. For everything. You probably saved my life.”
We shook hands and his mouth twisted into a frown. “Don’t be so dramatic, kid. I ain’t capable of that kinda shit.”
“Yeah,” I said. “You are. You did. Thank you. I’ll find a way to repay you some day.”
“Get going before I start crying or something, alright?” he said. “You’ll have what you need soon.”
I walked up the dunes, hoping Ike was right. Not just about the guns, but about everything else, too.
FORTY-SIX
“I’ll go,” Bella said.
I was back at her house and she and Alex were at the dining room table, their chairs pulled close together. Her eyes were red and her shoulders sagged with exhaustion, but she spoke clearly.
“With Jackson,” she corrected. “I’ll go with Jackson.”
I looked at Alex and he nodded.
“Okay,” I said. “So you’re packed? Ready?”
She shook her head. “He tried to get me to.”
“Took me awhile to convince her,” Alex said. “One battle at a time.”
“That’s fine,” I said. “Two hours enough time?”
“Two hours?” she asked, her eyes widening. “Are you serious?”
“I wanna get you moved before we go get Jax,” I said. “Anything goes wrong, we need to make sure you’re safe.”
Her shoulders rose up, panic in her face. “What could go wrong?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “I’m being cautious. So we need to make sure you’re safe and protected. I don’t want anyone to be able to find you but us.”
She glanced at Alex.
“It’ll be fine,” he assured her. “We’ll move you somewhere for just a bit while we go get him and bring him back. Then we’re outta here.”
“A hotel would be good,” I said. “Someplace that needs keycards to access elevators. And it wouldn’t draw any attention bringing in whatever you’re taking with you.”
“Are we staying here another night?” she asked.
“No,” I said. “As soon as we have him, we’re gone. Hotel is simply to keep you safe and make you tough to find.”
“We can put you there, go get him, come back and get you and be on our way,” Alex said. “Out of here.”
She sighed and folded her arms across her chest, digesting all of our words. She glanced between me and Alex several times.
“We’ll drive to San Diego?” she said.
“No,” I said. “You, Alex and Jax will fly. I’ll drive with your stuff.”
“Really?” Alex asked, surprised.
“Yeah,” I said. “We need to get them out of here and on their way. I don’t want them going alone, so you need to go with them. Don’t worry about tickets. I’ve got it covered.”
“But you won’t fly with us,” Bella said.
I shook my head.
“Because you can’t,” she said.
I shrugged. “It’ll take me a couple days, but I’ll get there.”
“You’re gonna go back?” Alex asked. “For sure?”
“Yeah,” I said. “I’m going back.”
It was the first time I’d said it out loud and it sounded strange coming out of my mouth. I wasn’t saying it just to say it, though. I was going back. To face everything.
I didn’t know what would happen. But I was going back.
“So we need to get moving,” I said. “You need to figure out what you need to take and what you can leave. I’ll have a decent amount of space to take your things, but if there’s stuff you can leave, then leave it.”
“We don’t need much,” she said. “Clothes. Toys. Some pictures and stuff.” She glanced around the room. “The rest can stay.”
“Furniture’s yours?”
“Yeah.”
“I’ll get it sold and we’ll get you the money,” I said, thinking of another task for Ike. “What about rent? You on a lease?”
She shook her head. “No. Month to month.”
“Good.” I added that to Ike's list. “We'll get your deposit back.”
“I don’t care,” she said. “I just want Jackson back. Then we can go. I just wanna be gone and done with all of this.”
“Soon,” I said. “We’ll be gone soon.”
FORTY-SEVEN
Alex left to go find a hotel room. We figured his name was the smartest to get the room under in case anyone went looking. I didn’t expect anything like that to happen, but I felt like I’d already let Bella down once by being a bit careless. I wasn’t going to overlook anything this time, no matter how unnecessary it seemed.
She found a couple of small roller bags and several old duffle bags. She was slow at first, moving around her room without any idea of what she was doing. I didn’t push and let her figure it out for herself. After awhile, she started pulling clothes out of her dresser and closet, stacking them in organized piles. She filled one of the rollers and two of the duffels, including things from the bathroom and several framed pictures of her and Jackson.
We moved to Jackson’s room and she was quicker in there, tossing his stuffed animals into one of the duffels, along with two blankets and his pillow. She emptied his dresser, filling the roller with all of his small clothing.
“We have to take the Legos,” she said, her voice firm.
I reached under his bed and pulled out the long plastic bins, stacking them on his bed. “No problem. I’ll make sure I’ve got enough room to take whatever he needs.”
She glanced around the room. “I’m tempted to take all of this, but then I think maybe just starting out new would be good. Give him a whole new room with all new stuff.”
“Not a bad idea.”
“Just not sure how I’m gonna afford it.”
“Don’t worry about money,” I said. “You’ll have money.”
“How do you know?”
“You’ll have money, Bella,” I said. “I’m not gonna get you out there and leave you high and dry. Trust me.”
She sat down on the edge of his bed and ran her hand along one of the Lego bins, her fingers playing with the rectangular latch.
“We’ll get him back, right?” She didn’t look at me.
“Yes.”
“And…” she hesitated. “I can trust Alex, right?”
“Yeah. You can trust him.”
“With Jackson, too?”
I nodded. “I think so.”
“He told me who he used to be,” she said.
I didn’t say anything.
“He didn’t have to,” she said. “But I think he wanted to. Like he didn’t want me wondering about him or finding out from someone else.”
“That’s good,” I said.
“I’m not used to honest people,” Bella said, fiddling with the latch. “First you, then Alex. I’m used to liars and fakes and frauds. I’m not sure I know what to do with you guys. I’m not sure I fit in.”
“You fit in just fine.”
“My entire life I’ve attracted liars,” she said, shaking her head. “People who just sucked. People who hurt me. And others. I’ve always thought I was a magnet, like I couldn’t escape them no matter what I did. I just accepted it, thought that was who I was supposed to be with, to surround myself with.” She un-clicked the latch on the container, then clicked it back shut. “And now you guys are here and I’m not sure I deserve any of this.”
“Bella,” I said.
S
he stared at the container.
“Bella,” I said. “Look at me.”
She finally moved her head toward me, her eyes shining with tears.
“You are going to be fine,” I said. “This isn’t about deserving. This is about pulling you out of a situation that you couldn’t get out of by yourself. This is about giving Jackson the life I think you want to give him.”
She nodded and wiped at her eyes. “I know. You’re right. I’m just not used to it. I don’t want to screw up. I feel like I already have, you know?”
“You won’t screw up,” I said. “We’ll help you.”
“I’m pretty good at screwing up,” she said, shaking her head. “Like, really good.”
“I don’t see that,” I said. “All I’ve seen is a mom who’s trying pretty hard to take care of her little boy. By herself. And doing a pretty damn good job.”
“I put him in danger,” she said. “This is my fault.”
“It isn’t anyone’s fault,” I said. “David Hanson took your son. And he’s going to be sorry he did.”
She nodded, her eyes damp and fierce. “Yes. He will be.”
“And when we get him back, you’re going to have a chance to leave all of this behind and start new. Close this chapter and start a new one.”
She stood from the bed and wiped her eyes. “I know. Sorry. Just having a woe-is-me moment.” She stared at me. “I won’t screw up. I won’t waste the opportunity you’re giving me. I promise.”
“Good,” I said. “I’m glad.”
She hugged me then, squeezing me around the neck. It was different than the previous time she’d tried to hug me. She didn’t fit herself to me, she didn’t caress me. She just gripped me tight. She was grateful and she wanted me to know.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
“You’re welcome,” I said.
She pulled back and stared into my eyes. “And I hope David Hanson dies today.”
FORTY-EIGHT
Alex came back, driving an SUV.
I walked out to the driveway and he handed me the keys. “Figured I might as well put that in my name, too. I just kicked in the other rental and got something with more room.”
“Perfect,” I said.
He held up the key cards. “Got the room, too. We can check in whenever she’s ready.”
Bella came outside. “I think I’ve got everything together.”
“You think you’ll be okay by yourself tonight for a little while?” I asked her. “I’m gonna need Alex to come with me.”
“To get Jackson?” she asked.
I nodded.
Uneasiness crept into her eyes, but she nodded. “I’ll be okay.”
“One other thing I forgot to ask you about,” I said. “Your car. I’d rather that you leave it.”
“I sorta need a car,” she said.
“We’ll get you another in San Diego.”
“Are you like made of money or something?” she asked.
“No,” I said. “But if you aren’t attached to it, we’ll get you another one there. Be easier than trying to get yours there. And then we can leave the rental at the hotel with you and drive yours tonight.”
“I don’t care. I just want Jackson.”
“Let’s load up then,” I said.
It took us half an hour to get all of their things in the SUV and then another twenty minutes to get to the hotel—Alex and Bella in the SUV, me following in her car. The room was on the ninth floor and looked out over the Gulf, the blue-green water stretching endlessly on the horizon.
“When we leave, you don’t answer the door for anyone,” I said. “Me or Alex, that’s it. And one of us will come up to get you when we get back. Keep your phone on. Don’t answer the room phone. If we call, we’ll call your cell. Alex is going to leave his gun with you. If anyone comes in here but us, you use it.”
The uneasiness grew in her eyes.
“Look, all of this is overkill,” I said. “No one but the two of us know you’re here. Once we get there, they won’t be going anywhere. The only ones coming to get you are gonna be us and Jackson.”
She bit her lip and nodded. “I hope so.”
I wanted to reassure her, but there was no point and I didn’t blame her. Until her son was back, she was going to be anxious.
“We should go,” I said to Alex.
He nodded and stood there awkwardly for a moment.
“I’ll meet you out in the hall,” I said.
I left the room and shut the door behind me. A minute later, Alex joined me in the hall.
“Thanks,” he said.
“Figured you might be able to reassure her more than me at this point,” I said.
“I dunno,” he said. “I guess. She’s scared.”
“She trusts you,” I said. “If you told her it’ll be okay, it’ll help.”
“I did.”
“Then we’re good. Think she could use the gun if she had to?”
He glanced at the door, then back at me. “Yeah. Think so.”
We took the elevator down to the parking garage and I drove Bella’s Accord out and onto the highway. I checked the mirrors carefully to make sure we didn’t have any unfriendly followers, but didn’t see anyone.
I parked the car in the cul-de-sac outside my place and told Alex to wait for me.
Stepping into the garage that had been my home for the past few months was a weird feeling. I knew it would be the last time I’d see it. It wasn’t a place I’d miss but yet I still felt attached to it. I knew every nook and cranny in the space, the product of too many sleepless nights. It would be odd to never see it again.
There were two guns on my bed, along with a note from Ike.
Noah, I got you three. One auto was all I could come up with. No charge and don’t argue. Be safe. Ike
The two handguns on the blanket were both HK-45s. There was no automatic weapon with them.
I smiled.
I grabbed the beat-up backpack off the nail on the wall and tossed in the few articles of clothing I owned. Everything else in the place was there when Ike had given me the key. I laid the guns in the backpack on top of the clothes, zipped it up and slung it over my shoulder.
I took a deep breath.
Several months before, I’d done the same thing. Packed up quickly and left a place I felt comfortable in. Now, I was doing it again. There was no going back.
I had no way of knowing if I was doing the right thing. It felt like so long since I’d had an internal compass, that innate sense that told me I was doing the right or wrong thing. I’d been drifting for too long, rudderless. I hadn’t made a real decision in—I couldn’t remember how long.
But now, I was making a decision.
I was just letting Liz’s voice guide me.
FORTY-NINE
“I probably should’ve said something awhile ago, but how exactly are we going to do this?” Alex asked.
I’d pulled the car to a stop several blocks away from where I’d parked earlier in the day in Hanson’s neighborhood and cut the engine. I handed him one of the guns Ike left for me.
“We’re going to wait for a sign,” I said.
“A sign?”
“Yeah. A sign. We’ll know when to go in.”
“What kind of sign?”
“I don’t know.”
He stared at me.
“Just trust me,” I told him. “We’ll know.”
“And we’re just going in the front door?”
“Yep.”
He stared straight ahead for a moment, then turned back to me. “A sign?”
“A sign.”
He blinked. “Alright.”
“I’ll go in first and you can cover me,” I said. “But it’ll be safe.”
He shook his head, disbelieving, but said, “You say so.”
We got out of the car and I tucked the gun into the band of my shorts, beneath my T-shirt. I honestly wasn’t sure if I’d even need it if everything went according to pla
n. Alex came around to me on the sidewalk and we walked slowly in the direction of Hanson’s house.