“Monti, I have had a great time with you during the times we have spent together. Yesterday seemed to be a departure from our normal and I am hoping that this was just an isolated incident and that there will be no repeats.”
“I am going to work very hard to make this up to you. I have to work on some things in my life but I know that you could help me through it. I vow to give you all of my time energy and effort if you would let me.”
“Alright, Monti. I am willing to give this another try. I will be honest with you…I was not going to do this but you seem to be willing to do the work that is ahead of you. I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination but I am willing to do my own work, as well.”
“Ok, here you gentlemen are one coffee for you and a second for you. Were you ready to place your order?” The server asked interrupting the conversation.
“No, I am not ready yet. Can you give me a few more moments?” Monti asked.
“Sure not a problem just wave at me when you are ready.” she said as she walked away.
“I can’t say how sorry I am for what I did. In my last few relationships, I had to do stuff to find out what was going on. My exes would keep stuff going on and I was stuck in the end looking like a fool because I trusted them and should have known better.”
“Monti, you cannot hold me captive with the things that others did to you. Your past is your past and what helped form you to the person you are today but there comes a time where you are going to have to check your baggage. It is not fair to me and this relationship that you bring this stuff to it.”
“I can’t argue with you on that one. You are right.”
“I know so many people that live in the pain and hurt of past relationships and have allowed those hurts to destroy their present and future relationships. Broken people will only allow the brokenness to cause destruction to everything around them. These people leave a trail of destruction behind them and they don’t realize that they are doing this. I hope that you seriously consider what I am telling you. I had to do my work and get rid of my baggage so that I was ready and prepared for a relationship. I felt that you had some issues that were not adequately addressed. That is why I have some apprehensions about being in a monogamous relationship with you. I hope that you will address them swiftly so we don’t become casualties of that brokenness.”
Monti waved at the server and she came back. They both ordered their breakfast and continued their conversation. As the food was brought to the table, Monti said grace for the table.
“Monti, you said you are going to be monogamous, is that still your intention?”
“Yes, I have been monogamous since we first met.” Monti lied.
“I will consider that we are in a committed relationship. If something changes with this commitment…let me know and we can address the situation there. Ok?”
“Sure.”
“Monti, tell me what your definition of cheating is?”
“Cheating is doing something with someone other than your partner that you would not do with your partner sitting there.”
“It is not always just sex?”
“No, it can be having inappropriate conversations on the phone and all that too.”
“You have some restrictive definitions of cheating. Make sure you are not doing that stuff too. What about taking people’s phone numbers?”
“Hell yeah, that is cheating. Why the hell would you want another dude’s number when you are in a relationship?”
“I am not saying that I want someone else’s number. I am just asking so that I can get a full and complete understanding.”
“That is cool. I can’t tell you how good this feels.”
“I just want to move from this and enjoy the rest of this relationship.”
“I picture us growing old together. Sitting in rocking chairs on the porch together.” Monti said excitedly.
“That is a good picture. I can only imagine.”
They both finished their breakfast. They paid their server and both left the restaurant. In the parking lot, Cameron asked Monti what his plan was for the evening. Monti said he had rehearsal at church. Cameron only planned to go shopping at the outlet mall in Howell, Michigan. Monti suggested that after Cameron got done shopping that he call Monti. Monti wanted to spend the night with Cameron and so he told Cameron to come over later even if he was still in rehearsal. Cameron agreed, so they hugged each other and got in their respective vehicles and left for the day with promise that they would see each other later that night.
Cameron had heard the same lines from Monti previously and had forgiven him before. He was thinking with his heart rather than his head. The sex the two shared was great but a relationship was based on more than just sex. Cameron did not realize that when sex was the foundation of a relationship, it was destined to falter and crumble.
Cameron went home to put his flowers in water. He knew that they would be good for at least a week. Before he left, Cameron pulled out his laptop. He signed into his A4A account and deleted his profile. He went to check his email and found out that the application he put in for a new job in finance was received and that they wanted to set up time for an interview. Cameron took the number from the email and put it in his wallet. He had an hour of driving before him so what better way to kill two birds with one stone. Cameron left out the house with a sense of accomplishment. He was cultivating a new relationship and had an interview. If he could get an interview, Cameron knew he could land the job.
* * * * *
Monti headed to his place with a feeling that he won. Monti had very competitive ways and he was not going to lose because he could not control his insecure impulses. This was an internal battle between Monti and his demons. Monti did not know that when his phone rang, his demons would put Monti to a test not even twenty minutes from leaving Cameron. Monti was driving back home when his phone rang.
“Hello?”
“Hey Darryl. How are you doing?”
“I am good. Who is this?” Answering to another pseudonym.
“This is Allen. You know we exchanged contact information yesterday morning on A4A. My name online is ‘Rockurworld’.”
“Oh yeah, hey man. What is up with you?”
“I wondered what was up with you. When you gonna let me rock your world?”
Monti thought about it. He knew that Cameron was going to be gone most of the day. The day was fresh and Monti needed to get a release because the stress of the incident yesterday. He knew he just made peace with Cameron but he could not fight the urge to show this guy that he could not rock everyone’s world. “When you wanna rock this?” Monti said before he knew what he was saying.
“Shit, I am free now. I live in Southfield. Where are you?”
“I am just headed home from out by Metro airport. I had to drop one of my partners off at the airport.”
“Cool. I will text you my address. You should be here in about half an hour from where you are now. Is that cool?”
“You got it man…just make sure you are ready for me.”
“Aiight, man. I got this. You just be able to back up all the shit you was talking ‘bout yesterday.”
Monti headed up the Southfield freeway to Allen’s place, where he rocked Allen’s world. Allen was speechless when Monti was done with him. Monti knew that he was the man and this was just another notch in his belt. Allen was another conquest that Monti conquered. However, immediately after his escapade, Monti knew that he had messed up again as he felt the weight of what he had just done. He knew that he had to get it together and address all the lies. If he messed up to the point of Cameron finding out, Monti knew that the man that he was falling in love with would walk out of his life for good. Monti knew he was going to have to keep his extracurricular activities on the down low until he was able to conquer his internal tormentors for good.
* * * * *
Cameron was driving up towards the outlet mall when he called to set up the interview.
“Hello, may I speak to Mr. Welsh?” Cameron asked.
“May I tell him who is calling?” responded a professional sounding lady.
“This is Cameron McNeil. I am calling him regarding an email he sent me about a job interview.”
“Sure, just one moment.”
Cameron was excited about this new possibility. He loved his job because it allowed him to see the world. Cameron did not have to worry about seeing his boss on a daily basis and he did not have to work with the same people every trip but he wanted more for his life. Cameron was always trying to improve his life; he needed continual progression in his career. As a flight attendant, Cameron was stuck with no upward mobility. Sure he could have become a flight attendant manager but the turnover in that position was considerably high. Cameron had five different managers in the span of ten years. He felt that ten years was a good enough time to make a change. The money was good but there was little room for Cameron to make more money.
“Hi, Mr. McNeil, this is Jack Welsh. Thank you for responding to my email.”
“Thank you, Mr. Welsh, for considering my application.”
“Our recruitment department reviewed your application and sent it over to my office for consideration for our Senior Branch Account Executive position. I like your experience in customer service and would like to see if I can bring you in for an interview. Is this something that you are still interested in pursuing?”
“Of course. I appreciate you taking the time to consider me for such a position.”
“Great. I am looking at my calendar and I have next Tuesday available at 1:00 pm. Is that date good for you?”
“Sure that is about two weeks away. That would be perfect.”
“Great. I am looking forward to seeing you then. Have a great day and you take care.”
“Thank you Mr. Welsh. You do the same.”
Cameron could not help but to smile. He felt that this was going to be a good change of pace for him. He wanted to tell someone the good news about the interview but did not want to jinx the successful outcome of the new job perspective. Cameron just looked to the heavens and thanked God for the job in advance.
Chapter Twenty-One
So Pissed Off
Cameron woke up at 8:00 am so that he could pack his bag for his trip this afternoon. He was feeling more and more tired of his current employer. He was tired of being in the negotiating stage of this epic battle between Management and Labor. The union claimed they were fighting for the rights of flight attendants working now and those that are to come. Management was looking at their bottom line. They even went as far to send out a message to the flight attendant staff that said:
On behalf of management, we are committed to working with the current Union leadership to come to an amicable labor agreement with the flight attendants to provide equitable wages and other benefits. We want the rank and staff members to know that time is of the essence for the survival of our company. Every work force employed on company property will be asked for concessions to get our company through these economic hard times. As it stands there are three more unions on the property that management is negotiating with and we hope to wrap up negotiations within a few more months.
To address the current policy, if a flight attendant were to become incapacitated on a layover or on duty, the company will fly the body back to the employee’s home of record. Once that is complete, the company will send a bill for service to the next-of-kin for payment for these services. This is different from non-employees who must pay prior to shipment of remains.
If there are any questions, please direct them to your Union representatives or your respective flight attendant manager.
Senior Management
It was at that moment where Cameron knew that he had to make a change. This company did not care about its employees and had no problem adding insult to injury. Cameron was still enraged at the statement made by the CEO, in a town hall meeting, that flight attendants should “live within their means” instead of demanding higher pay. Something had to change, because Cameron could not give management a human heart, he decided to work on changing careers. Added to this equation was the now four-month relationship between him and Monti.
Monti still had concerns and issues with Cameron being a flight attendant. Though he did not go to great lengths as before, he did make it known to Cameron on a regular basis that he didn’t like that he was gone all the time. Cameron only worked about sixteen days a month on average and was home at least two weeks each month but that was not the issue. The issue was Monti’s insecurities that continued to grow and get the best of him.
Cameron had run his errands and was back at home preparing for work. He took the plastic off his uniform he just picked up from the cleaners, and laid it out on his bed. He pulled out his black Kenneth Cole shoes he had bought at the outlet mall last month when he landed his interview. Cameron loved the look of his uniform with the perfect creases in his pants. He loved heavy starch on his shirt. Cameron loved listening to music…it motivated him and always put him in a good mood. He used music as therapy. If he was feeling some type of way, he was able to find in his vast music collection something to counter his mood. Cameron put on Angie Stone’s Mahogany Soul cd before he jumped in the shower.
Cameron remembered back to when he first was introduced to Ms. Stone. He went to a friend’s house for New Year’s Eve 2001 to 2002 after he left watch night service at church. His friend asked him had he heard Angie Stone’s new album. Cameron had not even heard of Angie Stone, yet alone her new album. He played the song Bottles & Cans and Cameron was hooked to the point that he went and picked up the CD when the stores opened the next day. Cameron missed the soul in music. Many of the singers that were coming around did not have soul. Music seemed to have lost the message but Ms. Stone surely brought back the message and soul to music.
Cameron listened to Soul Insurance as he showered and got ready for work. Today was going to be a good day for him, he was feeling empowered. Cameron had a good life, bills were paid and a new job on the horizon. His relationship was rocky, at best, but he was dedicated to making it work. Cameron drove his ten-minute drive to the airport and was waiting on the shuttle bus to come when his phone rang. He looked at the caller ID and saw that it was Monti. Cameron answered the phone.
“Hey Monti. What’s up?”
“Not much here man. I am at work and just took a break. I wanted to talk to you.”
“No problem, I am just waiting on my bus to come to take me to the terminal. I have about twenty minutes before I have to be there. What did you want to talk about?”
“I have been thinking about this situation.”
“Situation?”
“You know what we have together…our relationship.”
“Ok. What are your thoughts?”
“I think you are a cool guy and you are going to make someone happy one day.”
“Someone happy one day…what do you mean by that Monti?” Cameron interrupted.
“I mean that I have been thinking about this and I can’t handle dating a flight attendant. I know you are probably not doing anything but when you are gone…I can’t concentrate or function because I just don’t know what you are doing. There are too many unknowns. I don’t know if you are cheating on me or what. I just can’t deal with this. I am sorry to have wasted your time. I hope you don’t have hard feelings for me but I just can’t be in this type of relationship. I will leave your house key on the dresser today so it will be there when you get back from your trip. I wish you the best.”
Cameron could not believe what he was hearing. He was under the impression that this was a good situation and he was committed to making this work despite all the insecurity issues that Monti had presented. He was in this situation for the long haul.
“You mean to tell me that you are calling me, as I am getting ready to start work and be gone for three days to tell me that you are breaking up with me?”
“If you want to put
it like that…”
“How the fuck else could I put it? Were you calling me to say hello or have a nice day?”
“I was just thinking about this and I know it is not good for me that I continue to pursue this relationship.”
“You are such a coward, Monti. You did not even have the decency to have a conversation with me to my face but you choose to break this off over the phone before I have to deal with all these needy passengers. I see how you are…you coward.”
With that Cameron hung up the phone as his face burned with anger and his eyes filled with tears. He stood there stunned as the shuttle bus pulled up in front of him. It took the bus driver to say something to pull Cameron out of his shock. He sat in the back of the empty bus feeling hurt, betrayed and stupid. He didn’t know which way he wanted to go or how he was going to cope with this. He had lost his relationship with Guy a few months ago and now this one. Cameron’s mind was calculating what the best way to handle this situation with minimal hurt to his already fragile heart. He felt his phone vibrate in his uniform coat pocket. He looked at the display and saw that it was a text message from Monti that said:
Cameron, I am sorry for hurting you. You are right I was being a coward. I will keep the key. Call me when you have some time today. I will be there for you when you get back from work. You have to believe me…I will be there.
Cameron did not know how to take it. He was having one hell of an emotional day and he had yet to get on a plane and see a passenger. The lyrics to Angie’s So Pissed Off came to Cameron’s mind. So pissed off lookin' at life through the glass that you shattered.
Monti was not bringing any stability to Cameron’s life. Along with Monti came a string of emotional brokenness that was slowly attaching itself to Cameron. Monti continued to carry his insecurities without regard to how they were influencing his relationship. He was so used to carrying the baggage that being insecure became his natural state of being. He could not remember a time when he didn’t have insecurities.
Forced Out of the Darkness Page 12