Forced Out of the Darkness

by Jackson Jr, G. Wayne

  “Damn, you don’t hold no punches, do you?”

  “I just like to be real.”

  “I feel you. So, Yolanda and I got married. We tried to have kids, initially, but she was not able to get pregnant. We looked at other options. We ended up adopting two kids from a crack head. We knew of her from around the area and we wanted to help. We ended up getting an open adoption and our family was now Mom, Dad and a boy. Not too long after the adoption, Yolanda was spending less and less time with the kids. She was having a hard time being maternal to the kids so I stepped in and tried to be super-dad to take up the slack of Yolanda. She became more and more angry.”

  “Wow, that sounds like it was hard for her.”

  “It was…we ended up having to go to parental classes, then marital counseling. In therapy, we found out that she was feeling less than a woman because she could not have kids. The therapist told me that I had to give her the reinforcement that she was a woman in every sense of the word and that we had to have sex more often. After that, she got pregnant with our first biological son, Monti Jr. We grew more distant when she got post-partum depression. She stopped wanting to have sex with me. She stopped allowing me to sleep in the same room with her after a while. We worked on our marriage and tried to reconnect.

  “Man, she was having a hard time.”

  “Yes, she was, but while she was having a hard time, I was picking up the slack with the kids. She was not there for me emotionally or sexually. I began to notice guys in stores would check me out. I would notice some guys with their wife out shopping that would stare or smile at me. Then one guy left his wife in the dressing room and caught up to me and gave me his number. He said to call him. Something about him made me call him. We ended up hooking up. We were living the same life; both of us were trapped. We became secret lovers.”

  “Are you serious?”

  “Yes, I am serious. We had to see each other on a regular basis. We became the best of friends and we met each other’s needs for companionship. He was not getting the attention and the emotional needs met at home and neither was I. After getting to know him more, I invited him and his wife over for dinner. We had such a nice time that we made it a weekly event. Our wives hit it off well. They soon began having girl’s day trips. He and I liked this because they gave us days and nights together. We would even schedule ‘golf’ sessions or workouts together so it was the two of us spending time together. We were inseparable until one day we were together and he wanted me to leave my wife because he had filed divorce papers. He wanted us to be a full fledge couple and I could not leave my wife and kids. I ended up finding out that he was seeing another guy when one of my co-workers asked me if he was gay.”

  “Gay?”

  “Yes. He told me that he saw my best friend hugged up with some guy. I went and questioned my boy, he told me that they weren’t serious and that he wanted to be with me. I could not deal with the fact that he cheated on me with some other guy so I broke it off.”

  “That is deep. You got mad at a guy that you were seeing when you were married because he was cheating on you?”

  “Yes. We were supposed to be just the two of us. But by the time this all happened, I had experienced some of the best times, best sex but it only fueled the thing that I hid deeply because I thought that I could marry my feelings away.”

  “That is so interesting. Thanks for sharing.”

  “Cam, tell me how you knew you were gay.”

  “I knew early on that marriage was not in my future. I always wanted to have a large family when I got older. I had a dream to find a wife and have four kids. I wanted two girls and two boys. I knew that I wanted the white house and the picket fence. I had dreams about family dinners and trips. It was something that I had dreamed of since I was little.”

  “That sounds nice. You are such a family man. What made you not achieve that dream?”

  “When I was a teenager, I had my first sexual experience with a female. Then shortly after that, and I mean maybe a week, I had sex with a guy. It was then that I knew I liked guys. It made sense why I enjoyed looking at them. I knew then why I hated physical education class and why I felt so uncomfortable. I was afraid of becoming aroused by being around other young and sexy guys. I immersed myself in other activities that did not involve changing clothes, showering or being in close proximity with other guys. I still feel uncomfortable today changing clothes at the gym because of fear of being embarrassed getting a hard on in the locker room.”

  “That is something man.”

  “I just believed that this was not the life that I was born to have. I always prayed and asked God why I didn’t have a drug problem or a womanizing problem instead of being gay. Nothing that I did ever changed the feelings that I had.”

  “If it means anything to you, I am glad that you are not married and that we have a chance to make a life together.”

  “Thanks Monti. I am glad also.”

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Those Funny People

  Cameron and Monti pulled up to Yolanda’s apartment complex. Cameron was happy to have been able to have a real transparent conversation with Monti. He felt that they both understood each other better and now Cameron was about to meet half of Monti’s kids. The boys wanted to support their dad during graduation. They were waiting for Monti to arrive. As soon as he pulled up to the building, they came out the apartment. Cameron was surprised to see how much that Monti Jr. resembled his dad. It was almost as if he was spit out. Corey was the older of the two. He was tall and lean with glasses. He seemed to be the quite one. The boys got into the car.

  “Hello sons.”

  “Hey Dad.” They both said in unison.

  “This is Mr. Cameron.”

  “Hi, Mr. Cameron.”

  “How are you gentlemen doing?” Cameron asked.

  “I am fine.” Said Monti Jr. “Corey just got yelled at by mom.”

  “Shut up, Monti.” Corey said.

  “What happened?” Monti asked.

  “Mom got mad because I told her that I wanted to come live with you.”

  “We will talk about that later, ok Son?”

  “Ok, Dad.”

  “So everyone.” Monti announced. “We have to go by your grandma’s job to give her a ticket for the graduation. Then we are going back to my place so I can change clothes and we will head to the church for the commencement ceremony. Ok?”

  “Ok.” Everyone said.

  They made the trek to Mrs. Burroughs place of employment. She had to work until 3:00 pm. The boys engaged Monti in casual conversation. Both were articulate and respectful, it was apparent that they had a good upbringing and were well taken care of. After about a half hour of driving, Monti got on the phone and called his mother to let her know they would be there in a few minutes. They pulled up to the front entrance of Mrs. Burroughs job. Within a few moments a woman came out. She appeared to be about 5 feet 6 inches and wore a small size seven dress. She wore her salt and pepper hair pulled back in a French roll, not the kind one would get at a beauty salon but a more refined one that matched her conservative upbringing. She wore glasses that did not hide her high cheek or smooth skin. Her eyes told of her long journey through life and seemed to be a bit tired. Time was truly on her side as she aged gracefully.

  Cameron turned to glance at Monti and he could see the beads of sweat start to form on his temple. Cameron did not know what to expect but he did ask for this so he braced himself. As Mrs. Burroughs approached the passenger side where Cameron sat, he said “Good Afternoon, Ma’am. How are you doing?”

  Mrs. Burroughs continued to walk past Cameron as if he did not exist. She went to the back seat where her grandchildren sat and spoke to them. She gave them both a hug and a kiss and started asking them questions. Cameron was stunned and did not know what to think about this. He knew that this was Monti’s mother and he did not want to be disrespectful. He made a passing glance at Monti, who was now fuming.

  “Mom, he jus
t spoke to you.”

  “He didn’t say anything to me. He just sat there looking like he was too good to speak to anyone so I keep it moving.”

  “Mom, why are you doing this? I heard him speak to you and I watched you pass him by without acknowledging anything he said.”

  “Son, I don’t know what you are thinking about but you keep bringing all these ‘funny people’ around. You know I don’t approve of that, but because you are making a big deal about this. Hi, young man.” She said as she looked coldly at Cameron. “Now are you happy?”

  “Mrs. Burroughs, I apologize if I did anything to offend you.” Cameron offered.

  “Don’t apologize to her…she is just acting out because she can.” Monti interrupted. “Mom, here is your ticket. Are you going to be there for my graduation, or what?”

  “Boy, you watch your tone with me. I am here getting my ticket, aren’t I?”

  “Ok, Mom. I will see you later.” Monti put the Jeep in drive and turned around to head home.

  Cameron could see that Monti was beyond pissed and he was embarrassed at the way his mother acted. Mrs. Burroughs did not approve of her son hanging around with the funny people.

  “Man, I am sorry that you had to go through that. My mom just acts out and if she does not like something she makes it known.”

  “No problem, Monti.” Cameron did not know what to say about the events that just happened. He was still in shock because he honestly did not do anything to warrant the wrath of Mrs. Burroughs. Cameron wondered how she was as a parent. He began to see how Monti was reared and for a moment he felt sympathy for what Monti must have experienced knowing what secret he held. It was interesting to Cameron that Mrs. Burroughs did not see the gayness in her own son. The two of them watched soap operas together, sewed clothes together and gossiped on the phone together but her son was straight. That is what tickled Cameron about the whole incident. He did not care about this woman he met once and he told himself that he would not have to worry about another run in with Mrs. Burroughs. He knew when he was not wanted and would not subject himself to that kind of ill treatment again.

  Monti was quiet the entire way to his place. One of the most important days in his life and she had to start it off acting this way. He was concerned for Cameron who gave him till today to decide if he was going to leave or stay. He hoped that all was well with Cameron, he could not have a conversation because his kids were in the back so he just said a silent prayer and asked God for grace to get through the day with Cameron still by his side.

  They got back to Monti’s place Monti went to the bathroom to shower. He had already decided what he wanted to wear and had his clothes already laid out in the bedroom. He wanted to check in with Cameron to see if he was ok. When he was done in the bathroom, he called Cameron to his room.

  Once in the room, Monti came over and gave Cameron a hug.

  “I just wanted to check in with you to see how you were,” Monti said. “You said that you wanted to meet my family and now you met some of them. What are you feelings so far?

  “I am fine. Your boys are nice and polite. You both did a great job with them. I am not too sure about your mom though. I get a feeling that she doesn’t like me for whatever reason. I don’t know what I ever did to her.”

  “You didn’t do anything to her, she just has her own old school thought on gay people.”

  “I know but ‘funny people’, where did she get that from?”

  “She calls gay people that. I don’t know where she got that from.”

  “I hope you are ok. I just want you to have a good time and enjoy your day.”

  “Thanks babe. I am ok. I just want to enjoy the day and hopefully enjoy our night together.”

  “You worry about right now…we will have many nights together.”

  Cameron thought about the things that had happened between the two of them. He weighed the situation and thought that Monti was moving in the right direction. He knew that they were still getting to know each other and that Monti made some significant strides introducing his family. This called for another chance for the relationship. Cameron might have learned patience from his last partner but that patience was on life support. There had to be some good times that visited the two of them in this relationship, or Cameron would have to leave it alone.

  That was all Monti needed to hear. He knew that he was given a third chance and he was ok with trying to do what he could do to be a good partner. He did not have a clue to how he was going to do it but he knew it was not going to be an easy process.

  They all left Monti’s place to head to the commencement ceremony. Monti was not going to worry about Mrs. Burroughs right now. He made his mind up that he was going to take a break from his mom. If she wanted to be in his life, she would have to accept him for whom he was and treat the one he chose to be with respectfully. He was willing to make that sacrifice. Until they had a serious conversation, he was not going to visit or accept her calls. It would be good two or three months before he would be ready to have a conversation with her. Cameron gave him the resolve to stick to acceptance. If one could not accept who he was, he would not have them as a part of his life, this included Mrs. Burroughs.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Tonight’s Your Night

  The commencement ceremony was nice. Cameron saw how excited Monti was as he walked across the graduation stage. It was a journey for him to get to this place and he was enjoying every moment of it. Cameron sat with Monti’s boys during the ceremony. Cameron felt good because they both opened up to him and were genuinely interested in him. Cameron did not see Mrs. Burroughs at the ceremony, but he did notice that Mom kept coming up on Monti’s caller ID. Cameron was holding his phone and wallet during the ceremony. He didn’t know what the outcome of the incident today would be between the two of them, but he was not inclined to visit Monti’s mother anytime soon. Cameron and the two boys waited where they were sitting for Monti to come and find them so they could leave together. When Monti finally came, he was exuding happiness. Cameron had never seen Monti this happy in their few months together.

  “Congratulations!”

  “Thank you, babe.” Monti said in front of his sons.

  “I know you are happy. I can see it all over your face. Not only is this a great day for you, it is a good example for your boys to see a black man graduating college. It is showing them a positive image of a black male, and you should be proud.”

  “Yes, I wanted them to see me succeed in this. I hope that they are proud of me too.”

  “What do you want to do now? Most people go to lunch or dinner after a commencement ceremony, unless you have a surprise party that you did not tell me about.”

  “No, I did not set up a party but I am hungry. What do you want to eat?”

  “It is your day, you pick the place.”

  “Let’s get Italian. There is an Italian restaurant not far from here. We can get a good meal, take the boys back and then have ‘us’ time.”

  “Sounds good to me.”

  They all went back to Monti’s Jeep to head over to dinner. Monti picked up the phone and checked his phone. He saw he had four messages from Mrs. Burroughs and some other messages from his family and friends. He checked the voice messages.

  “Hello Monti, this is your mother calling. I am here at the graduation and I don’t know where you are. Call me back so that I can sit with my grandkids. Bye.”

  “Montague, I know you see me calling you. I am here and I can see you down on the floor with the other graduates, why aren’t you answering the phone?”

  “Ok, I am just going to sit here and watch from the balcony. Make sure you see me before you leave.”

  “Congratulations son. I am proud of you. Call me when you get settled in today, I am going home.”

  Monti deleted the voice messages as they headed to the restaurant. Cameron watched as Monti wore his cap and gown into the restaurant. The meal was great and was only increased by the ambiance of t
he restaurant. Cameron treated Monti and his boys to appetizers, a main course and desserts along with nice drinks for the adults. It was getting late and Monti knew that he had to get the kids back to Yolanda before she started acting up again. Monti drove the kids back to Yolanda’s house and he told the oldest son that he would call him on Monday after school so they could talk about the living situation.

  Cameron was happy that he was spending time with Monti and seeing him in a parental light. He could see that Monti loved his children and wanted to do right as a parent and role model. He was crushed when Yolanda told his children about him being gay. He was sick when she told them he had to go to the doctor because he was bleeding. Especially because it was her stress that caused this situation and not his sexual practices. Monti was doing everything in his power to try to undue the poison that Yolanda was feeding the kids. He wanted to live a life that countered her nasty accusations.

  Monti and Cameron went back to Monti’s place after dropping the kids off. They each showered separately and helped each other dry off. They did not put on any clothes after their shower but talked and watched television until they were both getting tired. Monti turned on the music channel to smooth jazz to set the night right. Then Cameron turned and kissed Monti.

  “Thanks for letting me into your world some.”

  “No problem. I really want this to work.”

  “Me too.” Cameron responded as he kissed Monti again. Monti put his massive arms around Cameron’s body and pulled him closer to him.

  “Tonight is your night, Mr. Graduate.” Cameron said seductively as he took Monti’s earlobe into his wet mouth. Cameron nibbled and played with Monti’s ears, and then he put his wet tongue in Monti’s ear. He knew that this was one of his weak spots. Cameron had intertwined his legs with Monti’s and could feel Monti’s sex becoming alert to the sexual stimulation that he was receiving at his ear and neck. Cameron began to lick and suck Monti’s neck, trying to make a passion mark show up on Monti’s dark skin. He knew he was doing well because he could hear Monti’s breathing deepening and his body opening up to the pleasure that was connected to Cameron’s skilled mouth and tongue.