by Ruby Dixon
“What for?”
I realize then that she’s not in my head. I need to remember that. “I’ve been alone a long time. I talk to myself sometimes.” I knock a fist against my head. “Now that we’re together, I’m going to have to remember to talk out loud.”
“That’d be good,” she grins, “But I bet when we’re older, we’ll be able to communicate with just looks. That’s how Uncle Bill and Aunt Mary do it. They’ll exchange a glance and know exactly what the other one wants to do.”
My pitiful heart squeezes when she references us being together when we’re older. How’d I get so lucky with her? Ryann drags me down a couple of halls and into an office. She nods at the young man sitting behind a computer monitor.
“Hi Alex, is Aunt Mary in yet?”
The boy looks up at Ryann with puppy dog eyes. “Yeah, she’s getting the morning feed ready. You want to grab lunch today?”
“Oh su—” she starts to say, but I growl and tug her back against my body. She’s not having lunch with this overgrown pile of testosterone. She glances at my rapidly darkening expression and hastily corrects herself. “Not today. My boyfriend is having lunch with me today. Right, Mal?”
“Right.” And every day hereafter, I vow silently.
The boy scrunches up his face in confusion. “Your boyfriend? This guy is your boyfriend? I thought he was your dad.”
I knew this was going to happen. Knew it. Dreaded it.
But knowing doesn’t make it sting less. I loosen my grip on Ryann’s hand. If one night was all I get with her, I’ll live.
Those memories can sustain me for a long time. Last night was better than I could have ever conjured in any fantasy.
“This is Mal Standard. He’s the famous Pine Falls carver and, yes, my boyfriend.” Ryann lifts her little nose and sniffs. “Come on, honey, let’s go see Aunt Mary.”
She tucks her hand into the crook of my elbow and leads me away, but not before I narrow my eyes at Alex in warning. Be mean to her and you’ll be the next thing fed to the wolves.
By the pale color of his skin, I’d guess my message was effectively delivered.
We find Aunt Mary in a room that looks more like a lab than a kitchen. Mary is a woman not many years older than myself. I’d guess she is in her mid-forties. Her dark hair has streaks of gray, which she has made no effort to disguise. There’s a slash of red on her lips and dark kohl around her eyes, but for the most part, she’s a Pine Falls resident through and through. No nonsense, salt of the earth folk who respect the land.
“Morning, Aunt Mary.” Ryann hops over, looking like a sweet, edible bunny, and gives her aunt a peck on the cheek.
Mary gives her niece an awkward arm hug since her gloved hands are coated with meat and blood. My stomach reminds me I haven’t had enough to eat given the calories I burned off with Ryann. “Morning, Ryann. Your uncle stopped by this morning to see if you needed a ride to work.”
“Oh, didn’t you get my text?” Ryann pulls out her phone and checks her messages. I know she sent it. I was sitting next to her at the breakfast table when she did it.
“Yes, but your uncle wanted to make sure you were okay.” Aunt Mary shoots me a hooded glance, but I can read the disapproval in her stiff stance even if Ryann is oblivious.
“I’m sorry. I’ll go tell him that. I actually got a ride with Mal Standard. You know Mal, don’t you, Aunt Mary?”
Ryann waves a hand for me to come over. My feet move reluctantly in her direction. I don’t think this is going to go as Ryann had planned. All morning, I’d wanted to keep Ryann in the cabin. Too bad it wasn’t winter. I could have lied and said that the roads were impassable. Hell, half the time that isn’t even a lie. But it’s still fall, and the only thing keeping Ryann from town would have been me.
But maybe it’s me who can make a difference now. If I don’t fight for Ryann, then I probably don’t deserve to have her in the first place.
I hold out my hand. “Mrs. Brown. Pleased to meet you. Ryann stayed with me last night. I should have reached out to you and your husband to let you know where your niece was.”
Aunt Mary stares at my hand, and then looks over her shoulder at Ryann who is starting to look uneasy. “Honey, would you go over to the east storage and get some cornmeal? I need something to bind this meat together.”
Ryann opens her mouth to point out that there’s a large box of the cornmeal right behind her aunt, but I give her a small shake of my head. I can handle myself with Ryann’s family. My biggest concern is driving a wedge between them. I don’t want that to happen because, as much as I want Ryann in my life, I want her to be happy.
“Okay, Aunt Mary.” She heads for the door but pauses at the opening. “Mal is the man for me. I’ll get the cornmeal like you asked, but no matter what, I’m going home with Mal tonight and every night after.”
It’s hard to hide a smile after that speech, but I try to cover it up when I see Aunt Mary’s scowl.
I hurry to assure Mary that my intentions are entirely honorable. “Mrs. Brown, I don’t know how much you know about me, but I’ve got plenty of money to care for Ryann. The carvings I sell locally are just stuff I do for fun. I have commissions from corporations and big collectors all over the world. Ryann won’t need anything.”
Aunt Mary’s scowl deepens. “It’s not about money. We don’t need much up here in Pine Falls.”
“Is it that I’m a shifter? Ryann said you knew about that and you were okay with it.” But I guess being okay with a shifter is one thing, whereas your beloved niece being in bed with one is entirely different.
She pins me with a blunt look. “How old are you, Mr. Standard? Because you look to be around my age.”
“I’m thirty-nine,” I admit.
“Ryann is only twenty. Almost twenty-one, but not yet. You’re old enough to be her father.” I fight back any response to this, knowing that if I blush, Aunt Mary might feed me to the wolves. “Ryann’s just moved here, and she needs time to get her feet under her.” She knew what she wanted last night, I think. She couldn’t have made herself clearer, but I nod to show I’m listening. “Plus she’s social. She likes to meet new people—people her age. Everything I’ve heard of Mal Standard includes words like ‘anti-social’ and ‘loner.’”
“You’re not wrong,” I start carefully, wanting to be sure I pick exactly the right words. “I’m not good around crowds or people. I prefer spending my time in my cabin, but I wouldn’t prevent Ryann from meeting new people. I want her to be happy. That’d be my number one aim.”
“And if Ryann meets someone new, what then?”
What then? My mind shuts down. I can’t handle even thinking about losing Ryann to another man. Her not wanting me is one thing. Her wanting and touching and fucking another man? My animal rises up, snarling and angry, and a low rumble emerges from my throat. Mary’s mouth drops open, and I can smell a tinge of fear in the air.
I close my eyes, hands fisted at my side and search for control. I’m going to ruin this if I don’t leash my animal—if I haven’t ruined it already.
Chapter Eight
Ryann
Something’s wrong when I return. Mal murmurs something about needing to head into town, gives me a quick peck on the cheek, and leaves. Aunt Mary won’t look me in the eye.
“So, what do you think of Mal?” I ask, determined to approach the subject head on. “Isn’t he great?”
“He’s quiet,” Aunt Mary says, adding cornmeal to the wolf chow. “That’s not the kind of guy you need.”
I roll my eyes. “You mean he’s old.”
“I mean I don’t think he’s right for you.” She seems to be concentrating hard on the wolf food this morning. She runs her hands over the gobs of meat, making sure there’s no bone or gristle that could choke one of the younger ones. People think it’s just about tossing a bunch of meat into a bucket, but there are vitamins and dewormers that go into the food, along with a lot of care as to what the wolves actually eat. No
one wants to work hard to save them only to have a wolf die on a bone sliver because someone wasn’t careful. I’ve heard this lecture about the wolf food more times than I care to think about, and the fact that I’m not hearing a bit of it this morning tells me that Aunt Mary’s very upset.
“If it makes you feel any better, Mal didn’t hit on me. I hit on him. He didn’t think he should be with me because of the age thing.”
My aunt gives me a brisk look. “Then I see we’re all in agreement.”
“No, we’re not. Age is just a number!”
She picks up a bucket and rakes the meaty bits into it. “And will you be saying that when you’re forty and he’s sixty? Or when you’re sixty and he’s eighty, and you have to change his diapers?”
Oh Lord. This conversation. I struggle not to roll my eyes again, but my aunt’s being ridiculous. “He’s got money. We’ll pay someone else to change his diapers.”
“This is serious, Ryann—”
“I know it’s serious! But I’ve been in love with the guy since I first saw him, and I never thought he’d give me the time of day. Then I find out that he loves me too, and you think I’m going to throw that away just because he’s older than me? It means nothing to me! Mal at eighty will be just as sexy to me as Mal at forty. His mind is incredible, and the things he makes with his hands are just beyond amazing. He’s an artist. And he treats me like I’m the most important person in his life. Why does it matter if he’s a few years older?”
“He’s not a few years older, Ryann. He’s twice your age.” Her mouth presses into a firm line, and she rips off one of her plastic gloves. “And you’re not living under my roof anymore, but I’m still your aunt, and I still have a say in your life. And if you want to date this man, you can’t work here.”
I stare at her, dumbfounded. “You’re…firing me because I’m dating him? How is that even possible?”
She gives me her most motherly don’t-take-that-tone-with-me look. “You know you got this job because you’re my niece. I got it for you, and I can take it away again.”
This time, my brain blisters with anger. She’s already made her mind up to hate Mal and to hate our relationship, no matter what I say. “You want to hold my job over my head? Fine. I fucking quit.” I rip off my name badge and throw it down on the table. My aunt stares at me, open-mouthed. I’m normally happy and easygoing but when I want something? You don’t get in my way. And I want Mal. “I’ll find another way to make money. Somehow. But you want to judge who I date? You and Uncle Bill are seven years apart in age. At some point, you were thirteen and he was twenty, and that wouldn’t have been okay, either. Age is just a number, right? How about my mom’s age when she met my dad?”
She flinches, and I know my jab hit home. My mother’s life is still an open wound between our families.
“Ryann—”
“No, seriously. Mom was the same age as my father when she met him, and look how great that turned out. Mom’s a junkie and Dad’s in prison. So you want to tell me to date someone my own age? When they’ve been my example?” I shake my head, disgusted. “I think I’ll stick with the older, responsible guy, thank you.”
Aunt Mary’s eyes gleam with tears. “Ryann—”
I raise a hand in the air and turn away. “I don’t want to hear it, okay? You’ve said your piece. You want to take my job from me? I don’t want it anymore.” I storm out of the room, dashing tears away. I make it out to the parking lot before I realize Mal is gone, his big truck no longer dominating the small wolf refuge parking lot. Well, shit. I’m stranded. The refuge is miles from town. Feeling like an idiot, I go back inside and look for someone to give me a ride. My gaze falls on Alex. “Hey,” I say, letting the waterworks flow. “Can you give me a ride home?”
He jumps to his feet, all concern. “Of course.”
Alex drops me off at my townhouse, yakking a mile a minute in an effort to make me feel better. He means well, but nothing he says can stop the pain in my heart. I dodge his attempts to take me out for a cheer-up lunch, tell him he should get back before someone notices he’s missing, and then fling myself down on my narrow bed and bawl my eyes out.
Being with Mal has now officially made me feel utterly alone. And young. And stupid. I hate that my aunt can’t see things from my perspective. I hate that Mal didn’t stay and fight for me.
I hate that I feel like someone should have defended me, instead of me defending myself.
I weep and lie in bed for hours, depressed. It’s as if someone gave me everything I wanted…and took it right back away again.
Bang! Bang! Bang! “Ryann? Open up!”
Bleary eyed, I sit up in bed. I glance over at my clock. It’s late in the afternoon. I must have fallen asleep. God, I feel like crap. My throat’s raspy and sore from crying, and my eyes feel like bloated, itchy marbles. Ugh. I flop back down on the bed. Whoever it is can just go away. I don’t feel like company at the moment. I drag a pillow over my head and clutch it to my ear.
“Ryann!” The bellow is muted, but I still could swear it sounds like Mal. I sit up again and swing my legs over the side of the bed. Before I can stand, there’s a massive crash and then heavy feet thump up my narrow stairs. A moment later, Mal’s craggy, unhappy face comes into view. He rushes in and touches my face. “You okay?”
I wrinkle my nose and try to peer past him. “Did you just break my door?”
Mal’s expression gets stony. “Maybe.”
For some reason, that makes me chuckle. It’s sweet that he was so determined to get in.
“You didn’t answer your phone,” he says in a gruff voice.
“I didn’t feel like talking. I’m not sure I feel like talking right now.” All of today’s awfulness returns, and I flop back down in my narrow bed and pull my blankets over my head. Maybe I can just hide from the world for a bit, until I’m ready to deal.
A heavy thump jostles the entire bed. “Scoot over.” A moment later, Mal crawls into my tiny bed with me and gets under the blankets. He nuzzles my throat, and his arms go around my waist, holding me close.
Tears prick my eyes again. How can anyone think this man isn’t good enough for me? I press my face against his big, broad chest, inhaling his scent. “I quit my job,” I tell him. “Aunt Mary said she didn’t approve, and if I wanted to continue working there, I had to go by her rules. So I quit.”
He strokes my hair and tucks my head under his chin. “I went and talked to Eli at the Lodge. He’s the head of all the shifters in this area. Told him you and I were a thing. He told me you were too young and I needed to rethink things.” His hand drags through my hair, lazily. “I told him to go fuck himself.”
A horrified giggle escapes my raw throat. “That sounds like it was a bad idea.”
“No, asking him what he thought was a bad idea.” He continues to pet me, soothing me. “I realized when he was speaking that I didn’t care what he thought. I actually don’t care what anyone thinks.” His fingers trace down my cheek. “Except you.”
“What…what does this mean for us?”
“It means as long as you and I are happy, I’ll be damned if I ask for anyone’s permission. Not Eli, not your aunt, not anyone. I want you to have your family, but…I’m selfish, and I want us to be together too. It all boils down to what you want. If you want your family over me, I understand.”
I put my arms around his big body. He fought for me. He told the head of the were-bears to go fuck himself. That takes guts. “I want to be yours,” I tell Mal in a soft voice. “All yours and no one else’s.”
Mal continues to stroke my cheek. “I know this is sudden…but…wanna move in?”
“Seems like I have to,” I say, arching playfully against him. “Someone broke down my door.”
He stiffens, then realizes I’m making a joke and chuckles. “I’m not fun to live with,” he admits after a moment. “I tend to get wrapped up in my carving, and sometimes I forget to eat. Or drink. Or sleep.”
I slide
a hand up his big arm. I can feel his muscles, so powerful. Everything about this man attracts me. “Then I guess it’s a good thing that I’ll be there, right? To look after you?”
Instead of being pleased, Mal looks unhappy. “That’s a death sentence for a lively young thing like yourself, Ryann. Stuck all alone in a cottage with me? You’ll be bored out of your mind.”
I move my arms to his neck and pull myself closer to his mouth. “I’ll be the judge of that. Besides, if you’re going to be in the house 24/7, someone’s got to run errands, right? And pick up your checks. And drive that sweet truck of yours into town.” I’m actually excited at the prospect of helping Mal out with things. “And I saw your cabin. It’s a mess. And that pile of paper that you call bookkeeping? That’s got to change.” I tap his cheek lightly with my fingers. “You, my good man, are in dire need of a woman to straighten you out.”
Mal chuckles. “Lord help me.”
“He’s busy. I’ll take over.” I lean in and rub my nose against his bigger one, then kiss him. How on earth did this man get along for so many years without me?
Mal
“Mal, you need to come eat.” Ryann’s voice filters through the fog in the workshop. I set down the chainsaw and flip up my visor to see her standing at the entrance, hands on her hips, and a perturbed expression on her face.
Lord, she is so beautiful. For the eight hundredth time in the past year, I pinch myself to make sure I’m not dreaming. “Sorry. I’ll be right there.”
“You said that an hour ago.”
I glance up at the clock. So I had. I pull off my gloves and unhook the rubber apron that Ryann insisted I wear when I took up the chainsaw last year. The rest of the gear follows until I’m stripped down to my long-sleeved T-shirt and jeans. They are both coated with sawdust, but I’ll change when I get to the cabin.
“You know this is your fault,” I tell her as I lean down to press a kiss against her smooth cheek, careful to avoid touching the rest of her.