“Okay, let’s go girl. It’s now or never,” she said to herself, as she stood up and straightened her tight-fitting dress around her curvaceous frame.
Just then her friend returned to their table. “Where are you going?” she coyly asked.
Janae ran her hand down the full length of her perfectly styled ponytail, dabbed a single finger across her lips to ensure perfect placement of her lip gloss, and responded with, “I’m going in. Coming with?”
NINE
Rush
I was talking to Nikki behind the counter when I heard, “Hi…Rush, is it…?” from behind me. The woman had already entered my personal space with her hand placed on my left triceps, so I turned around to give her my full attention.
I turned toward the voice and was about to release my response when I was met with a familiar pair of beautiful green eyes, and a smile surrounded by high cheekbones. When she saw the surprise on my face, a flirtatious smile formed across her lips. Needless to say, I was stunned. I had spoken to Oscar earlier in the day, and we were due to meet after the weekend with his findings, but there she stood.
“A little birdie told me that you’re looking for me,” she said, her eyes lighting up.
I had to admit she looked beautiful in a clingy red dress and red matching heels that placed her about two inches below my eye level. Her caramel-toned skin, while pretty, appeared to have too much makeup on it. It was uncanny how much she and Jacob looked alike. I had never seen a guy and a girl resemble each other so strongly until I met them. Even their younger siblings didn’t have as strong a resemblance. But it was clear that Miss Glenda’s genes were the dominant ones because they shared pretty much all of her characteristics.
“Hello Janae,” I said slowly.
She had taken a few steps away from me, and stood slightly akimbo with her head tilted to the right. She was trying to pull off a look of innocence, but it was lost on me.
“So, is it true?” she queried. “Are you looking for me?”
I turned toward Nikki who had taken an interest in the conversation. I tossed my head to the side signaling for her to tend to her customers, and then shouted out to her that I’d be back. After she had reluctantly gone back to mixing drinks, I ushered Janae down the hallway, then downstairs to my underground apartment.
She walked into the space slowly, and then sat her clutch down on the dining room table. I watched her look around admiringly before she finally settled into a seat on the sofa. “Wow, you’ve done nice for yourself, Rush.”
“Thanks,” I responded, biting down on my bottom lip. I was still standing near the arch by the other sofa. I wanted to sit down but I was unsure of how well my anger would be contained if I did so. Although it didn’t outwardly show, my anxiety was at a level that was through the roof.
“So, you never answered me, Rush. Are you looking for me? My brother seemed to think so.”
“I’m looking for my daughter, not necessarily you.”
“Why so hostile, Rush?”
“I’m not hostile, Janae. Just a bit aggravated about this entire situation, is all.”
“Well, you should loosen up a bit,” she suggested. “You’re looking and sounding all kinds of angry nine years later.”
“Loosen up? Are you serious?”
She was pissing me off by the second. And while I was never one at a loss for words, for some reason in this situation I felt the need to bite my tongue and tread carefully. All I know was that I wanted to go on a serious rampage knowing that a third person with a key to my past was mere inches from me and I couldn’t do anything but wait shit out.
“Yes, I’m very serious, Rush. You should loosen up. I can see the anger swelled up all in your chest, and in your demeanor. But I got something for that,” she remarked suggestively, making her way toward me.
“Don’t even think about it, Janae.”
She looked stunned, but ignored my warning. “And why not? We have business to discuss, and I figured we can explore each other a little before we get to that.”
Her hand was on my wrist as she tried to bring it around to hold onto her lower back. I quickly grabbed onto her wrist with my free hand and reiterated to her, “Janae, it’s not that type of situation. Please go back and have a seat.”
I was roaring on the inside at how nonchalant this chick was…fucking nonchalant! And trying to seduce me? Fuck no! She birthed a child with my DNA and decided not only to keep said child from me, but accepted a payoff, and yet she’s the one who’s smug?! Really?! I walked over to the kitchen and pulled one of the chairs into the area that she had returned to, then posed a question of my own. “You questioned whether or not I’m serious. Just how do you think I should be? If not serious…then what? The last time I checked, keeping a child’s birth from the father was of a very serious nature.”
She slowly slid her form all the way back into the sofa’s backing, and crossed her arms, seemingly with attitude. “Rush, do you even remember that night?”
“Yeah, I remember. Why wouldn’t I? It was the only time we ever slept together.”
“Okay, well, I was asking because we were both inebriated. I remember it because you had always been the finest white boy I’d ever laid eyes on, and that night had me fantasizing the minute you walked your fine ass up in that party. Then by the time we had our drinks, my courage was up and I was ready!”
“We both were, Janae. Let’s just keep it real. The attraction was there. It had always been, but acting on it wouldn’t have been right since we were more like family than anything,” I said, hunching my shoulders. “We gave in to it. No regrets here. But that was then and this is now.”
“Yeah…” she nodded. “That was then and this is now.”
“Right. And well, you know me. I’m not the type to beat around any bushes—”
“Speaking of bush,” she smiled, suggestively.
“Janae…”
“Okay, okay, Rush. I’m all ears.”
“I just wanna know what the situation is with my…our…with Hunter?”
The moment I recited her name, it sounded so weird rolling off my tongue.
“She likes to go by Michaela,” Janae corrected.
“Oh, okay. I don’t blame her,” I said, laughing. “I’m the only Hunter I know. And well…I’m a guy.”
“Yeah, but I always liked the name. Never knew why you preferred Rush, to it. And I think Hunter on a girl is cute and flirty—for when she gets older, that is.”
“Well, while she’s still young, can I get the details of everything? I really need to know how we ended up here, with me not even knowing about her.”
I wanted to be much more aggressive about the situation but was very proud of myself for maintaining my cool. I mean, these motherfuckers taking my life and making it into what the fuck they thought it should be! There weren’t too many people who wouldn’t have exploded on all the parties involved.
Minutes had passed and a long silence was still looming over the room. Janae exhaled a deep sigh, and I could tell there were many thoughts circling. With each minute that passed and sitting there with her, I was getting used to the idea that she and I were parents together. Actual parents! Yeah, quite a bit to take in. Even in that moment, it was still a lot to digest.
“Did you even call me after that night, Rush?”
“No, I didn’t. But what does that have to do with anything? We weren’t in a relationship, Janae.”
“You’re absolutely right. We weren’t in a relationship. And that right there is my point.”
“You cannot be getting ready to sit here and use that. I sure as hell hope not, because that’s gonna piss me off even more. I don’t get what the hell me calling you after we had sex has to do with you not telling me that I had a daughter!”
“Well, look. My position on this whole thing was this: We used protection, right?”
“And…?”
“And…my main concern at that time was getting to my OB/GYN to get cleared of STD
’s and shit like that.”
“STD’s!” I laughed.
“Yep, those! You’ve always been a wild child, slinging dick out here on different bitches, and having that condom come off was a little traumatizing,” she acknowledged, animatedly rolling her eyes. “It didn’t even dawn on me that I could be pregnant until I missed my period. And that didn’t even happen until maybe six weeks later! I was still in denial all the way up until I went to the doctor and got that positive pregnancy test confirmed. I sat in shock for about a week, went to work as normal, and tried to debate what I’d do.”
“All that’s fine, but—”
“Hell, that night, there were so many damn groupies trying to get your attention, I didn’t expect to do anything but come say hi and give you a hug! Spending the night together was a fluke!”
“Okay, where is this segueing to?”
“Well, let me explain. We were never in a committed relationship, correct?”
“Is this a fucking quiz? What the fuck?” I asked her, irritated as hell. I just looked at her. I wasn’t about to keep responding to miniature statements that seemed to be leading nowhere real fucking quick.
“Okay,” she continued. “So me and you…we took the responsible route. Regardless of how drunk we were, we did slide that condom on before we started fucking around.”
“Why the hell are you narrating a damn story, Janae? Please get to the point.”
“The point is that I wasn’t interested in coming to you to assume responsibility for a baby we hadn’t planned. That was how I thought in the very beginning. But at the same time I did want to give you the chance to at least know about the baby.”
“But you never did. So none of this long, drawn out detail is making sense to me. You say you wanted me to know but yet here we are…”
She exhaled another deep sigh and I saw confusion eclipse her pretty face. She looked off into the distance, and gone was the cheery, flirtatious demeanor. It was evidence that she was pondering her responses.
“Right…here we are,” she said, repeating my words. She bowed her head and then looked back up again, seemingly ready to continue. “A few weeks after Michaela was born, I started feeling these pangs of guilt and knew that it would only be right for her to know her father, and for you to know her. Around that time you were all over the sports circuit, and the tabloids. Your career was on fire, Rush.”
“So what?” I said, becoming annoyed with her attempt at making excuses for keeping my fucking child from me.
“I never told anyone who Michaela’s father was. Not even my family. Mama and J would ask because of her name, but I just played it off like I always loved the name, so they didn’t think much of it. You were like family anyway so they didn’t trip too much.” Then she began laughing. “And the fact that she was mixed didn’t make them suspicious either because you weren’t my first vanilla latte. As far as everybody knew, I had a fling and made a personal decision to keep my baby—which was basically the truth. Overall, it was something I held close to the belt. What I did do back then was call my brother and casually asked about you, and he let me know that the two of you still hadn’t been in touch. So, when he told me that I figured I’d find a way to get in touch with you on my own. When I did finally get some type of information on where you might be, you were on the road, so I went in search of Jamie and found her. Once I got in touch with her, I told her why I wanted to reach you and my initial request was for her to have you contact me when you had some time to talk.”
“And then I’m assuming that’s when everything took a turn, right?”
“Yeah. Instead of hearing from you, what ended up happening was me getting a phone call from your father instead.”
I sat back digesting all of what Janae was saying. To know that this shit dated so far back was baffling for me. You hear about deep, dark family secrets all the fucking time, but when does a person ever think that it’s their family that has them? I sure as hell didn’t.
Janae had a faraway look in her eyes. “I remember the day like it was yesterday. I was excited. I felt like I had finally done the right thing and that I was going unite my baby with her father and the other side of her family. I had my apologies all ready, and it didn’t even bother me when your father showed up solo, without your sister. I figured he was acting in the best of interest of the family and coming to make sure everything was legit.”
Janae’s voice trailed off. It was as though she didn’t want to finish any of it.
“You’re killing me here, Janae. Please tell me the rest.”
“From the moment your father approached that table and didn’t greet me, I knew trouble was looming. Instead of a greeting, the first thing he said to me was: “So, you’re Jacob’s sister, right? Looking for a handout or a freebie like your brother? Looking to pick up where your brother left off with ruining my son’s career? Because that shit ain’t gonna happen?”
No surprise there. My father hated Jacob with a passion. He hated him while we were growing up, and he hated him into adulthood. He never saw Jacob as anything other than a fortunate thug. He never respected him.
“Yeah, he hates Jacob. I can see why he would give you a hard time for being his sister. Not that I’m excusing the way he treated you. I’m not. You and Jacob are two different people. But Lance has some real ill feelings there.”
“Ya think?” she remarked. “But let me tell you something, Rush. That man’s feelings aren’t just about Jacob doing what he did—which by the way, I’m very sorry for.”
“It’s not for you to apologize about.”
“I know, but shit, I just feel compelled to do so. It’s my brother. I still don’t understand how he could’ve let you do that, but I realized a long time ago that he’s just on some other shit that I may never understand. Nevertheless, as far as your father goes, it’s more than his extreme dislike of Jacob…” she paused in between words, the reluctantly proceeded. “Your dad…he’s a racist. Like, straight up bigot. Like if he could own a plantation he would. Trust me when I tell you that he was less concerned about Jacob’s and my connection, and more concerned about me insinuating a black baby into his perfect little thoroughbred world.”
“Janae. That’s him. This is me,” I said, pointing my finger into my chest to strengthen my point. “I’m not him. I’ve never been him. You still should’ve done everything you could—”
“Let me finish,” she insisted, holding her palm to the air. “He wanted a paternity test. He told me that after I took the test and we had the results, then he would make the quote, unquote right arrangements,” she said, demonstrating with air quotes. “So the test was taken, and a week passed, and results were revealed to be what I already knew they were—you are the father.”
“Test taken without me there? How?”
“Hairs from brushes—courtesy of your sister; a swab from your father for a grandparent match. I covered my bases because rich folks do bullshit all the time to discredit people. And whether you were gonna be in my baby’s life or not, they weren’t gonna paint the picture of me as a lying whore who didn’t know who her child’s father was.”
This shit had my mind in a clusterfuck! I couldn’t help but feel that I was on the inside of a soap opera. The layers of the onion slowly peeling and at the very end the climax would come with the cliffhanger. I listened patiently, but I was hoping like hell that I was ready for the final reveal.
“After everything was back and I’d passed all the tests, then your father told me that in the time that we were waiting for the results that he’d gotten in touch with you. Right after that he proceeded to tell me that you wanted him to relay to me, that being a parent wasn’t something you were interested in. Those weren’t his exact words, but close enough.”
“And even after knowing me for as long as you did, you believed that shit?”
“What else was I supposed to believe, Rush? It was your father. I had no reason not to believe him.”
“But you had eve
ry reason to believe that what you were being told…third party, I might add…wasn’t a part of my character.”
“Did I? I really didn’t. Once we all grew up, everybody went their separate ways. You went off to play baseball, J went off to do football, and I went to do my own thing. I didn’t know shit. I didn’t know the adult you and how the adult you would react. So I could only go off of what was being told to me.”
“I’m gonna tell you right now that my father never told me anything about a child. Never. The first I heard about having a daughter was when—”
“Now, I know. It was when you saw my brother. That’s how I knew where to find you. He called and told me about your visit. He also told me that it didn’t seem like you knew. He had been feeling some type of way towards you thinking that you knew about Michaela.”
“And so when did you actually tell him? Because you said that the family didn’t know.”
“I told him when she was maybe three or four and some of her features were looking a little familiar,” she smiled. “My mama noticed first. Just came at me hard one day like, ‘You named that baby after Rush not because you always liked the name, but because somewhere, somehow y’all laid down together…’ You know I couldn’t lie to her.”
“Man,” I stated exasperated. “So, not just you and Jacob, but Miss Glenda also had those fucked up thoughts about me. That’s some shit I can’t wrap my fucking head around, Janae. Seriously. All of you knew me better than some of my own family, and this is the way you sit up and think about me?”
“Trust me, Rush…I didn’t want to. But like I said, I had no way of getting in touch with you to confirm anything.”
“Wow.”
Suddenly I was up from my seat a pacing the floor. All the information coming at me was mind-blowing, and I had no idea who to place the blame with or who deserved to be lashed out at the worst. As far as I was concerned, I didn’t have shit to say to my father or my sister, but the woman before me held the key to everything, and I needed to keep my emotions in check if I wanted any chance at all with my daughter—which I did.
Rapture 2: a BWWM, Alpha Male Romance Page 6