by Rue Volley
“What did I eat?” I asked again.
“You fed... Josh mainly. Although I must say Johnathan wanted to do it himself. But with human blood, he may be at risk, we didn't know. So Josh took it upon himself to make sure you fed.”
“How did he feed me?”
“Why Rue, with his blood of course. May seem archaic, but with you in the condition that you were, we really had no choice. Messy business really. I thought he would die. I spent day after day healing him myself.”
“Why Josh… wait… he almost died?”
“Ohhh, yes, no need to worry. It was quite ugly at first. You have a tenacious appetite, for such a small thing.”
I looked at him in confusion. “Why did Josh do it?”
“Well… as I said, Johnathan could not, and Samantha is a girl and I well... I am of a different kind.”
“Different?” I asked.
“Yes… my dear. I like boys... and feeding another protector… well it comes with some side effects that I simply cannot accommodate.”
I pushed myself off of my bed and stumbled past him, towards the bathroom... He tried to stop me but I jerked myself away from him. I reached my toilet, dropped to my knees and started to be sick.
Theodore came to my bathroom door. “Well that's a new reaction... curious. Do you not like my choice in lovers…?”
I pushed the door closed with my foot. “No... no, it's not that. Leave... Please, just leave,” I said in between lurches. I pushed myself up, drenched in sweat. I grabbed at the side of my sink and pulled myself to my feet. I started the water and splashed it on my face.
“I will get Josh in here for you dear.”
I stopped and looked into the mirror. “No… no, just let me, I don't know... I need a moment.”
My eyes looked darker… blue, like a coral reef. I had dark circles that looked like they were fading. I'm sure at some point, the circles under my eyes were darker than they are now. I reached for my shoulder, remembering the searing pain I had felt from Caine. I rubbed it and breathed in hard.
I walked out of the bathroom and stopped. Josh was standing there looking at me. I passed him by and sat down on my bed.
“No…‘It's my room’?” He asked.
I looked up at him and then back down at my hands. My mouth felt dry.
Josh came to me and sat down on my bed.
I could feel him… the heat coming off of his body.
“I'm glad to see you awake Rue... I really am.”
My stomach growled.
“If you are hungry, I can get you some food.”
I looked at him. I could see his energy swirling on his skin. I felt a pain in my stomach. I grabbed at my stomach and pressed on it. Josh knelt down in front of me. I could taste metal in my mouth. I looked up at him.
“What have you done to me Josh?”
Josh placed his hand on mine, “You had to feed Rue. I had to give you my blood.”
I put my hand on his face, “I need to feed, Josh. My stomach is killing me.”
I grabbed and squeezed it.
Josh got up and closed my door. He looked back at me, “It will pass…”
I stood up and started to walk towards him. I got far too close to him and looked up.
“I can taste you in my mouth,” I whispered.
“It's just a residual Rue. Normally blood is shared with a mate, not to heal but I had no choice.”
I could not control myself. It wasn't passion, it was need. I reached out and took his hand, placed it to my mouth and let the heat from my breath caress his palm, kissing it gently.
He looked at me. “Rue, this isn't real, I've fed you for nearly a month. You don't know what you’re doing.”
“I know exactly what I'm doing.” I pulled him toward me, walked backwards to my bed and pulled him down onto the bed. He jumped up.
“I know you want me Josh. I can see it on your skin.”
He grinned at me, “Trust me I'd love to take advantage of this but it's a no go.”
“Do what you want with me Josh... I'll let you.”
He looked down at me.
“You will regret saying that, you need to get some food in you now.”
I got up on my knees.
“You remember the motel?” I grinned.
He started to laugh, “Yes I do.”
“Well… there's no box for quarters, but I don't think you'll notice.”
“You need to settle down Rue.”
I started to take my shirt off. He lunged forward and grabbed the bottom of it, pulling it down.
As he leaned down, I whispered in his ear, “I'm gonna mess you up, fun time.”
He stood up laughing so hard I thought he was going to fall over. “Okay… that's when I say, I gotta leave.”
I jumped up and started pressing against him. He kept backing away, until he was against the wall. I tried to reach up his shirt to touch his chest, but he grabbed my wrists. The whole time he had a huge grin on his face.
“Rue Volley… if this was any other time, any other girl, any other circumstances I'd ‘mess you up’.” He was laughing, “…but you don't know what you’re doing. Blood is a drug, my blood is in you and that's the only reason you want me.” He said it, trying to keep a straight face. It wasn't working.
I turned and walked back to my bed. I thought I'd try one last thing.
“You don't want me?” I looked at him, I lifted my shirt over my head and leaned back. I only had on my bra and panties.
He looked at me, from my feet to my head.
“You are a naughty girl, I see what Johnathan has to deal with.”
I blinked, “Johnathan?”
“Yes, you remember Johnathan? Rue?”
I grabbed at my sheets, pulling them up to cover me. I looked at him. The room started to static. I started to get flashes of memory in my mind... Johnathan's face... the green grass, biting the apple... my parents.
“Oh my god… Josh, I don't know what I'm doing.”
“I know... that's why I said no.”
“Where… where are my parents?”
Josh looked at me. I think for the first time, with sympathy. My eyes started to tear up. I put my hands up to my face and started to feel a weight in my chest… heavy and empty, all at the same time. I started to gasp for air. Josh ran to me and I threw my arms around him and just sobbed. I cried a lifetime worth of grieving, I felt dizzy and nauseated.
“Are they dead?” I choked out.
Josh put his hand under my chin.
“Death isn't a word we really use. Energy is a constant circle Rue, it's never ending. As a protector, I do not grieve. We celebrate the release back to the creator.”
I wanted to find solitude in his words, but my selfishness caused me to sob even harder. I held close to him as tightly as I could. I looked up at him and I kissed his lips. He didn't pull away, maybe he felt sorry for me. He put his hand behind my head and returned my affection. I knew he probably wanted to stop so I pulled away from him. We looked into each other’s eyes and he wiped my tears from my face. His hand left traces of vibration on my cheek and I grabbed his hand and pressed it to my mouth, kissing his palm. I lowered his hand.
“Thank you for saving me Josh.”
“I told you I would die before you. I meant it Rue.”
I looked at his face and traced my fingers over his lips.
“I need for you to do something for me Josh.”
He breathed out in a sigh, “I can't do…”
“No… no, it's not what you’re thinking. I want you to take my memory, the memory of my parents away from me.”
He cupped my face… “Rue,” he whispered.
“Please... please take my grief, I can't do this.”
“Rue, it would be best if you feel now. Why delay it?”
I had tears starting to stream down my face. “I… I don't think I am strong enough to do this. I feel empty inside. I need for you to take it from me.”
“You are mu
ch stronger than you think you are,” he whispered.
“Please… I'm begging you Josh.”
He stood up. “I can't do that, I’m sorry. Memories have a way of finding their way home Rue. You need to own this... not me.”
I looked up at him. “You?”
He ran his hand through his hair and cleared his throat.
“When I take memory, it lives in me. You would be giving me your grief and I would have to deal with it. I'm not being selfish. I just have enough grief I already live with. ” He walked towards my door. “I would do anything for you but that I cannot do. I am sorry.” He walked out and closed the door behind him.
I slumped down onto my pillow and buried my face in it. I cried harder than I ever cried before. I reached a point where you just can't go any further. The moment you realize that to live, you have to stop feeling so much pain.
***
I rolled off of my bed and walked into the bathroom. I started to run hot water in the tub. I turned and caught my reflection in the mirror. I looked awful. My face so tired, eyes devoid of any light. I couldn’t do this forever. I just couldn’t. I shed what little I had on and slipped into the tub. I sank into the water, it felt great, like a warm blanket in winter. I sunk under the water with my eyes closed tight and listened to the distorted sound it causes in your ears... then I thought I heard a voice. I popped up, rubbing my eyes and looked out, expecting to see a boy invading my bathroom again but no one was there. I sank back under the water. I held my breath until my lungs started to burn and I heard a voice again. “Rue.” I swear it was my mom’s voice. I opened my eyes, hoping to see her but nothing. I felt myself getting tired. Bubbles started to trickle up from my mouth, but I had to wait... to hear her voice again. My eyes fluttered and things started to grow black.
“Breathe!”
My eyes started to roll open. I felt a huge pressure on my chest.
“God damn it Rue... Breathe!”
I was rolled onto my side and someone was slamming their hand against my back, it forced the water from my lungs. I spit it out and sucked in as much air as I could. My lungs burned in protest and I gasped for more air to fill them. My eyes rolled and started to open. Everything looked blurry and my chest hurt really badly.
“What the hell happened Rue?”
I blinked a few times and pushed up on my elbows, looking up.
Josh was staring down at me, with a wild look in his eyes.
“I…” my voice cracked, my throat burned. “I was taking a bath and I thought I heard…”
“You heard what...?”
“I heard my mother’s voice. She said my name and I just wanted to hear it again.”
Josh backed away from me and sat on the floor.
Johnathan ran into the room and fell to the floor next to me. He cupped my face in his hands. “Rue are you Okay?” he asked me. I looked at him and coughed. He lifted me up and carried me to the bed, sitting down next to me. He started to run his hand across my face, pushing my hair out of the way. He turned to Josh.
“What the hell happened?”
Josh stood up and placed a hand on his neck, rubbing it.
“Well I don't think it was an attempted suicide, Johnathan.”
“Real funny...” Johnathan said with anger.
“You need to settle down.”
Johnathan stood up and got in his face.
“I told you that feeding her your blood was a bad idea.”
Josh pushed him in the chest.
“You need to back off of me now.”
Johnathan squared his shoulders. “Get out of her room now.”
Josh looked to me and back to Johnathan. “I'm not doing this with you.”
“What...? What are you not doing?” Johnathan said.
Josh grinned, “Whatever…” He turned and walked out of the room.
Johnathan came back to me and sat down on the bed. He reached out and took my hand, placing it to his mouth, kissing it gently.
“Are you Okay?” he whispered.
I nodded.
“What happened?”
I looked out my window… “Nothing… nothing happened. I should have stayed in bed, but I wanted to take a bath... I fell asleep and sank in the water.”
Johnathan reached behind me and pulled me too him. I could feel his heartbeat strong through the front of the towel that Josh must have wrapped me in, awesome. It didn't hit me until that moment that I may be naked.
I pulled back from him. “I need to eat... food.”
He smiled at me, “Thank god, food, that's a good idea.”
Chapter 9
Think of Yourself Lightly
I didn't really talk to anyone for days. I was thankful for Josh, but I had no words. I wanted to have Johnathan hold me, but I couldn't stand the thought of being consoled. I wanted blood and I spent most of my time snacking in my room. I had dream after dream... green grass, a tree bursting with life's blood... but no whispering. Nothing. Elin was gone. My mom and dad were gone. I walked and walked in my dreams hoping to find them… but nothing. I wanted someone to take it all out of my head but knowing that the receiver would suffer, it stifled my want to dump it on someone else. Josh was right, I needed to own it.
I didn't even know what day it was, but I decided to get up and walk down stairs. I spent an hour thinking about it first. Coming to the conclusion that I needed my friends, really needed some normalcy. I couldn’t live in my room forever. I made it to the bottom and looked around. Kai was playing a video game on the couch. Theodore was cooking in the kitchen and Sam was sitting at the kitchen table playing with one of her blades. Sam noticed me first. She stood up and smiled at me... a genuine smile. I grinned a little. Smiling was not an option, as of yet.
“Theodore here is making the most amazing meal, Rue.”
I started to head towards her. I reached into the basket on the table and pulled out a peach, taking a bite out of it in one fluid motion.
I looked at the peach then to Theodore.
“What are you making?” I asked him.
Theodore spun around with an apron on that said…“Shut up and eat it”
I smiled, as I bit into my peach, obviously reading the front of his apron.
Theodore looked down and smiled. “I like that it is written in glitter. Curious it falls off everywhere… but no matter… I like it anyway.”
“Well I like it… it suits you,” I said grinning.
“Thank you. Samantha here thought it was cheap. I fear that she has no humor. Have you happened to come across it somewhere? She may have dropped it... her humor, that is.”
Sam kept staring at her blade, turning it in her hand. “Shut up Theodore.”
I laughed. I could hear Kai laugh behind me and I turned around.
He looked at me and then he hugged me like a three year old hugging a teddy bear.
“Ohhh… okay, okay Kai.”
He let me go from his grip and grinned at me.
“You’re a turd Rue.”
“You’re the turd,” I shot back.
He jogged back to his couch potato position on the couch and continued his game.
“Where's Josh?” I said.
Samantha looked up at me. “He's in the woods, playing war games with Johnathan. They like to hunt each other for sport, passing the time I guess.”
“Hunt each other?” I said it with some concern and Theodore turned around from the oven, “Oh… no worries my dear. Boys have to release their frustration some way or another.”
“I'm going out there. Can you take me Sam?”
Sam rose from her chair and lifted her pant leg. She slipped the blade in a holder she had concealed on the side of her leg.
“Let’s go show them what girls can do Rue.”
Kai jumped up. “I'm in.”
Samantha grinned at him. That's new… no comments shot his way. I must have slept too long.
We all headed towards the door…Theodore cleared his throat.
> “I will need everyone back here in two hours to eat. Two hours.”
“Sure… will do,” Kai yelled back at him.
Theodore winked at me. “Go kick their asses Rue.”
I looked at him with a look of ‘I don't know what you mean.’ He waved his hand at me, towards the door, I hurried up, remembering that Sam and Kai would probably be there already. I stepped out onto the porch and neither one of them were in sight. Awesome, how the hell was I going to track them down? I stood there for a moment and I heard the door open behind me.
Theodore stepped out. “You could have been there already my dear. I am positive that you are faster than anyone of them.”
“I don't even know where they are.”
“You do, close your eyes…”
I closed them. I figured it was my best shot.
“Now you need to focus. You'll see it when you open your eyes, my dear.”
“See what?”
“Focus on them... you'll feel it.”
I started to focus and I felt a vibration welling up in me. A shot of adrenaline shot through me.
“Ohhhh,” I whispered.
“Listen for their heartbeats, little one.”
I focused and slowly I started to hear beating. It was so faint, at first it sounded like someone off in the distance beating on a drum but it grew louder in my ears.
“I hear them,” I said.
“Good… open your eyes.”
I opened my eyes and I could see swirling color in the air. I sucked in my breath.
“It's beautiful,” I muttered.
“That it is, now look at the ground.”
I looked at the ground and patterns started to emerge, a trail leading into the woods.
“I see a trail Theodore.”
“You follow that my dear. It will lead you to where you want to go.”
I hugged him big time. He was surprised that I did it, but I didn't care. He sucked in his breath.
“Ohh my… you are quite the touchy feely kind aren't you.”
I smiled at him.
“Thank you.”
He waved a hand at me. “Go play.”
I turned around and flashed into the woods.
Everything passed by me so quickly and yet to me it looked as if it were in slow motion. Colors swirled all around me, I wasn't out of breath. My heartbeat didn't even speed up. I just glided through the forest at lightning speed. I suddenly stopped, when I felt something strong pulling me to the right. I stood there and crouched down to the ground. I put my hands on the dirt floor and felt I vibration I knew all too well. It was Josh. I spread my fingers apart in the dirt and a trail started to materialize, leading me in that direction. I stood back up and flashed in that direction, I could hear his heartbeat… strong and steady. I looked up and colors were starting to become thicker and I knew I was close. Suddenly he flashed out of nowhere and came to a dead stop in front of me. I know I surprised him, because the look on his face was that of shock. He stood before me so tall, all dressed in white, leather strips criss crossing his body. He looked like a warrior . I looked down and realized I was in my t-shirt and jeans and I felt like I had shown up at the wrong party, way under dressed. He grinned at me.