by Rue Volley
“There are so many things that I want to say… I love you; I have always loved you… You are the reason that I breathe; the reason that I am living… I need you by my side…please, Josh… I have always needed you and only you.”
He didn’t move, and I sighed.
I lowered my head and turned to look at Mia and Lucifer, who watched me.
“That was touching,” Lucifer said.
Mia shot him a look and then looked back at me.
“Are you ready?” she asked me.
What a fucking question…chalked full of crap, with crap sprinkles.
They both smiled, and I knew they heard me think that.
I looked at Lucifer and then held up the necklace, with the timepiece on it. He looked at me and nodded, and I watched it start to glow in my hand. I closed my eyes, as the entire room lit up like the sun, and my feet felt like they left the ground. I felt a little nauseous, and a flash of memory… from some old sci-fi movie I had watched, rolled through my mind. Time travel… makes you wanna hurl. Kai would love this.
I felt my head lean back, and my body vibrate. I wanted to peek, but I was afraid that if I did, I would hurl all over the time continuum. Then I smiled… because that was ridiculous, but chunks of my last dinner floating in time itself would not be a good thing… Well, I would think that it wouldn’t.
Just as I rationed out that bit of ridiculous thought in my head, I felt myself hit something soft. I took a breath, as I slowly reached up and felt leather under my hands. I knew it; I recognized the smoothness of it… It was my chair, the old leather one in the library. I opened my eyes and looked up to see that I was in fact at the library. Not the new one that Theo had built for me, but the old one that I basically lived in as a child. I looked down at my hand and saw the blade in it. I quickly picked up my backpack and narrowed my eyes, as I looked it. This was the one that I had when I was younger… much younger. I unzipped it quickly and placed the blade in it, as I looked up, and there he was… Johnathan… holding his mother’s hand, escorted by Noble. I sucked in my breath and leaned back, holding onto the arms of the chair like I was about to launch into space.
I looked down at my hands, and they were smaller, not like my hands are that big to begin with… but not this small… not unless…
I stood up quickly and ran to the large mirror overhead. I leaned back, there I was… Rue at 12, and I almost freaked out. I looked over and saw Johnathan walking up the stairs and sucked in my breath.
Am I supposed to kill him here? I mean… WTF?
I ran back to my chair and grabbed my backpack up and ran up the stairs. I skidded to a stop when I saw his small frame standing in front of the picture of Caine on the wall. I tried to control my breathing, and I looked from side to side, like I was about to ninja his ass. I started to walk towards him, slowly at first, and then I stopped, as he looked down and grinned. I stepped up next to him and looked up at Caine. Johnathan glanced over to me.
“This is my great, great, great… well you get it, grandfather, Caine Morris Graph. My parents named me after him, well my middle name anyway.”
I swallowed hard and tried to control myself… I have to do this… have to.
I took a breath and looked at him.
“My name is Rue Volley. My parents don’t believe in middle names, I guess.”
Johnathan smiled at me, and I felt my heart flutter.
There he was, the reason I even kept going to the library.
My Johnathan… the one I had long forgotten.
“I like that… Rue Volley… easier to say,” he said.
“Uh huh,” I said, as I looked down at my hands and back at Johnathan.
He looked at me and smiled without showing his teeth.
“My Mother will be here soon; we should get this over with,” he said.
I tilted my head and sucked in my breath.
“Oh my god,” I said, as I looked at my backpack.
Johnathan looked at it too and smiled.
“Rue… it’s okay; I would rather it be you,” he whispered.
“You understand everything?” I asked.
He nodded, and I leaned down and grabbed my bag.
I looked at him and shook my head.
“I can’t,” I said.
Johnathan stepped up to me and touched my face.
I looked at him, as tears welled up in my eyes.
“I shouldn’t be; I know that now… And it was always you; the only one, Rue, who could stop me,” he said.
I tried to catch my breath, as he unzipped my bag and pulled out the blade. My bag dropped to the floor, and he held the blade in his hand. He turned it, and placed my hand over it.
“I... I can’t do this, Johnathan,” I said, as my body started to shake,
He tilted his head and placed his hand on my face.
He leaned in and looked into my eyes.
“You are never alone. I love you… I always have. I am death, and I cannot become that beast. I can’t, Rue,” he whispered to me.
He leaned in and kissed me, soft and sweet, on the lips. I made a noise at his mouth, and then I felt him thrust the blade towards him, as he gripped my hand. He moaned at my mouth, and I started to feel his body slump. He fell from the blade, and I stood there in shock, holding the bloody blade in my hand.
I took a step back and heard a scream. I looked over and Elie stood there, with Noble at her side. She fainted, and Noble caught her, as he stared at me like I was the devil. I dropped the blade, and it clattered on the floor at my feet.
Johnathan lay there on his back, with a soft look on his face… like he was in heaven… I could only hope that he was going there… because I will never be. He looked at me and opened his mouth. I stood there numb, as people started to run towards him. He stared at me and grinned.
“We are allowed to expire,” he whispered.
Then he closed his eyes, for the last time.
Chapter 21
Home Is Wherever You Are
I don’t remember much of the trial, or the verdict. I had sat in that courtroom with my parents, as they held my hands. Kai came sometimes, but opted out when they announced that the jury had decided what to do with the twelve-year old girl, who had lost her mind and killed the golden boy. Rue Volley, the first girl to murder in Calvary, and from what I know… the only one.
Truth was I didn’t kill Johnathan; he kinda killed himself. I tried to explain that at one point, but no one heard me over the yelling in the courtroom. I was hated and feared, and for some bizarre reason, the court decided to have mercy on me. Maybe it was when my mother pleaded with the jurors, or the fact that up until then, no one really knew me… except for that murderous bastard who killed the dog down the street. He rolled in to sit there and stare at me from behind, like he was happy to see me get what he thought was due. Funny thing is I was kinda glad too.
Ever since I saw Johnathan laying there in that slow moving blood ring surrounding his body, I had done nothing but hope that Mia and Lucifer would pop up and zap me back to the moment I had come from… but that was a no go. They didn’t appear, and I no longer felt anything. No vibration, no light. I couldn’t even run fast. I was normal, well… not really. I was a killer, but no one would believe me even if I opened my mouth up.
I sat there, like a deer in headlights, when the jury decided to place me in the asylum. I guess, I must have sounded crazy in the beginning, and then I stopped talking altogether… So, they saw me as a permanent resident, and they shipped me there right away.
It was there that the doctors decided to trial run me on all the newest drugs and head shrink crap. I held onto the memory of protectors and Valon… Sam, Theo… even Jonah and Lily for a long time. 2 years to be exact, but then all the drugs started to fade their faces from my memory, and I started to find it difficult to remember anything about them at all.
But Josh... Josh wouldn’t leave me, not for one moment, not one night… Not even when they gave me pill after pill to f
ind the right cocktail to even my mood swings out. He still remained. I remember his mouth and his teeth the most. Those two crooked canines that he sports. I loved them and him, well… loved him more than the teeth. I wouldn’t care if he had been missing any teeth at all; I still would love him just the same. Without him I felt lonely… the kind of lonely that makes your head hurt and body tired.
I guess that is why I gave up, kinda. I accepted the talks with the doctors and nodded my head when they handed me a cup with whatever pill they decided to guinea pig me on that day. I just started to accept it as truth, and the memory of being immortal started to fade too.
Then one day I woke up from my afternoon nap, brought on by pills and depression, and I asked the nurse for paper. I needed it, and they all had a fit at the thought of me having a pen. I guess that in my hands, it was a weapon of destruction. They had meetings and discussions about it for a month before my Mom and Dad walked in and pulled out a shiny new laptop for me. I sat there on the bed, hands on my lap, and held back the scream of excitement. I was gonna type the hell out of that thing. I really was.
I didn’t know anything about computers, but my Dad cursed a lot as he tried to load a program for me. I grinned, and he leaned over and bumped me, telling me to stop making fun… And I did; because my parents were the coolest people on the planet and for all I knew, the only ones who loved me. Who else would? I mean, I was a murderer and locked up in an asylum until I die, for all I knew. I only wish that I believed that I was sane. I mean, over the last couple of years I have started to doubt that I was on a mission, a crazy one… sent by the creator and the devil to save the world from certain death. Come on! I mean, even I had to wonder what the hell some days.
I let that laptop sit in my room for 5 days, as I walked back and forth in front of it… and then it happened. I sat down, and 8 hours later, a nurse tapped on my door and I looked up at her. My fingers were kinda numb, and I looked back at the screen, typed “Chapter 2”, and grinned.
“I think that it is wonderful that you are writing,” she said.
I looked at her and her nametag and grinned when I saw “Holly” on it.
I looked at her face and smiled big.
“You will be a great doctor someday,” I said.
She tilted her head at me and grinned, as she raised her eyebrows.
“Well, I am in school…” she said.
I looked back at the screen and smiled.
“This is my story,” I said to her.
She leaned over and grinned.
“Well, you just get it all out,” she said.
I shook my head, and she placed the tray of food on the stand next to my bed.
I went back to typing.
“Just do me a favor and eat something… otherwise the doctor will get mad at me.”
I waved my hand, like I cared, and she walked out, closing my door behind her.
I leaned back and started to scroll through the first chapter, laughing as I read it…then frowning when it made me sad. It actually was good, or what I thought was good. I giggled, as I kept reading it. Then I came to the point of the party, the first one Kai talked me into, and I touched the screen, as I read about the first time I saw Johnathan…I mean, since he was 12. I sighed and looked down at my hands and wondered if I had always been this creative. I mean, this was fiction…my fictional story.
I wrote day after day… scrapping some of it, revising other parts, and completely rewriting chunks of it… just to get the story straight. My fingers moved slow at first, since I had never really typed, but by the seventh chapter I was moving pretty fast… not even looking at the keys that much. I would write, and then stop at points to re-read what I had written and couldn’t even remember writing it at all. How weird, it was almost as if it was truth… just spilled out on my white screen.
About two months into it and many skipped lunches later, Holly tapped on my door and stepped in, with yet another tray in her hands that I had no intention of touching. She stepped up to me and closed my laptop, and I looked at her and frowned.
“You… eat,” she said.
I sighed and looked back at the laptop, and she ‘uh uh’d’ me.
She placed her hand on the top of it and held it in place.
“You have got to eat something… You are losing weight, and I think that the doctor is thinking about limiting your time on that thing.”
I looked at my laptop and thought about the ramifications of not having it to write with, and it bothered me… a lot. I turned to her and nodded, and she grinned and placed my hair over my ear. I looked up at her and stood up. My knee cracked, and I laughed and looked down.
“I think that I am too young to be creaking,” I said.
Holly smiled and took my hand, leading me over to the bed. I sat down, and she placed the food on the tray and swung it in front of me. I looked at it and smiled. It actually smelled good… the food that it is. I almost forgot that I love to eat, at least I used to.
“Kai is coming today,” Holly said, as she lifted the spoon and I opened my mouth and looked at her.
Kai didn’t visit… not that often… but when he did, it made me happy. I mean, he still was a turd… but he is my turd and I love him. He doesn’t stay away because he wants to. In fact, he told me… about 4 months ago, that he was sad. Sad that I wasn’t home; sad that this place smelled like bleach… sad for me.
That was a strange conversation to have with him. He wasn’t all mushy, but for some reason, that rainy day he was… and he said it… the ‘love you’ thingy. I remember looking into his eyes and just knowing that it was truth… the real stuff. I had felt my heartbeat speed up that day, like things were different, and then he didn’t come back. It bothered me at first, but then I thought that maybe he was the smart one after all. I mean, if I could ignore this place I would too.
I swallowed the soup and raised my eyebrows.
“It’s good,” I said.
Holly grinned and dipped the spoon in the bowl.
I looked at her and grinned.
“You don’t have to feed me,” I said.
She placed the spoon in my mouth.
“Like you will do it,” she said.
I laughed and some soup came out of my mouth on my chin, and she wiped it off with a napkin.
I sighed and looked at the floor.
“I can’t stop,” I said.
Holly tapped the spoon on the bowl, and I looked at her.
“Well, then you simply are not done telling the story,” she said.
I grinned, and she fed me another spoonful of soup.
I suddenly stood up and ‘oh’d’ her.
“I want you to read it…as I write it... You can kinda tell me what is good and what sucks,” I said.
“Okay…but give me some time, school has me all busy, busy, busy.”
I looked at her and placed my hand on my hip.
“Like I am going anywhere,” I said.
She laughed and covered her mouth and started laughing too. I think that was the first joke that I have cracked since, ya know… the whole killing Johnathan thingy.
She laughed and stood up, looking at her watch. I stared at her… hoping she was serious, about reading it I mean. I really need for someone else to look at it… outside of me, and tell me what is going on. She looked at me and grinned.
“I gotta go…school. I will tell you what; I will bring a memory stick with me and get a copy tomorrow… Maybe I can get to it this weekend.”
I grinned big and started to walk back towards the desk.
“Ah,” she said.
I looked at her, and she pointed at the tray of food.
“Please finish it… I am sick of getting yelled at,” she said.
I sighed and walked back to it, sat down, and lifted the spoon.
“You won’t lie…right?” I said.
“About your book...? Oh no, I read as much as I can. If it sucks, I will be the first to tell you.”
�
�Oh… good,” I said.
She laughed and walked out. I guess the fact that I wanted her opinion made her happy, because she was grinning. Truth was I was just happy that anyone would want to read it at all. I mean, who in their right mind would...? A crazy book, written by a crazy girl, who also just so happened to be a murderer… or what everybody thought anyway. I didn’t though… kill him that is. I know that for sure. Even if all the rest was me and insanity… I know that he pulled that blade and stabbed himself, with my hand on it.
I dropped the spoon and pushed the food away from me. I knew I’d said that I would finish, but the laptop was calling out to me. I had to get back to it. I walked back over and sat down… opening it up and staring at it. I do this a lot… Even if I go to the bathroom, I have to scroll back and read…just to get back into the groove of the story. I sighed and read...
I wrote another two hours before the door opened and one of the interns stepped in, chewing gum. I looked at her and rolled my eyes. It just pissed me off to be interrupted; although I couldn’t really throw a fit in there…that would suck.
She looked at my laptop and at me.
“Your brother is here,” she said.
I stood up and closed the laptop. Truth was I was happy that he had come to see me. I didn’t expect him to be all girlie, but just seeing his face was a good thing. A very, very good thing.
I walked to her, and she pulled out my mittens… I call them that anyway. You see, when you are put into an asylum for murder, they don’t just let you visit; they want you to wear gear. So, I held up my hands and let her push them on, and she clicked the latch that connected the two of them together. I guess that they didn’t want me to grab him and choke him out or anything. Although, I couldn’t understand why they don’t helmet me… making it impossible to bite. Maybe it was because I didn’t bite… or yell, kick, scream… or mumble to myself. In fact, I was normal, and all except for the fact that I was sent here for stabbing and killing my friend, I have never caused any drama. A shrink’s dream… my head that is, because they couldn’t find anything wrong with me. I could…but I am a girl. I am talking about the fact that I don’t like my butt or the way my nose has a tiny hump in it… Oh and yea, the way my one toe is longer than my big toe… all stupid in the big picture, but annoying to me just the same.