by Rebecca Hall
“And now you’re you again,” Mitch said, sitting on his other side. “Do you…” he swallowed, “do you know who I am?”
“Mitchell,” Nikola smiled at him. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” Mitch let go of Fluffball and took Nikola’s hand.
“I need you to tell me what happened to you Nikola,” Gawain said. Mitch had done his best but too much of it had happened inside Nikola’s head.
“We went to see the demon,” Nikola said, rubbing reddened eyes. Mitch eyed Fluffball but she was staying at the far end of the bed and Nikola’s pyjamas were already covered in fur.
“It was trapped and angry. And it was scared. They were coming. It could feel them coming. Closer and closer. Imprison, kill. Find the curse. The curse is Faerie. Faerie… Faerie is the curse.”
Fluffball growled and Gawain frowned, the hand that had been stroking Nikola’s hair falling still.
“They made us to find what they could not. Made us to serve but the curse freed us. They chain us now, imprison us in fire. I won’t–”
Fluffball nipped at Nikola’s foot and he recoiled, curling up around Gawain and sobbing.
“Hush… it’s fine Nikola,” Gawain said softly, patting his back. “She didn’t draw blood.” Mitch looked but the red imprints of puppy teeth were already fading. Nikola sneezed and Mitch offered him yet another tissue. Gawain smiled and shook his head.
“And people say I coddle him.”
“It’s not coddling,” Mitch said. “It’s…” he faltered, the only reason why he carried tissues was for Nikola.
“Sit up Nikola,” Gawain said, helping him to do just that, while the glass of water on the bedside table rose into the air and floated over to him. “Drink,” Gawain ordered, holding it to his lips. Nikola obeyed, gulping it down in two long swallows. “Good, now I need to know what happened to you Nikola, not the demon.”
Mitch shot him a pleading look, surely this could wait a little longer, but Gawain shook his head.
“What happened?”
“I was in the demon’s mind and it was in mine and it was so strong.” He sniffed and swallowed, tears filling his eyes. “It wanted control and I… I couldn’t stop it, couldn’t get it out. I can still hear it. It won’t stop. Oh stars. It won’t stop. I can feel it… I can feel me. Where does it stop? I… I can’t… what… where do I stop? Where does it start…” He buried his face in Gawain’s shoulder.
“It’s ok,” Mitch said, rubbing his back. “I know you pretty well, I’ll remind you.”
“Promise?”
“Of course.” Nikola had always been there to tell him that he wasn’t a monster no matter what everyone else thought. It was the least he could do. “I’ll look after you.” He moved a little closer and Nikola left Gawain’s side to curl up in his arms, a small smile on his face.
“Are you ready to continue?” Gawain asked.
Mitch wasn’t. He wanted to take Nikola somewhere safe and quiet where he could get better. But he didn’t know where that might be and he didn’t know how to help Nikola, Gawain did and Nikola was already nodding.
“I lost control,” Nikola said, shaking. “The demon started to free itself. I… it hurt Verdandi and then… there was a quake and I got control back. And then he came.
“He came to destroy the demon before it could tell them. Before it could betray my secrets. I killed it and then she was there. She betrayed me, abandoned me. Alone… all alone…”
“Nikola.” Mitch shook him but Nikola didn’t seem to notice. He stared into the middle distance, his magic saturated the air while Gawain’s danced around his body.
“Nikola,” Mitch repeated frantically, tears stinging at his eyes. “Come back Nikola.”
“I am Raphael.”
Gawain pushed Mitch away and lowered Nikola to the bed a second before the seizure began.
“Can’t you stop this?” Mitch yelled. It was even worse than the first and there was nothing he could do.
“I’m trying,” Gawain said, “but that stars-cursed angel makes his brain light up like a fireworks factory.”
After what felt like an age Nikola fell still but this time he didn’t stir.
“I’m going to keep him asleep through the night,” Gawain said, moving Nikola into the recovery position.
“Will he get better?” Mitch asked. “Can you help him?” He was shaking, his eyes filled with tears. Nikola was his best friend and if he’d never needed blood…
Gawain sighed and ran a hand through sweat-darkened hair. “There’s no way to completely disengage his mind from the impressions,” he said. “Not with Tevial dead and Raphael… I’m not sure if Nikola could survive another meeting with him and I’m even less sure Raphael would allow him to live with Tevial’s memories.”
“Then what do we do?” Mitch asked, carefully settling on the bed once more.
“We keep him here for now,” Gawain said. “The routine will help once he’s ready for it. I wish we could send him to mother but he’s too young for the Inner Court and she can’t afford to leave it for so long.” He stared into the middle distance for a moment, biting his lip and then he shook himself.
“I’ll call her anyway, she can advise us on the best approach.”
“Thank you for coming,” Mitch said. He knew that he should go do his assignments or help Amelie with dinner or do something useful. Instead he lay down at Nikola’s side and looped an arm around him.
#
“You look tired,” Mitch said, dumping his bag on the table.
“Nikola isn’t sleeping well,” Gawain replied.
“Where is he?” Mitch asked. Nikola was seldom left alone now though they did their best not to crowd him. The impressions left behind by Tevial and Raphael were too volatile and dangerous for anything else.
“Shower,” Gawain said. “Don’t worry, I have him cocooned in diagnostic spells.” He yawned and nibbled on a piece of toast.
Nikola had nightmares every night, memories of lives that weren’t his intruding upon his dreams. Sometimes he woke screaming. Others he woke as someone else. Gawain talked him through both.
“It’s the weekend tomorrow,” Mitch said. “I could stay with him if you want.” Amelie, Gawain and Nikola insisted that he go to class and at least try to pay attention but they could hardly object to this.
“Perhaps,” Gawain said.
Nikola padded out into the living room, Fluffball bouncing at his feet. She never strayed far from him now, her telepathy somehow helping to keep the impressions in check.
“I thought you were getting breakfast,” Nikola said. He looked even more exhausted than Gawain.
“What do you think this is?” Gawain said, waving his piece of toast. Mitch grinned.
Nikola rolled his eyes. “Get out of my kitchen, I’m making pancakes.”
“Stars be praised,” Gawain said. Neither angel nor demon had any knowledge of cooking but Nikola loved it. It was one of the surest signs that he was in control and Gawain encouraged him as much as he could. Mitch was in danger of becoming the world’s first obese vampire. “Call me when they’re ready.” He vanished down the hallway.
“I dropped off your assignments,” Mitch said. No one wanted Nikola around that many people but he could get most of his course notes online and Mitch picked up the rest.
“Thank you,” Nikola smiled at him over his bowl of would be pancakes.
“How are you doing?”
Nikola shrugged.
“Are the notebooks helping?”
Titania had said that recording each of the impressions in separate notebooks would help separate them and make it clear which was which. Mitch had glanced at them once and promptly given up any notion of making sense of them. Nikola used the phonetic alphabet, seemingly switching languages at random and the biggest clue as to who each notebook represented was the handwriting. Nikola wrote his own in his left hand and used his right for the others.
“I think so,” Nikola said. “
It’s hard… Raphael…” He was getting better at managing Tevial but every time Raphael’s impression surfaced it triggered a seizure. “They knew things about each other as well. Sometimes I can’t tell what’s knowledge and what’s experience and–”
“You’ll work it out,” Mitch said, cutting him off.
Nikola sniffed, his eyes full. “Do you really think so?”
“Yes,” Mitch rounded the kitchen bench to hug him. Nikola leaned into him, his shaking receding.
“So pancakes?” Mitch said after a moment.
“That needs to sit for a while,” Nikola said. He was still wrapped in Mitch’s arms and Mitch was relieved that Amelie was in class. There was a loud squeak from the corner where Fluffball was wrestling with a dog toy and losing, and Nikola stepped away.
“I wish I could take her for a walk.”
“You are getting better,” Mitch said. Gawain took him out early in the morning or late at night when he could be sure that there wouldn’t be many people around.
“I know,” Nikola sighed, flopping across the couch.
“You’ll be back in class in no time,” Mitch said, leaning over the back of the couch. Nikola raised an eyebrow. “Well, in time for exams anyway.”
“Practically the story of my life,” Nikola muttered. “Everyone hovered like this when I was eight as well.” When they’d thought that his own magic might kill him.
“Did they let you make pancakes when you were eight?” Mitch asked, motioning for Nikola to budge up.
“He helped me reach everything on the top shelf,” Nikola said, drawing his legs up so that Mitch had somewhere to sit. Mitch jumped over the couch and felt the ground shake, throwing him off balance and sending him toppling down onto a dead white Nikola.
“Sorry,” Mitch said, trying to disentangle himself. “Nikola?” he pushed himself up, goosebumps rising as he felt Nikola’s magic saturate the air.
“They’re coming.”
“Oh, fuck.” Mitch recognised that vacant look in his eyes, the empty tone of voice. “Come on Nikola,” Mitch said. “Take control, you can do it, please. Gawain,” he yelled over one shoulder, hoping that the healer hadn’t decided to take a nap. Nikola was trembling. The ground shook again and his hands slipped.
“Ow, sorry,” Mitch said reflexively as his head collided with Nikola’s. He wasn’t sure if the impressions could feel pain but Nikola would probably object to the bruise. He pushed himself up again and saw that Nikola was unconscious. At least it would be Nikola who woke up, probably.
“Gaw–” he began to yell again and stopped when he saw him hurrying down the hall.
“Ow… Mitch?”
“Hey,” Mitch grinned down at Nikola.
“You’re really uncomfortable you know.”
“So are you,” Mitch retorted, climbing off him and ignoring Gawain’s snort of laughter. Nikola was little more than skin and bones cunningly concealed by tailored clothing but it didn’t work very well when you were lying on him.
“Why were you lying on me?” Nikola asked. Mitch slid to the floor and leaned back against the couch while Gawain knelt by his side, his magic playing over Nikola.
“I was protecting you from the earthquake.”
“By knocking me out?” Nikola rubbed his head.
“That was to protect you from Raphael.”
“Try not to bruise him next time,” Gawain said, sitting back. “There are better ways of dealing with this.”
“I’ll try to remember,” Mitch promised, healing his own bruise.
Guests
“Relax Mitchell,” Amelie said. “You’re stiff as a board.”
“I’m trying,” Mitch said, moving somewhat robotically in time to the music. “I’m just…”
“Fretting over Nikola,” she finished for him. “I thought the whole point of this exercise was to get away from him.”
“That was before,” Mitch said. When he’d signed them up for dance classes he hadn’t thought that they’d have to deal with anything worse than a bad cold. Instead they had to deal with Nikola’s constant struggle to suppress the impressions.
“You can’t hover over him twenty-four-seven,” Amelie said. Unlike him she moved gracefully, every step effortless and in time with the music while he felt as if he was in constant danger of treading on someone’s foot. “Quite apart from the fact that it will drive him up the wall far faster than they will, you do need to take care of yourself. Get out, decompress, unwind. You know, think about something that isn’t Nikola or your assignments.”
“But…” he knew that she was right. He knew that there was more to life than his best friend even if it often felt as if Nikola was the only thing keeping him sane.
“No buts,” Amelie said as he twirled her.
“Gawain doesn’t get time off.”
“Gawain might as well be his father.”
Mitch snorted; his own father had disowned him when things got difficult and while Amelie’s father doted on her he suspected that Gawain had done more to raise her.
“And unlike you he does take time to himself,” Amelie said. “He does go out while we’re with Nikola and he agreed to let you watch over him in the weekend didn’t he?” There was a harsh edge to her voice. She might understand him sleeping with Nikola, not that either of them had got much sleep, but she didn’t like it.
“Yes–”
Amelie glared at him and he swallowed the ‘but’ he’d been about to say.
“New rule for Tuesday date nights,” Amelie said. “No talking about my cousin.”
“What do we talk about then?”
“I don’t know, our mutual hatred of our psych teacher? Whatever movie just came out? Plans for the holidays? There are literally thousands of topics out there that aren’t Nikola or even Nikola related.”
“I guess,” Mitch sighed, “isn’t it a little early to be talking about holidays?”
“Not if we want to reserve a good suite for skiing,” Amelie replied.
“Skiing?” Mitch almost missed a step and Amelie laughed.
“We were going to surprise you but now… I figured a little advance warning wouldn’t go amiss.”
“We?” Mitch asked, tripping over his tongue almost as much as he was tripping over his feet.
“Nikola thought that it might be nice for us to get some time alone together and he’ll spend most of the holidays being prodded at by Gawain anyway…”
“I thought we weren’t allowed to talk about him,” Mitch said though it did sound just like Nikola.
“You’re not, I am,” Amelie smiled at him. “But all we have to do is confirm the reservation and then we can spend a week skiing at Cadrona before going to Court.”
“Sure,” Mitch said because it was that or admit that he was terrible at skiing and always had been. Between his affinity for self-manipulation and cryomancy he should have been a pro but he couldn’t get on a pair of skis without overthinking everything. Mitch suspected it was the height, even when the routes were nowhere near cliffs.
“It’ll be fun Mitch,” Amelie said brightly. “And neither of us will have to worry about him, not while he’s at home.”
“I know, I know,” but…
“Think about it,” Amelie said, “please, I’d like to go away with you but only if you’re sure about it. Only if you’ll actually be there with me instead of a million miles away.”
“I’ll be there with bells on,” Mitch promised. “Let’s do it.”
#
Mitch turned into the alley that led to the Nethergate and almost jumped out of his skin.
“Haven’t you ever heard of calling ahead?” he demanded of Hayley.
She shrugged, “I’m supposed to be in hiding. If I called ahead then they would know where to find me.”
“Then you should probably be somewhere else,” Mitch said. There had been a lot of earthquakes over the last fortnight and almost all of them brought Raphael to the fore. If they didn’t stop soon Gawain would tak
e Nikola back to Faerie.
“They’re why I’m here,” Hayley said. “The Host wants Nikola.”
“And you don’t?” Mitch snapped. He looked around but the alley was deserted. Not that that meant much, he was almost certain that Rana had secret spy cameras set up around the place and god only knew what she’d make of him being friends with an angel or how she’d try to use that information. “You wanted him to read the demon’s mind.”
“And I still want to know what he learnt from it,” Hayley replied. Mitch glared at her. “The Host just wants to kill him.”
“They can get in line,” Mitch snapped, a horrible new thought surfacing. What if Verdandi was still in the Netherworld? What if she forced Rana to tell her where they lived? Gawain could probably fend her off but he couldn’t stay in the Other World forever. He wasn’t even supposed to be here.
He sighed, “Thanks for helping us get home when, you know.”
She smiled, “I’m sorry that we didn’t get there sooner. We might have been able to save the demon.”
“Why the hell would you want to save that monster?” Mitch asked, recalling the nights he spent cradling Nikola after yet another nightmare about the atrocities it had performed.
Hayley smirked, “We imprison them in hell you know, Lucifer thinks that we’ll be able to save them once the curse is broken.”
“Good luck with that,” Mitch muttered. Some things couldn’t be saved, he was a prime example of that.
“If we’d saved it Nikola would have been able to disentangle his mind properly,” Hayley said sharply.
“And if you’d come for it instead of asking Nikola to… you didn’t have anything to do with that did you?” Mitch asked. What had happened to Belle had been bad enough but at least he knew that Belle had deliberately kept Hayley in the dark about it. If Hayley had somehow put Rana up to blackmailing Nikola…
She didn’t answer and that was all the answer he needed.
“You can go screw yourself,” he spat, making to push past her. “And stay the hell away from Nikola.”
“We need to know where the heart of the Twisted Curse is,” Hayley said, her hand closing around his arm. Mitch tried to yank free to no avail.