by John Ringo
“I’d rather shoot for ‘we’re just friends’ if it’s all the same to you, sir,” Dana said, chuckling. “You won’t tell me?”
“No,” Tyler said. “I want you to have a fresh ear so to speak. But I bet you figure it out pretty quick.”
“Why me?” Dana asked, curiously.
“Something about you,” Tyler said. “It was a gut call on my part but something Paris said reinforced it. You know you’re one of the few people in the system that the AIs talk to other than strictly business?”
“No,” Dana said.
“I think I know why that is, too,” Tyler said. “It’s the reason that, yeah, I was glad to see Comet. And I won’t get into that, either. No, I will. You know that of all the people I deal with every day, you’re about the only person who really treats me as a person?”
“Excuse me?” Dana said.
“You recognize that I’m...powerful,” Tyler said. “And except for constantly calling me ‘sir’ it doesn’t seem to matter. Know how rare that is?”
“Oh,” Dana said.
“I either get fan-boy/girl or ‘what can this person do for me?’ ” Tyler continued. “You don’t do either.”
“You mean ‘Oh, Mister Vernon! Gosh you’re just soooo powerful and handsome!’ ” Dana said, batting her eyes and adding a giggle.
“Please not you, too,” Tyler said.
“Gimme a break,” Dana said, then giggled again. “Okay, yeah, I do occasionally giggle.”
“You have no clue how much that scared me,” Tyler said. “And I’d heard you do but only under stress. Odd reaction.”
“Know how embarrassing it is?” Dana said. “I giggled most of the way through the main bay. Thank God the recording of that never made the net. I sound like a mad scientist. So what does my giggle have to do with Granadica?”
“You’ll figure it out,” Tyler said. “Just be yourself. Oh, and you’re going to be in the meetings. I insisted. I’ll have a cover for why, it’s good. But you’re going to be around all these DPs. That, by the way, is why Barnett, MOGs and Mutant are along. They don’t really know it but they’re your handlers.”
“O...kay,” Dana said.
“Somebody to have your back,” Tyler said. “Besides me. I’m not worried about the State Department and South American guys. But there are all these Navy guys along and some of them might decide to stick a knife in your back.”
“Thank you.”
“Okay, this is long enough for a snuggle but no coitus,” Tyler said, standing up.
“Can we shoot for ‘friends?’ ” Dana said.
“Absolutely,” Tyler said, giving her a peck on the cheek. “I need somebody at my back, too.”
* * *
“So you’re not friends with Tyler Vernon and he spends ten minutes in here talking to you, behind closed doors, when the Foreign Ministers of Chile and Argentina are up front?” Velasquez said.
The unit was approaching the Granadica Station and, as such, Dana had definitely had to have her engineer back.
“That got clarified,” Dana said. “I’ve talked to him a few times. It’s one of those things where there’s a mutual admiration society. And I don’t treat him like a fan-girl. He spends most of his time on Troy and even then he doesn’t spend much time with regular people. So, yeah, strangely enough we are sort of friends. Just never really crossed my mind.”
“Never crossed your mind?” Velasquez said. “You have to be joking!”
“Vel,” Dana replied. “First of all, pay attention to what you’re doing because you’re in charge of making sure we’re properly docked. And if we’re not, we’re about to outgas a high priority cargo of volatiles. They get really tetchy about that sort of thing. Second, you remember all the conversations we’ve had on differences in culture?”
“Yes,” Velasquez said.
“Try to understand mine for a change,” Dana said. “And Mister Vernon’s. Which is way closer to mine than, say, the President’s or the Secretary of State. And especially your Secretary of State. Part of it is that I’m from the same cultural background as Mister Vernon. I get his motivations and he gets mine. Since you don’t get mine, you don’t get his. And you don’t understand why I was sort of surprised he considered me a friend. Now it makes sense. Scrap the whole thing about docking. They’ve got bays. Head up front to make nice as you lower the ramp.”
“Okay,” Velasquez said, standing up.
“One check of which is that we have breathable on the outside before you drop the hatch,” Dana said. “Which I will be double and triple checking. Oh, and Vel?”
“Yes,” the EA said, pausing at the hatch.
“You also don’t understand the meaning of the word ‘friend.’ It’s...cultural.”
* * *
“Debness, MOGs.”
“Go,” Dana said.
“Most of us are going to have to unass in the bays. There’s no room to store the shuttles. Granadica will remote park them on the shell. Yours is the exception for some reason. Move to docking lock four.”
“Docking lock four, aye,” Dana said. “Granadica, we are sealed. Ready to move whenever you wish.”
“Got it,” the AI replied. The tone was a bit peevish. “The greeting party is going into overtime.”
“It’s a comfortable seat,” Dana said. “How’s it going otherwise?”
“I had to move most of my people off-station for this colonoscopy by a bunch of Distinguished Persons who couldn’t find an engineering fault if they had a map, compass and somebody to point their finger to the spot. How do you think it’s going?”
“Pretty much like my last four months,” Dana said, chuckling. “I hope they’re not going to really give you a colonoscopy. The tube would be enormous!”
“Heh, I suppose it would,” the station replied.
“It’s not a pretty picture,” Dana said. “All those Suds standing around going ‘Is that a polyp?’ ‘What’s a polyp?’ ‘What does a polyp look like?’ ”
“Oh, stop, kid,” Granadica said. “You’re killing me. There. That was a fault cause you were triggering my humor circuit! I’m not taking the heat for that one but at least I caught it! I’d apologize about all the other ones but I’m getting sort of tired of it.”
“There was a lot of bitching about it at one point,” Dana said. “Don’t get me wrong. But we’ve also been following the progress of the teams on trying to find a fix. And what everybody’s pretty much decided is that it’s not...you. I mean, it’s not the AI Granadica and it’s not the factory. I mean, it has to be, but some of the faults are so God damned weird it can’t be...something simple. So we don’t blame you. Nothing to apologize about.”
“Still a pain in the butt,” Granadica said.
“We pull the maintenance tests and we find the faults,” Dana said. “Except for a high use of spare parts, it’s not all that much of a deal. If you pull maintenance.”
“You clearly do in your division,” Granadica said. “If everybody in the One-Four-Three did the same they wouldn’t be in the mess they’re in.”
“Preaching to the choir,” Dana said as Velasquez entered the compartment. “AI, are we cleared for departure?”
“Roger, Twenty-Three,” Granadica said over the 1MC. “Pumping down now. You are to move following all posted and assigned flight warnings to Docking Lock Four. Safe life, Twenty-Three.”
“That was Granadica?” Velasquez asked, hitting the bucket.
“That was Granadica,” Dana said.
There was something about the AI’s tone that bothered her but she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. They were definitely going to have to talk.
* * *
“Captain DiNote, this is my team,” Dana said.
The shuttles had unloaded one by one, including all the luggage for the DPs, and the flight teams were finally in the factory. DiNote had ordered everyone to report to Twenty-Three for briefing.
“CM2 Benito,” Dana continued. “EM3 Palencia a
nd EA Velasquez.”
“Benito, Palencia, Velasquez,” the captain said, nodding. “This is Chief Barnett, EM1 Hartman and CM1 Glass.”
“Howza,” Barnett said, shaking their hands. Mutant and Thermal just nodded.
“Chief Barnett will be responsible for all enlisted personnel on this mission,” Captain DiNote continued. “I’m aware that you all have family among the DPs. I’ve had modified guidance that during off-watch periods you are permitted free interaction with the DPs. During watch periods, such interaction shall be strictly business. Watch periods will be set during the daily meeting periods so that shouldn’t be an issue. The point is going to be made to the DPs through their own channels. I’m not going to tell the Foreign Minister of Argentina that he can’t talk to his aide’s son. There are admirals for that sort of conversation. What I’m going to tell you is that you are to refrain from initiating interaction. So if I find that you’ve bunked off to see daddy during duty hours, I’m going to require a Captain’s Mast through channels for direct disobedience of an order. Is that clear?”
“Clear, sir,” Palencia said.
“Parker, that includes you,” DiNote said. “I understand that Mister Vernon visited you on the flight deck during movement.”
“Yes, sir,” Dana said, gulping.
“There is to be no initiation of contact during duty periods,” DiNote said. “I’d rather try to explain that to Doctor Barreiro than Vernon Tyler, but it will be passed on.”
“Yes, sir,” Dana said wondering exactly how long that order would last.
“From my perspective, we might as well all go back to our respective units,” Captain DiNote said. “We’re done. But higher apparently has a different take. So we’re here for the duration. Anyone who steps on their...” He paused and looked at Dana for a moment.
“Anybody who messes up is going to have to deal with me,” Chief Barnett said, smiling. “And you don’t want to deal with me.”
“God, no,” Thermal muttered.
“Absent further guidance, Thermal, Comet, Palencia and Velasquez will continue to ensure maintenance of the shuttles,” DiNote said. “Pilots will maintain proficiency, assist and advise. We’ve been assigned quarters with one of the officers from the inspection party. Quarters are tight on this station so we’re bunking up. Barnett and Parker. Thermal and Mutant. There’s a three-bunk for the rest of you.”
“Yes, sir,” Benito said, flexing his jaw.
“Grab your kit and get to quarters. We’re off duty until tomorrow morning. So, yes, if your fathers are available you can visit them.” He paused and looked off into the distance. “Damnit.”
“Sir?” Barnett said.
“About half of what I just said went out the airlock,” DiNote said. “Damnit.”
“Sir?” Dana said after a moment.
“Quarters are as assigned,” DiNote said. “Missions have slightly changed. And we’re not off duty. There is a reception at nineteen hundred. All personnel will attend.”
“Oh...crap,” Barnett muttered.
“Uniform is dress uniform or formal dress,” DiNote added.
“Sir, I’ll take it from here,” Barnett said.
“Please do,” DiNote said, lifting his grav bag. “I’m headed to my quarters. Since we’re not flying tomorrow, I’m going to visit with my old friend Johnny. Chief, your unit.”
“Roger, sir,” Barnett said. “Thermal, Mutant, better get in a shower. You’ve got the dress uniforms?”
“I didn’t think I was going to have to use it,” Thermal said. “But, yeah. And it’s right.”
“Better be,” Barnett said. “There will be a pre-inspection at eighteen hundred. Final inspection at eighteen thirty. Both to be conducted for the male members by Thermal and Mutant. Final really final inspection at eighteen fifty by me. You junior guys ever worn your dress uniforms?”
“Only once,” Benito said. “Other than having it fitted. But we are familiar with dressing appropriately, Chief.”
“You’re way out on front on this one at least, Beni,” Dana said, grinning.
“If you need any help...Quipu, I will be happy to oblige,” Benito said.
“You wouldn’t know proper dress if a Parisian courtier fitted you,” Palencia said.
“As you were,” Dana said.
“As the EM said,” Barnett said. “And in case this isn’t clear, none of you had better be sporting shiners at the reception. Or you’ll find out why one of my nicknames is Bender. Be ready at eighteen hundred.”
* * *
“Dana,” Barnett said, giving the EM a hug as soon as they were in their quarters.
“It is really good to see you, Chief,” Dana said, relaxing for the first time in she didn’t know how long.
“How bad has it been?” Barnett asked, finally releasing her.
“What doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger,” Dana said.
“How’s the PTSD?”
“Better now than in a long time,” Dana said. “Whenever I have a bad night I schedule the division for a game of jungleball with the Pathans.”
“You’re playing jungleball with Pathans?”
“They don’t really know how to play null ball,” Dana said, sitting on the rack. “Jungleball is all they can understand. And they’re not really that good at it.”
“What about the rest of it?” Barnett asked. “I heard about the ‘reply by endorsements.’ ”
“They’re just a pain in the butt,” Dana said. “Since the chain of command has to send them on, that’s the pain in the butt. Let’s say that my CO is getting pretty tired of them.”
“Is it the same crap we’re getting?” Barnett asked. “ ‘You’re being mean to my precious boy?’ ”
“You saw who their fathers are,” Dana said. “That’s the whole unit.”
“A whole unit of perfumed princes?” Barnett asked.
“Pretty much,” Dana replied. “They’re all just marking time until they’re admirals. Yeah, it’s been bad. I get reamed repeatedly about not ‘working with their culture.’ And I ignore it. Because to Mast me they’d have to order me not to make my guys keep the birds in shape. And nobody is going to order that. So as long as I stay on their ass, they work to my standards. I’ve gotten to where I can take my eye off them for, oh, five minutes?”
“Christ,” Barnett said, shaking her head. “That is really screwed up.”
“Not really,” Dana said. “Fact is, I’m good at being a controlling bitch. It’s not being a controlling bitch that’s stressful.”
“Heh,” Barnett said. “I knew there was a reason I liked you.”
“They’re not lazy,” Dana said. “It’s way more complicated than that. I mean...way more complicated. And there’s an upside. Now they’re your responsibility.”
“Great!” the Chief said. “Thanks!”
“It’s not that big a deal tonight,” Dana said. “Tell them to dress up for a fancy ball and they’re on that like a shot. Especially Palencia. I suspect I’m going to look sort of tawdry next to him.”
“Is that a problem?” Barnett asked.
“Nah, I’ll just kick his ass at jungleball,” Dana said. “It’s more like tonight they’re on their turf. I’m not.”
“I’ll have your back,” Barnett said.
“I think it’s going to be...interesting,” Dana said.
FIFTEEN
“Well, no issues with junior enlisted uniforms,” Barnett said.
The only place large enough for the pre-inspection was one of the shuttle bays. There was one other large compartment in the station, but that was being prepared for the reception.
The resplendent mess-dress uniforms of the three South American personnel looked decidedly out-of-place.
Alliance Navy Formal Uniform, Enlisted, Male, was based, loosely, on a tuxedo with tails.
All three of the uniforms were excellent but there was something subtly better about Palencia’s. Dana couldn’t quite put her finger on it. He definitely co
uld carry it off better than Velasquez but it was less that than it appeared simply...better.
“Where in the world did you get that?” Barnett asked, looking at the uniform. “Even for Mess Dress that’s not standard.”
“Horsh and Wilhelm, Chief Barnett,” Palencia replied.
“I don’t recognize that,” Barnett said.
“Ouch,” Thermal said. He was wearing a standard dress uniform. “How much did it set you back?”
“Six thousand dollars, Engineer’s Mate,” Palencia replied.
“Ye flipping gods,” Barnett said, shaking her head. “Okay, we are to arrive first. Normally, we follow people into anything. But in this case, all the junior people are to be on site before the arrival of the bigs. So let us proceed to our appointed place now that we’re in our appropriate uniform.”
* * *
The reception room looked like it was normally used for storage. At least, that was Dana’s guess. Light cloth had been hung from the walls and the floor was covered in rugs but it still had the look of a holding area. Small tables, they looked too delicate and were probably antique, were scattered around apparently for the pure purpose of holding flowers. There were chairs scattered about near the bulkheads and the back bulkhead was dominated by a large bar of fine wood. A group of waiters in white coats were gathered near the bar and there was a string quartet, currently tuning up, in one corner.
“Getting all this to Wolf, not to mention into Granadica, must have been a major logistic activity,” Dana whispered.
“Yeah,” Barnett replied. “Apollo is pulling out the stops.”
“Hello!”
The speaker was a short man with thinning blond hair in a very nice suit. Dana didn’t know much about suits but she recognized nice when she saw it.
“And you are...?”
“Chief Barnett with party of six,” Barnett replied.