by Nikki Urang
“What?” She sounds offended.
“Did you just give him your card?” I’ve never seen anyone give out cards to potential dates.
She stares at me, confused. “So?”
“Why do you even have cards?”
She crosses her arms and glares at me. “I use them for casting calls.”
“Did you think there was going to be an agent here tonight and you would wow him with your drunken dancing skills? That’s classy.”
She smiles at me. “You can never be too prepared.” Her smile fades as she stares behind me. “Uh oh.”
My smile falls. “What now?”
I turn to see what she’s looking at. My eyes land on Luke as he enters through the arch at the front of the club. He walks forward and passes Brandon talking to some girl at the bar. Noelle follows closely behind Luke.
“Which one are you talking about?” I ask.
“All of them?” She bursts into giggles. “I’m sorry. This is so not funny.” She manages to keep a straight face for three seconds before dissolving in laughter again.
I roll my eyes at her and grab her drink, finishing it for her.
I watch Noelle and Luke. They stand close to each other, her hand on his arm so she can balance on her tiptoes, closer to his ear. His hand moves to her lower back and pulls her closer to him. Smiling, he leans down and whispers something in her ear. She falls apart giggling.
A pang of jealousy spikes through my chest. I know we’re not exclusive, but after what happened today and in Avila, I thought maybe something was happening. Or it is happening, and he’s playing that game even though he says he’s not.
Trust him. I should be able to do that by now. He kind of deserves some of my trust after everything we’ve been through and everything he’s shared with me.
I turn back to Brielle. She dances with her eyes closed, not aware of anything that’s happening. I join her, wanting to dance away the last of my stress. I’m not going to worry tonight.
A blue martini appears in my hand, and Luke stands in front of me. “Your hand looked empty,” he says.
He’s back to flirting with me. I don’t know how long I can keep doing this. Going back and forth between partners, friends, and the possibility of more is exhausting.
I mouth thank you to him. He looks amazing in his dark jeans and white button-up shirt. His muscles pull at the fabric of his shirt in all the right places when he moves.
“How’s your night been?” he asks.
“Good,” I say, smiling up at him.
We’re friends. Partners. We can’t be anything more than that.
“To us. Congrats on Fall Showcase. Now we have to win.” I raise my glass to him.
He clinks his glass against mine. “You know I didn’t get there on my own, right?” He watches me as he takes a sip of his drink.
“Neither did I.” It’s true. And I never really thanked him for helping me get there.
“Luke! Oh my God, I’m so glad you’re here. You have to dance with Sadie,” Brielle says, hanging on Luke’s neck.
“How much have you had to drink?” he asks, raising his eyebrows.
She frowns back at him. “None.”
“Too much,” I say at the same time.
He laughs. “Why don’t we get you some water?” He puts his arm around Brielle’s waist to lead her to the bar. “Are you going to be okay here for a couple minutes?”
I nod. He doesn’t need to worry about me, but it’s sweet that he does.
“I’ll be right back,” he says and walks toward the bar with Brielle.
I let myself get absorbed in the music again. Dancing like this is so different than at school. The Conservatory was my escape from classical ballet. Crave is my escape from The Conservatory.
An arm snakes around my waist and I spin around with a smile on my face. Now that Brielle has her water, Luke can spend the rest of the night dancing with me.
But it’s not Luke. It’s Brandon. My head spins at the movement and Brandon’s blurry form flashes before me. I stumble backward into the table and he grabs my wrist to keep me from falling.
“Dance with me.” He wraps an arm around my waist and pulls me flat against his chest.
I try to push his arms off me and move out of his grasp, but my hands are useless and he’s a lot stronger than me.
His sick smile is the opposite of Luke’s. His touch is rough. He grips my arm tighter the more I struggle. “It’s just one dance. You owe me for all the shit I’ve put up with in your rehearsals.”
“I don’t owe you anything.”
Where is Luke? He should be back by now.
Panic creeps into my chest and it feels like I’m on fire. He’s holding me so tight, I can barely breathe. Tears prick my eyes. I need to calm down. I won’t be able to get away from him if I freak out. He won’t hurt me here. We’re in a crowded club, for Christ’s sake. If I can move him a little bit closer to security, maybe they’ll notice something is wrong.
Calm down. Calm down. Calm down.
“Let go of her and back the fuck off, Brandon.” Brielle comes up behind me.
She trips as she takes a step forward. Luke catches her around the waist before she lands on the ground and sets her on her feet again. She’s holding her shoes in one hand and a glass of water in the other. I’m not sure how she managed to keep most of the water in the glass.
Brandon tightens his grip and I shut out everything else as it feels like something sharp stabs my lungs.
His grip is too tight. I can’t breathe. My lungs burn in my chest. Stars light up in the corner of my vision. I’ll pass out soon. Maybe then I’ll be able to breathe.
Air.
“Let her go,” Luke says. His voice holds a warning.
Brandon grins. “We were just having a little fun.”
Brandon releases me and I stumble backward into Luke. I gulp for air and hold onto his hand to keep myself steady. His grip is the complete opposite of Brandon’s. Luke’s arm offers safety and comfort and I’m glad he’s here. I lean closer to him. He’ll keep me safe.
“It’s your lucky night, Luke. She’s drunk enough to put out. That’s a perfect bonus to end your night,” Brandon says.
Luke’s in front of me in a second, and he punches Brandon in the face. Brandon falls backward onto the floor of the club, blood dripping down his chin. People clear away from us like a huge ripple going through the crowd. Three bouncers appear out of nowhere.
What the fuck? Did that really just happen?
Brandon yells something from the ground, but the music and the people around us are too loud for me to hear what he says. Blood drips to the ground. Luke shakes his hand beside me. The blood from the ground has somehow managed to get onto Luke’s sleeve.
Luke shoves me toward the door. “Let’s go. Now.”
My head spins. I stare down at my fingers threaded through Luke’s and frown. I doubt this was what he had in mind when he said he would try for me. I turn to Brielle to ask her what I’m supposed to do now, but she’s not here.
“What about Brielle? We can’t just leave her here,” I say.
We step outside and the cool air washes over my hot skin. Brielle, Adam, and Jake stand on the sidewalk.
“Oh, thank God,” I say, hugging Brielle. “How did you get out here before us?”
“We took the side door,” Jake says.
“We need to get out of here before the cops show up. At least two of us are far too drunk to pass for sober.” Adam looks between Brielle and me.
I wave my hand at him. “I am not drunk.”
“I’ll get a cab,” Jake says.
“We’re walking,” Luke says, looking at me. “The fresh air will do wonders for you right now and we need to talk.”
“I don’t think I want to talk to you right now. You just punched someone. You’re angry.” His face swims in and out of my vision. I look at the ground to try to get my bearings. His feet remain still as his body bobs and weaves in fron
t of me.
Jake hails a cab. They pile into it, but Brielle rolls down the window to talk to me. “Call me if you’re not coming home.”
I frown at her and limp over to the window. My heels are killing me. I shouldn’t have agreed to wear Brielle’s shoes. “Where else would I be going?”
She shrugs. “I don’t know.” The cab pulls away from the curb and Adam drags Brielle back from the window.
Luke sighs and closes his eyes. “I’m not mad at you.”
I squint at him. “Are you sure? You seem really mad.”
He looks hot even though he frowns at me. He clenches his hands into fists. The fabric around his arms tightens. I stare between his hands and his biceps. What other muscle is he flexing right now that I can’t see? I press my hand to his chest.
His heart beats like mine inside his chest. It stutters when I giggle. He sighs and pulls my hand away. “Come on.”
I trip over my heels and fall to my knees. “Ow,” I say, looking up at him.
He pulls me up off my knees and bends down to take my shoes off.
Gravel from the sidewalk pokes into the heels of my feet. “I can’t walk without my shoes.”
“That won’t be a problem. Hold these.” He hands me the shoes. He stands with his back to me and pulls my arms around his neck. “On the count of three, jump and wrap your legs around my waist. Okay?”
“Are you giving me a piggyback ride?” I haven’t had a piggyback ride in forever.
He doesn’t answer me. “One, two, three.”
I jump and he grabs my legs. I giggle when his hand brushes my thigh.
“Stop wiggling or I’ll drop you,” he says.
“Sorry.”
He walks in silence until we’re a block away from the club. My arms are wrapped around his neck. My chin rests on my bicep close to his ear. I can smell his shampoo and I silently breathe in the scent.
“This would have been so much easier if you’d just stayed a dick.” The alcohol swims around in my head and I feel dizzy. The motion of being carried doesn’t help.
“What would have been easier?”
“Everything. Can I walk, please?”
He sets me down, helps me put on my shoes, and grabs my hand as we start to walk again. We shouldn’t even be talking about this. It doesn’t matter. It won’t make him stay. Nothing will. Tomorrow we’ll go back to being awkward around each other and hiding our feelings.
I trip over a crack in the sidewalk and Luke’s grip on my hand tightens.
The corner of his mouth tips up. “I’m sorry I’m not a dick anymore. I’ll work on that.”
I turn to glare at him. “Just because you haven’t left yet doesn’t mean I trust you. I mean I do, but I don’t.”
He pulls me closer against his side. I snuggle into his body. This helps. It makes the moment last longer. Eventually I’ll wake up and tonight will be over.
“What makes you think I’m going anywhere?”
“Because that’s what people do. They leave.” I grab his bicep to avoid falling on my ass.
He trails his thumb down my cheek. “Who else left?”
I can’t breathe again. “Who didn’t?” I rub my hand over my face. I don’t want to be drunk anymore. I’d give anything to be back in control right now. Not being able to focus or shut the hell up is not working for me. “Can we not talk about this anymore?”
I take a step forward and stumble again.
He sighs and reaches out his arm to me. “Can I put my arm around your waist so you don’t fall?”
I smile and move closer to him. “Sure, thanks.”
His hand grips my hip and he holds me secure against his side. “I won’t leave.”
He’s quiet when he says it and I look up at him. I want him to repeat it and confirm that I heard him right. But he doesn’t. He looks straight ahead as we walk. The only confirmation I get is the circling of his thumb against my hip. Except instead of being comforting, it sets off every nerve ending in my side and it’s all I can think about.
Is this how he treats every girl he takes out?
“Why did you come with Noelle tonight?”
He frowns. “What are you talking about?”
I roll my eyes. “Don’t be dumb. I saw you walk in with her.”
He bites his lip to keep a smile off his face. “You mean you saw her walk in behind me because she was behind me in line?”
Sure, that.
“Whatever.”
“She stopped me by the bar because she wanted to say how well she thought we did in tryouts. She thinks you’re amazing.” Luke coughs a couple times.
He’s laughing at me. Because I’m an idiot.
My emotions are fried. I feel stupid for thinking he came to the club with Noelle. He keeps trying to do the right thing and I can’t even give him the benefit of the doubt.
We walk for another block in silence, Luke’s protective arm around my waist. I like the excuse to stay close to him. His cologne washes over me. I might not wash this shirt for a month or so. He smells so good.
“You wanted points for me on that list, didn’t you?” I haven’t been able to think about much else the past few weeks and Brandon’s comment about me being a bonus didn’t go unnoticed.
He glances down at me and tightens his grip. “What list?”
“The Hit List. The one online that tells guys who to sleep with. Or I guess it’s on a flyer now. Or by email. Something.”
His voice is firmer when he speaks again. “Don’t worry about it. No one’s going to hurt you. I won’t let them.”
I smile despite the fact that he didn’t deny my suspicions. I like protective Luke. I like the feeling of his arm around me. I like the way he pulls me into his side like he wants to protect me from the world. I like the way he’s honest with me, even when it’s hard for me. And I like these moments, even though they don’t happen every day. These are the moments with Luke that I look forward to the most.
It’s hard to like it when it feels like he’s suffocating me, though. It’s unbearably hot all of a sudden. I close my eyes and focus on the cool breeze on the back of my neck, but it doesn’t take the nausea away.
“Are you okay?” He stares at me with worry etched into his face. He stops walking and pulls me in front of him so I’m facing him.
“Yeah, just a little dizzy.” My eyes fall from his concerned eyes to his barely parted mouth. His arm is still around me, and I move closer to him. My hand runs up his arm and grips his bicep.
I want to kiss him. But I don’t want to make the first move.
He stares at me for what feels like forever and I have no idea what’s going through his mind. What if he thinks I’m just some clingy girl who gets dumped all the time? Maybe he said he wouldn’t leave to shut up the drunk girl. What if he’s still playing the game? What if he really did come with Noelle, but he’s trying to lie his way out of it?
What if he really likes me and he isn’t doing or thinking any of those things?
The ground spins below me as my thoughts spin within me. He’s either getting closer to me or my depth perception is way off. I want to lean forward, close the distance between us. I can see in his eyes that he wants to do the same. His breath on my cheek is ragged. I know his heartbeat stutters just like mine is.
He pulls away before we connect and I silently scream. Why won’t he just kiss me already? It’s not like I’ve been fucking subtle.
“Truth or dare.”
I stare at him, not sure he really just asked me that. Haven’t we had enough truth for one night? “I don’t want to play your—”
“I dare you to go out with me.” He steps closer to me. So close I can feel the warmth of his breath.
I frown. “We go out all the time.”
“We do. This would be different. More planned.”
My cheeks redden and I can’t meet his eyes. Maybe this is his way of making things different. “Are you asking me out on a real date?”
“Are
you saying yes?”
“You don’t date.” I don’t date either, but he really doesn’t date. Ever. At all.
He shrugs. “I’m willing to make an exception for you.”
He has no idea how happy it makes me to hear that. Luke doesn’t do relationships. He’s made that clear since day one. The alcohol might be making me a little happier than I really am. My head feels cloudy.
Maybe it’s the alcohol that’s giving me the feeling that I’m about to throw up in the bushes. My face falls. Nothing Luke can say will make this feeling go away.
He frowns. “I didn’t mean to push you. I shouldn’t have brought it up.”
“It’s not that. I think I’m going to be sick.”
“We’re only a block away. Then you can go to bed and sleep this off.” He rubs my back. It’s supposed to be comforting, but it increases the amount of fabric sticking to my skin from sweat.
“I don’t think I’m going to make it that far.” I stumble over the edge of the sidewalk and vomit into a bush.
Luke kneels beside me and pulls my hair back, holding it at the nape of my neck.
I try to sit down on the cement, but he pulls me back up.
“I’m so tired. Can’t I just stay here?” The grass looks soft and warm, like the blanket on my bed, and I want to curl up on it.
“No. Come on. Let’s get you to bed. I’m going to pick you up, okay?”
I nod and feel his arms behind my knees and back before he lifts me. I wrap my arms around his neck. My head rests against his shoulder, my nose brushes against his neck. His arms tighten around me. I’m as close to his chest as I can get.
“Luke?”
“Hmm?”
“I want to be your exception.”
He doesn’t say anything, but he’s smiling when I look up at him.
THE HIT LIST UPDATE
October 26
Some fuck face thinks he can take over this game after I shut it down. Now that I have your attention, here’s a message for you:
Back the fuck off.
This game is mine. You did not have permission to take things over. So this is me taking it back so I can run it with my rules. Hitters, please continue to submit all conquests using the email. Send me any hits you completed during my brief hiatus. I’ll honor them. I’ll have an update for you guys soon so we can have an accurate standings list.