by Ivy Jordan
After a very long and vigorous scrub in the shower, I changed and headed to the kitchen. Allison was out, but she’d left Mike and I a spread of food, which he was already eagerly tucking into.
“Allison is amazing,” I said as I poured myself a coffee. “Good morning by the way.”
“Morning,” he said in between mouthfuls. “And yes, she is.”
“Does she feed you like this all the time?”
He chuckled. “Most of the time. I am lucky enough to have married a woman that likes to cook. She actually enjoys doing all this.”
“I wish it was something I enjoyed,” I said. “Sadly all I enjoy is eating it.”
“You and me both, man. You and me both. We get our appetite from dad, that’s for sure. Remember how much he could put away?”
I laughed at the thought. I had forgotten about that. We used to tease my father about how much he always ate. “Oh yeah. We definitely get that from him.”
“So, are you enjoying the group? They’re very different from the last ones we had, that’s for sure,” he said as I took a seat at the table with him and helped myself to some scrambled eggs and bacon.
“Yeah, Allison told me all about the last group. These guys do sound different. They’re all very different from one another too.”
“They’re all so city-like, although I’m sure you can relate to them a lot more than I can.”
“Actually, they take it to a whole new level. I mean, they really don’t seem to get the concept, do they? They see the photos on the website and know what to expect. It’s like they’re living in their own little worlds. Harper seems to have packed more for a trip to a Californian resort that a Texas dude ranch. And Jackson, let’s not even go there; the guy really needs to dial it down a bit. He’s been watching way too many movies.”
“We often get guys like Jackson,” Mike said. “Although I must say he has taken it to another level. He’s really something, that guy.”
“Did you hear what he said to me after dinner last night?” I said.
“No? What?”
I laughed at the memory. “He asked if there was an open pit outside that he could use instead of the regular toilet with all its fancy indoor plumping. His words, not mine. He wants an authentic experience. One of the other women from the group was standing nearby when he said it, and she looked like she was going to throw up when he said that. She seemed very relieved when I told him that we only had normal toilets on offer. I swear, every day that guy comes up with something new.”
Mike laughed. “That’s funny. But you know, we have to make sure we are polite to the guy. I know it’s funny for us, but at the end of the day, that’s what the whole point of this dude ranch is. It’s a chance to give city people a chance to get in touch with a rural and older lifestyle that they’re not used to.”
“Yeah, I suppose you’re right. Although, Jackson takes it to a whole new level.”
“He does, that’s true, but the poor guy is only trying to have a fun experience. Anyway, who knows; there’s always the hope that someone will like it well enough to maybe want to have this lifestyle for themselves. You know, instead of running away from it like some people do.”
Of course, I knew immediately that he was talking about me and I felt the heat rise up my face. I didn’t know why Mike always had to have a dig at me and why he always had to turn the conversation into something like this. We were having a perfectly nice time until he brought this up. I wasn’t going to say anything, but I couldn’t help myself. When he pushed me, I could never really hold back. And with Allison out the room, it was easier for me to get irritated by my brother. She always kept us calm, but without her, we didn’t try as hard.
“Excuse me! What’s your problem, Mike? I’m not running away from anything. I happen to love being in the city. It has nothing to do with me trying to run away from here. There’s nothing wrong with me not wanting to live as a rancher, even if you clearly think that there is. Considering dad didn’t have a problem with my choice, I honestly don’t know why you do. And anyway, I don’t go around constantly telling you that you made the wrong decisions in life, do I? No, of course I don’t, because I happen to respect your decisions. So maybe you should just let me live my own life. Maybe for once in your life you should just support me.”
Mike looked like he wanted to say something but he changed his mind. I had a feeling he was thinking of Allison and what she would’ve said if she were in the room to hear us. She would not be happy with this conversation. “Sorry, man. I’m just kidding,” he said even though I knew that he wasn’t. I could tell by his body language that he wanted to say more to me on the matter, but I was glad when he changed the subject completely. If I was going to live here for the rest of the month, then he was going to have to stop upsetting me. I had no problem with just leaving if he was going to keep going on like this at me.
“So, what do you think about Harper and Jillian? They’re very interesting and not at all what I expected when I saw them get off that shuttle bus. I thought they were going to annoy the hell out of me, but they both actually seem like really nice girls. Also, as far as I’m aware neither one of them has a boyfriend.”
I shrugged and tried to push the thought of Harper being a part of my dream to the far corners of my mind. Why did the idea thrill me so much? “They’re cool. I like them. I’m not sure about the boyfriend thing. They haven’t said anything to me, and I haven’t asked. Not that it really matters anyway. I don’t know what having a boyfriend has to do with anything.”
“Well, you should maybe consider getting close to one of them? You’ve still got a few more weeks with us, and you might as well make the most of it. And what better way than by hooking up with one of the girls. I mean, they’re both absolutely gorgeous girls, don’t you think?”
“I do think so; of course I do. I mean, they’re beautiful, but I’m only here for the summer. I was meant to come here and just have a break, but instead I’m working with you. And before you say anything, I’m totally fine with that. I’m actually enjoying it. But I definitely don’t want to have a fling with someone.”
“Ah, why the hell not? I mean, you’re single. They’re single. Look, I hit the jackpot with Allison. She’s the good one in the relationship, not me. And they both seem like nice girls. Who knows, maybe this is just the thing you need right now.”
“You are the most annoying man I’ve ever met,” I said.
“Thank you,” he said and grinned.
I shook my head. “Now, I’m going to finish this food and get ready for the day ahead. This conversation is definitely over. Nothing is going to happen with me and either one of those girls. And you are going to stop busting my chops about living in the city. That’s a life I’ve chosen, and I’m happy with it. Be happy for me. Also, you don’t need to try and set me up. So if that is what you’re trying to do, forget about it. I’m not interested in girls right now.”
Mike chuckled but didn’t say anything, and I knew he didn’t believe me. I wasn’t sure why though. I wasn’t flirting with the girls, and I didn’t see them flirting with me. Well, there was that time that Jillian had asked me to sit with her and have a drink, and she had actually seemed somewhat flirtatious at the time. But I wasn’t interested in Jillian. Harper, on the other hand, well, she was someone I couldn’t seem to get out of my head. Hell, she’d even crept into my dreams. But I figured it had more to do with me not having a girlfriend for a while, and the fact that she was the prettiest and most interesting girl at the ranch. I was sure that I was not actually interested in her. Although, it did seem curious that I didn’t feel the same way about Jillian. If it just had to do with looks, then I should be attracted to both the girls. And yet… something about Harper intrigued me. Could I really be interested in her? I pushed the thought away. No, there was nothing there. Even if there was, I didn’t think that she was interested in me. It had been Jillian that had asked me out, and not Harper. I needed to stop thinking about her.
I had more important things to worry about.
Chapter Twelve
Harper
I was sitting in the room looking at myself in the mirror and laughing at my hair. I had to keep wearing a hat because of the sun, and it was starting to give an unfortunate case of hat hair. I looked ridiculous. I brushed it down and wondered if there was anything that I could do for it. But I wasn’t sure that any amount of products would help. The air was very different to New York, and I just didn’t have the right products for it. I knew that my hair would eventually adjust to the environment, although by then it would probably be time to leave. I felt annoyed for a few seconds and then laughed it off. What did it really matter? None of the other women seemed to be obsessed with their hair, and I didn’t think anything less of them for it. If they were to judge me based on the state of my hair then perhaps I didn’t want to be friends with them anyway. Although I was sure nobody here was going to judge me. It was an interesting way of looking at life, and I wondered if I would be able to adopt it when I got back to the city. It felt nice to not care as much for a change. Although, fashion would always be a part of me. But instead of heels perhaps I could look at getting myself some nice boots. Something that was comfortable while still fashionable.
I was surprised at how easy I had settled into life at the ranch. It was only the afternoon of the third day, and already I was more relaxed than I was when I had first stepped off that shuttle bus. To think that I almost had not even come. It would’ve been a shame. This was definitely something that everyone should experience, even if it only served to make you appreciate your life a little more. I was sure I could rough it a bit more now, although by the end of the stay I would probably be very excited to go back home to my comfort.
When Jillian walked into the room, I could immediately see that something was wrong. She looked deflated and more tired than usual. This was supposed to be a holiday but she didn’t seem to be sleeping well, and I could see that something was on her mind. I figured she was still thinking about Thomas and I didn’t want to bring it up all the time. But I couldn’t avoid the topic any longer. Something was wrong, and I needed to find out what it was.
“Jill, what’s going on? You don’t look happy. Did something happen?”
She flopped onto the bed and sighed. “No, nothing happened. I’m fine.”
“You can talk to me. Tell me what’s going on. I can tell that something has happened.”
“Ah, I feel so bad that I brought you to this place. You didn’t even want to come, and I forced you here. And now you have to put up with all of this, and I know that it’s not your scene. I just feel guilty. That’s all. I hate that I’ve made you do something that you didn’t want to do. That’s not me being a very good friend to you, is it? I should have listened to you when you told me that you didn’t want to come. Instead, I practically forced you here.”
I immediately felt bad for complaining so much in the beginning. I didn’t think she’d take it so personally. “Oh, Jillian, I’m so sorry. Yeah, I wasn’t too keen on the whole thing, but I was just joking around most of the time. I’m actually very happy to be here with you, and I just want the two of us to have a good time. I’m sorry for making you feel like you’ve forced me into this because that’s not the truth at all. I like spending time with you. Don’t feel bad at all.”
“Well, okay, that’s good… I guess…” she trailed off.
I frowned. “Jillian, it’s not just that, is it? What’s going on?”
“Ah, I just feel bad. You’re right. I’m the one that forced you to do this, but I’m the one that is not having a good time. I don’t know, Harper… this whole thing… it’s just not working out the way I thought it would. Not at all really.”
“What do you mean?” I asked. I had no idea she was feeling this bad. She’d been so enthusiastic at the start. Although that should’ve been the first clue. She had been a little bit too enthusiastic, as if she was forcing herself to have a good time even though she wasn’t. I felt bad now for not asking her about it before.
“I’m not enjoying it,” she said softly and then looked up at me. “It wasn’t at all what I was expecting. Not that I really knew what to expect, if I’m to be honest. I was hoping for a whole bunch of hot cowboys, and I thought I’d be so great with all the animals. But I’m not. I’m terrible at all of this. You know how much I was looking forward to riding horses. I couldn’t stop talking about it. Well, I certainly made a fool of myself there. Hell, I fell off. Twice. And it’s not even just the horses. The sheep don’t even like me. What did I ever do to them? I feel like I’m the opposite of a cowgirl. I’m the anti-cowgirl. And I hate that.”
“You don’t need to be good with animals, Jill. You live in New York City. You don’t work with animals. When are you ever going to have an interaction with a sheep again? Who cares if they like you or they don’t like you? What does it really matter at the end of the day? And who cares if you’re not a cowgirl? Hell, neither am I. Nobody in our group is good at any of this; that’s why we’re all from the city. We’re city people. We’re just here to experience a different life, but we’re not here to prove a point or to be good at it. You’re being way too hard on yourself.”
She went silent for a bit, and then finally nodded. “Yeah. I guess so. I guess you’re right.”
I sighed. “This has nothing to do with the ranch, does it?”
“What do you mean?”
“This is about Thomas, isn’t it? You can be honest with me about this. That’s what I’m here for. You know you can talk to me about anything. You miss him, don’t you? I’m guessing your heart is just not in this. I know that you were supposed to come here with him. This can’t be easy for you.”
She nodded. “I’m so sorry. I’m not trying to be ungrateful. I really do appreciate you coming with me, Harper. I really do. I guess I just thought I’d come here and forget about him.”
“I know you do. It’s okay. You have the right to feel any way you like. Tell me what’s going on with you. I’m your best friend. That’s what I’m here for. You’re allowed to feel this way. If you want to cry or scream, just go for it. Stick your head in the pillow and scream. Or just scream out loud. That will give Jackson something to talk about. He’ll think there’s some wild animal on the loose or something.”
She laughed a little at that. Jackson was already the source of many of our jokes. “Thanks, Harper. I was really hoping that this trip would get Thomas out of my mind. I had fully planned on coming here and not thinking about him once. I thought it would make me see that I am fine without him. But the opposite went and happened, and now all I can think about is him. He’s on my mind constantly. I guess that’s why I’m so bad with the animals and why I fell off the horse. I’m not really here. My mind is elsewhere all the time, and it’s driving me crazy. I’m sorry, Harper. I’m such a mess.”
“You’re not a mess. You’re just going through a tough time. You still love him, don’t you?”
She nodded. “I know I shouldn’t. But yeah, I do. I still love him. It’s hard to just suddenly stop loving someone, as much as I’m trying to.”
“You don’t need to apologize. You’ve been going out with the guy for a year. You can’t just flip love off like a switch. It’s not going to go away overnight. You are being too hard on yourself. It’s okay to still miss him. You’re doing really well, Jillian. And just think, if you were back home, you would probably try and see him. At least here you’re a bit cut off from all of that. You haven’t tried to call him, have you?”
She shook her head. “I’ve come close. One time I almost did, and then we had to go see the horses, so I put my phone away. Then I just never got the chance to try again.”
“Well, there we go then. It’s good that you are here. This is exactly what you need to forget about him. It might not seem like it right now, but this is going to help you. Either you’re going to forget about Thomas and realize that you don’t need him, or else he’s going to
realize that he misses you. Either way, it will come to some sort of conclusion. But if you were home you would probably be calling him, and that wouldn’t be a good thing. He’s the one that broke up with you, remember? So he’s the one that needs to come back and get you. If he loves you, it will happen.”
She smiled. “You’re right. I was really thinking about leaving here you know. But maybe I need to give it another chance.”
“You do. Also, it gets you away from all the places back home that would remind you of Thomas. Right now you need a clean break from him so that you can get your head sorted out. This is a good thing, Jillian. You’ll see.”
“You’re right. You’re right. Thanks for listening, Harper. And you sure you don’t mind being here? You’re not just saying we should stay for my benefit, are you? I know this is not really how you planned to spend your holiday.”
“I’m sure. Actually, I’m starting to like it. I’m even coming to terms with my terrible hair and all the dust. I guess I’m getting used to it. You just can’t think about things like that here. I know I’d have a terrible time if that was all I was thinking about. And it’s sort of nice not to care so much for a change.”
She looked surprised. “Wow, I never thought I’d hear you say that. It didn’t even take you all that long to get used to it either. Thanks, Harper. For everything. I really can’t thank you enough. I would be a mess without you.”
“Nah, you’d be fine. But you know I’ll always be there for you. Now, try and have a good time. Maybe if you start to enjoy it, you’ll stop thinking of Thomas altogether,” I suggested.