by Norah Simone
Mom smiled and nodded as she sipped her own drink.
“What did you want to talk about?” Tabitha questioned. “You sounded really urgent and upset when you called me. Did something new happen with Dad?”
Mom paused for a moment before she spoke. Her voice was riddled with hesitation and her hands shook slightly as she set her mug down on the table.
“Your dad's lawyer called mine today. He wants full custody of you. He got a job in Texas and he's going to be moving there at the end of the month. Because we'll be living in different states, one of us will get full custody of you. He's hoping that since he'll make more money than me that a judge will see him as the better parent.”
Tabitha's jaw dropped open. “But that's not fair! I want to stay here. My friends are here. My school is here. And...and you're here!”
“I know, Tabby, I know. It's just that it's not up to me. My lawyer thinks I have a good chance of getting you since your life is here. He doesn't think a judge will want to uproot a teenager and make you move so far away, but there is that chance. We have to be prepared.”
Tabitha shouted angrily and ran upstairs. She didn't want to talk to Mom any more. She didn't want to talk to anyone. All she wanted was her old life back. It had only been a few months, but it felt like years. Why couldn't her parents stop being so childish? Why couldn't they just work things out? Yeah, Dad had made it seem like he was the good guy in this whole mess, but now Tabitha couldn't help but wonder if his special gift was a way to win her love so she'd want to live with him.
Tabitha went into Mom's bedroom and carefully picked up her necklace from its place in the jewelry box. She stared at the bird as it lay in her hands, begging for freedom. Tabitha knew that bird wanted to fly away just as badly as she did. For a moment, Tabitha considered throwing the necklace away. If she had to move away and live in Texas, she would never forgive her father. What she was being asked to do – what she might be forced to do – was just too much for her to bear. She picked up the necklace and threw it to the floor. The bird hit the floorboard with a loud thud and was still.
Tabitha slid down to the floor as the tears began to rush down her face. There was nothing good left in the world. First Dad was gone and then he was back. Now he was about to be gone again. Even if Tabitha got to stay with Mom, how often would she get to see her father? Once a month? Twice a year? Holidays? Summer break? It seemed like a lose-lose situation, regardless of the outcome. Tabitha reached her hand over to the bird and picked it up. She closed her fist tightly around the bird and pulled it to her chest. With each sob, her body heaved heavily. She had thought once that her heart could never break again or hurt as badly as it had the night that Dad left, but she had been wrong. Her heart was cracking a little bit each and every day, and now it was definitely, most assuredly ripped in half.
Tabitha closed her eyes as tight as she could. She gripped the bird and vowed to never let go. Her body curled in a ball on Mom's floor, Tabitha sobbed and sobbed.
“It's not fair! It's not fair” was all she could get out. She wished desperately for a hero to save her. She wished for wings so she could fly away. She dreamed of running as fast as she could to get as far away as possible, but she knew that none of these things would ever happen. She was stuck in this situation with no escape.
The window of Mom's bedroom was closed tightly to keep out the wintery air, but the white lacy curtains were pulled to the side, permitting a clear view of the piles of snow outside. Stars were scattered throughout the black sky in an assortment of patterns, twinkling and sparkling like diamonds. Tabitha did not look out the window from her position on the floor, but she felt the starlight shining in through the window, casting a silvery glow over the room.
Tabitha climbed up onto Mom's bed and grabbed a pillow. Hugging it tightly, she pulled a blanket over herself and lay down. Her eyes were wide open, now, and she could see the gorgeous, amazingly pure snow that sat outside. A large pine tree sat a few yards from the house. Small piles of snow rested gently on its branches, giving it a nostalgic, fairy-tale appearance. Tabitha stopped crying as she watched the tree. The starlight danced on its branches and as the wind blew softly through the cold winter night, and Tabitha pretended she was in a place where everything was perfect, a place where nobody got hurt.
Chapter 18
The smell of pancakes and bacon wafted into Mom's bedroom the next morning, rousing Tabitha from her slumber. She yawned and stretched sleepily. She hadn't meant to fall asleep in Mom's bed, but she didn't regret it. The large, king-size bed was a haven. Mom had a huge down comforter on the bed and half a dozen pillows. Sleeping in that bed felt like sleeping on a cloud, and Tabitha felt like a princess. As she rolled over to slide off the bed, Tabitha realized that her hand hurt terribly. Glancing down, she opened her fist and saw that she still had the bird necklace in her hand. Tabitha frowned momentarily, unsure of what to do with the bird. Not yet ready to throw it away, but definitely not ready to wear it, she returned the bird to Mom's jewelry box and headed downstairs.
“Good morning, sleepy head!” Uncle Nick's booming voice greeted Tabitha as she entered the kitchen.
“Hey Uncle Nick. I didn't know you were coming over for breakfast.”
Uncle Nick stood at the stove, flipping pancakes and frying the bacon Tabitha had smelled from upstairs.
“Your Mom had to go meet with her lawyer at the last minute, so she asked me to come over and make sure you well fed.”
Tabitha laughed. Uncle Nick was always joking about Tabitha's size and telling her that she needed to eat more food. Uncle Nick said girls looked their best with a little meat on them. Tabitha knew he was afraid she'd get caught up in the popularity contests of high school and start dangerously dieting, but she knew he had nothing to worry about.
“Well, I'm glad you're here. I'm starving.”
Uncle Nick grabbed a plate and served Tabitha a generous portion of bacon and pancakes topped with syrup and whipped cream. He sliced up a few strawberries and sprinkled them across the food.
“You should always have some fruit with breakfast,” he said with a wink.
As Tabitha devoured her breakfast, Uncle Nick explained that he was going to take her shopping. Mom would be gone for a few hours and wanted to make sure Tabitha had time to find a nice dress suit to wear to court on Tuesday.
“Ugh,” Tabitha said, disgusted with the idea of wearing a dress suit and tired of hearing about lawyers and settlements and concerns about who would get what CD or movie. “Why do I even have to go? This is so stupid.”
“Tabitha,” Uncle Nick said gently. “You need to look professional when you go before the judge. He may ask you what you think about the divorce and how you're handling it, and a good judge will take that into consideration when deciding which parent you'll live with.”
“I don't even care anymore. I hate my parents. I'm sick of their stupid divorce and their stupid problems.” Tabitha bit angrily into a pancake. It was absolutely delicious. Uncle Nick was an amazing cook, and he smiled as he watched her obvious enjoyment of the food. Tabitha swallowed hard and chugged a nearby glass of water. She didn't want to be distracted by the lingering taste of something that would make her feel happy. She wasn't happy right now. She was tired. She was worn out. She was profusely exhausted and nobody seemed to care.
“The only thing Mom and Dad care about is Mom and Dad,” Tabitha spat out fiercely. “I know I'm not supposed to matter because I'm just their kid, but you know what? I do matter.”
Uncle Nick laid his hand gently over Tabitha's and opened his mouth to speak, but she pulled her hand away.
“No! Do not try to calm me down!”
She turned and ran up the stairs. She stomped each stair as she ran, trying to make as much noise as possible. When she got to her bedroom, Tabitha slammed her bedroom door as hard as she could, and then she slammed it again. A picture in the hallway fell down and broke. Tabitha heard the noise but didn't care. The only thing she cared ab
out was finding a way to be happy, and spending the day shopping with Uncle Nick was not it.
Tabitha threw a change of clothes and her cell phone into a bag and quietly sneaked down the stairs and out the back door. She couldn't deal with her uncle right now. As she hurried from the house, glancing behind herself to make sure Nick hadn't seen her, Tabitha pulled her phone from the bag and dialed a number quickly.
“Hey,” she said. “Can I come over?”
Chapter 19
Tabitha arrived sweaty and out of breath. When she knocked on the door, she remembered that she hadn't showered yet, and she hoped no one would notice or say anything.
“Hey Cutie,” Ryan smiled when he opened the door. “Come on in out of the cold.”
Gratefully, Tabitha stepped into Ryan's house and was surprised to see that they were alone.
“Everyone else is out shopping,” he explained. “Kathy wanted to return a couple of Christmas gifts and my parents are taking the other girls out for lunch and a movie.”
“They won't be mad that we're here alone, will they?” Tabitha suddenly grew concerned. She didn't want to do anything that would put Ryan in a position to get in trouble.
“Nah, Mom and Dad don't care if we have friends over while they're gone. I mean, you aren't going to break a lamp or anything, are you?” Ryan winked at Tabitha with a sparkle in his eye.
Blushing, she hurriedly replied, “No, no, of course not. I will be the epitome of good manners and polite behavior.” Tabitha paused for a moment before continuing. “Speaking of polite behavior, would it be completely weird for me to take a shower? I left in such a hurry that I didn't get a chance to.”
“Sure thing. Hey, you never told me why you needed to come over so quickly. Is everything okay at home?”
“Not really, but I'd like to rinse off before I get into the details.”
“Not a problem. Bathroom's upstairs.” Ryan waved nonchalantly up the stairway. “Towels are in the cupboard.”
Tabitha nodded and headed upstairs. She found the bathroom easily, as it was the first door on the right. Entering the room, Tabitha dropped her backpack on the floor and carefully locked the bathroom door behind her. Although she knew Ryan was a gentleman and would never walk in on her changing, she wanted to be careful just in case. Tabitha turned on the water facet and adjusted the dial so that the water poured out at full heat. She stripped and climbed into the steamy water, allowing the waves of warm liquid to wash over body. Tabitha closed her eyes and allowed herself to be completely enveloped. For a few minutes, she forgot about all of her problems and how messed up her world had become.
A loud knock sounded on the door and Ryan's voice called out, “Be careful not to use all the hot water.”
“Sorry! I'm almost done!”
Tabitha quickly finished washing and climbed out of the shower. A large cupboard stood at one end of the bathroom and was full of all sorts of towels. She laughed at the random assortment. There were beach towels, hand towels, bath towels, towels with cartoon characters, and even towels with soda logos on them. She chose a simple blue towel and wrapped it around herself. A drawer beneath the bathroom sink held a hair dryer and Tabitha took the opportunity to style her hair before she dressed in her clean clothes. Shoving her dirty clothes in the backpack, she tidied up the bathroom and headed back downstairs to find Ryan. He was sitting in the living room glancing at a magazine when Tabitha reentered the room.
“Hey cute girl,” he smiled at her as she walked in.
Tabitha blushed and sat down next to Ryan on the couch. She had left a bit of space between them when she sat down, but Ryan scooted closer to her so that their legs were touching.
“So,” he said, sliding his arm around her shoulder. “Do you want to tell me what happened? Are you okay?”
Suddenly nervous and a little bit excited, Tabitha felt her heart start to beat faster. She thought Ryan was very handsome despite his gawky characteristics. She suddenly began to wonder what it would be like to kiss Ryan. At 14, Tabitha had never been kissed, and she constantly felt awkward and strange for it. Katie had been kissing boys since she was 11 and seemed to think it was no big deal. Tabitha hoped that her own first kiss would be perfect and romantic, something to be remembered for always.
“It's just my parents,” Tabitha said out loud to Ryan, but her mind was churning. Her leg felt tingly where Ryan's was pressed against it. She leaned her head in toward his shoulder as his arm wrapped tighter around her.
“What's wrong?” Ryan whispered gently.
Tabitha looked up into his eyes and opened her mouth to speak, but before she could say anything Ryan leaned down at the same time and kissed her softly. Their lips melted together into one. Ryan's mouth was warm and wet against her own. Tabitha wasn't sure what she thought kissing would be like, but it was much more slobby and strange than she had imagined.
Ryan pulled back and smiled at Tabitha. “What are you thinking?” he asked her quietly. His voice was barely above a whisper, and Tabitha felt even more at peace and comfortable than she had just a moment before. Glancing up into his eyes, she said nothing and instead placed her hand gently on his cheek. Tabitha leaned up and began to kiss Ryan again. This time it didn't feel so awkward and strange. This time Tabitha didn't think about what she was doing or whether she was good at it. This time she felt only the magic and power locked inside that kiss.
A green car drove down the street outside Ryan's house. Tiny birds hatched in a nest nestled in a tree. A dog ran down the sidewalk with its owner, focused only on pleasing its master. A girl in a red jacket pushed a baby stroller. Snowflakes began to drift slowly through the air, and a soft wind began to blow. Tabitha did not notice any of these things as she sat on the couch with Ryan. In fact, she didn't notice her cell phone ringing or the telltale buzzing sound of a text message coming in. Tabitha didn't even notice when the mailman rang the doorbell and dropped a package on the front porch. The only thing in her world at this moment was her and Ryan together. And for this moment, her world was perfect.
Chapter 20
Tabitha left Ryan's house feeling lighter than she had in months. Being liked by a boy was an amazing feeling. She felt beautiful and special and strong. She felt unique. She felt adored. Tabitha didn't walk home from Ryan's house: she floated. She knew that she would be in trouble when she got home, of course, because Uncle Nick would have undoubtedly realized she had left the house without asking permission. If he told Mom, Tabitha knew she would be grounded for a week. She didn't even care. Being with Ryan was worth getting in a little bit of trouble.
Mom's car was outside when Tabitha walked up the front stairs. She knew there was no point in trying to sneak in the back of the house. She wouldn't be fooling anyone.
“Welcome back,” Mom said nonchalantly as Tabitha entered the house. “How was your walk?”
“My walk?” Tabitha queried, giving Mom a questioning glance.
“Nick said you went on a little walk to clear your head.”
“Oh, yeah,” Tabitha looked over and saw Uncle Nick. He said nothing but gave her a curt nod. It was his way of letting her know he understood that she needed some time alone to be angry and to process her thoughts.
“Yeah,” Tabitha said, turning back to Mom. “It was relaxing. I just explored a little bit is all. Walked around the neighborhood and stared at nature to stop thinking about everything, you know? It was fun.”
“I'm glad you had a good time. We need to get going, though, the mall will be closing in a few hours so we don't have much time to pick up your new clothes.”
Tabitha rolled her eyes and hoped Mom wouldn't see. She wished Mom would just forget about this whole “looking nice” thing and let Tabitha wear a normal dress to the hearing next week. Tabitha knew that nobody would care how she looked, but she suspected Mom wanted to prove she was financially capable of providing Tabitha with nice clothing.
“Yeah, okay, Mom.” She turned to her uncle, who was still standing nearby. “
You coming, too, Nick?”
The man smiled brightly and nodded dramatically. “Wouldn't miss it for the world.”
As the group walked outside to the car, Mom suddenly stopped and turned to go back to the house.
“Oops!” She called back. “Forgot my purse! Be right there.”
Tabitha and Uncle Nick continued to the car and, once they were safely inside, Tabitha turned to Nick.
“Why'd you cover for me like that?” She asked.
“I just know it's hard to be a kid sometimes,” he said simply. “Sometimes you need a break even from the best of parents. I'm not gonna lie to you, Tabs, you've got a good Mom. She cares about you more than you could ever understand or imagine and she really wants the best for you, but I know that sometimes she can be a little overbearing. Let's face it, kid: you've been through a lot recently, and it's normal to feel overwhelmed and ready to call it quits. I just figured you needed some time to think without anyone bugging you or judging you or pressuring you to feel anything than what you feel.”
Before Tabitha could reply, Mom entered the car and slammed her door shut.
“Brrr,” she shivered, rubbing her shoulders emphatically. “It's brisk out there.”
“Rhonda,” Uncle Nick gave her a playful shove. “'Brisk' is for summer nights. It's like eight degrees outside. That's a little more terrible than 'brisk.'”
“Oh, whatever. Everybody strapped in?”
When Mom was satisfied that her passengers were safe, she started the car and pulled out onto the road. Mom and Nick chatted easily during the drive, but Tabitha was quiet as she thought about what Nick had said. He was right, really. Tabitha knew that. She knew in her head that Mom was a good parent and really cared about her. She also knew that Dad was a good parent, too. She wasn't so sure that he cared about her as much as she hoped he did, but she knew that he was a good man most of the time.