“Well, that’s good then. Right?”
“We’ll make it through.”
I open the back sliding door and step onto the deck we built a few months ago. It smells different outside though than it did in the summer. Almost a bit like Paris actually. “The air… it smells like rain?”
“It’s a fool’s game. They’ve predicted rain all week but I haven’t seen a drop.”
“I’m sorry.” I look up, studying the light gray clouds teasing from above. I smile, it's a bit selfish because these clouds aren't at all promising, but I'm glad they aren't thick because I want to see the stars tonight.
“Want to go back to Todd’s? Or…” he pauses. “Were you planning to see Colt?”
“No,” I shake my head. “He’s probably back at school.”
Dad nods and my heart drops. I didn’t come back expecting to embrace Colt, but home doesn’t feel complete without him. I crave his laugh and his ability to help me be comfortable in being still. It’s possible I’ll never be able to be near him again the way we were before, or if I’ll even want to. Winter break will come, and then we can talk.
“You could call him,” Dad offers as he packs up his tools.
“No, I need to speak with him in person. You know?”
“Did you eat dinner yet?”
“Yeah, Gina and I stopped on the way.” I pick up the ladder from the floor. “If you don’t mind, I wanted to take Howdy out on a ride?”
“Sure. I’ll leave my truck for you and grab a ride back with Todd.” He opens the door and spots my new mega-large suitcase. “I see your Mom bought you a new wardrobe?”
“Yeah, you could say that.”
“How did you get her to let you come home? I haven't heard from her at all.”
I heave the suitcase off the porch. From here on out, I’m taking the honest route. “I had to tell her I knew about the custody agreement and your past in order for her to understand why I wanted to come home. I hope that's okay. She wasn’t thrilled, but I promised to visit in January for a few weeks. So, I think that helps. Plus, she’s tied up in her business and gone a lot. I think this helps her feel less guilty.”
Dad nods. “That’s what I suspected would happen, and one reason I wanted you to stick around. Is Ambrose nice?”
“Yeah. He’s pretty cool. He makes Mom happy.”
“Good,” Dad heaves my suitcase into the bed of his truck. “She deserves happiness.”
“You do too, Dad.”
“I know. I am now.” He pats my shoulder and gives it a little squeeze. “Want a ride to the barn?”
***
I trace the black scar on Howdy’s shoulder as we meander through the field. He sets our pace, making our way over the hill and down into what should be a pasture. The sun’s close to the horizon and I know where I want to go. The place will provide the perfect beauty and balance for my feelings right now. I breathe in Oklahoma’s fresh air. I swear I can taste the rain, but none falls.
We reach Colt’s favorite tree and I slide off Howdy’s back. I slip him an apple as I take a seat. Dust cakes my palms when I press them against the earth. The sun dips into the earth and a brilliant yellow bursts from the center, spreading into pink. The grey clouds above transition into purple. It’s one of the most beautiful sunsets I’ve ever seen.
I lay back, glimpsing the blanket of waking stars behind each cloud.
This is home. I have no itch to run or find something to do. Life will be harder here and quiet. Maybe I’ll enter an art show or something. I could become a world-class ranch artist.
Oh God. That’s the most beautiful and absurd dream I’ve ever had.
I’m insane. I open my arms wide, laughing at the sky. Here I am, seeking what many would believe to be the most boring adventure on earth, and it feels amazing.
Howdy nudges me with his nose. “Tired boy?” He nudges once more. “All right, all right. I’m coming,” I say as I stand back up. Howdy stuffs his nose in my sweatshirt, looking for another apple. “I’m out, but I’ve got an extra in the barn.”
I take one last look at the empty horizon’s blues, pinks and oranges dancing in flares. The ground's much darker now the sun’s slipping away. “Sorry, boy. We need to take our time on the way back. No tripping for us tonight.” I’m about to mount Howdy when something in the pasture seems to be moving. I squint. Please don't be coyotes.
The figure grows larger as it comes up the hill.
A striking silhouette breaks the evening sky. A horse… and a cowboy.
Colt ?
My mouth dries.
Baby trots up the hill with Colt steady in the saddle. “Whoa, girl,” Colt says, stopping her in front of me. I look up, his face a silhouette against the sunset. “Autumn.”
“Hi,” I say. It’s not perfect, but it’s a start.
He slides off Baby and stands there for a moment, looking at me with a slight smile. It's hard to keep myself from rushing into his arms. I’m still mad at him... I think. How do I even begin?
He seems to know. With a few steps closer, he reaches out and touches my chin. “I’ve missed you, Autumn.” Those ice blue eyes gaze into my soul and everything in me stills. “You came back?”
“I did.”
“Why?”
“Because you were right. My dad deserves a chance, and...” I sigh, gazing back out to watch the sun slip out of sight and the pinks all change to dark purples and blues. “I’m an Oklahoma girl.” I step sideways, gauging his reaction. “Why aren’t you at school?”
“My tuition for the year had to go toward another investment.” He nods at the cattle near the horizon. “A year, maybe three off.” He shrugs.
It takes a moment for it to sink in.
Colt invested in the ranch. He gave up his dreams to help out Dad.
“But you want to become a doctor. You can’t do that to yourself.” Everyone deserves to have a chance to achieve their dream.
“I know and I still will become a doctor, but right now it needs to go on the back burner for a little. I couldn’t let your Dad sell the land. Too many people would be unemployed without this ranch. I’d lose a job and my home, and Chris doesn’t deserve this hit. I put my college savings in with part of Todd’s savings. Together we took out a loan from the bank, investing it into the ranch as well.”
“Thank you,” I whisper. I gaze at him, totally in awe of watching this guy turn into a man.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming back?” He reaches out, brushing away that strand of hair that always falls in my eye.
“We haven’t talked for months. Texting you didn't feel right. I wanted to speak with you in person.” I place my hand against his chest. “Everything hurt when I was around you. I wasn't strong enough to say goodbye to you, and I’m sorry.”
“I should have come to you. Your father told me you were leaving. It’s my fault too.” He sits on a pile of fallen leaves. “Will you sit with me? I need to share something with you.”
The leaves crunch as I kneel next to him, but not too close. Everything in me wants to trust him, but I can’t yet. Not until I know why he lied.
“I’m sorry I misled you about my past,” he begins.
“Colt—you lied. You said you were a virgin.”
He shakes his head, “No, I didn’t. I told you I wanted to save sex for my wife. You ran with it, assuming I was a virgin.”
I dig my heel into the dirt, scanning my memories of our first make out session in his room. My heart twists and pride bleeds out. Oh my gosh. He’s totally right. The most he did was nod which could have meant anything.
“But," he continues, “that doesn’t mean what I did was okay. I should have clarified and shared my past with you.” He rubs the bridge of his nose before looking at me. “I was too scared you’d hate me for it.”
“How could I hate you for having a past? I mean… I kind of did the same thing.” Kind of? Like thirty-seven times.
“Autumn,” his finger touches mine. �
�I’m sorry I called you a slut. You aren’t at all. I was so mad, but not at you. I still want to go out and pummel the guy who took your virginity.”
“Colt,” I giggle a little because he sounds so cavalier and old-fashioned. “Trust me. I was an active participant.”
He cringes. “Okay, fair. Honestly, I was just pissed it wasn’t me.”
“Well, even if I had been a virgin, you didn’t want that from me.”
“Which is exactly why I let you keep on believing I was one.” He sighs. “Tell me the truth. If I would have told you about my past, wouldn’t it have only encouraged you?”
I try to hide the heat rushing to my face. He’s right.
He pulls my hands away. “Autumn, you didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I know, but I was too casual about it. I didn’t know what a relationship was.” His hand finds its way to the middle of my back. His spot. Even through my sweatshirt, his palm radiates, warming my skin. My spine pushes into his hand a bit, aching for more. I sigh as his touch pulls all the tension out of my back. Finally. “So...” I say. “What now?”
“No.” He sits up and takes his hand off my back. “I’ve got more to share. Just please try to keep it in perspective.”
More to share? Did I forget something huge?
“I want to tell you why I stopped sleeping around. You need to hear this from me before a rumor reaches you.”
“What, do you have a kid?” I nudge him, but he doesn’t laugh. My heart races. “Holy crap. You have a kid? You’re a father and you didn’t tell me?”
He touches my hand. “No, Autumn. I don’t have a child.” He squeezes my arm. “But I almost did.”
Wait. “What?”
“The last girl I slept with was a year older than me. Amy. Our condom snapped, and I got her pregnant.” He pauses, and I hang on his breath. “It happened a little over a year ago. I went with her to all the early appointments. The baby looked great on the ultrasound. I was going to be a father.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah, I was terrified, but didn’t want to back down. We decided not to tell anyone until she was showing. I had it all figured out, we’d get an apartment and go to the community college. I even bought a ring.”
“Did you love her?”
“No, but I was determined to learn to.”
“What happened?”
He wrings his fingers. “She had a miscarriage while visiting her aunt.”
“Oh.” Part me wants to ask if it really was a miscarriage but the look on his face lets me know it’s not the right time. It doesn’t matter if it was a miscarriage or an abortion. Either way, to him, he lost a child.
“Yeah.” He reaches out and rubs my back again. “Thankfully, no one knew, so no one could tell me how convenient it was. The truth is that it sucked a lot. Here I was ramped up to be a father and then my baby was gone.”
“What happened to Amy?” I say after I pat his strong hand.
“Unlike me, she found it very convenient. She broke up with me and ran away to a school in Iowa. We occasionally chat online but that’s it. I doubt I’ll ever see her again.”
“Her loss.”
He smiles and takes my hand in his. “Thanks. So that’s the beef of why I want to wait now. If I go through any of that again, I want it to be real.”
“The baby was still real, Colt.”
“I know, but I mean the relationship. I never gave her the ring, but I held it in my pocket so many times.”
“You were trying to do the right thing.”
“Thanks.” He says as he strokes the back of my hand. “So?”
“So.”
“Where does this leave us?” He’s a man, brave enough to ask. I’m so thankful for it because I’m ready. It’s time for me to grow up and be real.
I slide closer to him. “Right here,” I say. He wraps his arms around my waist and his breath heats my neck.
“Autumn,” he whispers. “Can you forgive me?”
I turn to him, “For what?” We’ve worked through everything else.
He smiles before lowering his head, putting his lips against mine. His kiss is soft as he repositions himself, putting me between him and the earth. His hand cups my head from the dusty ground as passion now drives his kiss. Everything in me sighs. This is perfect.
“For that.” He whispers, pulling me up and back on his lap. “I screwed up our summer. I should've been able to do that the moment I saw you under this tree.”
“No. I’m sorry. I will never forgive you for that.” I kiss him lightly.
“Why?” His eyebrow folds in a worried crease.
I kiss his hand. “Because it means you’ll just have to keep trying until you get it right.”
“Oh?” he says. He doesn’t waste a second before his lips find mine again. He pulls me close and I don’t know where my lips end and his begin. This kiss is different from the ones that came before it. There’s no sick game or desire to control. We simply are together, reconnecting under the stars. We’re lost in one another until something cool drips from the sky.
I pull out of his kiss, and glance up at the swirling dark clouds above. Crack. The sky opens with a lightning bolt in the distance, and rain falls to the earth.
“Colt, look!” I tilt my head back, opening my mouth to taste it.
Colt yips like the cowboy he is before diving in for another kiss, one powerful enough to bring the rain.
The End.
Acknowledgements
To my readers, I cannot thank you enough for your support and encouragement over the past two years. I seriously have the best readers in the world. Your hearts are open, kind, and generous. My adoration for you gave me the courage to take this book into the world of self-publishing so I could give you what you craved—more to read, now. Thank you for asking, thank you for encouraging, it’s here and I hope you enjoyed it.
As always, none of this would have been possible without my husband’s support. He is my rock, and my encourager. Gregory, I love you and I thank you for all of your hard work, encouragement, and belief in our future to help make this a reality.
This book also wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for the support of my critique partners and friends—Fiona McLaren, Katrina Sincek, Rebecca Yarros, my Off Beats critique group, my Beta Group Peeps, and friend Elissa Lucier. Thank you for all of your help along the way!
I’ve been very blessed to find an editor in Fiona McLaren. Fiona, thank you for believing in my story even when it was chicken scratch. Thank you for stopping me from killing off a beloved animal character, and thank you for all of your patience with me as I’ve developed as an author.
Thank you to Howdy and Pony. For making my childhood magical, teaching me confidence and compassion, and still being very much part of my heart.
Also, to my agent, Jamie Drowley, thank you for your loving support in my choice to become a hybrid author. To my publicist, Melissa Saneholtz, of Sassy Savvy Fabulous, thank you for your stellar work in supporting the release of Bring the Rain.
And to Cowboy… You know who you are. I love you, and thank you for being my hope in the darkness and sticking with me through this wild adventure.
Other Novels By Lizzy Charles:
Effortless With You
School is out and Lucy is ready for the perfect summer: lazy days at the pool, invitations to the most exclusive parties, and romantic dates with her hot new boyfriend. That is, until she lands in trouble one too many times and her parents issue the ultimate punishment: a summer job. Suddenly, the summer can't end fast enough.
To make matters worse, the job is painting houses with Justin, the most popular, egotistical guy in school. Spending all summer with Justin might be other girls' dreams, but definitely not Lucy's. After all, Justin is cocky, annoying, and a jerk. So what if he's the most beautiful jerk Lucy's ever seen? Or that his grin makes her forget she’s mad at the world? Or that maybe, just maybe, there's more to Justin than everyone thinks. Only one thing is certain
: it won’t be the summer she wanted, but it might be exactly the one she needs.
Perfectly Messy
Popularity isn't everything it's cracked up to be. Justin Marshall knows this better than most. For the captain of the basketball team, small business owner, and son of Minnesota's next governor, life can get pretty overwhelming. But Justin can handle anything as long as he has Lucy, the girl who fell for the man he’s trying to be.
But for Justin and Lucy, finding time together proves challenging. Stolen kisses and whispered promises just aren't enough. That is, until scandalous photos of the couple are leaked to a press intent on creating a juicy scandal during Justin's dad's gubernatorial campaign. And when Lucy becomes fair play for the tabloids and gossip pages, Justin does the only thing he can to protect her: he breaks her heart.
For Lucy, junior year is everything she hoped it would be: new friends, second chances, and a boyfriend she can’t stop kissing. That is, until the boy she’s pretty sure she loves chooses the life his family wants for him, over her.
Now it’s up to Lucy to teach him what it really means to have everything. Because for Justin, being who everyone needs him to be just might cost him the one person he can’t live without.
Lizzy Charles
Writing is the beautiful secret hidden in the pages of Lizzy’s soul. When she’s not scrambling to raise her preschooler, toddler, and baby or caring for premature and sick babies as a neonatal intensive care nurse, you’ll find her hiding under a blanket with her laptop and plotting her next novel.
She graduated from the University of Minnesota, where she crammed children’s literature and creative writing courses into her vigorous nursing degree schedule. Her debut series, Effortless with You and Perfectly Messy, became international multi-category bestsellers. She married her high school sweet heart, a musician, so it’s no surprise she’s fallen in love with writing contemporary Young Adult romance novels.
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