by Olivia Chase
His eyes are locked on mine as he fucks me harder, and my body begins to shake as I push toward my orgasm faster than I ever have before. The raw intensity pouring between the two of us is making me lightheaded.
“That’s it. Come for me right now, sweetheart.”
I explode all over him, heaving for air as my orgasm breaks me into a million pieces, ricocheting through my limbs. I’m gushing, I’m shaking, I’m clinging to him like he’s my lifeline.
Holy hell. Holy hell.
My entire body feels like it came, not just my pussy. That had to be the most intense orgasm of my entire damn life.
“Oh God, yes,” he growls, “that’s so fucking hot, Alexa. You drive me fucking insane.”
I can’t do anything more than keep on gripping him, begging him with my eyes to come in me. I need to feel him come, too. I have to.
“I’m almost there.” He hammers me harder, his pelvis pounding against mine as he goes balls deep in my pussy. I can feel my juices dripping down the slit of my ass cheeks. I lift my knees back toward my chest, holding the backs of my thighs with my hands so he can fuck me as deep as possible. “Oh, God, that’s so… Fuck yes…” He closes his eyes and pants, and then with a roar, throws his head back and releases.
Watching him come in the daylight is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. His muscles are slick, tight, his jaw clenched, and I can feel him shaking as he comes and comes inside me. His cock is pulsing, his legs are tight between mine, his limbs locked.
God.
I love this man.
Completely. Wholeheartedly. Unashamedly. He has every bit of my heart, and I’m nothing more than a mass of feelings right now.
The realization brings a rush of tears to my eyes. I blink them away before he can see.
Thankfully, when his orgasm ebbs, he drops down onto me for a moment, gasping, then pulls out and lays on his side, wrapping me in his embrace. “Wow,” he breathes against my hair. “That was…incredible.”
My heart is slamming in my chest as one thought keeps running through my mind: I love you I love you I love you. I can’t let myself say it, though. It might ruin whatever is building between us. Instead, I just murmur something unintelligible about how good he feels and give in to the decadence of being in his embrace.
We remain there for a few minutes, boldly naked and not caring. Part of me realizes this is a big deal—that I’m a different person than I was when I got here. I never would have done this back home.
If my parents hadn’t died, I wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t have met Levi. The thought makes me feel conflicted, bittersweet. I’d give anything to have my dad back. I’d give anything to have back the mom I once thought I had. The one who wouldn’t have hurt him, hurt us, that way.
But I also know I’m changed for the better here, that taking the risk and moving away from our old hometown has been one of the best things I could have done for myself. And part of it is because of this man here with me.
Levi chuckles. “We should get up before you burn your lovely skin. The sun’s pretty fucking hot.”
We both sit up, grinning stupidly at each other, and then get dressed. Slip into our shoes and walk back through the woods, hand in hand. The silence between us is comfortable, easy. I keep replaying what just happened in my head.
He gave me the best orgasm I’ve ever experienced. I want to know what else he can show me, how else he can push my limits and help me learn more pleasure.
“Thank you,” Levi says, interrupting my thoughts.
I look over at him, absorbing the sight of this man who has every bit of my heart. “For what?”
“For coming here with me. For not leaving today. For…listening.” There’s a strange vulnerability in his voice that makes my throat close up.
He’s so scared to open up to anyone, that much is clear. So scared to dig into the things that hurt him in his past. So many things about him is a mystery, but I just want to help him be happy.
But now isn’t the time to bring up those things. Now is just for savoring, letting myself dream a little about what could be between us.
I squeeze his hand in response and continue walking by his side toward the car.
Levi
“Mom’s asking about you,” Cade says, sipping on a cup of coffee. “Haven’t seen you over for dinner in a while. So of course, instead of texting you, she’s nagging me.”
I laugh, looking up from the inventory box I’m unpacking. “Your mom is the best—you’re lucky to have her.”
Cade’s family knows about my situation—they always made sure to invite me over, make me welcome to spend the night anytime I wanted. Their house became a haven for me, a place where I could escape the coldness of my uncle.
“Wanna come over Sunday? We can watch the Lions game—you know Dad will have it on the big TV.” Cade doesn’t live there anymore, but he still sees them regularly for meals.
I can’t imagine what that’s like, having family who wants you around. Who doesn’t abandon you. I don’t remember my dad at all. My memories of Mom are water colored, not quite as clear as they used to be. Cade’s family was more of one to me than my own.
I give him a quick nod. “Sounds good.”
He gives a sly smile. “And feel free to bring Alexa if you want.”
“Cade,” I say in a warning tone. I haven’t talked to him about her. I haven’t talked to anyone about her. But we’ve been out in public together. I’m not really hiding it—don’t need to. I just don’t want to discuss things with him.
He tips his coffee mug to me. “I approve, for what it’s worth.”
I roll my eyes and turn my focus back to pulling the apparel from the box. “Approval not needed,” I remind him.
“I know you won’t admit it, but you want to know how I feel. And the truth is, I like her.” Cade pushes off the wall with his booted foot and clomps over to the motorcycle engine he’s working on. “She’s good for you. I’ve noticed a change since you two started seeing each other.”
I have to admit, I can’t help my curiosity about his last comment. “Change? How so?” I’m careful to keep my gaze on my products, checking them against the inventory list. I don’t want him to know I’m that interested.
“You smile a lot more.”
That makes me look up. At his smartass grin, I flip him the bird. “Fuck you. I’m a cheerful bitch.”
Cade laughs and tilts his mug to drain the last of his java. “My bad. Clearly I’m mistaken about your sunny disposition.”
The doorbell in the main room dings, and I hear Alexa’s voice greet the customer in polite tones. I find myself pausing whenever her voice fills the air. Like my body is metal, drawn to her magnetism.
Whenever she’s around, I seem to know where she is without looking.
Something changed between us. Something shifted. That day at the pond…it wasn’t just sex. It was more. And it scared me and thrilled me. Alexa is under my skin, whether I want to admit it or not.
“Why hello again, pretty lady!” a loud, irritatingly familiar voice says to Alexa. I bite back a weary sigh. Seriously, Gregory Rothchild just fucking won’t quit bugging me. I don’t move from my spot—I’m not even going to acknowledge he’s here.
A few minutes pass with the two of them murmuring back and forth. I try to ignore whatever is happening out there. Focus on sorting products and applying price stickers I printed earlier.
The door dings again, and Alexa comes into my area. Her jeans are low, her pale pink shirt hem barely covering her midriff, cupping her breasts like perfection. Even with her hair pulled up in a casual ponytail, she’s stunning.
She walks over and gives me a small smile. I grab her hand and tug her down to kiss me. Her face explodes with redness, and I laugh.
“Secret’s out, sweetheart,” I say. “The boys figured it out.”
“Maybe it’s the way you’re always staring at her,” Tommy lobs at me.
I ignore Tommy and glance bac
k to Alexa. “Did you send Rothchild away? And is he ever going to take the fucking hint and stay gone?”
“I don’t know why you don’t just take his money,” Cade murmurs, pausing in his work. “A client’s a client.”
My irritation spikes. “We’ve already discussed this.”
Alexa shifts from foot to foot. “Actually, I wonder that too. I’ve been looking at our calendar, and you could easily fit in more custom jobs and do ten times the business you’re already doing.”
It’s hard to be patient and calm when I feel like I’m being bombarded. “I’m not going to discuss this with anyone. It’s my business. I don’t want his money or his endorsement. How many more times do I have to make it clear?” I stand and glare at Cade, then Alexa.
She juts out her hip, her jaw clenched. “I know it’s your company, but we’re part of it, too. And you’re just cutting off your nose to spite your face. It doesn’t make good business sense to turn away good-paying customers. We don’t have to like everyone we work for.” She sucks in a sharp breath through her nose. “Frankly, I think you’re being silly about this. He’s not an asshole, and if you took time to talk to him and not just be a jerk, you’d see that.”
Cade and Tommy pause; I can see them stiffen out of the corner of my eyes.
“Guys, take a break,” I say in a low tone.
“Boss—” Tommy starts.
“Leave.”
They exit out the back door, and Alexa and I are left alone, glaring at each other.
She crosses her arms. “I know you’re mad, but if you’d just listen—”
“No, you listen,” I say flatly. “You have no idea what the fuck you’re talking about. Gregory and I have bad blood. He tried to have me arrested in the past for a bullshit charge on something I didn’t even do.”
Her lips thin, and she frowns. “Okay, I didn’t know that, but surely he’s trying to make amends by bringing good business your way. This doesn’t make sense, why you’re being so stubborn. I don’t get why you’re so closed off to valid suggestions. And…closed off in general,” she adds in a quieter tone.
All the feelings that have been brewing up inside me start bubbling to the surface. Truth is, ever since I found out about Alexa’s parents, I’ve been fighting my own fucking memories, been trying to keep the shit with my mom at bay. And it’s all because of her. Pushing me to talk, despite me telling her I don’t want to.
She’s pushing me to run my business, to open up, and I can’t handle it anymore.
“Stop butting into my business,” I say bluntly. “That includes my past. I don’t like being pushed.”
“Oh my God,” she says, throwing her hands up in the air. “You’re so stubborn, Levi. People are trying to help you, to reach out to you, but you won’t listen. Hell, even your uncle. Did you ever call him back? Did you even bother to find out what he wanted?”
At her words, I break. Something in my chest snaps apart. Everything explodes to the surface. I’m just trying to be myself, to cope in my own way. I’m fucking exhausted with the work it takes to stay sane, to keep my mind together, to stay strong.
“My life was simple before you came along,” I spit out. “And then you come in and you start changing everything…how I run my shop, how I deal with people, how I should handle my fucking past. All things you don’t know shit about but somehow feel qualified to share your opinion on.”
Her eyes widen, and she goes to open her mouth, but I interrupt her.
“No, Alexa, I don’t want to hear anything else you have to say to me. Every time you try to fix something, you end up making it worse for me, because you believe you’re doing what’s best. But it’s best for you, not for me. Stop trying to fix my life and focus on your own.”
Alexa’s face twists, and she looks away from me, her entire body wound as tight as a coil. Some part of my brain knows my words are hurting her, but I’m drowning in my own emotions and can’t seem to move beyond that.
Why can’t she just let me be who I was? Why do I have to change?
I’m fucking exhausted. I turn around, giving her my back, and return to finishing my tasks. I’m done with this conversation. Done talking about this shit with anyone else. Done letting people try to railroad me for their own agendas.
Fuck Gregory. Fuck my shitty uncle. Fuck everyone. Nothing I do is good enough for them.
I shove away the sadness and dread bubbling up inside me. I don’t care. I have my company. My company. If people can’t take me as I am, I don’t want them around.
Soft footsteps pad away from me, and I hear the front doorbell jingle as it opens and closes.
I can tell by the thunderous silence in the shop that I’m the only one here. Alexa left. I try to use the quiet to calm myself, to draw in steadying breaths. But I’m shaking and I’m angry. And deep below those emotions, I’m tired.
No one understands the energy it takes to move forward when your past tries to drag you back.
“Fuck!” I say, scrubbing a hand over my face.
Everything is all fucked up now.
I tell myself that she’ll calm down and come back in a few. But I know that’s not really the case.
Alexa’s not going to come back to the shop after the things I said to her.
This is going to be the end of us.
The next couple of days are among the most miserable I’ve spent in my entire life. Certainly since adulthood. I can’t sleep—I’m haunted by memories of my mother.
When I close my eyes and the dreams come, I see her in the kitchen, her glassy eyes staring at the ceiling, and there’s so much fucking blood, and I’m screaming and screaming.
I spend more time punching my pillow, tossing and turning, than getting any measurable rest.
The shop used to be my oasis, but now it feels like a morgue.
The guys just stay quiet, coming in to work and checking out. No one is talking much beyond the basics involving the jobs at hand. No more joking, no more laughter. My poisonous mood has spread to everyone. I want to feel bad for it, but it’s hard to when they’re part of the problem.
Fucking Tommy and his nosiness about Alexa’s past started this ball rolling. Cade and his opinions about how I’ve changed, his memories of who I used to be, makes me resent him too. Screw them both.
Alexa hasn’t returned since she left. So I’ve been manning the front desk. I can’t seem to make myself put the Help Wanted sign out again, though.
I can’t even find comfort in my custom builds. It feels meaningless, empty. I’m putting motorcycle pieces together to create a unique machine, but I’m not feeling the passion and excitement I usually do.
And as angry as I am at Alexa, as much as I’m furious with how she pushed me despite me asking her not to…I also can’t help but miss her. Without her here, it’s like the shop has lost all its lightness. Its goodness.
I think about the times we were together, the taste of her skin, the kindness in her eyes, her sexiness and intelligence, and it feels like my insides are being torn up. It’s true, physical pain, and my head pounds from the stress of being without her.
I sit at my office desk and stare blindly at the wall. I hate everything. I hate myself. And now that these emotions have cracked through my guards, I’m feeling everything far stronger than I ever did before. My old numbness is long gone. In its place is a cavern filled with Pandora’s box of emotions.
All the old shit I kept buried for years is bubbling in me.
A knock on the door pulls me out of my morose thoughts. I look over at Cade, standing in the doorway. “What,” I say flatly.
“This shit has to stop,” he says.
“Enlighten me. What shit do you mean?” My tone is annoyed and I don’t really care. “The shit where you’re giving me advice on how to let someone into my life who just wants to change me? Or the part where you and everyone else seems to know exactly how I need to run my damn company?”
“Oh, give me a fucking break.” Cade’s rude
ness is unexpected, and I blink in surprise. The man is always calm, always reasonable. In all the years I’ve known him, he’s never been hotheaded, unlike me.
He glares at me. “Your pity party is getting pretty fucking old, don’t you think? And yeah, people around you are trying to help you. Wake up, shithead—it’s because they care about you. Not because they want to change you for their own agendas. If you’d pull your head out of your ass, maybe you’d see that.”
“I don’t want to change,” I find myself admitting in a more vulnerable tone than I’d like.
Cade comes inside and sits on the edge of the desk. His anger, which swept in quickly, is gone now, replaced by his usual calmness. “I know. It hurts, facing all the shit that damaged you. But you’ll never be free, never be whole, unless you face it, man. I’ve been watching you destroy yourself for years in your efforts to deny your past, to ignore what made you you. And though she hasn’t known you long, Alexa saw the same thing. That woman loves you, you fucking idiot.”
I just stare at him. I don’t know what to say. “What do you mean? How could you even possibly know that? Did she tell you or something?” The thought brings up lots of mixed feelings in me.
Love. That’s a huge deal. Love is something I haven’t let myself feel. Because it means stripping yourself down to the bones, and I can’t do that. When you love, you’re left. When you love, you’re open to abuse and hurt and pain.
“It’s clear in the way she looks at you.” Cade’s words are quiet. “In the way she stands up to you to tell you what you need to hear, even if you don’t want to hear it. She’s in love with you, and you pushed her away.”
A tight knot fills my throat. “I’m not ready for that,” I admit. “I can’t do it.”
Cade sighs and moves over to stand by me. He looks down, sadness in his eyes. “I know you think you can’t, but you can. You just have to want to.”
“I need a beer.”
That makes him smile. “Me, too. Not to tell you what to do,” he says wryly, “but maybe we should close up early and go get drunk.”
“That’s the best idea I’ve heard all day,” I say. I close down my computer and get out of my chair. Go into the back room, where Tommy’s working on an oil change. “Finish up, asshole. We’re going out.”